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Andrea, I want it to be you. Unless it's Matt/God. Or Grant/Greek God. Or Rob/Mafia God. But it won't be Rob.

Listen, I’m just spitballing here. The spoilers for “Survivor: Redemption Island” have been sketchy at best. But out of everyone left I’m thinking Andrea Boehlke, 21, of Random Lake, Wisconsin is the best bet to win this puppy.

***UPDATE***

Nope! Read my finale blog now: East Coast live blog of ‘Survivor: Redemption Island’ finale Sunday, May 15Rob won after all!

*** END UPDATE ***

Boston Rob should win, since he’s dominating the season like a cult leader. But that’s nearly impossible. He does have a hidden idol and the blind loyalty of his tribe, but thankfully only Ashley Underwood and Natalie Tenerelli seem foolish enough to stick with him to the end. And maybe even they aren’t stupid enough to want to sit next to him at the final Tribal Council.

I’m pretty sure Grant Mattos — more like a Greek god every day — crazy Phillip Sheppard and Matt Elrod’s ex-bestie Andrea were just waiting for the Zapateras to go before they turned on Rob. He’s too much of an Obvious Threat in capital letters. The Ometepes needed him to this point, but no longer.

Some of the spoilers have already been wrong, but some of them feel right. In his Survivor Sucks thread, Blackwhale wrote “Natalie Tenerelli fans will be happy to know she’s one of the last two girls standing.” However, I’m pretty sure I read somewhere — probably from Missyae — that she does not win. Blackwhale also wrote “Forgot to mention, Natalie Tenerelli and Ashley Underwood work very well together!” and “Ashley aligns with Rob and then outlasts him.”

Here’s the clincher for my Andrea argument: “Two people are ‘redeemed’ and I believe one is male one is female. One at around the merge and the other at the finale, as you all know from call sheets.”

We saw sweet Matt redeemed around the merge (then sent right back into his Christ complex on Redemption Island) and if a woman is redeemed at the end, I’m thinking it will be Andrea. If not Andrea, then Ashley.

When Missyae gave an early look at this year’s cast, he wrote:

Andrea Boehlke –  “Love this player. Smart, strong, social, got it all. A serious threat.”
Ashley Underwood – “The Total Package, another serious threat.”

I’m starting to think this will come down to Natalie, Ashley and Andrea with Andrea winning. Last night on “A Mystery Package,” Rob originally planned to vote Andrea to Redemption Island because she was getting too close to the Zapateras. That tells me that she would have their votes at the end, over the other two girls, who are essentially proving themselves useless at everything except sunbathing and worshipping Rob.

Now that the former Ometepes have no choice but to eat ther own, chances are they will start with either Andrea or Rob. Since Rob has an idol, I’m thinking it will be Andrea, with Andrea beating Matt, Rob and everyone else when it comes to being redeemed.

That’s what I hope happens, anyway.


Catch up on my “Survivor” stories in this archive.

Would she marry him if he weren't heir to the throne? He's not exactly hot and he seems kinda dull. Harry, on the other hand...

Because people care. Sometimes even I care. Although it’s easy to care MUCH TOO MUCH. I’m not quite that into this wedding but … if Prince Harry ever gets married, I want to watch that one. He’s the cute one. But will he marry that Chelsy Davy girl?

Here’s a Royal Wedding guide, as copied wholesale from the lovely and amazing AOL TV Squad:

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 27

‘Inside the Royal Wedding’ (8PM, NBC) — Matt Lauer and Meredith Viera host the preview special.

‘Biography: Kate Middleton’ (10PM, Bio) — The debut of the episode about Middleton’s real-life fairy tale.

‘Extreme Royal Collections’ (10PM, TLC) — Who better than the ‘Hoarders’ network folks to profile people who’ve amassed large collections of royal memorabilia?

THURSDAY, APRIL 28

‘Watch What Happens Live!: Royal Wedding Spectacular’ (11PM, Bravo) — The Countess, of course, LuAnn de Lesseps, helps Andy Cohen preview the big wedding.

FRIDAY, APRIL 29

Wedding Central Live Coverage (3AM) — It is the only network devoted to all things wedding 24/7, so it’s fitting that Wedding Central’s royal wedding coverage kicks off at the crazy early 3AM.

MSNBC Royal Wedding Coverage (3AM) — Martin Bashir helps MSNBC get a jump on the other networks with his 3AM appearance from London.

BBC America Royal Wedding Coverage (4AM) — British royal wedding coverage in a commercial-free, direct simulcast with BBC One in the U.K.

CNN Royal Wedding Coverage (4AM) — Anderson Cooper and Piers Morgan provide commentary for their cable network.

Fox News Royal Wedding Coverage (4AM) — Shepard Smith is live at Buckingham Palace.

‘Good Morning America’ (4AM, ABC) — Diane Sawyer, Barbara Walters and Robin Roberts do play-by-play on ABC’s wedding coverage.

‘Live From the Royal Wedding’ (4AM, E!) — Giuliana Rancic hosts E!’s five hours of coverage, live from London.

‘Today’ (4AM, NBC) — Matt Lauer, Meredith Vieira, Al Roker, Brian Williams and Ann Curry report live from London.

CBS Royal Wedding Coverage (5AM) — Katie Couric travels to London to anchor her network’s telecast of the nuptials.

‘The Royal Wedding — Live!’ (5AM, Reelz Channel) — Fours of coverage of the wedding, including British TV presenter Adrian Dickson reporting live from Westminster Abbey.

TLC’s Royal Wedding Event and Live Broadcast (5AM) — The network is broadcasting live event coverage, with PopEater’s own Rob Schuter emceeing the activities and singer Colbie Caillat singing her new hit ‘I Do’ live from Times Square in New York City.

‘Royal Wedding Highlights’ (7PM, Reelz Channel) — It’s the post-game show for the nuptials.

‘Will + Kate Forever’ (7PM, Wedding Central) — Perez Hilton (allegedly) cracks wise while unspooling highlights from the wedding.

‘Kathy Griffin’s Insightful and Hilarious Take on the Royal Wedding’ (8PM, TV Guide Network) — Jackie Collins is among the guests who’ll help the comedienne put the wedding hoopla in proper perspective.

‘The Royal Wedding: Modern Majesty’ (8PM, CBS) — Katie Couric presents CBS’ highlights-o’-the-day package.

‘Dateline’ (9PM, NBC) and ’20/20′ (9PM, ABC) — More wedding day wrap-ups.

‘Will and Kate: Road to the Altar’ (9PM, E!) — Ryan Seacrest hosts E!’s hourlong recap of the day’s best moments.

Turner Classic Movies Royal Wedding Movie Marathon (8PM, TCM) — If you’re still in a wedding mood after the real-life wedding, TCM is airing a five-movie marathon of royal wedding-themed flicks, including ‘Royal Wedding,’ ‘Roman Holiday,’ ‘The Glass Slipper,’ ‘The Swan’ and ‘The Student Prince in Old Heidelberg.’

‘Fashion Police Royal Wedding’ (10PM, E!) — Joan Rivers, Kelly Osbourne, George Kotsiopoulos and Giuliana Rancic dish on the day’s fashions.

Everyone vs. La Toya! She's got your number, hussy.

Coming up: NeNe Leakes vs. Star Jones. Anyone else just rooting for the “vs”?

Out of curiosity, has NeNe ever met NeNe? She doesn’t get along with anyone, not for more than a few minutes.

Poor La Toya Jackson did not deserve to be fired. Donald Trump made another bad call in thinking that the women’s team would be stronger without La Toya — rather than firing the project manager, Star Jones. La Toya and NeNe both called Star “evil,” which may be pushing it, but she should’ve taken responsibility for her actions.

At the start of “The Celebrity Apprentice” Episode 8: “Bitter Suites,” NeNe was still upset at poor La Toya for telling Trump she would keep in touch will all of the ladies after the show — except for NeNe.

NeNe insisted she’s not a negative person (weirdly enough, Star agreed) and she can’t imagine what she did to La Toya to deserve that. Clearly she’s already forgotten the Australian Gold challenge when, in a koala suit, she told Trump’s son that La Toya was doing a crap job as project manager. La Toya ended up winning the task, despite NeNe’s negativity. But then NeNe refused to apologize to La Toya in the boardroom or admit to Trump that she did a good job.

Dang, NeNe is tall.

But since La Toya was honest in her answer to Trump’s question about which ladies she would keep in touch with, NeNe flipped out in front of the other ladies of A.S.A.P.

As NeNe so memorably put it: “It’s very difficult for somebody like me to work with fake women. I’m very real.” And yet she was mad that La Toya was real to Trump. Only NeNe is allowed to be real.

La Toya dealt with it very well, bringing up how the ladies keep rolling their eyes about her behind her back (TRUE). She complimented NeNe and hugged her. Very well played. La Toya and NeNe are now acting like besties.

This week, the teams had to create a four-page advertising campaign for the Trump Hotel Collection. So now we can add shameless self-promotion to shameless nepotism.

