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Two out of three ain't bad.
After “The Celebrity Apprentice,” Meat Loaf needs to go on “The Bachelor.” He knows how to sob at the drop of a hat. He knows how to wear his heart on his sleeve. He’s ripe for the most dramatic rose ceremony ever.
I got your number, hussy.
NeNe Leakes is a quitter and a loser and she should be ashamed of herself for so many reasons, but mostly for giving up on her charity.
She should’ve been fired last week for having a tantrum in front of the client — never mind losing another challenge as project manager — but “Mr. Trump” has been making drama-related decisions since Week 1, so it’s no shock that he kept her. But now Star Jones gets to win their feud.
But not win the whole thing. No. Star just got fired. It was the wrong time to fire her — that time was a while ago — but better late than never, I guess. Honestly, as much as I love her, it should’ve been Marlee Matlin who got fired.
The winner of this whole thing is either going to be John Rich or Marlee Matlin.
John Rich has been impressing me for a while now and after he volunteered to match Meat Loaf’s money for The Painted Turtle, I melted. I didn’t cry like Meat did, but I melted.
Thankfully, Meat’s team did win the comedy challenge so John didn’t have to pay up.
The extended episode got out of control thanks to NeNe and Meat, but things have been crazy since Hope was fired and La Toya Jackson was brought back.
At the start of the ep, Trump re-shuffled the deck and moved NeNe from the women’s team to the men’s team. He did it because Star didn’t feel like she could work with NeNe. NeNe decided since Trump did what Star wanted, she couldn’t be on the show anymore. She quit. Good riddance.
Marlee, you showed zero leadership on a losing challenge. How did you completely escape blame?
Meat Loaf was moved to the women’s team, where he almost immediately began sobbing at the idea of raising money for his charity but only getting the money if they win. You know, like every other challenge on every season of “The Apprentice.”
In a rare good decision, Trump said Meat couldn’t just keep the money, win or lose. The show is about raising money for charity, but it’s even more about winning. (And it’s even more about drama, so Meat should’ve promised a huge fight if he got the dough. It would’ve been a fair promise, since he did have a fighter later on!)
At the end of the first part of the extended ep, La Toya was fired all over again. She’s the first person to be brought back and the first one to be fired twice. The point of her return still escapes me.
The second part of the episode was a rematch between the two heavyweights — John vs. Marlee. They were their teams’ project managers for the OnStar challenge.
John and Lil Jon are adorable and should have their own spinoff show. I heart them. But Trump clearly hearts Meat Loaf and he complimented Meat several times. (I’m surprised that didn’t push him into tears again.) Meat and Star seemed to clash during the task and Marlee took a backseat, which was probably a bad idea, even if it didn’t hurt her.
Even though The Jonz made an OnStar commercial featuring a woman who did NOT wear her seatbelt — a major faux pas for a safety company — they still won the challenge. Hot John won even more money for St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital. And Hot John is even in another OnStar commercial that just aired during the show. Nice.
The women + Meat Loaf made a commercial focused on the stereotype of cops loving doughnuts. Police officers don’t like that stereotype much and the executives didn’t like it either. (For the record, I love doughnuts and I’m not ashamed to admit it.)
The boardroom started as Marlee and Star vs. Meat and turned into Star vs. Meat. Poor Meat was ganged up on. Honestly, he probably should’ve been fired earlier in the night when he burst into tears and had to be talked down off the ledge.
Star and Meat fought over getting a particular “OnStar” shot in the commercial. Meat called her “sweetie” and Star got upset about it, as a professional woman in the middle of an argument. (Fair enough, actually, in that context.) Star was in charge of branding and Meat was in charge of the filming process. Funny how the fight was between these two and not Marlee, who was the project manager. Shouldn’t she be blamed since she was in charge of this mess?
I never thought I'd feel sorry for Star Jones, but this was the wrong time to fire her.
Star said you have to come with her credentials to have a debate with her. “Enough,” she said to Meat, trying to cut him off. Meat did not like that one bit: “How dare you cut me off, young woman!” Hee hee.
I love that whenever anyone fights, Marlee’s interpreter furiously interprets every word.
