You are currently browsing the monthly archive for May 2011.

Is there a rabbit under that hat?

When Donald Trump said “I’m going to do something a little different tonight,” I expected him to say “The winner of The Celebrity Apprentice 2011 is John Rich … AND Marlee Matlin.”

I thought he’d pick both. What was different about just picking one of them?

*UPDATE* Thanks to the person who commented below for this explanation: “Regarding your question above, the difference was he chose not to fire the runner up, which he does in every season. He simply stated the winner. By contract with NBC he still has to choose a single winner.” *END UPDATE*

Of the two, he definitely picked the best. John was a strong leader throughout the competition, whereas Marlee occasionally deferred to others and just tried to keep her head down around all the drama on the women’s team.

John and Marlee both raised more than $1 million for their charities. He worked for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital (a cause dear to the Trump family’s heart) and she for The Starkey Hearing Foundation.

It was cute seeing that kid say "mama" for the first time, when he was wearing a hearing aid.

Since both John and Marlee are nice and professional and actually respect each other — unlike, say, Joan Rivers and Annie Duke — it was a surprisingly kind and gentle finale, with Marlee only getting irritated when John dared to bring in about $250,000 during the 7-Up challenge to put himself over the $1 million mark. They even sang a song together “For the Kids.”

Marlee had a smooth 1970s retro 7-Up challenge featuring the Harlem Globetrotters. But it sounded like she wasn’t as organized at first, and both La Toya Jackson and Richard Hatch were initially waiting for her to delegate tasks. Her team’s 7-Up can wasn’t as dynamic as John’s team, and their commercial was cool but not as funny as John’s Twisted Sister spoof.

John Rich, on the other hand, seemed very organized with this 1980s Def Leppard task, except he didn’t welcome Trump and the 7-Up executives and he introduced Def Leppard 20 minutes before they were actually intending to perform. (*Ooops*) It was an awkward mistake, but he covered well by performing himself. John and Lil Jon (The Jonz!) were such an adorable team and a majority of the “Celebrity Apprentice” cast picked John Rich to win over Marlee.

The only real drama of the night was when Star Jones called out NeNe Leakes for going after all the black women on the show. She brought race into it, which just opened the wounds between the two of them.

Gary Busey also tried to explain his kite plan again, revealing that Omaha Steaks actually went with his kite idea and somehow added a tiny kite into their product. I still don’t get it, but there it is.

All told, I think it was a satisfying and positive ending for a strange and extremely dramatic season.

Congrats, Hot John!

Bless him, he'll be "Drunk Tim" forever after this.

I think this season of “The Bachelorette” is going to be fun. More fun than Brad Womack’s season of “The Bachelor,” anyway. Not that it would be hard to top that 10-week funeral.

I was all in favor of bringing Brad back for a 2.0 session, so I clearly have bad judgment. I wanted pretty much anyone except Ashley Hebert as the Bachelorette, so that probably means this will be a great season.

Check out her pre-season media conference call, which was very guarded but still interesting. And catch up on all the spoilers, speculation, gossip, videos, photos, etc. on Wetpaint’s Bachelorette site. I’ll be recapping each episode there on Monday nights.

Here's Sasha on "The Bachelor" Ukraine.

Remember, the premiere is from 9 to 11 p.m. tomorrow, because of “Dancing With the Stars.”

I think Hines Ward & Kym Johnson will win DWTS Season 12, but I’d be happy for Kirstie Alley & Maksim Chmerkovskiy, mostly because winning a Mirror Ball trophy might calm Maks down. I really, really don’t want Mark Ballas to win a third time with another young and/or athletic woman.

Speaking of Maks, though, are you watching his “journey” as the Ukrainian Bachelor? I think they have him down to the final three or four at this point.

I have no idea what anyone is saying, but occasionally people provide commentary below the videos.

I read somewhere that Maks chooses Sasha (who kind of looks like a brunette Vienna Girardi, to me) but they aren’t together anymore. Who knows if that’s true. I couldn’t even pinpoint the place where I read it, but it was somewhere in the YouTube comments.

Rob tweeted this pic of himself with Ashley, Andrea, Natalie and Phillip. Rob labeled this "Ometepe," but where's Grant? Is this a hint of some kind?

By Gina Carbone

“Survivor: Redemption Island” had so much potential.

I thought it started strong, with a cast that looked like they might actually play the game instead of voting out anyone who considered adopting a “strategy.” (Yep, I’m dissing you, “Survivor: Nicaragua”!)

But right around the time Boston Rob took control of his cult, and Ometepe began demolishing Zapatera, the game started to lose steam. (It also started turning into “The Religious Season.”)

Another Rob twitpic from the finale.

Now there’s almost no way for Season 22 to redeem itself. If Rob wins, the whole season will feel like How CBS Got Rob To Win Survivor After Four Attempts, with the other fools cast just for the purpose of helping him.