Star Jones asked to be the project manager for the women. John Rich kind of became the project manager for the men by default. Star has stayed at several of Trump’s hotels. John has not.

Does John ever take off the hat?

Star delegated different photo shoots to the other four ladies and La Toya felt like Star was positioning herself to avoid blame. (La Toya is extremely paranoid, but she’s occasionally right to be.) NeNe also felt Star was using some strategy.

Star felt like La Toya was pretty useless. Poor La Toya is getting the Lisa Rinna treatment when she’s clearly more competent in projects and handles personalty conflicts better than anyone else on her team.

At one point during Hope’s bathtub photo shoot, Star tried to (micro?)manage and she got into it with NeNe. Definitely a taste of things to come.

John seemed to struggle with the Backbone concept, but he, Meat Loaf and Lil Jon get along and work well together. However, Meat somehow slid into the role of Gary Busey 2.0. John said Meat Loaf is like a riddle wrapped in an enigma. Just when you think it’s safe to go back in the rainbow…

La Toya thought the women’s concept had been seen before. Nothing new. The men focused a lot of time on proofreading. They don’t have spell-check?

The guys had a fun presentation that included some clever Trump ass-kissing. Is that the food guy from “Top Chef”? James Oseland? I missed the names. I recognize him. The women shouted out a bunch of individual words like “extravagance” and “luxury.” I’m with La Toya: “Corny!” By the way, I like her voice when it’s raspy like this.

The food guy really ripped apart the women’s brochure as something you’d see on a flyer for a strip club. Plus, Hope was wearing a towel in the bathtub and her champagne bottle was still corked. However, the men STILL had misspellings in their brochure and they didn’t have a lot of meat inside it. No phone number or website at all? Wow. It doesn’t sound like the two hotel guys were very impressed with either team. Food guy called it “more of a car wreck than an ad campaign.”

There was no real “winner,” so it came down to a lesser of two evils. Fire everyone! Then stop making yourselves the clients!

In the boardroom, La Toya said everyone worked well together. Hope said Star did an amazing job and Star is the most impressive member of the team. NeNe said the strongest member of the team is Marlee. (TRUE)

Trump felt NeNe was holding back her true feelings, so she really let loose. She talked about the negativity they went through with the “phoniness.” Then, for no good reason at all, she said a couple of the women were crawling up Star’s ass. Trump decided to add that that’s easier now that Star has lost a lot of weight.

(Classy. This is the boss? Does he have any new comments about Lisa Rinna’s lips?)

NeNe singled out Hope and Marlee as crawling up Star’s ass. There is no way in hell I would “hire” someone as consistently negative as NeNe.

Both teams sucked but the women’s list of bad things was called a “Greek tragedy.” Their brochure was a cluttered eyesore. Even though the men didn’t even include a website or phone number, the men still won over the women. That’s bad.

So, as the “winning” project manager, John Rich got $20,000 for St. Jude’s. Didn’t Donald Trump just get into a kerfuffle with Jerry Seinfeld because Seinfeld backed out of Trump’s St. Jude’s fund-raiser? Is that a hint that John Rich wins this puppy? Not that we needed more hints that he makes the finals. That’s a given.

The women lost and Star was the project manager but she said she should “definitely not” be fired. So she’s not going to follow the Niki Taylor/Mark McGrath path.

Star is a control freak and she controlled a train wreck campaign. She was the project manager. It's obvious that she should be fired.

NeNe couldn’t answer Trump’s direct question of whom he should fire. He should’ve fired her right there for that.

La Toya said to fire Star. Marlee threw a curve ball and said Trump should fire La Toya, not based on this task but because collectively La Toya is the weakest. (By that rationale, Gary should’ve been fired weeks and weeks ago.) Trump’s son VERY WISELY said that Hope was just as weak as La Toya in projects.

However — and no one brought this up — La Toya and Hope have both won past projects for the team. So has Star. So has Marlee. NeNe has not.

Star chose NeNe and La Toya to bring back into the boardroom. Once again, Trump proved he’s out of it by saying he’s surprised — because he thinks NeNe has been doing a good job so far. Really?

Star said she picked NeNe basically so she had some backup when it came to piling on poor La Toya.

La Toya is not that weak. Her voice is weak this week, but she has been called the best of her team several times. She is the strongest of the three in the boardroom. She’s actually a better hire than Trump himself, who can’t stop interrupting people.

Star actually brought up the La Toya/NeNe fight in her own defense, which is odd. La Toya should’ve brought up Star’s overbearing attitude before getting into the boardroom, but it’s a fair point that someone as strong as Star should be held responsible for her team’s actions.

NeNe should’ve told Trump to fire Star. It’s true that Star is a bigger long-term threat than La Toya. It’s in NeNe’s interests to be the strongest person on her team as they approach the finale.

Trump fired La Toya and I’m thinking it was just because Star and NeNe are so good for drama, as we’ll see next week…

*

Catch up on my “Celebrity Apprentice” recaps here.

Here’s the cast, in order of my preference:

* John Rich
* Lil Jon
* Marlee Malin
* Meat Loaf
* Hope Dworaczyk
* NeNe Leakes
* Star Jones
* David Cassidy — ELIMINATED 1ST
* Lisa Rinna — ELIMINATED 2ND
* Niki Taylor — ELIMINATED 3RD
* Dionne Warwick — ELIMINATED 4TH
* Jose Canseco — ELIMINATED HIMSELF (QUIT) 5TH
* Richard Hatch — ELIMINATED 6TH
* Mark McGrath — ELIMINATED 7TH
* Gary Busey — ELIMINATED 8TH
* La Toya Jackson — ELIMINATED 9TH

Someone slip some Valium into the crispy rice and give Phillip a scoop.

Anyone who doesn’t think Phillip is crazy is crazy.

Phillip Sheppard has been hijacking “Survivor: Redemption Island” for a while now and it started out as funny in a Coach 2.0 way. But because he’s been given so much leeway by his tribe (who roll their eyes at him behind his back) and the producers just love exploiting him for drama, he’s now shifted from being the amusing rice police to the slandering race police.

I appreciate that at the start of the episode, “Rice Wars,” (should’ve been “Race Wars”) they featured a flashback of first outcast Francesca Hogi calling fellow African-American Phillip “crazy.” That’s important because being called “crazy” by white Steve became a focal point of the episode.

Phillip went off about the rice again, although this time he didn’t target “the crispy” in his wild but entertaining way. He has been going out of his way to emphasize the divisions that still exist between the old Zapatera and Ometepe tribes (forgetting that his old tribemates were all against him not too long ago and they only want to keep him because he’ll get zero votes in the end).

But when Ometepe’s rice was about to spoil, the surviving Zapateras decided not to help them by allowing the Omes to use their rice jars. I wouldn’t allow them to use the jars, either. Boston Rob’s mafia has gone out of their way to ostracize the Zaps. They owe the Ometepe folks nothing.

Steve probably wishes they had sent him to Redemption Island instead of David ... and Julie. Thats the safest place at this point.

Phillip went on and on to Steve and Julie about how it wasn’t logical to not let Ometepe use their rice jar. He got very Phillip about it, which is to say he started rambling and getting heated. Steve called him a “lunatic” and Phillip initially agreed as he walked away. Then he returned and said anytime someone of his color makes an argument to someone like Steve, the Steves of the world come back and call the Phillips “Crazy.” It would be a point worth looking into if Phillip hadn’t been crazy to everyone FROM DAY ONE.

Tonight he called himself “chief of counter intelligence,” in addition to being a federal agent. He also called himself the n-word and told the cameras “I’m like a lot of black men, we’re prepared to self-destruct at any moment.”

But it’s perfectly fine for him to say that?

I can’t speak for any black men, but I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be lumped into the same category as Phillip. And, buddy, please don’t speak for women when it comes to making analogies between understanding racism and understanding when a man makes an inappropriate pass at a woman.

As Steve said of Phillip: “It’s not a chip, it’s a log on his shoulder.” Steve also said he played football with the L.A. Raiders where 1/5 of the team was white. “There’s no line of black and white in my heart.”

I miss the part of “Survivor” where they actually play “Survivor” out there instead of therapy. I’m done with Phillip.

Matt and Mike won the Redemption Island three-way, making David the first jury member. I thought David would go farther in the game.

Rob won immunity in the series of puzzles (he’s always been good at puzzles) and Julie was sent to Redemption Island. Julie also hid Phillip’s shorts. Messing with people’s clothes is always nasty, but I’ve been following Jeff Probst’s tweets and it’s pretty clear he’ll do anything to defend Phillip. He tweeted it was “downright cold blooded” to bury the shorts, but Jeff worships Russell Hantz, who pulled that move with Jaison’s socks back when they were still on the same tribe in “Samoa.”

I feel sorry for Matt, whose faith seems to be tested out there. I thought I was tired of Matt’s talk about how God is his co-pilot or whatnot, but I’ll take that over Phillip’s ranting any day. Religion is sensitive but race is even more sensitive and there’s no way to “win” an argument when you’re just talking about people’s feelings. Phillip clearly felt affronted by Steve using the c-word in particular.