Back in the boardroom, the whole thing turned into a “sweetie” debate, which ticked Trump off, since he’s so anti-PC. Then things turned against Star, which is bizarre since there have been so many opportunities to fire Star and they picked the most random one. It should’ve been Marlee first or Meat Loaf second.
But the final four are John, Lil Jon, Marlee and Meat Loaf. I’m surprised to see Meat “Anger Management MY ASS” Loaf still there. And Marlee really dodged a bullet this week. John Rich will win. He has to.
Catch up on my “Celebrity Apprentice” stories in this nifty archive.
Everyone vs. La Toya! She's got your number, hussy.
Coming up: NeNe Leakes vs. Star Jones. Anyone else just rooting for the “vs”?
Out of curiosity, has NeNe ever met NeNe? She doesn’t get along with anyone, not for more than a few minutes.
Poor La Toya Jackson did not deserve to be fired. Donald Trump made another bad call in thinking that the women’s team would be stronger without La Toya — rather than firing the project manager, Star Jones. La Toya and NeNe both called Star “evil,” which may be pushing it, but she should’ve taken responsibility for her actions.
At the start of “The Celebrity Apprentice” Episode 8: “Bitter Suites,” NeNe was still upset at poor La Toya for telling Trump she would keep in touch will all of the ladies after the show — except for NeNe.
NeNe insisted she’s not a negative person (weirdly enough, Star agreed) and she can’t imagine what she did to La Toya to deserve that. Clearly she’s already forgotten the Australian Gold challenge when, in a koala suit, she told Trump’s son that La Toya was doing a crap job as project manager. La Toya ended up winning the task, despite NeNe’s negativity. But then NeNe refused to apologize to La Toya in the boardroom or admit to Trump that she did a good job.
Dang, NeNe is tall.
But since La Toya was honest in her answer to Trump’s question about which ladies she would keep in touch with, NeNe flipped out in front of the other ladies of A.S.A.P.
As NeNe so memorably put it: “It’s very difficult for somebody like me to work with fake women. I’m very real.” And yet she was mad that La Toya was real to Trump. Only NeNe is allowed to be real.
La Toya dealt with it very well, bringing up how the ladies keep rolling their eyes about her behind her back (TRUE). She complimented NeNe and hugged her. Very well played. La Toya and NeNe are now acting like besties.
This week, the teams had to create a four-page advertising campaign for the Trump Hotel Collection. So now we can add shameless self-promotion to shameless nepotism.
Star Jones asked to be the project manager for the women. John Rich kind of became the project manager for the men by default. Star has stayed at several of Trump’s hotels. John has not.
Does John ever take off the hat?
Star delegated different photo shoots to the other four ladies and La Toya felt like Star was positioning herself to avoid blame. (La Toya is extremely paranoid, but she’s occasionally right to be.) NeNe also felt Star was using some strategy.
Star felt like La Toya was pretty useless. Poor La Toya is getting the Lisa Rinna treatment when she’s clearly more competent in projects and handles personalty conflicts better than anyone else on her team.
At one point during Hope’s bathtub photo shoot, Star tried to (micro?)manage and she got into it with NeNe. Definitely a taste of things to come.
John seemed to struggle with the Backbone concept, but he, Meat Loaf and Lil Jon get along and work well together. However, Meat somehow slid into the role of Gary Busey 2.0. John said Meat Loaf is like a riddle wrapped in an enigma. Just when you think it’s safe to go back in the rainbow…
La Toya thought the women’s concept had been seen before. Nothing new. The men focused a lot of time on proofreading. They don’t have spell-check?
The guys had a fun presentation that included some clever Trump ass-kissing. Is that the food guy from “Top Chef”? James Oseland? I missed the names. I recognize him. The women shouted out a bunch of individual words like “extravagance” and “luxury.” I’m with La Toya: “Corny!” By the way, I like her voice when it’s raspy like this.
The food guy really ripped apart the women’s brochure as something you’d see on a flyer for a strip club. Plus, Hope was wearing a towel in the bathtub and her champagne bottle was still corked. However, the men STILL had misspellings in their brochure and they didn’t have a lot of meat inside it. No phone number or website at all? Wow. It doesn’t sound like the two hotel guys were very impressed with either team. Food guy called it “more of a car wreck than an ad campaign.”