But if he doesn’t win, there’s no one else who would be a satisfying victory. Maybe maybe maybe Grant Mattos, because he was Rob’s right-hand man. But even Grant was a drone. And Matt Elrod is sweet, but he’s a terrible “Survivor” player. Mike Chiesl wasn’t shown in the game enough. Phillip Sheppard may or may not be playing up his craziness, but he accused Steve Wright of being a racist for calling him “crazy,” and he certainly shouldn’t win after that. Even Russell Hantz probably wouldn’t do that to win … probably.

I still have my money on either Andrea Boehlke or Ashley Underwood. I’m wondering if the Ometepe photo that Rob tweeted (above), showing some kind of Ashley dark hair makeover, is indicative of her win. Only a girl would think that, but now I’m wondering…She’s also tweeting up a storm for people to not miss the finale tonight. Am I reading too much into it? Or is she the new Jud “Fabio” Birza?

*UPDATE* Nope! Neither one won! The spoilers this season were all over the place. One said Ashley aligned with Rob and outlasted him. *END UPDATE*

Anyway, I’ll be live blogging the finale from 8 to 10 p.m. tonight Eastern time, plus the reunion from 10 to 11.

Look at Matt's hair! The Jesus length is gone!

These 8 folks are still in it to win it going into the finale:

* “Boston Rob” Rob Mariano
* Phillip Sheppard, 52, Santa Monica; technology executive
* Natalie Tenerelli, 19, Acton, Calif.; professional dancer
* Ashley Underwood, 25, Benton, Maine; nurse
* Andrea Boehlke, 21, Random Lake, Wis.; student  (On Redemption Island)
* Matt Elrod, 22, Nashville; pre-med student  (On Redemption Island)
* Grant Mattos, 29, West Hollywood; former NFLer, yoga instructor  (On Redemption Island)
* Mike Chiesl, 31, Del Mar, Calif.; former Marine (On Redemption Island)

While you wait, check out my archive of “Survivor” recaps and “spoilers,” although I don’t really trust the few spoilers they’d had for this season. (Update: The spoilers sucked! Congrats to CBS for keeping the Rob win a secret. Nicely done. I hate you, but nicely done.)


****** LIVE BLOG STARTS! ******

8 p.m.: Recap of everything up to this point. How one year ago Rob challenged Russell at the “Heroes vs. Villains” finale. Review of who is left. They make a special point to say Ashley is a nurse and lately has been a threat in challenges. Lots on Matt at God’s island. Good vs. Evil when Matt took on Russell, etc. Blindsiding Matt twice to send him to RI. Mike and Matt on winning streak at RI. Grant trusted Rob wholeheartedly. Is it fair that Rob is playing his best game, on his fourth attempt, and he could beat someone who is just playing for the first time? Rob got his ass kicked the first time he played. Can Phillip make a play for a win by convincing everyone he was faking craziness to be the villain. NO! You shouldn’t be able to call someone a racist and call yourself the “n-word” and then get rewarded a million dollars.

Final duel on Redemption Island.

8:11 p.m.: Grant heads to Redemption Island. “Somebody wasn’t being honest.” He’s not sure if it was Rob or Phillip, but he’s “A-OK” with it. Grant is the person Andrea least wanted to see there, since she’s now surrounded by major challenge winners. Also hotties! Lucky girl. Rob says “it stings a little bit” to lose Grant, because he was a friend. “I got a heart in there somewhere.” Rob says Grant is the only person who could be “redeemed” that Rob might want to vote out again. He wants to get rid of Ashley. Bad. She’s got to go, he says. He has a feeling about her. Premonition?

8:14 p.m.: At Redemption Island. Matt is happy now and at peace on his island. They have their final duel. They have to “dig deep.” One person will go back in the game. Mike will actually miss RI after 14 days out there. He even calls it “Purgatory.” They all pray. This is God’s favorite season of “Survivor.” Matt has only been in the actual game for 7 days?! If he wins, God gets the glory. So God is going to win “Survivor.” It’s kind of a balancing challenge. You have to keep your foot on a platform with a vase on the end. Go Andrea!

Andrea wins! Everyone else heads to the jury.

Grant is out first. Then MATT IS OUT. God did not want Matt to win. God wants Matt to vote in a winner!

It’s Mike vs. Andrea. GO ANDREA, GO! I KNEW IT! At least one of the spoilers was right!

8:22 p.m.: The duel is over and one at a time, Jeff Probst has Grant, Matt and Mike take off their buffs and head to Ponderosa, aka the jury spot.

8:24 p.m.: Rob declares that Ashley has played the game the best. (SINCE WHEN?) So unless she wins immunity (cue foreshadowing!), she will be voted out next.