I feel most sorry for Steve, because everyone out there has called Phillip crazy at least once, or at least thought it. Except maybe Matt. Matt has spent the game away from everyone else, which — it turns out — was God’s true blessing.

***

Catch up on my “Survivor” stories in this archive.

These people are playing the game:

Ometepe Tribe

* Grant Mattos, 29, West Hollywood; former NFLer, yoga instructor
* Phillip Sheppard, 52, Santa Monica; technology executive
* Natalie Tenerelli, 19, Acton, Calif.; professional dancer
* Ashley Underwood, 25, Benton, Maine; nurse
* Andrea Boehlke, 21, Random Lake, Wis.; student
* “Boston Rob” Rob Mariano
* Francesca Hogi, 36, Washington D.C.; attorney— 1st sent to Redemption Island
* Matt Elrod, 22, Nashville; pre-med student — 2nd sent to Redemption Island, first to be “redeemed,” 8th sent to Redemption Island
* Kristina Kell, 46, Malibu; law student — 4th sent to Redemption Island

Zapatera Tribe

* Ralph Kiser, 44, Lebanon, Va.; farmer
* Steve Wright, 51, Huntington Beach, Calif.; former NFL player
* Russell Hantz — 3rd sent to Redemption Island
* Krista Klumpp, 25, Columbia, S.C.; pharmaceutical rep. — 5th sent to Redemption Island
* Stephanie Valencia, 25, Long Beach, Calif.; waitress — 6th sent to Redemption Island
* Sarita White, 36, Santa Monica; visual effects producer — 7th sent to Redemption Island, aka “Matt’s Island”
* Mike Chiesl, 31, Del Mar, Calif.; former Marine — 9th sent to Redemption Island
* David Murphy, 31, West Hollywood; defense attorney — 10th sent to Redemption Island, 1st Jury Member
*
Julie Wolfe, 50, Oceanside, Calif.; firefighter — 11th sent to Redemption Island

Can we put Gary and NeNe on a team together? Or another reality TV show?

Working with Gary Busey is like walking to school uphill both ways through the snow with your crazy grandpa on your back.

Even if the women of “The Celebrity Apprentice” did a better job on the Omaha Steaks challenge — and it would be hard not to — they didn’t have to do it with their crazy grandpa on their backs and therefore it’s a less impressive victory.

This week, both teams won. The women won the actual project but the men won because they finally got rid of Crazy Grandpa Gary.

On Episode 7, “Raising The Steaks,” the celebrities had to write, produce and star in a 20-minute live cooking demonstration for Omaha Steaks.

She speaks! For the first time!

Gary was named the Backbone project manager because he had something to prove — his sanity. Hope Dworaczyk — who could’ve watched the show from home up to this point — was the only woman on A.S.A.P. who had not been project manager so she ended up taking on the task of leader/babysitter.

The only way for Gary’s emotionally exhausted team to win would’ve been if, once again, they succeeded despite Gary. The men of Backbone just happen to be competent and it looked like they were close to pulling it off. As much as the men had Gary babbling about kites, Meat Loaf’s presentation was still more engaging than the nauseatingly fake to-do by the women.

However, the Omaha Steaks people liked the women’s presentation much more. Hope won. But, really, the men won because Trump had to finally stop inventing new ways to save Gary. He had no choice. He made a meal out of firing Gary — going on about how there’s something so nice about Gary and he’s refreshing, blah blah blah — but he had absolutely no other legitimate choice.

Gary got fired. But don’t you worry about him, he’s flying over a rainbow right now.

Gary Busey is a hoot to me,” NeNe “Schadenfreude” Leakes said at the start of the episode. “He is torturing the guys and I love it.” Meanwhile, NeNe is a hoot mostly to herself. Even non-entity Hope said NeNe “frustrates the hell out of me.”

John Rich said Gary is either crazy or a saboteur. He’s decided it’s the latter, which is generous. And possibly correct, since the only logical reason for “Mr. Trump” to keep Gary around this long is because they planned everything for dramatic effect.

As Gary put it: “I’m very subtle and mysterious in my working with the team. They’re unaware of the focus I have because I don’t show them I have focus. And that’s part of my art. That’s part of my mystery.”

Is this “The Celebrity Apprentice” or “The Celebrity Survivor”? ‘Cause on this show, part of the point is supposed to be working together. Or so I thought.

If you dont want to be seen as negative, stop being negative.

But without Gary, the men’s team is much too rational — as opposed to the women’s team, which is chock full of nuts.

When Hope heard the project would involve cooking and meat, she told the camera she doesn’t cook and doesn’t eat red meat. Which makes her a L-I-A-R since Trump asked if she ate steak and she said she’s from Texas, yes she eats steak.

Gary made Meat Loaf the chef, a decision which seemed to be based on his stage name alone. Meat can’t cook meat. Meanwhile, Star Jones took over for the women, announcing what everyone should do.

For their presentation, the men wanted to do something involving a dad. Gary wanted it to involve a kite. As in, “It’d be great to bring your dad a kite.” What that has to do with Omaha Steaks is beyond John, Meat and Lil Jon. Since this is for charity, the men didn’t plan to pull a Lisa Rinna and go out of their way to make the project manager fail. However, they were not going to babysit Gary and he never gave them a timeline or anything. “Step up and do your job,” John said. Lil Jon added, “He’s lost already.” (But at least Jon got to do some fun arts and crafts, right?)

Gary wanted Omaha Steaks to produce specially seasoned “flavored” steaks to send anywhere in the world. As John assessed the situation: “We have been locked in a room with a mad man.”

Meat couldn’t get through to Gary, but said it wasn’t Gary’s fault. “He drifts.” (I love that!) The men openly laughed at Gary. Which I thought meant Gary was going to do well. This show just loves Gary to death.

When Ivanka showed up, Meat and Lil Jon laughed about Gary, but it’s the laughter of people who’ve thrown up their hands and given up. John Rich, on the other hand, was worried that Gary was setting people up to throw under whatever he could find in the boardroom. He knows Trump adores him and will probably go along with whatever “Genius” Gary says.

The women planned to have something to do with poker for their kit, which Marlee thought was very different for the women and something more akin to what the men would’ve come up with.

La Toya was in charge of cooking and felt paranoid when Hope asked her to change the menu from a steak to a burger. She felt the women were trying to sabotage her. But, really, it wasn’t an outlandish request. She needs to pick her battles. However, NeNe needs to get off her case, assuming La Toya will complain to Trump in her 12-year-old voice. And not everyone cooks hamburgers, NeNe. If we brought out all the things NeNe can’t do, the challenges would go on and on. Now that I’ve asked, what has NeNe done on the show so far? She was a failed project manager but it just so happened that Dionne Warwick was around to take the blame.

And I wish La Toya would “do the Michael Jackson” on NeNe. Setting NeNe on fire would be very therapeutic for her (and amusing for me). 

Star said she created the brand messaging, the menus and some aprons. She feels like people are always asking her, “Star, what is….?” even though she’s not the project manager. She doesn’t seem to see the connection with her muscling in and her being asked about what she’s just muscled in to do.

But, as NeNe sees it, Star barely does anything. All she does is graphics on every challenge. NeNe was ticked to be sent on errands with Marlee. Even Marlee was upset when Hope called with a change of plans, although it didn’t seem as dramatic as all the issues the men were having with Gary.

At some point when the cameras weren’t on, Gary called John “boy.” But since it was said off-camera there’s a good chance Gary will deny it — since he has already denied things we already saw on camera.

I’m on Team John Rich with this one. Is there any other team playing? Besides, John Rich is hot. I’m just noticing.

Gary apologized on camera for the “boy” comment, but John did not accept the apology. He would’ve accepted it when it happened, but not the next day after it was pointed out to him. Fair?

Will John Rich win ... or will Marlee Matlin win?

The women had a pretty good presentation if by pretty good we mean ridiculously fake but seamless. NeNe cooked whereas most of the women didn’t cook. But she didn’t say “Omaha Steaks.”

The men had a more engaging presentation, as they usually do. Meat Loaf did a good job and even the Omaha Steaks guy said he really knew how to cook a steak. Gary talked about the anniversary meal and he made the audience repeat “Omaha Steaks,” which was a good touch. They were actually a decent team when it was showtime. The Father’s Day thing was cute but the kite idea still makes no sense.

Lil Jon and John Rich didn’t engaged in the presentation and the Omaha Steaks guys didn’t understand why not.

Gary told Trump he was a good project manager. Meat Loaf did the usual “You have to understand I like Gary…” intro before bashing him. Meat thought it was a lot to take on for Meat to have to do all the cooking.

John said of Gary’s time as PM: “It was a catastrophic collapse of time management.”

They never rehearsed their presentation at all. Even if they win the challenge, they feel that Gary will hurt them going forward. Meat Loaf is so frustrated, he’s having trouble speaking in the boardroom.