There was no real “winner,” so it came down to a lesser of two evils. Fire everyone! Then stop making yourselves the clients!
In the boardroom, La Toya said everyone worked well together. Hope said Star did an amazing job and Star is the most impressive member of the team. NeNe said the strongest member of the team is Marlee. (TRUE)
Trump felt NeNe was holding back her true feelings, so she really let loose. She talked about the negativity they went through with the “phoniness.” Then, for no good reason at all, she said a couple of the women were crawling up Star’s ass. Trump decided to add that that’s easier now that Star has lost a lot of weight.
(Classy. This is the boss? Does he have any new comments about Lisa Rinna’s lips?)
NeNe singled out Hope and Marlee as crawling up Star’s ass. There is no way in hell I would “hire” someone as consistently negative as NeNe.
Both teams sucked but the women’s list of bad things was called a “Greek tragedy.” Their brochure was a cluttered eyesore. Even though the men didn’t even include a website or phone number, the men still won over the women. That’s bad.
So, as the “winning” project manager, John Rich got $20,000 for St. Jude’s. Didn’t Donald Trump just get into a kerfuffle with Jerry Seinfeld because Seinfeld backed out of Trump’s St. Jude’s fund-raiser? Is that a hint that John Rich wins this puppy? Not that we needed more hints that he makes the finals. That’s a given.
The women lost and Star was the project manager but she said she should “definitely not” be fired. So she’s not going to follow the Niki Taylor/Mark McGrath path.
Star is a control freak and she controlled a train wreck campaign. She was the project manager. It's obvious that she should be fired.
NeNe couldn’t answer Trump’s direct question of whom he should fire. He should’ve fired her right there for that.
La Toya said to fire Star. Marlee threw a curve ball and said Trump should fire La Toya, not based on this task but because collectively La Toya is the weakest. (By that rationale, Gary should’ve been fired weeks and weeks ago.) Trump’s son VERY WISELY said that Hope was just as weak as La Toya in projects.
However — and no one brought this up — La Toya and Hope have both won past projects for the team. So has Star. So has Marlee. NeNe has not.
Star chose NeNe and La Toya to bring back into the boardroom. Once again, Trump proved he’s out of it by saying he’s surprised — because he thinks NeNe has been doing a good job so far. Really?
Star said she picked NeNe basically so she had some backup when it came to piling on poor La Toya.
La Toya is not that weak. Her voice is weak this week, but she has been called the best of her team several times. She is the strongest of the three in the boardroom. She’s actually a better hire than Trump himself, who can’t stop interrupting people.
Star actually brought up the La Toya/NeNe fight in her own defense, which is odd. La Toya should’ve brought up Star’s overbearing attitude before getting into the boardroom, but it’s a fair point that someone as strong as Star should be held responsible for her team’s actions.
NeNe should’ve told Trump to fire Star. It’s true that Star is a bigger long-term threat than La Toya. It’s in NeNe’s interests to be the strongest person on her team as they approach the finale.
Trump fired La Toya and I’m thinking it was just because Star and NeNe are so good for drama, as we’ll see next week…
*
Catch up on my “Celebrity Apprentice” recaps here.
Here’s the cast, in order of my preference:
* John Rich
* Lil Jon
* Marlee Malin
* Meat Loaf
* Hope Dworaczyk
* NeNe Leakes
* Star Jones
* David Cassidy — ELIMINATED 1ST
* Lisa Rinna — ELIMINATED 2ND
* Niki Taylor — ELIMINATED 3RD
* Dionne Warwick — ELIMINATED 4TH
* Jose Canseco — ELIMINATED HIMSELF (QUIT) 5TH
* Richard Hatch — ELIMINATED 6TH
* Mark McGrath — ELIMINATED 7TH
* Gary Busey — ELIMINATED 8TH
* La Toya Jackson — ELIMINATED 9TH
Ding dong the witch is dead! Which old witch? The Dionne witch!
Dionne Warwick to NeNe Leakes: “You’re a coward, baby.”
Oh the big, bright smile she gave when saying that. It chills me. The woman is diabolical.