Seriously, though. Just because Ashley won immunity last week, the only time she needed to, how is that playing better than everyone else? She hasn’t done anything else all season.

Immunity challenge. They have to get across a balance beam and bring several bags over to put together a bunch of numbers in order.

8:28 p.m.: Andrea said it was “awkward” to come back into camp. No one was that happy to see her. She’ll try anything to stay around, though, otherwise she feels like she’ll be the next one to go. Andrea tells Ashley that Ralph said he would vote for Phillip. Not true. She’s planting “seeds,” aka “lies.” Ashley wants them to vote off Phillip and Natalie says “yeah.” As if she knows. Ashley tells Natalie “You can’t trust Rob so much.” FINALLY. Rob tells Phillip that Ashley thinks she’s the mastermind. Rob is worried about three girls together. “Ashley drives me nuts.” He doesn’t like to see “someone corrupt my soldier,” aka Natalie. Pot meet kettle. Rob should worry that he only has Phillip to talk to. That’s a bad sign.

8:31 p.m.: Immunity challenge. Balance beam and numbers puzzle. Is Ashley going to be the new Fabio? She’s in the lead in this challenge. Phillip fell way behind. It was down to Ashley way in the lead, then Andrea and Rob. ASHLEY WINS IMMUNITY! Second in a row. So she has her spot in the final four. Uh-oh. Is my girl Andrea toast?

8:37 p.m.: Is it too late for Rob to use his hidden idol? If so, get rid of him! That’s what Andrea wants. She wants the girls to see this as an opportunity. If she tells that to Natalie, won’t Nat just tell Rob?

8:41 p.m.: Ashley is so excited she won, even if she wishes this were tomorrow’s win going into the finale. Rob says Andrea is going next. Rob says Andrea has worked hard at camp and she has friends on the other side, so it’s a “no brainer” to get rid of her.

This is the last time Rob can use his idol, but he says he doesn’t need to use it. FAMOUS LAST WORDS.

Ashley talks to Natalie saying, if it’s Andrea now, don’t make it her (Ashley) next. Nat promises 100 percent that she will vote Phillip next, not Ashley. Nice move, Ashley…

So Phillip goes into special agent mode and tells Rob. Right in front of Andrea. That Nat and Ashley were talking. So Rob takes Phillip for a walk.

Final five at Tribal Council.

8:44 p.m. While Phillip is chewing Rob’s ear off about the obvious, Andrea makes her pitch to the girls that she wouldn’t want to be up against Rob in the finals. “It makes a lot more sense to get rid of one of them,” Andrea says of Rob and Phillip. Natalie finally realizes that going up against Rob, she probably wouldn’t win. DUH! Ashley and Nat talk about how it could be the top three girls in the finals. Rob says he doesn’t need the idol — as long as he has Natalie — and he could take it home as a souvenir. He loves to gamble. “God I’m sick!”

8:47 p.m. First Tribal Council. Phillip babbles. Andrea makes a big pitch for the women to finally make a move in this game. Ashley says who wouldn’t want to take out Boston Rob.

Jeff makes his this is the last time you can use the hidden idol speech.

Rob does use his idol! His mother always told him better be safe than sorry. So he made it. Damn it.

Andrea voted out! She didn’t win. And the girls helped to vote her out. No attempt at a big move. Alas. Final four: Rob, Ashley, Natalie, Phillip.

Remember the maze at the end of "Heroes vs. Villains"?

Andrea should’ve shut her mouth at Trial Council about voting out Rob. Maybe that’s what prompted him to play the idol.

8:57 p.m.: Phillip said he didn’t know Rob had an idol but he suspected it. He said Rob played that brilliantly. Just hand him the money now, you morons.

9 p.m. We’re already at the second and final immunity challenge! It’s a giant maze challenge involving puzzle pieces. They love puzzle challenges and Rob. Remember all the easy challenges last season that Fabio won? Balancing coins in a sword? Please. Natalie is useless at these challenges but Jeff calls her a “good sport” as if she’s a slow 4-year-old girl. What’s sad is, she’s a lock for the finals.

ROB WINS! Rob made the final three. So … he wins, right? Or is he following in his own “All Stars” footsteps? Is he Rob 1.0/aka Russell 1.0?

Seriously, though. Is it fair to let him perfect his game four times and have him play on an "equal" playing field against newbies — especially when many of the newbies seem recruited instead of the "Survivor" fans who fight season after season to play? It's like a pro baseball player taking on the Little League.

Rob cries and tells the camera Amber inspired him. Whatever happens now, he’s OK with it. Even if he doesn’t win.

9:11 p.m.: Rob wants to make sure Phillip and Ashley both feel comfortable, like they won’t be voted out. But in order to blindside Ashley, he needs Natalie’s help.