They spelled “absolutely” wrong on the cover of their menu, among other mistakes.

Hope is 26 and therefore younger than everyone on her team. Hope said the women were all wonderful. She had no weak link, she said. NeNe was almost nice to Hope, saying she was great. She then changed it to good, because she can’t help herself. Marlee said Hope was “spectacular.”

NeNe thought she was the nicest one in the group, which is a laugh. The women won, which was inevitable. NeNe was ticked at being perceived as negative. Watch what you say if you don’t want that label.

In the boardroom, Meat Loaf was stammering in frustration again. Why are they even talking? This is a slam-dunk decision. Trump gave Gary a second chance last week after he offended the clients (he should’ve been fired on the spot) and this week with Gary as the project manager, no one else can go home.

And what the hell is ka-boy? You had to know Gary was going to try to deny the “boy” label, but what is ka-boy or cah-boy or c’boy or c-boy or whatever that was? Something about the Dallas Cowboys?

Once again Trump gushed over Gary, but he had to get rid of him. Next week, it sounds like the drama shifts back to the women, who are fighting again.

*

Here’s the cast, in order of my preference. Now that Mark is gone, I have a new frontrunner:

* John Rich
* Lil Jon
* Marlee Malin
* Meat Loaf
* La Toya Jackson
* Hope Dworaczyk
* Star Jones
* NeNe Leakes
* David Cassidy — ELIMINATED 1ST
* Lisa Rinna — ELIMINATED 2ND
* Niki Taylor — ELIMINATED 3RD
* Dionne Warwick — ELIMINATED 4TH
* Jose Canseco — ELIMINATED HIMSELF (QUIT) 5TH
* Richard Hatch — ELIMINATED 6TH
* Mark McGrath — ELIMINATED 7TH
* Gary Busey — ELIMINATED 8TH

Read my “Celebrity Apprentice” recaps here.

More TMI from Phillip: "I enjoy being on the bottom." Hey now!

I lack a feather — and therefore the courage, determination and knowledge of when to hold my tongue — so I’m going to go ahead and agree with David’s assessment of Phillip: “You sound like a lunatic.”

Oh, David. I wish your Rob vote had counted four times. ‘Cause now things are downright boring. Ometepe Cult vs. Zapatera Zzzzs. Phillip’s crazy babbling and Rob’s mafia plotting have taken over “Survivor” and sucked all the air out of the island. No one else is on the show, it seems, including the people who actually win the challenges and get voted to Matt’s Island.

Make a move, Grant. Make a move.

There were two Tribal Councils on “The Buddy System” episode of “Survivor: Redemption Island.”

My great-great grandfather was not a full-blooded Cherokee and he did not come to me in a meditation with a spoiler on what would happen, but it was pretty clear that Mike would be the first one heading to Redemption Island to face Matt/Jesus.

It was the Ometepe Six against the Zapatera five and nobody flipped after the first challenge, which Gorgeous Grungy Grant won over David and Mike.

The Mariano Crime Syndicate put out a hit on Mike, the guy they considered their biggest physical threat and also the guy with the best chance to take out Matt/Jesus, who is like the landlord of Redemption Island. He should just charge rent whenever anyone stops by.

The second challenge was an immunity or food challenge and Phillip and Steve immediately decided to eat burgers instead of hang on a pole. (Burgers > a scoop of the crispy brown rice?) Rob was the first one out of the challenge, which was a total waste since he got no immunity and no food. Andrea won immunity, but only because Ashley and Natalie decided they could just give up. Their objective was just to beat David and they did it.

The Robfather said the second Tribal Council vote was down to strategic David vs. T-Rex Steve, who apparently wants to go home. (Why haven’t we heard about this yet? Too much time spent on Phillip and Stealth R Us?) David ended up going to Redemption Island, too. So now it’s a hoppin’ joint!

The Robfather has decided Phillip is a loyal soldier, and after Natalie tattled on her buddy Ashley’s “I’d vote for you over Rob” conversation with Ralph, Rob decided Phillip and Natalie would go with him to the final three. The ego. The arrogance. Someone needs to check it.

Phillip, bless him, isn’t a complete drone. He’s “a smart guy and a complex person” (or at least one of the two) and he claims he’s preparing to make a move on Rob. It’s just a matter of when.

Rob wants to run “his” tribe like an Army. He controls their diet, including fish. But Grant is hungry. I’d like him to be hungrier for a big move in this game, but I think I’m going to have to wait.

Rob made “his” tribe use “the buddy system” (hence the ep title) and they are not allowed to talk to anyone else alone. “It’s cult-like” is right. David gets it. They have The Fear in them because of the Matt decision — if you waver in loyalty, he’ll take you out in a boat and kill you.

Julie also gets it. Matt is a good guy, a nice person who thought Ometepe was his home but they cut his throat like it was nothing. They are an island mafia and it would be impressive if Rob weren’t the only one appearing to make any moves. If anyone else gets to the end, how can we even decide who to vote for? Would any of the Zaps even vote for Rob? Even though he isn’t blindsiding them, he’s controlling everyone in a way that seems to be ticking them off. Only David and Mike seem truly impressed. Ralph has decided he would vote for Ashley over Rob. Did he mean it? COULD anyone mean it?

I understand wanting to wipe out Zapatera, but think of the jury. Wouldn’t they love and appreciate a Rob blindside? If Grant made a move like that, let’s say, wouldn’t the jury appreciate that more than blind loyalty, even when it comes to eating habits? No one can respect that in the end.

It’s hard to know who is winning — or even in — this game, other than Rob. But one thing is clear: Jeff Probst and the producers/editors love Phillip a little too much. Other people are on the island, too, you know!

*

Catch up on my “Survivor” stories in this archive.

These people are playing the game:

Ometepe Tribe

* Grant Mattos, 29, West Hollywood; former NFLer, yoga instructor
* Phillip Sheppard, 52, Santa Monica; technology executive
* Natalie Tenerelli, 19, Acton, Calif.; professional dancer
* Ashley Underwood, 25, Benton, Maine; nurse
* Andrea Boehlke, 21, Random Lake, Wis.; student
* “Boston Rob” Rob Mariano
* Francesca Hogi, 36, Washington D.C.; attorney— 1st sent to Redemption Island
* Matt Elrod, 22, Nashville; pre-med student — 2nd sent to Redemption Island, first to be “redeemed,” 8th sent to Redemption Island
* Kristina Kell, 46, Malibu; law student — 4th sent to Redemption Island

Zapatera Tribe

* Ralph Kiser, 44, Lebanon, Va.; farmer
* Julie Wolfe, 50, Oceanside, Calif.; firefighter
* Steve Wright, 51, Huntington Beach, Calif.; former NFL player
* Russell Hantz — 3rd sent to Redemption Island
* Krista Klumpp, 25, Columbia, S.C.; pharmaceutical rep. — 5th sent to Redemption Island
* Stephanie Valencia, 25, Long Beach, Calif.; waitress — 6th sent to Redemption Island
* Sarita White, 36, Santa Monica; visual effects producer — 7th sent to Redemption Island, aka “Matt’s Island”
* Mike Chiesl, 31, Del Mar, Calif.; former Marine — 9th sent to Redemption Island
* David Murphy, 31, West Hollywood; defense attorney — 10th sent to Redemption Island

La Toya pulled out a win, because lame Australians don't appreciate pirates. Koalas are cute, but boring. Have you ever met a koala? All they do is sleep.

And now for the #1 Gary Busey assessment of the week:

Meat Loaf: “We have to give him tasks to keep him away from the task.”

Never let Gary use the word "sexual" around anyone, never mind a client.

Classic.

Gary is the pirate that plunders from his own team. He embarrasses everyone. He needs to be babysat. He should team up with Phillip from “Survivor: Redemption Island” for a separate reality show infiltrating Forture 500 companies to drive corrupt CEOs crazy enough that they quit and agree to give up their giant bonuses.

On “Celebrity Apprentice” Episode 6, “Australian Gold,” the two teams had to use a 10-foot glass box to create a marketing event for Australian Gold sun care products. So, yeah, they had to “think inside the box.” Har har!

La Toya Jackson volunteered to be project manager. I thought she was the only woman left who had not done the job, but that’s just because I always forget about Hope Dworaczyk. Trump thought she was appropriate for sun care products, which is weird.

But enough about her. It was finally my boy Mark McGrath’s turn to shine. Or so I thought. Trump said he had been quiet up till this point, which I think is bull. Just because Trump is too busy kissing Busey’s booty to notice anyone else doesn’t mean Mark hasn’t been busy — keeping Meat Loaf from killing Gary, for one thing. I started the season believing Mark would win but now I’m thinking it will come down to John Rich vs. Marlee Matlin.

Anyway, the women have won the fund-raising challenges to this point, but the men have always won the creative challenges.

Why would she even bother getting this nasty AFTER they win the challenge? And she wouldn't apologize to La Toya in front of Trump? Dumb.