God I hate passive-aggression. I can’t say I’ll miss Miss Dionne. In fact, hell with her.
And now we know his, uh, package is called "Big Wednesday." Sigh.
I love how whenever someone on “Celebrity Apprentice” wants to build up to an insult, they feel compelled to start with “Gary Busey is an incredibly talented actor…” or “I have a lot of respect for Dionne Warwick…”
BUT
He’s also crazy. Unfocused. Unstable. In his own world. Frazzled. All over the place.
She’s lazy. She walked out. She’s rude. She can’t keep up. She STILL can’t look at Marlee Matlin when talking to her.
And now Dionne is gone. She pulled a half-Niki Taylor, offering herself to be fired, but only after everyone else (including Ivanka Trump, bless her) went after her for walking out during the challenge. Then she took it back, saying she wanted to stay. But it was too late. Mr. Trump doesn’t like to be tested. No game-playing, please.
Ivanka asked Dionne if leaving early was an issue of stamina or indifference. Dionne seems oblivious to the fact that the same rules apply to everyone, including her. As project manager, NeNe Leakes should’ve told Dionne to stay. But these ladies are too passive-aggressive. And now they’ve lost three challenges in a row.
The men on the other hand, are enjoying a love fest — literally, if Richard Hatch and Jose Canseco have a few drinks and get some alone time in a dark room.
I like a risk-taker. And a good leader.
On “Off the Hook,” the teams had to create a 30-second commercial for ACN’s new video phone. The men won with a hilarious and very “risque” (the buzz word of the night) commercial featuring Jose Canseco as another guy’s fiance. It was a close vote, since the women’s commercial featuring Marlee signing had the heart-tugging feel-good factor.
NeNe volunteered to be project manager for A.S.A.P., which was smart timing since at that point the women finally realized they should at least attempt to work together instead of pulling Lisa Rinna sabotages over and over again. Plus, Niki Taylor out c-l-a-s-s-e-d them by volunteering herself to be fired (and who can blame her for wanting to walk out on them), exposing the others as catty hussies.
Speaking of hussies, Dionne put herself in the center of the commercial and everyone agreed that it was a good idea. But then the ACN guys showed up and said “emotion” 100 times and the women realized they had to do something else. Because Dionne is not really in touch with any positive emotions.
Marlee volunteered an option about a 16-year-old girl calling her family. They included an element about hearing impairment which — let’s be honest — Marlee brings up every week. Yes, she’s deaf but there’s a lot more to her than that. She needs to come up with new ideas.
After many expletives, Lil Jon agreed to be the project manager for Backbone. Jose wanted to do a commercial about contacting aliens and I’m shocked that Gary didn’t jump all over it as a great and c-l-a-s-s-y idea. Instead, Jon went for a big gay gamble … that still put Gary and Jose in the forefront.
I'd cry, too, if I had to work with Dionne.
Dionne actually said something positive about NeNe, which is just odd — considering it’s Dionne. And NeNe. Although NeNe calling her “Miss Dionne” probably squeaked those wheels. Meanwhile, La Toya Jackson suddenly went blind (which explains her Curious George outfit) and Hope Dworaczyk (WHO?) said her only skill is finding props.
Hope and Dionne went to get props and La Toya was in charge of keeping time. When they were all gone, NeNe mentioned to Marlee and Star Jones that they were the only competent people. So it’s now three against three … with the other three not really aware that they are currently on the outs.
For Backbone’s commercial, Jose played an older gay guy trying to look young. This follows Jose’s cross-dressing teacher from a couple of eps ago. Could this be his calling? Turns out, Richard Hatch thinks Jose is hot. So that fight they had on the premiere could probably be considered foreplay. (When is Hatch going to go naked like he does on “Survivor”?) My boy Mark McGrath got them a purple couch which he tried to pass off as a pink grandma couch. Sorry. My grandmothers both have more c-l-a-s-s than that.
During A.S.A.P.’s commercial production design, Dionne got testy (what are the odds?) with Marlee, which means she got testy with Marlee’s amazing interpreter because she STILL WON’T LOOK AT MARLEE when Marlee is trying to communicate with her.