Oh my God. What if the final three are Rob, Phillip and Natalie? Is there a way anyone could NOT vote for Rob? I’m ant-Rob winning at this point — even though nothing else makes sense — but at this point only Ashley is worth voting for. Even though she was a lazy bathing beauty, she still won challenges, played a good social game and didn’t tick people off.

Go Ashley!

9:16 p.m. Natalie is torn on what to do. She didn’t expect to make a friend, but she did. (Funny. Everyone made fun of Nat & Ash for sunbathing all day and tweezing each other’s arm hair, but it turned out to be a good strategy.)

9:17 p.m.: Tribal Council. Rob says ultimately you want to sit next to people you think you can beat. But he’s been here before and it didn’t work out. (Except he found love and married the winner.) Natalie sounds like a 2-year-old. Phillip says “Rob knows I was the specialist.” Lord. Why is Jeff having everyone make their pitches to Rob as if he’s the only one with a vote? Natalie is the real swing vote, not Rob. We know what Rob will do.

Here's the final 3. And here's my vomit.

Jeff, please stop pimping Rob. Please. Please. Please!

Ashley knows she has a better shot to win than Phillip and Nat.

Who is voted out? Ashley. Damn it! Does Nat think she has a shot at winning?


I’m disgusted. But I have to hand it to Rob — sitting next to Natalie and Phillip is the best possible position anyone could hope for in this game. Ideal. If he doesn’t win, it’s time to kill the jury.

9:27 p.m.: There’s still more pimping of Phillip and his feather. And his dead great-great-whatever-grandfather. I refuse to forget about how he treated Steve for calling him “crazy.” He’s not an adorable eccentric. He’s an ass.

9:28 p.m.: The feast. Natalie is 19. Does she really stand for her generation? I feel sorry for her generation, if that’s true. Even Fabio did more last season, at age 21. She could win? Good Lord! She did NOTHING. NOTHING. At least Natalie White on “Samoa” killed a rat and helped convince the other tribe to vote out Erik. Huge move. She also made tons of friends, whereas this Natalie irritated her own tribe for sitting around with Ashley. Not the same.

9:32 p.m.: Final Tribal Council. Phillip is wearing his effing feather! Is he going to try to convince everyone that he ISN’T crazy in that get-up?

The jury, as observed from the vantage point of the final 3. I think I hate this season, no matter how this is now resolved.

Natalie admits that her strength in the game was her social skills. She stuck with Boston Rob. She was loyal. She would be the youngest winner if they vote for her. Ugh.

Phillip said when Boston Rob came into the game, he had to change his strategy. Phillip thanks Rob, saying he wouldn’t be there without him. Phillip says he implemented the concept of “stealth.”

This is embarrassing.

Phillip said Rob’s real name is “The Mastermind” and Phillip’s own goal was to carry out the plans. He also spoke about his loyalty to Rob.


Rob has spent one-third of his life playing Survivor. 117 days or something? He makes a politician’s speech. It’s not up to him, it’s up to them, he says. At least he didn’t pledge loyalty to himself, the way the others did.

Love the crashing thunder and lightning. And by “love” I mean “eye roll.”

• Andrea told Phillip “You are weird.” She said they have seen a plethora of Phillips. Who is the real Phillip Sheppard? He can’t answer it. He must be working for Rob. Andrea told Natalie she has an almost borderline creepy relationship with Rob. What is it about Rob and the allure of riding coattails? Natalie’s answer is making me physically ill. Andrea doesn’t even ask Rob anything.

• Ashley said she’s sick of hearing Phillip’s voice so she won’t ask him anything. He’s acting like a child. Even younger than Natalie. Oh Phillip has no shot. Ashley knocks Phillip and he calls her a whiny child. Ashley tells Natalie they shared everything. Except Natalie didn’t tell her she would be going home. Ashley said obviously Rob deceived a lot of people and that’s sad because she put him on a pedestal. She doesn’t know who he is and after this she’s not sure she wants to know.

Wow, this Tribal is ugly and sad. No one deserves to win.

• Grant tells Nat he also had an alliance with Rob. He wants to know more about Nat’s deal with Rob. Nat says Rob came to her in the beginning and she felt like she could trust him. Rob said Natalie came up to him and said “Tell me what to do.” He said if she did what he said, he would take her to the end. They both gush over Grant and how he was such a big threat.

• Ralph says Natalie can’t do anything without keeping an eye on Rob. Nat didn’t realize everyone thought she was “creepy” toward Rob. She was afraid to make a decision without him, Ralph says. Nat said she wanted her tribe to know she was loyal, ’cause she saw what happened to Matt. Ralph was disappointed that Phillip didn’t have a whole chicken on his head. Ralph asked Phillip if he liked him. (Talk about creepy!) Phillip said yeah, basically.