In NeNe Leakes’s ever-unkind assessment of her own team, “If we win, that means the guys sucked.” Apparently the guys sucked. Which sucks for me, because Mark was awesome. I loved their set-up. Who gives a frack about the stupid koala? Pirates rule.

Besides, NeNe should go home. “Go in the bathroom and hide” is not a nice thing to say to anyone. Neither is “Disappear, ghost.” Then there’s “The only reason you got this one is ’cause of your last name.” Or how about “You are very old and you need to play your age and not 12.” NeNe is a big bully. I agree with La Toya: “All she is, is mouth. And height.”

And this was after they won the challenge. You’d almost think they’d celebrate, but these women hate each other so much they are just determined to fight, no matter the outcome.

During the task, Mark made one of those Niki Taylor speeches where he said, if they lost, he offered himself up to be fired. Bad move, since it was pretty clear that Gary was the weak link on the team, not Mark. True, the pirate thing was his call and not using koalas turned out to be a bad call, but their exhibit was extremely popular and memorable and he was a good manager.

Gary won a challenge a few weeks ago because his team did all the work. This time, Gary sabotaged his team by harassing the executives and promoting himself as a potential spokesman.

Gary denied making a “sexual” statement to one of the executives, even though we saw him say it. He went too far with them and all Trump has to do is play back the footage to see. But Trump loves to defend Gary. He believes the guys “ganged up” on Gary. Gary believes they ganged up on him because he’s the strongest player.

Trump fired my boy Mark and that was his stupidest call yet — even stupider than wasting time discussing Lisa Rinna’s lip reduction and his own hated for tattoos. Gary should’ve walked the plank.

Is Gary Trump’s long-lost brother or something? What is the deal?

*** Stream of consciousness recap ***

During the initial project brainstorming session, John Rich offered to bring in some hot chicks covered in gold with some treasure. He comes up with the idea of finding lost treasure. Pirate stuff. It’s a fun idea. And one of the client reps even uses the word “treasure” to describe treasuring moments. Later, John says he isn’t sure about the pirates idea, but Mark and Meat Loaf are into it.

I was so sure you'd win, man.

Mark says you can never have enough hot chicks. The idea is very Goldfinger. Gary instinctively knows this is wrong, he tells the camera, because you never see pirates putting on sunscreen in movies. Captain Jack Sparrow never lathers up. So … burn, Team Backbone! Or not. I’m going with not. It’s not the strongest argument.

Mark says his vision is to have plants on the outside of the box, making it look like they’ve been shipwrecked. The pirate thing seems to give everyone pause. Why? It’s a cool idea.

Gary, of course, also brings up something sexual during a marketing meeting. The guys treat him like the embarrassing uncle you simply can’t introduce to company. Lil Jon is upset because part of his job is to babysit Gary. But he takes Gary to the prop store, which is a good spot for Gary. Just let him play … then leave him there.

Unfortunately, Gary and Lil Jon have to sit outside a truck for an hour waiting for props to arrive. So Gary starts singing and doing his “Gary sh-t.” Never a good idea. It’s Jon’s kryptonite.

Meanwhile, on Team A.S.A.P., La Toya was not giving direction or coming up with ideas. Remember, this team is packed with vultures. The second they smell weakness, they attack. However, her idea also included everything gold. Palm trees, island stuff and everything gold. NeNe Leakes said she didn’t understand their concept and thought it might not be creative enough. She thought La Toya was all over the place.

Hope actually had a job this week! She was in charge of the budget and the shopping. She volunteered to be one of the models — since that’s her job in real life, which I don’t think we’ve even heard about up till now — but La Toya said they would just use other models. Bad idea. Hope hasn’t done much and this would keep her busy, show off her best assets and maybe earn some loyalty from her should they get to the boardroom.

Star Jones was also confused and wanted to know where money for the printed budget was going to come from. Star thinks La Toya has no concept of money. La Toya thinks they are pulling a Lisa Rinna and just trying to sabotage her. Both options are entirely possible at this point.

The girls don’t seem to have faith in La Toya. Her communication skills aren’t that strong, but her outfit is pretty cool. She wings it with the production design crew.

La Toya has class. NeNe doesn't. End of story.

The girls have a koala as their mascot. Marlee said that’s what the clients wanted. Lil Jon seemed to think the opposite; while at the props store he avoided koalas because he said you have to be careful with a company’s branding. If they already have a brand you can’t add a new one or change it. Did the clients say something to the women that they didn’t say to the men? Did I miss it? Gary distracts me. If I missed it, I blame him.

Mark is a good ass-kisser. That seems to be his #1 skill and on a show like this — with all the egos from “Mr. Trump” on downward — that’s a huge skill. He kisses John’s ass. He kisses Ivanka’s ass. Ivanka seems to think Meat Loaf is in charge of the creative aspect, which is not what we’ve seen to this point. Ivanka seems to like the men’s pirate chanting theme. When anyone asks Mark what the plan is, he is ready with an answer. He’s a good leader and he has a good team, except for Gary.

Meanwhile, La Toya is not only a wishy-washy leader, she has a weak group, except for Marlee. Ivanka asked La Toya if they were being original enough with their concept. So it put the idea in La Toya’s head. She may rally now. Except … she now asks NeNe, Hope and Marlee for 125 bags of sand. Maybe she meant 125 pounds instead of something like 6,000 pounds.

The morning of the event, La Toya added a winter element to the summer theme. People wear sunscreen when skiing and such. Hope was pissed because she wanted to know this the day before. They wasted a lot of time. But La Toya said she was determined to win because the girls were determined to see her fail.

La Toya is a good salesperson, but immediately the women sold each other out. La Toya complained to Trump’s son. NeNe The Koala complained to Don Jr. She’s like a little kid tattle-tale. She loves to set people up to fail. But Trump Jr. said they did well with brand awareness.

On the men’s side, John and Mark looked hot as pirates. Lil Jon said they had a memorable set up with the guys dressed up, some hot women running around and a 3-foot pirate. Trump Jr. said the guys came up with something original. But he’s not sure it had the message that the executives were looking for.

The clients showed up and they liked the women’s brand integration and brand messaging. The guys stayed in character when talking to the clients. Gary grabbed one of the executives by the arm and dragged them away from Meat Loaf. This is the kind of thing that bugs Meat Loaf because it speaks to his “entitlement.” Mark was worried because Gary is the only thing that can go wrong with their exhibit. He wouldn’t let the executives move. Why did the other men let him talk to them so long? Mark tried to pull the execs to see the rest of the exhibit, but Gary pushed him away. By the way, Gary looks like Waldo the Village Idiot in that red-and-white-striped shirt.

The clients said the men created the most buzz. But they didn’t utilize Surfing Sydney the koala bear and they didn’t utilize the “Live the Gold Life” theme. The women did do better for branding, but they didn’t utilize their team very well.

So Surfing Sydney is an issue.

In the boardroom, La Toya said she thought they did well. NeNe thought they did okay. She said NeNe was just okay as a project manager. She didn’t think they had a concept. It’s now NeNe vs. La Toya. I’m on Team La Toya with this. NeNe immediately sells out La Toya in front of Trump. The execs thought La Toya did well, but NeNe counters that the team probably doesn’t agree. Marlee sweet-talks and says La Toya has a different management style than she’s accustomed to. Now it’s Marlee vs. La Toya. La Toya is very poised in the boardroom. Trump wants to know why Playmate of the Year Hope wasn’t a model in the sexy shoot. La Toya said they were busy and needed her for other things. Star said the models they had couldn’t hold a candle to Hope.

Mark said he would’ve used Hope. Mark has a tattoo and Trump doesn’t like tats. Deal with it, Trump. He’s hotter than you.

Trump asked Gary how they did. Gary talks about pirates. Mark explained why they decided to go for pirates and treasure. Meat Loaf talked about how they expanded beyond the box and brought people in. They had a huge crowd.

Ivanka said this has been a theme: The women play it safe and the men take risks.

Mark said if they lose the challenge, he’s on the firing line. He couldn’t hold anyone else accountable. But what about Gary? Trump singled out John Rich as doing a good job. Mark said John and Meat were the most creative.

The men got called out for not using koalas. They didn’t want to mess with the brand. The clients didn’t like pirates or the lack of a koala or the fact that Gary pitched himself during the meeting.

Marlee said pirates don’t make sense with tanning lotion.

The women imploded after they won, which is odd. NeNe was just determined to get into a fight. She’s a nasty witch.

In the boardroom, Meat Loaf defended his buddy Mark. Gary said the executives wanted to come to him and he didn’t force them. He did force them. Once again, Trump tried to defend Gary. Gary is a liability “big time,” Meat says. Trump needs to stop treating Gary like one of his children. Gary didn’t believe that he pitched to the clients. Lil Jon also trashed Gary. In the other room, Star Jones said Gary has moments of clarity, just in the boardroom.

John Rich gave Gary a benefit of the doubt before, but he uses Trump’s and Gary’s words against them. Gary said he likes to keep people off balance and that’s what he does. He’s focused in the boardroom, but outside the boardroom he’s nearly impossible to wrangle.

