Two out of three ain't bad.

After “The Celebrity Apprentice,” Meat Loaf needs to go on “The Bachelor.” He knows how to sob at the drop of a hat. He knows how to wear his heart on his sleeve. He’s ripe for the most dramatic rose ceremony ever.

I got your number, hussy.

NeNe Leakes is a quitter and a loser and she should be ashamed of herself for so many reasons, but mostly for giving up on her charity.

She should’ve been fired last week for having a tantrum in front of the client — never mind losing another challenge as project manager — but “Mr. Trump” has been making drama-related decisions since Week 1, so it’s no shock that he kept her. But now Star Jones gets to win their feud.

But not win the whole thing. No. Star just got fired. It was the wrong time to fire her — that time was a while ago —  but better late than never, I guess. Honestly, as much as I love her, it should’ve been Marlee Matlin who got fired.

The winner of this whole thing is either going to be John Rich or Marlee Matlin. 

John Rich has been impressing me for a while now and after he volunteered to match Meat Loaf’s money for The Painted Turtle, I melted. I didn’t cry like Meat did, but I melted.

Thankfully, Meat’s team did win the comedy challenge so John didn’t have to pay up.

The extended episode got out of control thanks to NeNe and Meat, but things have been crazy since Hope was fired and La Toya Jackson was brought back.

At the start of the ep, Trump re-shuffled the deck and moved NeNe from the women’s team to the men’s team. He did it because Star didn’t feel like she could work with NeNe. NeNe decided since Trump did what Star wanted, she couldn’t be on the show anymore. She quit. Good riddance.

Marlee, you showed zero leadership on a losing challenge. How did you completely escape blame?

Meat Loaf was moved to the women’s team, where he almost immediately began sobbing at the idea of raising money for his charity but only getting the money if they win. You know, like every other challenge on every season of “The Apprentice.”

In a rare good decision, Trump said Meat couldn’t just keep the money, win or lose. The show is about raising money for charity, but it’s even more about winning. (And it’s even more about drama, so Meat should’ve promised a huge fight if he got the dough. It would’ve been a fair promise, since he did have a fighter later on!)

At the end of the first part of the extended ep, La Toya was fired all over again. She’s the first person to be brought back and the first one to be fired twice. The point of her return still escapes me.

The second part of the episode was a rematch between the two heavyweights — John vs. Marlee. They were their teams’ project managers for the OnStar challenge.

John and Lil Jon are adorable and should have their own spinoff show. I heart them. But Trump clearly hearts Meat Loaf and he complimented Meat several times. (I’m surprised that didn’t push him into tears again.) Meat and Star seemed to clash during the task and Marlee took a backseat, which was probably a bad idea, even if it didn’t hurt her.

Even though The Jonz made an OnStar commercial featuring a woman who did NOT wear her seatbelt — a major faux pas for a safety company — they still won the challenge. Hot John won even more money for St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital. And Hot John is even in another OnStar commercial that just aired during the show. Nice.

The women + Meat Loaf made a commercial focused on the stereotype of cops loving doughnuts. Police officers don’t like that stereotype much and the executives didn’t like it either. (For the record, I love doughnuts and I’m not ashamed to admit it.)

The boardroom started as Marlee and Star vs. Meat and turned into Star vs. Meat. Poor Meat was ganged up on. Honestly, he probably should’ve been fired earlier in the night when he burst into tears and had to be talked down off the ledge.

Star and Meat fought over getting a particular “OnStar” shot in the commercial. Meat called her “sweetie” and Star got upset about it, as a professional woman in the middle of an argument. (Fair enough, actually, in that context.) Star was in charge of branding and Meat was in charge of the filming process. Funny how the fight was between these two and not Marlee, who was the project manager. Shouldn’t she be blamed since she was in charge of this mess?

I never thought I'd feel sorry for Star Jones, but this was the wrong time to fire her.

Star said you have to come with her credentials to have a debate with her. “Enough,” she said to Meat, trying to cut him off. Meat did not like that one bit: “How dare you cut me off, young woman!” Hee hee.

I love that whenever anyone fights, Marlee’s interpreter furiously interprets every word.

Back in the boardroom, the whole thing turned into a “sweetie” debate, which ticked Trump off, since he’s so anti-PC. Then things turned against Star, which is bizarre since there have been so many opportunities to fire Star and they picked the most random one. It should’ve been Marlee first or Meat Loaf second.

But the final four are John, Lil Jon, Marlee and Meat Loaf. I’m surprised to see Meat “Anger Management MY ASS” Loaf still there. And Marlee really dodged a bullet this week. John Rich will win. He has to.

Catch up on my “Celebrity Apprentice” stories in this nifty archive.

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