• Matt called Rob duplicitous and a liar. Where is the line? How can he keep himself together after so much time out there? Rob said the line is gone once he gets back into real life. But in Survivor, he feels it’s necessary to act like this. Rob admits that everyone on Ometepe thought he was taking him to the end. That strategy ALWAYS backfires, though!

• Julie says the final three should be very humble because none of them played a respectable game. Oh yeah! Nat did win the first immunity challenge. Julie wonders if their parents would be proud of the way they played the game. Julie said if Nat were her daughter, she would be ashamed to see her be a servant to Rob the way she is. Phillip has a 16-year-old son? Poor child. Phillip repeats “The hell with you!” to Julie. Julie says Rob is sitting next to the little girl and the guy no one likes or respects.

Phillip is a cartoon.

Julie tells Rob to teach his daughters to grow up to be strong women and not let anyone treat them the way he treated Natalie.


Rob whispers to Nat not to worry, they’ll be all smiles later.

I absolutely love "Survivor" but this ending is killing me. I feel so, so, so used.

• Mike asks for what they’ll take with them after this experience. Natalie has never camped before and this experience has given her confidence. Really? Confidence that you can follow a man’s instructions? Rob said he learned that he needs to stop playing games. (But he’s going to go on another reality TV show! So he’s NOT going to stay home and take care of his wife and kids.) Phillip learned that he can stand on his own and be by himself. “I am a beacon in the Sheppard family.”

I’m sick.

• Steve commends Natalie for however she played the game. Vomit. He also takes his hat off to Rob. Lots of ass-kissing. But Steve tells Phillip “I’m sorry for you.” “I think you’re a pretty shameful, sorry man.” There’s no way Phillip is winning.

• David says “And now for something completely different.” He doesn’t talk to the final three. He talks to the jury. He says there’s only one logical decision here. It has to be Rob. “He controlled all of you.” It was “a little ruthless, but brilliant.” He gushes over how two guys came into this game, one said he was the best to ever play this game (Russell) and the other (Rob) just played the best strategic game anyone has ever seen.

Is it coincidence that David got to make that speech as the last speech?

I may not even be able to watch the reunion. Sorry, this isn’t fair. It’s a slaughter. Or it should be, since there’s no second option. And it’s the kind of slaughter Rob could never have managed on “Survivor: Marquesas,” where he was the seventh voted out. You know who was the seventh voted out on “Redemption Island”? Sarita.

10 p.m.: The vote.

David votes for Rob.

Final 3 live in New York.

Ralph votes for Phillip????

That’s all we see.

10:02 p.m.: LIVE SHOW & REUNION

1st vote: Rob

2nd vote: Phillip

3rd vote: Rob

4th vote: Rob

5th vote: Rob

The winner of “Survivor: Redemption Island”: Rob

The reunion so far has been all about Rob. Gushing about Rob. Rob is so brilliant. I actually wanted Rob to win in the end — he was the only logical choice and he DID play a brilliant game — but this is sickening.

Grant is not happy with Rob. That might explain why he wasn’t in the pics. I love Grant. He thinks saying “it’s a game” is a cop out. So Rob lost a friend. But he gained a million bucks. And another reality TV show. On The History Channel, which has “Survivor” vet Colby Donaldson as the host of “Top Shot.” Do CBS and History have a deal?

Jeff gushes over his boyfriend, saying Rob just played about as perfect a game as you can. Sure. He had four shots. Let Parvati Shallow play a fourth time and show them all how it’s done. Let Sandra Diaz-Twine win a third time.

Russell looks pissed!

Andrea and Matt live in different parts of the country and aren’t dating. Mike was shown in his Marine uniform. More Phillip pimping to come.

Jeff talks to Russell about how he cried on the show. He congratulates Rob on playing “an excellent game.” They shake hands. Russell blows off Jeff’s question and says he should be asking the Zapateras, do they regret throwing the challenge? (Say no!) Russell takes on Steve. Poor Steve!

Jeff is now obsessed with Phillip and mistakenly calls Russell “Phillip” before correcting himself. How does Coach feel about this?

Russell is now thinking of going back on his word. He said he wouldn’t do “Survivor” again. Why is Jeff even asking him? He gave spoilers on the past two seasons. “Just keep my number,” he says. So he’ll be back. I don’t know that I will.

Phillip, I don’t love you. He claims he wasn’t going to trade his integrity for a million dollars. I like that the camera cut to Steve. Phillip called himself the n-word and accused Steve of racism, remember?

Phillip then apologizes to Steve, saying “the specialist” never makes mistakes, but he made one in this game. So Phillip did one thing right in this game.

Sprint Player of the Season: It came down to Boston Rob vs. Matt. They took 70-something percent of the vote. It was a 40 to 36 percent vote. The winner of the $100,000 cash prize: Rob Mariano.