Trump misinterprets Mark’s words, believing that wanting to take responsibility means wanting to quit. Why is Trump so much harder on Mark than Gary?

Gary has been an issue for weeks! They shouldn’t have to bring him up AGAIN out in the field.

Mark and Gary are going into the boardroom. Mark wouldn’t nominate a second person.

Trump said the theme was the primary reason they lost. Which means Mark should leave. But the guys all say Gary is the weak link. Trump made a bad call. Who the hell would hire Gary for anything?

*

Here’s the cast, in order of my preference. Now that Mark is gone, I have a new frontrunner:

* John Rich
* Lil Jon
* Marlee Malin
* Meat Loaf
* La Toya Jackson
* Hope Dworaczyk (Who?)
* Star Jones
* NeNe Leakes
* Gary Busey
* David Cassidy — ELIMINATED 1ST
* Lisa Rinna — ELIMINATED 2ND
* Niki Taylor — ELIMINATED 3RD
* Dionne Warwick — ELIMINATED 4TH
* Jose Canseco — ELIMINATED HIMSELF (QUIT) 5TH
* Richard Hatch — ELIMINATED 6TH
* Mark McGrath — ELIMINATED 7TH

Read my “Celebrity Apprentice” recaps here.

I voted for you almost every week, Pia. I tried.

It’s the oldest story in the book. Guys will support other guys, even calling them “the man” sometimes. Girls, on the other hand, tend to look at other girls and immediately try to spot flaws. Anything to make themselves feel better. That’s not support. Support they often reserve for cute guys.

So it’s no shock that Pia Toscano was dumped from “American Idol” Season 10. Young girls have hijacked this show and they haven’t voted a girl as the winner since Jordin Sparks. Jordin was relatable and non-threatening. Just like Kelly Clarkson and Fantasia Barrino. Even Carrie Underwood started the show as a Lauren Alaina-esque farm girl and had a Cinderella transformation.

Girls tend to vote for boys. (Not all girls, obviously, since I’m still one and I know I’m not alone.) Girls voted for the Davids. They voted for Kris and Adam. They even voted for Lee over Crystal, which is still hilarious.

I voted for Pia. I know she’s more beautiful and talented than I am and I don’t give a crap. She can get in line behind everyone else. She’s inspirational and her song last night was kick-ass.

Girls need to support other girls — not just cute boys and girls they feel superior toward. This is not about ego, it’s about giving women a fair shot out there instead of often pushing them down. We’re our own worst enemies.

And don’t try to sell me the line that Pia is “boring.” She doesn’t have the most engaging personality, but neither does cocky JacobNaima had more unique personality than both of them combined, but she left along with Thia, who was one of my early favorites until she started to earn the pageant label I thought Pia got past this week. And just because J.Lo adores Stefano, it doesn’t mean he’s worth keeping around. Pia outsang both Stefano and Jacob and she has “the look” that is so necessary to sell, sell, sell.

She has trouble with wardrobe choices and Gwen Stefani didn’t help, but she looked gorgeous in black as she tearfully exited the stage.

Where’s that save when you REALLY need it? Pia > Casey Abrams, any day.

It doesn’t help that the judges this season are treating the contestants like their own children, adoring everything they do. When everything is special, nothing is special. The judges need to help viewers keep things in perspective — who did best, who did worst, why, what they need to work on, etc. — and right now they are not doing their jobs.

So now the only girls left are Lauren and Haley. Haley won’t make it to the final four, I can tell you that right now. That’s reserved for Scotty, Casey, Lauren (because she’s non-threatening) and probably Paul, because he’s pretty.

Scratch that. It’ll probably be James over Paul. I keep forgetting about James, because he was already on the show in a superior form back on season 8, when we called him Adam Lambert.

Video: Pia Toscano Sings “River Deep, Mountain High” by Tina Turner on April 6

Did you know I was married to Sean Bean for a while? Yeah, he didn't know either. Here he is in "Game of Thrones," which is like watching him in "The Lord of the Rings" all over again.

I don’t understand why “Project Runway” and “Mad Men” can’t be more like “Top Chef.” It seems like “Top Chef” is constantly serving up fresh seasons. They’ve got another “Top Chef Masters” starting this week, even though my boy Richard Blais just won the “All-Stars” season last week. No complaints. I just wish other shows did that. PR should at least premiere by the end of the year. “Mad Men” is a total disappointment right now. Nothing until 2012, which is a total cop out since we all know the world is ending in 2012.

Anyway, I’m going to try to watch “The Borgias” and “Game of Thrones” and compare Showtime and HBO’s latest attempts to tell vaguely similar stories in vaguely similar ways.

Here’s the full April schedule as copied wholesale from the lovely and amazing AOL TV Squad:

Friday, April 1
8:00 – ‘Chaos’ (CBS) series premiere
8:00 – ‘Star Wars: The Clone Wars’ (Cartoon Network) 3rd season finale
8:00 – ‘Working Class’ (CMT) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘I Was Conned’ (ID) special presentation
9:30 – ‘Say Yes to the Dress: Randy Knows Best’ (TLC) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Camelot’ (Starz) series premiere
10:00 – ‘The Haunted’ (Animal Planet) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘The Soup Awards’ (E!) special presentation

Saturday, April 2
6:00 – ‘NCAA Men’s Final Four’ (CBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘How Do I Look?’ (Style) 12th season premiere
8:00 – ’2011 Kid’s Choice Awards’ (Nickelodeon) special presentation
8:00 – ‘The Best of the American Comedy Awards’ (TV Land) special presentation
8:30 – ‘NCAA Men’s Final Four’ (CBS) special presentation
8:30 – ‘Curb Appeal’ (HGTV) 3rd season premiere
9:00 – ‘Style Star’ (Style) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘My Ghost Story’ (Biography) 2nd season premiere
11:00 – ‘Purgatory’ (A&E) special presentation

Sunday, April 3
7:00 – ‘Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom’ (Animal Planet) 9th season premiere
8:00 – ‘Bert the Conqueror’ (Travel) 2nd season premiere
8:00 – ‘The 46th Annual Academy of Country Music Awards’ (CBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘The Kennedys’ (Reelz) mini-series premiere
9:00 – ‘The Borgias’ (Showtime) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Game of Thrones: Preview’ (HBO) special presentation
9:00 – ‘The Killing’ (AMC) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Kourtney & Kim Take New York’ (E!) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Last Cake Standing’ (Food) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘River Monsters: The Deadliest’ (Animal Planet) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Strange Sex’ (TLC) 2nd season premiere
10:30 – ‘Holly’s World’ (E!) 2nd season finale

Monday, April 4
12:00AM – ‘Superjail!’ (Adult Swim) 2nd season premiere
8:00PM – ‘Intervention In-Depth: Pregnant and Addicted’ (A&E) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Taking on Tyson’ (Animal Planet) 1st season finale
8:00 – ‘NCAA Pre-Game’ (TruTV) special presentation
8:00 – ‘WWE 2011 Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony’ (USA) special presentation
8:45 – ‘The Problem Solverz’ (Cartoon Network) series premiere
9:00 – ‘NCAA Men’s Championship’ (CBS) special presentation
9:00 – ‘His Way’ (HBO) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Kidnapped by the Kids’ (OWN) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Relapse’ (A&E) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Harry’s Law’ (NBC) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Heavy: Where Are They Now?’ (A&E) special presentation
10:30 – ‘Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory’ (MTV) 4th season premiere
11:00 – ‘WWE Tough Enough’ (USA) 5th season premiere

Tuesday, April 5
8:00 – ‘No Ordinary Family’ (ABC) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Deadliest Catch: Best of Season 6′ (Discovery) special presentation
9:00 – ‘The Real Housewives of Miami: Reunion’ (Bravo) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Addicted to Food’ (OWN) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Auction Hunters’ (Spike) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Cuff Me If You Can’ (ID) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Jersey Cheer’ (Lifetime) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Lights Out’ (FX) series finale
10:00 – ‘Pregnant in Heels’ (Bravo) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Teen Mom: Finale Special: Check-Up with Dr. Drew’ (MTV) special presentation
10:30 – ‘Let’s Stay Together’ (BET) 1st season finale

Wednesday, April 6
8:00 – ‘Scream: The Inside Story’ (Biography) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Earth Made of Glass’ (HBO2) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Extreme Couponing’ (TLC) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Weird Warfare’ (History) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Mythbusters’ (Discovery) 9th season mid-season premiere
9:30 – ‘Breaking In’ (Fox) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Glamour Belles’ (Lifetime) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Off the Map’ (ABC) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Top Chef: Reunion Special’ (Bravo) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Tori & Dean: sTORIbook Weddings’ (Oxygen) series premiere
10:30 – ‘Workaholics’ (Comedy Central) series premiere
11:00 – ‘Top Chef Masters’ (Bravo) 3rd season premiere