At some point after that, “matriarch” Dionne took a nap. Consider it a blessing. (Did Joan Rivers nap on her way to the “Celebrity Apprentice” win two seasons ago? I feel like Annie Duke would never have let her.)
He's a good gay man.
It was good timing that she left right when Trump’s slick-haired son showed up. People have talked about Dionne in passing in the boardroom, but this is proof of her lack of contribution. Unfortunately, this just cast harsh light on NeNe as the leader. Can someone please blame Dionne for Dionne’s actions? La Toya was accused of not being able to keep time, but at least she stayed awake.
The Backbone commercial with Jose and his gay fiance and Gary in his (revealing) bath robe had the surprise and humor factor. (Hey, shock is an emotion.) The A.S.A.P. commercial was more sweet and heartfelt, with Marlee signing “I love you” to her screen daughter.
The teams had to make presentations in front of a group of ACN people that cheered for Donald Trump like a Roman gladiator when he walked into the room. NeNe was awkward in her intro, but Star was smooth … and smug. She wrote with applause points in mind and they worked.
When the men get on stage, Lil Jon shouted at them to get them fired up. I would’ve liked a nice “WHAT????” in honor of Dave Chappelle, but I’ll take what I can get. Their commercial was a huge gamble because it wasn’t middle-of-the-road stuff. It could offend a large group of customers. But it was definitely memorable.
The men’s strong point was bringing in the audience. They liked how Lil Jon included the word “viral.” The women took the company’s task to heart. It was a close vote.
Hatch called Lil Jon the best leader. He gushed over him. It’s nice to hear some positive stuff for a change. Trump brought up the word “risque” over and over again. Lil Jon made an argument for trying something different. The company’s slogan is “no boundaries.” He put it all on black and took his own chance.
NeNe started crying when the men talked about their harmony and how they all got along. There were no weak links. Dionne said NeNe was superb. NeNe brought up how many of the women were in abusive relationships. It ties to her charity. Even Marlee said NeNe “rocks.” They are each other’s girls. Which NeNe is this? Can we get the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” in the house to give the other side? Kim?
It finally came out that Dionne left early. NeNe said she is not a babysitter. Star threw La Toya and Hope under the bus. NeNe said her son could keep the time. She rolled her eyes over La Toya. Mr. Trump loves La Toya and likes how she’s stepped up.
Trump loves La Toya and Gary. They can coast.
Once again, the women fell apart whereas the men got along.
It turns out, the men won. Which was the right call. Congrats to Lil Jon.
It was the third loss in a row for the women. Star told Mr. Trump she’s never seen a group of women pull together like this. Wow. Who is she hanging out with? All of the women I’ve met have gotten along better than this group.
Dionne — ha! ha! — tries to blame the challenge criteria. Nice try. La Toya can’t choose a weakest link. Star says Hope and La Toya have been more followers than leaders. What about Dionne? Trump asked Marlee point blank “Who doesn’t contribute?” Marlee said La Toya.
WHAT ABOUT DIONNE?
Trump asked NeNe, who can the team do without? She said Dionne. Thank heaven someone called it. She said the girls are afraid of Dionne. It’s a level of respect, Star says. But when Dionne offers herself to be fired, Star basically says she’s quitting on her charity. Star wants to have it both ways.
Trump asked Hope (WHO?) which lady he should fire. (Hope may coast to the end just because no one notices she’s there.) Hope said Dionne. That’s when Dionne held her own pity party, saying to fire her. She had to be pulled back by Trump. But it was too late.
Next week, Meat Loaf bakes Gary Busey. He goes nuts. I can’t wait to see it. I think this is my new favorite show. Don’t tell anyone.
Here’s the cast, in order of my preference:
* Mark McGrath
* John Rich
* Lil Jon
* Marlee Malin
* Meat Loaf
* Richard Hatch
* NeNe Leakes
* Jose Canseco
* Gary Busey
* La Toya Jackson
* Hope Dworaczyk (Who?)
* Star Jones
* David Cassidy — ELIMINATED 1ST
* Lisa Rinna — ELIMINATED 2ND
* Niki Taylor — ELIMINATED 3RD
* Dionne Warwick — ELIMINATED 4TH
***
Gina Carbone + stories 
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