God, did you really plan this?

David Murphy is now dating Carolina Eastwood, who was voted out first from “Survivor: Tocantins.” Oh Lord. He goes over to her in the audience and proposes, ala Rob and Amber’s “All Stars” proposal. Carolina: “Survivor loves blindsiding me!” She eventually says yes. He probably should’ve warned her. Did she drop the f-bomb?

Season 23 coming up, “Survivor: South Pacific”: Redemption Island is back next season. Sigh. 16 castaways will be abandoned in the South Pacific. Two more former players will return. Matt will probably be there, right? Phillip? Parvati? Rupert? Coach? I don’t think I can do it.

Catch up on my archive of “Survivor” recaps and other stories.


This is just too exciting.

Kayla in Venice. The opposite of "Dreckitude."

This Fall, “America’s Next Top Model” will make Cycle 17 an “All-Stars” season. All-Stars seasons are the new black. Everyone is doing it. I’m fine with that if it means Kayla Ferrel and her AMAZING red makeover can return.

She had better not have messed with that hair.

Here’s the Cycle 17 cast line-up. I can’t even pretend to remember most of the early names, but I do remember the later girls:

Cycle 1: Shannon
Cycle 2: Camille
Cycle 4: Brittany
Cycle 5: Bre
Cycle 5: Lisa
Cycle 9: Bianca
Cycle 10: Dominique
Cycle 11: Isis
Cycle 11: Sheena
Cycle 12: Allison
Cycle 13: Laura
Cycle 14: Angelea
Cycle 15: Kayla
Cycle 16: Alexandria

Look at the haircuts they're giving Molly and Brittani for the Cycle 16 finale!

Obviously this new season must reverse the tragedy of Kayla only making it to third fourth place on Cycle 15.

There should’ve been two winners — Kayla and Ann Ward. And now there can be…

Check out Wetpaint’s ANTM page for all kinds of spoilers, photos and whatnot.

Who do you think will win Cycle 16? I want it to be Brittani, but I think it will be Molly.

Catch up on my rather limited number of ANTM stories in this archive.

Two out of three ain't bad.

After “The Celebrity Apprentice,” Meat Loaf needs to go on “The Bachelor.” He knows how to sob at the drop of a hat. He knows how to wear his heart on his sleeve. He’s ripe for the most dramatic rose ceremony ever.

I got your number, hussy.

NeNe Leakes is a quitter and a loser and she should be ashamed of herself for so many reasons, but mostly for giving up on her charity.

She should’ve been fired last week for having a tantrum in front of the client — never mind losing another challenge as project manager — but “Mr. Trump” has been making drama-related decisions since Week 1, so it’s no shock that he kept her. But now Star Jones gets to win their feud.

But not win the whole thing. No. Star just got fired. It was the wrong time to fire her — that time was a while ago —  but better late than never, I guess. Honestly, as much as I love her, it should’ve been Marlee Matlin who got fired.

The winner of this whole thing is either going to be John Rich or Marlee Matlin. 

John Rich has been impressing me for a while now and after he volunteered to match Meat Loaf’s money for The Painted Turtle, I melted. I didn’t cry like Meat did, but I melted.

Thankfully, Meat’s team did win the comedy challenge so John didn’t have to pay up.

The extended episode got out of control thanks to NeNe and Meat, but things have been crazy since Hope was fired and La Toya Jackson was brought back.

At the start of the ep, Trump re-shuffled the deck and moved NeNe from the women’s team to the men’s team. He did it because Star didn’t feel like she could work with NeNe. NeNe decided since Trump did what Star wanted, she couldn’t be on the show anymore. She quit. Good riddance.

Marlee, you showed zero leadership on a losing challenge. How did you completely escape blame?

Meat Loaf was moved to the women’s team, where he almost immediately began sobbing at the idea of raising money for his charity but only getting the money if they win. You know, like every other challenge on every season of “The Apprentice.”

In a rare good decision, Trump said Meat couldn’t just keep the money, win or lose. The show is about raising money for charity, but it’s even more about winning. (And it’s even more about drama, so Meat should’ve promised a huge fight if he got the dough. It would’ve been a fair promise, since he did have a fighter later on!)

At the end of the first part of the extended ep, La Toya was fired all over again. She’s the first person to be brought back and the first one to be fired twice. The point of her return still escapes me.

The second part of the episode was a rematch between the two heavyweights — John vs. Marlee. They were their teams’ project managers for the OnStar challenge.

John and Lil Jon are adorable and should have their own spinoff show. I heart them. But Trump clearly hearts Meat Loaf and he complimented Meat several times. (I’m surprised that didn’t push him into tears again.) Meat and Star seemed to clash during the task and Marlee took a backseat, which was probably a bad idea, even if it didn’t hurt her.