Thursday, April 7
7:00 – ‘Out of the Wild’ (Discovery) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘Police Women’ (TLC) 6th season premiere
10:00 – ‘Bear Whisperer’ (Animal Planet) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Mounted in Alaska’ (History) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Randy Jackson Presents: America’s Best Dance Crew’ (MTV) 6th season premiere
10:00 – ‘The Real Housewives of New York City’ (Bravo) 4th season premiere
10:00 – ‘Top 20 Most Shocking’ (TruTV) 4th season premiere
10:00 – ‘Unleashed: K-9 Broward County’ (TLC) series premiere
10:30 – ‘Secret Diary of a Call Girl’ (Showtime) 4th season premiere
11:00 – ‘Gigolos’ (Showtime) series premiere

Friday, April 8
8:00 – ‘The Singing Bee’ (CMT) 3rd season premiere
8:00 – ‘Who Do You Think You Are?’ (NBC) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘CMT’s Next Superstar’ (CMT) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Law & Order: UK’ (BBC America) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘Merlin’ (Syfy) 3rd season finale
10:00 – ‘Tiger Man of Africa’ (National Geographic) series premiere
10:30 – ‘DC Cupcakes’ (TLC) 2nd season finale

Saturday, April 9
9:30AM – ‘Sym-Bionic Titan’ (Cartoon Network) 1st season finale
8:00PM – ‘How Big Can It Get?’ (National Geographic Wild) series premiere
8:00 – ‘It’s Me or the Dog’ (Animal Planet) 3rd season mid-season premiere
9:00 – ‘Being Human’ (BBC America) 3rd season finale
9:00 – ‘Ferocious Planet’ (Syfy) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Colin Quinn: Long Story Short’ (HBO) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Oddities’ (Science) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Let’s Talk About Sex’ (TLC) special presentation

Sunday, April 10
6:00 – ‘Inside the Vault’ (WGN) 1st season finale
8:00 – ‘Human Planet’ (Discovery) series premiere
8:00 – ‘My Future Boyfriend’ (ABC Family) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Secret Millionaire’ (ABC) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘The Comedy Awards’ (CMT/Comedy Central/Logo/Nick-at-Nite/Spike/TV Land) special presentation
9:00 – ‘The Judds’ (OWN) series premiere
9:00 – ‘The Kennedys’ (Reelz) mini-series finale
9:00 – ‘Mildred Pierce’ (HBO) mini-series finale
9:00 – ‘Shark Men’ (National Geographic) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Inspector America’ (History) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Khloe & Lamar’ (E!) series premiere
10:00 – ‘River Monsters’ (Animal Planet) 3rd season premiere
10:30 – ‘The Dance Scene’ (E!) series premiere

Monday, April 11
6:00 – ‘Seriously Funny Kids’ (Lifetime) 1st season finale
8:00 – ‘Civil Warriors’ (National Geographic) series premiere
8:00 – ‘House’ (Fox) 150th episode
8:00 – ‘Intervention In-Depth: Hillbilly Heroin’ (A&E) special presentation
9:00 – ‘The Bad Girls Club’ (Oxygen) 100th episode
9:00 – ‘Being Human’ (Syfy) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives’ (Food) 11th season finale
9:00 – ‘Law & Order: Los Angeles’ (NBC) 1st season mid-season premiere
10:00 – ‘All About Aubrey’ (Oxygen) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘The NewNowNext Awards’ (Logo) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Paranormal State’ (A&E) 6th season premiere

Tuesday, April 12
8:00 – ‘Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution’ (ABC) 2nd season premiere
9:00 – ‘Braxton Family Values’ (WE) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Deadliest Catch’ (Discovery) 7th season premiere
9:30 – ‘Playdates’ (Lifetime) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Royally Mad, Part 1′ (BBC America) special presentation
10:00 – ‘I (Almost) Got Away With It’ (ID) 3rd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Cheer! Mini All-Stars’ (Lifetime) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Sinbad: It’s Just Family’ (WE) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Toya’ (BET) series premiere
10:30 – ‘Sports Show with Norm MacDonald’ (Comedy Central) series premiere

Wednesday, April 13
8:30 – ‘Throwdown with Bobby Flay’ (Food) 9th season finale
9:00 – ‘Countdown to Zero’ (History) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Shedding for the Wedding’ (The CW) 1st season finale
9:30 – ‘The Franchise: A Season with the San Francisco Giants’ (Showtime) series premiere
9:30 – ‘Happy Endings’ (ABC) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Nothing Personal’ (ID) 1st season finale

Thursday, April 14
8:30 – ‘The Paul Reiser Show’ (NBC) series premiere

Friday, April 15
8:00 – ‘Lemonade Mouth’ (Disney) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Friday Night Lights’ (NBC) 5th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Hooked’ (National Geographic) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Killer Outbreaks’ (Animal Planet) series premiere
9:00 – ‘The Ricky Gervais Show’ (HBO) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘American Restoration’ (History) 1st season mid-season premiere
10:00 – ‘Sanctuary’ (Syfy) 3rd season mid-season premiere
10:30 – ‘The Whitest Kids U’Know’ (IFC) 5th season premiere

Saturday, April 16
8:00 – ‘HGTV Green Home 2011 in Stapleton Colorado’ (HGTV) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Truth Be Told’ (Fox) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Beverly Lewis’ the Shunning’ (Hallmark) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Aries Spears: Hollywood, Look I’m Smiling’ (Showtime) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Parking Wars’ (A&E) 5th season premiere

Sunday, April 17
8:00 – ‘Extreme Makeover: Home Edition’ (ABC) 8th season mid-season premiere
8:00 – ‘Mob Wives’ (VH1) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Audrina’ (VH1) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Burn Notice: The Fall of Sam Axe’ (USA) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Game of Thrones’ (HBO) series premiere
9:00 – ’2011 TV Land Awards’ (TV Land) special presentation
9:30 – ‘Saddle Ranch’ (VH1) series premiere
10:00 – ‘On the Case with Paula Zahn’ (ID) 4th season premiere
10:00 – ‘Police POV’ (TruTV) series premiere

Monday, April 18
8:00 – ‘Intervention In-Depth: Heroin Highway’ (A&E) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Wild Case Files’ (National Geographic Wild) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘William & Kate’ (Lifetime) special presentation
10:00 – ’20/20: William & Catherine: A Modern Fairy Tale’ (ABC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Love Games: Bad Girls Need Love Too’ (Oxygen) 2nd season premiere
11:00 – ‘Royal Wedding of a Lifetime: William & Kate, a Love Story’ (Lifetime) special presentation

Tuesday, April 19
10:00 – ’16 & Pregnant’ (MTV) 3rd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Royally Mad, Part 2′ (BBC America) special presentation
10:00 – ‘National Geographic Explorer’ (National Geographic) 7th season premiere
10:00 – ‘Hogs Gone Wild’ (Discovery) 1st season mid-season premiere
10:00 – ‘Parenthood’ (NBC) 2nd season finale
10:30 – ‘Dresscue Me’ (Planet Green) series premiere

Wednesday, April 20
9:00 – ‘Ghost Hunters’ (Syfy) 7th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Jesus: The Lost 40 Days’ (History) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Cold Blood’ (ID) 3rd season mid-season premiere
10:00 – ‘Hoarding: Buried Alive’ (TLC) 2nd season finale
10:30 – ‘Glamour Belles’ (Lifetime) 1st season finale
11:00 – ‘Being Erica’ (SOAPnet) 3rd season finale

Thursday, April 21
9:00 – ‘Call Me Fitz’ (DirecTV) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Royal Wedding of a Lifetime: A Tale of Two Princesses’ (Lifetime) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Archer’ (FX) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘Bear Whisperer’ (Animal Planet) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘Royal Wedding of a Lifetime: Kate’s Gown of Renown’ (Lifetime) special presentation

Friday, April 22
12:00AM – ‘Eagleheart’ (Adult Swim) 1st season finale
8:00PM – ‘Royal Wedding of a Lifetime: Feast Fit’ (Lifetime) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Girls Night Out: Superstar Women of Country’ (CBS) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Degrassi: The Next Generation’ (TeenNick) 10th season finale
9:00 – ‘Dual Survival’ (Discovery) 2nd season premiere
9:00 – ‘Talking Funny’ (HBO) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Royal Wedding of a Lifetime: A Day to Remember’ (Lifetime) special presentation
9:30 – ‘Gigantic’ (TeenNick) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Ice Pilots’ (National Geographic) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Royal Wedding of a Lifetime: The Future King & Queen’ (Lifetime) special presentation

Saturday, April 23
9:00 – ‘Cinema Verite’ (HBO) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Doctor Who’ (BBC America) 6th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Roadkill’ (Syfy) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Jon Lovitz Presents’ (Showtime) special presentation

