Ding dong the witch is dead! Which old witch? The Dionne witch!

Dionne Warwick to NeNe Leakes: “You’re a coward, baby.”

Oh the big, bright smile she gave when saying that. It chills me. The woman is diabolical.

God I hate passive-aggression. I can’t say I’ll miss Miss Dionne. In fact, hell with her.

And now we know his, uh, package is called "Big Wednesday." Sigh.

I love how whenever someone on “Celebrity Apprentice” wants to build up to an insult, they feel compelled to start with “Gary Busey is an incredibly talented actor…” or “I have a lot of respect for Dionne Warwick…”

BUT

He’s also crazy. Unfocused. Unstable. In his own world. Frazzled. All over the place.

She’s lazy. She walked out. She’s rude. She can’t keep up. She STILL can’t look at Marlee Matlin when talking to her.

And now Dionne is gone. She pulled a half-Niki Taylor, offering herself to be fired, but only after everyone else (including Ivanka Trump, bless her) went after her for walking out during the challenge. Then she took it back, saying she wanted to stay. But it was too late. Mr. Trump doesn’t like to be tested. No game-playing, please.

Ivanka asked Dionne if leaving early was an issue of stamina or indifference. Dionne seems oblivious to the fact that the same rules apply to everyone, including her. As project manager, NeNe Leakes should’ve told Dionne to stay. But these ladies are too passive-aggressive. And now they’ve lost three challenges in a row.

The men on the other hand, are enjoying a love fest — literally, if Richard Hatch and Jose Canseco have a few drinks and get some alone time in a dark room.

I like a risk-taker. And a good leader.

On “Off the Hook,” the teams had to create a 30-second commercial for ACN’s new video phone. The men won with a hilarious and very “risque” (the buzz word of the night) commercial featuring Jose Canseco as another guy’s fiance. It was a close vote, since the women’s commercial featuring Marlee signing had the heart-tugging feel-good factor.

NeNe volunteered to be project manager for A.S.A.P., which was smart timing since at that point the women finally realized they should at least attempt to work together instead of pulling Lisa Rinna sabotages over and over again. Plus, Niki Taylor out c-l-a-s-s-e-d them by volunteering herself to be fired (and who can blame her for wanting to walk out on them), exposing the others as catty hussies.

Speaking of hussies, Dionne put herself in the center of the commercial and everyone agreed that it was a good idea. But then the ACN guys showed up and said “emotion” 100 times and the women realized they had to do something else. Because Dionne is not really in touch with any positive emotions.

Marlee volunteered an option about a 16-year-old girl calling her family. They included an element about hearing impairment which — let’s be honest — Marlee brings up every week. Yes, she’s deaf but there’s a lot more to her than that. She needs to come up with new ideas.

After many expletives, Lil Jon agreed to be the project manager for Backbone. Jose wanted to do a commercial about contacting aliens and I’m shocked that Gary didn’t jump all over it as a great and c-l-a-s-s-y idea. Instead, Jon went for a big gay gamble … that still put Gary and Jose in the forefront.

I'd cry, too, if I had to work with Dionne.

Dionne actually said something positive about NeNe, which is just odd — considering it’s Dionne. And NeNe. Although NeNe calling her “Miss Dionne” probably squeaked those wheels. Meanwhile, La Toya Jackson suddenly went blind (which explains her Curious George outfit) and Hope Dworaczyk (WHO?) said her only skill is finding props.

Hope and Dionne went to get props and La Toya was in charge of keeping time. When they were all gone, NeNe mentioned to Marlee and Star Jones that they were the only competent people. So it’s now three against three … with the other three not really aware that they are currently on the outs.

For Backbone’s commercial, Jose played an older gay guy trying to look young. This follows Jose’s cross-dressing teacher from a couple of eps ago. Could this be his calling? Turns out, Richard Hatch thinks Jose is hot. So that fight they had on the premiere could probably be considered foreplay. (When is Hatch going to go naked like he does on “Survivor”?) My boy Mark McGrath got them a purple couch which he tried to pass off as a pink grandma couch. Sorry. My grandmothers both have more c-l-a-s-s than that.

During A.S.A.P.’s commercial production design, Dionne got testy (what are the odds?) with Marlee, which means she got testy with Marlee’s amazing interpreter because she STILL WON’T LOOK AT MARLEE when Marlee is trying to communicate with her.