Even though The Jonz made an OnStar commercial featuring a woman who did NOT wear her seatbelt — a major faux pas for a safety company — they still won the challenge. Hot John won even more money for St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital. And Hot John is even in another OnStar commercial that just aired during the show. Nice.

The women + Meat Loaf made a commercial focused on the stereotype of cops loving doughnuts. Police officers don’t like that stereotype much and the executives didn’t like it either. (For the record, I love doughnuts and I’m not ashamed to admit it.)

The boardroom started as Marlee and Star vs. Meat and turned into Star vs. Meat. Poor Meat was ganged up on. Honestly, he probably should’ve been fired earlier in the night when he burst into tears and had to be talked down off the ledge.

Star and Meat fought over getting a particular “OnStar” shot in the commercial. Meat called her “sweetie” and Star got upset about it, as a professional woman in the middle of an argument. (Fair enough, actually, in that context.) Star was in charge of branding and Meat was in charge of the filming process. Funny how the fight was between these two and not Marlee, who was the project manager. Shouldn’t she be blamed since she was in charge of this mess?

I never thought I'd feel sorry for Star Jones, but this was the wrong time to fire her.

Star said you have to come with her credentials to have a debate with her. “Enough,” she said to Meat, trying to cut him off. Meat did not like that one bit: “How dare you cut me off, young woman!” Hee hee.

I love that whenever anyone fights, Marlee’s interpreter furiously interprets every word.

Back in the boardroom, the whole thing turned into a “sweetie” debate, which ticked Trump off, since he’s so anti-PC. Then things turned against Star, which is bizarre since there have been so many opportunities to fire Star and they picked the most random one. It should’ve been Marlee first or Meat Loaf second.

But the final four are John, Lil Jon, Marlee and Meat Loaf. I’m surprised to see Meat “Anger Management MY ASS” Loaf still there. And Marlee really dodged a bullet this week. John Rich will win. He has to.

Catch up on my “Celebrity Apprentice” stories in this nifty archive.

She's in it to win it, dawg!

I may just be desperately trying to justify their existence, but the “American Idol” judges might be pulling a fast one on us.

They like to blame us for getting complacent and not voting for contestants we deem “safe,” so maybe Randy Jackson and Jennifer Lopez trashed Haley Reinhart’s genius decision to sing Lady Gagy’s unreleased “You and I” so that fans got angry on her behalf. It worked!

They positioned her as the underdog instead of the frontrunner. It helps that she also nailed “House of the Rising Son” by the Animals. She also got the last song of the night, which leaves the strongest impact in people’s minds. She definitely won the night.

I think the producers and judges love her and want us to vote for her.

They overpraised Jacob Lusk to such an extent that I have to believe they did it to turn us against him. There’s no other logical reason.

I’m not into James Durbin — and I know there are more ways to sing with emotion than to cry — but his fan base will propel him into the finale.

Scotty McCreery makes me laugh every time I see him. I live in North Carolina now and I shop at Lowe’s all the time, where there are posters celebrating him as a Lowe’s employee. His squinting Mad Magazine face is so cute. But he’s one note and I’ve heard it so I don’t know that I need to keep hearing it.

I love Lauren Alaina’s voice, but she’s a very young teenager. Some people are older than their years, but she is just a sweet kid. She’s too young for this. I don’t think Scotty’s age is as much of an issue as Lauren’s. I can’t imagine her leaving “Idol” and getting thrown into the music industry pit. Someone should protect her.

Still, I like this final four. I think America definitely made the right call this week, despite the judges being useless. We don’t need them … although they can be fun. Steven Tyler defended Haley. He knows.

Haley should win this season, but I don’t know if she will. (And not because she’s a girl. I’m over that tantrum.)

I hope she learns from the fans’ votes this week and IGNORES the judges’ advice to go with familiar songs. She needs to be taking these risks. Now is the time to introduce songs that feel “original” since the goal is to go out and create songs that we’ll hear for the first time on the radio. I hadn’t heard that Lady Gaga song before, but I loved it because Haley slayed it.

I wasn’t a Haley fan at the start of this season because she screamed everything. But she is getting better every single week, while everyone else is either coasting along or getting worse.

Catch up on my few-and-far-between “American Idol” stories in this archive.

She wants love or $20 for a table dance — whichever one she can get.

Are you excited about “The Bachelorette” Season 7? You should be. It’s going to be dramatic. It has no other choice. It may not end in love or a proposal — and there’s a very good chance we’ll see an ugly break-up down the road — but it’s going to be dramatic. It has no other choice. Check out Wetpaint’s Bachelorette site for tons of spoilers, intel on Ashley Hebert’s bachelors and other fine stuff.