Sunday, April 24
7:00 – ‘Charles and Di: Once Upon a Time’ (TLC) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Beyond the Blackboard’ (CBS) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Human Planet’ (Discovery) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Untold Stories of a Royal Bridesmaid’ (TLC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Japan Superquake’ (Discovery) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Royally Astounding: 30 Defining Days of the Monarchy’ (TLC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Treme’ (HBO) 2nd season premiere
11:00 – ‘After Lately’ (E!) 1st season finale

Monday, April 25
10:00 – ‘Wild About Prince Harry’ (TLC) special presentation
10:30 – ‘Unleashed: K-9 Broward County’ (TLC) 1st season finale
11:30 – ‘Setup Squad’ (Logo) series premiere

Tuesday, April 26
9:00 – ‘Destination Truth’ (Syfy) 4th season finale
9:00 – ‘The Voice’ (NBC) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Marcel’s Quantum Kitchen’ (Syfy) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Top Shot’ (History) 2nd season finale
11:00 – ‘Top Shot: Behind the Bullet’ (History) special presentation

Wednesday, April 27
8:00 – ‘William & Kate: Inside the Royal Wedding’ (NBC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Fact or Faked: Paranormal Files’ (Syfy) 2nd season mid-season finale
10:00 – ‘South Park’ (Comedy Central) 15th season premiere
10:00 – ‘Extreme Royal Collections’ (TLC) special presentation

Thursday, April 28
8:00 – ‘The Making of a Royal Wedding’ (TLC) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Countdown to the Royal Wedding’ (TLC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Break It Down’ (National Geographic) 2nd season premiere
11:00 – ‘Son of a Gun’ (MTV) series premiere

Friday, April 29
5:00AM – ‘Royal Wedding Live Coverage’ (TLC) special presentation
8:00PM – ‘The Royal Wedding: A New Generation’ (CBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Kathy Griffin’s Insightful and Hilarious Take on the Royal Wedding’ (TV Guide) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Python Hunters’ (National Geographic Wedding) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Bar Karma’ (Current TV) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Fashion Police: Royal Wedding’ (E!) special presentation
10:00 – ‘FBI: Criminal Pursuit’ (ID) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘Say Yes to the Dress’ (TLC) 2nd season premiere

Saturday, April 30
8:00 – ‘Fight Camp 360°: Pacquiao vs. Mosley’ (CBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘NASCAR: Richmond Cup’ (Fox) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Too Cute! Kittens’ (Animal Planet) special presentation

Pay no attention to any man without a cowboy hat.

We all have one. Someone who just rubs us the wrong way.

Person X can say something and it’s fine. But if Person Y says the same exact thing, you lose it. Suddenly you’re raving things like “I BOUGHT THOSE MOTHERF–KING SPONGES!!!!” even though you’re a grown man in a room of other grown men, working on an art project to raise money for charity. And the whole thing is being filmed.

Girl power?

Poor Meat Loaf. It may be time for more “anger management.” But I can’t blame him too much. Gary Busey is … let’s go with “an acquired taste.” If he started coming after me with all those s-p-e-l-l-e-d o-u-t w-o-r-d-s and stuff about dancing on rainbows or whatever — I’d lose it, too.

As John Rich put it, “Gary Busey is kind of like a one-legged cat trying to bury a turtle in a frozen pond.” That makes no sense to me, but I agree. (Did he say “turd” or “turtle”? I like both.)

Speaking of John Rich, how awesome was he on “The Celebrity Apprentice” Episode 5 “The Art Of The Deal”? I want him, Marlee Matlin and Mark McGrath in the finals.

John and Marlee Matlin were the project managers for an art show challenge. They all made pieces of “art” and sold them to family, friends and anyone else with money. Everyone had to create baseball caps and an artist/”Sopranos” actor deemed La Toya Jackson’s hat the best.

Both teams did incredibly well. Trump said they’ve never raised this much money in a season before. He was so impressed, he offered a deal: If both project managers agreed, the losing team would keep the money for his or her charity. Trump wouldn’t have gone for it, but they both went for it. Then they got the numbers: Backbone raised $626,908. The ladies’ team, A.S.A.P., raised $986,000 for an all-time “Apprentice” record. Even Marlee’s interpreter cried! Trump gave Marlee’s charity, The Starkey Hearing Foundation, the extra $14,000 to get to $1 million.

Now they can hang out together...

Trump made another deal — since at that point Jose Canseco had already quit (see below), it was Marlee’s choice whether Trump fired one of the men or not. She decided he should fire someone, because it’s business and the women had lost so many challenges, it was time for the men to feel the pain.

Richard Hatch had raised the least amount of money. But when Trump asked the men about the weakest player, going forward, everyone said Gary. They know that Trump loves “brilliant” Gary but, as my boy Mark put it, passion and focus are not the same things. Marlee defended Gary, which was nice of her, but she doesn’t have to work with him. Marlee wanted Trump to fire Hatch.

It came down to money. Hatch was fired. Poor guy. He didn’t even get a chance to defend himself, which is his strong suit. Too much time was spent on Gary’s ramblings.

Marlee may have won the challenge, but she didn’t have to deal with behind-the-scenes drama this week. John Rich did. John won, in my opinion, for helping his idiot boys keep some perspective. More than anyone, John has his head in the right part of the game. It’s not about kissing Trump’s arse. It’s not about doing as little as possible while getting to the end. It’s not about being crazy. It’s not even about winning. It’s about raising money for charity.

John said the only reason he’s on this show is to raise more money than anyone else for his charity, St. Jude’s. He guaranteed $500,000 from his “hillbillies” and he demanded his fellow men of Backbone also raise something. Unless they are “all hat and no cattle.”

Apparently Jose Canseco is all hat and no cattle.Yes, I’m evil. I don’t doubt that his father is sick with cancer, and I wish him the best. But the timing is more than suspicious. Jose didn’t raise any money in the pizza challenge and he thought it wouldn’t be possible to raise money for this challenge either (but WHY?) so he went to the principal’s office and told Trump his father was sick so he had to go home. Why can’t Jose raise money? And why would he go on the show if he couldn’t raise money? Anyway, Jose left the show. He quit. No more dressing in drag.

At least Richard Hatch stuck around and sold his painting for $1,000. It wasn’t much, but a guy fresh out of prison, famous for a show that aired 10 years ago, probably isn’t going to raise as much as, say, La Toya Jackson.

What happened to this love, from the last episode?

I’ll talk about the women eventually, but I have to discuss the Meat Loaf vs. Gary incident. It seems to have started in the supply store.

Gary asked Meat if he was buying Gary’s things. He said it in a way that bothered Meat. Meat feels Gary has an air of entitlement about him. (That’s what happens when people like Trump call you a “genius” even though you’re just babbling nonsense 90 percent of the time.)

My boy Mark tried to talk Meat down off the ledge and hold back the anger, but Gary has a way of bringing out the crazy in others. So when they got back into the work room and Meat couldn’t find his bag of art supplies, he assumed that Gary had stolen his paint and sponges and passed them off as his own.

He went off. Like I’ve never seen. So many f-bombs and motherf-bombs. You’d never know it was about art supplies — especially when it turns out (oops!) that Meat’s bag was just hiding under a table. Gary, to his credit, just stood his ground and let Meat rant. He didn’t engage, but he didn’t run either.

Mark and Meat appear to be close and Mark tried to hold Meat back. Meanwhile, project manager John talked to Gary and tried to keep him away from Meat. Later, John told Meat that kind of language and energy were embarrassing. They were there for charity. He basically told the guy to man up.

I agree. Meat agreed too, apologizing to Gary and saying he was embarrassed. Gary blathered on something about rainbows and he spelled out a word and the whole time I was cringing, because I thought it might set Meat off again.

But they moved on. The guys had their art show up way before the women, who were stuck in Friday night New York traffic. But since La Toya Jackson offered up a Michael Jackson T-shirt, they had some solid stuff to sell. Jill Zarin of “Real Housewives of New York” and Jason Taylor, one of my favorites from “Dancing with the Stars,” showed up to support the ladies.

But the guys had country power and people with enough money to buy a guitar for something like $450,000. That’s especially interesting considering the Michael Jackson shirt sold for $99,000.

But in the end, the women outraised the men — by a lot. Hatch was on the chopping block for not raising enough money, but Gary was named the weakest link in terms of focus. Money ruled. Based on the previews I’d say that was a bad call. We’re due for Gary vs. All the Guys and NeNe vs. La Toya.

By the way, who is Hope and why is she still there?

*

Here’s the cast, in order of my preference:

* Mark McGrath
* John Rich
* Lil Jon
* Marlee Malin
* Meat Loaf
* La Toya Jackson
* NeNe Leakes
* Gary Busey
* Hope Dworaczyk (Who?)
* Star Jones
* David Cassidy — ELIMINATED 1ST
* Lisa Rinna — ELIMINATED 2ND
* Niki Taylor — ELIMINATED 3RD
* Dionne Warwick — ELIMINATED 4TH
* Jose Canseco — ELIMINATED HIMSELF (QUIT) 5TH
* Richard Hatch — ELIMINATED 6TH

Read my “Celebrity Apprentice” recaps here.

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