At some point after that, “matriarch” Dionne took a nap. Consider it a blessing. (Did Joan Rivers nap on her way to the “Celebrity Apprentice” win two seasons ago? I feel like Annie Duke would never have let her.)

He's a good gay man.

It was good timing that she left right when Trump’s slick-haired son showed up. People have talked about Dionne in passing in the boardroom, but this is proof of her lack of contribution. Unfortunately, this just cast harsh light on NeNe as the leader. Can someone please blame Dionne for Dionne’s actions? La Toya was accused of not being able to keep time, but at least she stayed awake.

The Backbone commercial with Jose and his gay fiance and Gary in his (revealing) bath robe had the surprise and humor factor. (Hey, shock is an emotion.) The A.S.A.P. commercial was more sweet and heartfelt, with Marlee signing “I love you” to her screen daughter.

The teams had to make presentations in front of a group of ACN people that cheered for Donald Trump like a Roman gladiator when he walked into the room. NeNe was awkward in her intro, but Star was smooth … and smug. She wrote with applause points in mind and they worked.

When the men get on stage, Lil Jon shouted at them to get them fired up. I would’ve liked a nice “WHAT????” in honor of Dave Chappelle, but I’ll take what I can get. Their commercial was a huge gamble because it wasn’t middle-of-the-road stuff. It could offend a large group of customers. But it was definitely memorable.

The men’s strong point was bringing in the audience. They liked how Lil Jon included the word “viral.”  The women took the company’s task to heart. It was a close vote.

Hatch called Lil Jon the best leader. He gushed over him. It’s nice to hear some positive stuff for a change. Trump brought up the word “risque” over and over again. Lil Jon made an argument for trying something different. The company’s slogan is “no boundaries.” He put it all on black and took his own chance.

NeNe started crying when the men talked about their harmony and how they all got along. There were no weak links. Dionne said NeNe was superb. NeNe brought up how many of the women were in abusive relationships. It ties to her charity. Even Marlee said NeNe “rocks.” They are each other’s girls. Which NeNe is this? Can we get the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” in the house to give the other side? Kim?

It finally came out that Dionne left early. NeNe said she is not a babysitter. Star threw La Toya and Hope under the bus. NeNe said her son could keep the time. She rolled her eyes over La Toya. Mr. Trump loves La Toya and likes how she’s stepped up.

Trump loves La Toya and Gary. They can coast.

Once again, the women fell apart whereas the men got along.

It turns out, the men won. Which was the right call. Congrats to Lil Jon.

It was the third loss in a row for the women. Star told Mr. Trump she’s never seen a group of women pull together like this. Wow. Who is she hanging out with? All of the women I’ve met have gotten along better than this group.

Dionne — ha! ha! — tries to blame the challenge criteria. Nice try. La Toya can’t choose a weakest link. Star says Hope and La Toya have been more followers than leaders. What about Dionne? Trump asked Marlee point blank “Who doesn’t contribute?” Marlee said La Toya.

WHAT ABOUT DIONNE?

Trump asked NeNe, who can the team do without? She said Dionne. Thank heaven someone called it. She said the girls are afraid of Dionne. It’s a level of respect, Star says. But when Dionne offers herself to be fired, Star basically says she’s quitting on her charity. Star wants to have it both ways.

Trump asked Hope (WHO?) which lady he should fire. (Hope may coast to the end just because no one notices she’s there.) Hope said Dionne. That’s when Dionne held her own pity party, saying to fire her. She had to be pulled back by Trump. But it was too late.

Next week, Meat Loaf bakes Gary Busey. He goes nuts. I can’t wait to see it. I think this is my new favorite show. Don’t tell anyone.

Here’s the cast, in order of my preference:

* Mark McGrath
* John Rich
* Lil Jon
* Marlee Malin
* Meat Loaf
* Richard Hatch
* NeNe Leakes
* Jose Canseco
* Gary Busey
* La Toya Jackson
* Hope Dworaczyk (Who?)
* Star Jones
* David Cassidy — ELIMINATED 1ST
* Lisa Rinna — ELIMINATED 2ND
* Niki Taylor — ELIMINATED 3RD
* Dionne Warwick — ELIMINATED 4TH

***

Read my “Celebrity Apprentice” recaps here.

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