And check out the May TV schedule, as copied wholesale from the lovely and amazing AOL TV Squad:

Sunday, May 1
8:00 – ‘America’s Next Great Restaurant’ (NBC) 1st season finale
8:00 – ‘Madagascar’ (Animal Planet) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Law & Order: Criminal Intent’ (USA) 10th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Who Killed Chandra Levy?’ (TLC) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Undercover Boss’ (CBS) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘In Plain Sight’ (USA) 4th season premiere
10:30 – ‘Police POV’ (TruTV) 1st season finale

Monday, May 2
8:00 – ‘Love & Hip Hop’ (VH1) 1st season finale
8:00 – ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race: Reunited!’ (Logo) special presentation
9:00 – ‘The Bad Girls Club: Reunion, Part 1’ (Oxygen) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Relapse’ (A&E) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Taboo’ (National Geographic) 7th season premiere
10:20 – ‘James May’s Road Trip’ (BBC America) 2nd season premiere

Tuesday, May 3
7:30 – ‘Scooby-Doo: Mystery Inc.’ (Cartoon Network) 1st season mid-season premiere
8:00 – ‘The Looney Tunes Show’ (Cartoon Network) series premiere
8:30 – ‘Rescue Renovation’ (DIY) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Chopped’ (Food) 7th season premiere
10:00 – ‘How the States Got Their Shapes’ (History) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Steel Divas’ (Lifetime) special presentation

Wednesday, May 4
8:30 – ‘Are We There Yet?’ (TBS) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘Custer’s Last Man: I Survived Little Big Horn’ (History) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Animal Fugitives’ (National Geographic Wild) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Justified’ (FX) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘Spouse vs. House’ (TLC) series premiere
11:00 – ‘The Electric Barbarellas’ (MTV) series premiere

Thursday, May 5
8:00 – ‘DIY Dominator’ (DIY) 2nd season premiere
8:30 – ‘Precious Life’ (HBO) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Known Universe’ (National Geographic) 3rd season premiere
9:00 – ‘Smoking Gun Presents’ (TruTV) 10th season finale
10:00 – ’30 Rock’ (NBC) 5th season finale
10:00 – ‘Pawn Queens’ (TLC) series premiere
10:30 – ‘The Originals with Emeril’ (Cooking) series premiere

Friday, May 6
8:00 – ‘Flashpoint’ (CBS) 4th season premiere
8:30 – ‘Main Street Mysteries’ (ID) 2nd season finale
8:40 – ‘Ant Farm: Transplanted’ (Disney) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Fringe’ (Fox) 3rd season finale
10:00 – ‘American Loggers’ (Discovery) 3rd season finale
10:00 – ‘Four Weddings’ (TLC) 3rd season mid-season premiere

Saturday, May 7
7:00 – ‘NASCAR Racing: Darlington 500’ (Fox) special presentation
8:00 – ‘NBA Countdown’ (ABC) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Extraordinary Moms’ (OWN) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Pretty Hurts’ (Logo) series premiere
8:00 – ‘Sarah’s Summer House’ (HGTV) series premiere
8:15 – ‘2011 NBA Conference Semifinals’ (ABC) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Almighty Thor’ (Syfy) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Lady Gaga Presents: The Monster Ball Tour at Madison Square Garden’ (HBO) special presentation
9:00 – ‘My Cat from Hell’ (Animal Planet) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Renovation Realities’ (DIY) 6th season finale
9:00 – ‘Three Weeks, Three Kids’ (Hallmark) special presentation
9:30 – ‘No Woman, No Cry’ (OWN) special presentation
10:00 – ‘The Graham Norton Show’ (BBC America) 9th season premiere
11:00 – ‘That Metal Show’ (VH1) 7th season finale

Sunday, May 8
8:00 – ‘The Amazing Race: Unfinished Business’ (CBS) 18th season finale
9:00 – ‘Jerseylicious: Wild and Untamed, Part 1’ (Style) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Last Cake Standing’ (Food) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘Best in Smoke’ (Food) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Brothers & Sisters’ (ABC) 5th season finale
10:00 – ‘CSI: Miami’ (CBS) 9th season finale
10:00 – ‘The Judds’ (OWN) 1st season finale
11:00 – ‘Why Not? with Shania Twain’ (OWN) series premiere

Monday, May 9
7:30 – ‘The Amazing World of Gumball’ (Cartoon Network) series premiere
8:00 – ‘Justice for Natalee Holloway’ (Lifetime) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Animal Mega Moves’ (Animal Planet) series premiere
9:00 – ‘The Bad Girls Club: Reunion, Part 2’ (Oxygen) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives’ (Food) 12th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Fabulous Cakes’ (TLC) 2nd season mid-season premiere
9:00 – ‘Stargate Universe’ (Syfy) series finale
10:00 – ‘Quints by Surprise’ (TLC) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Vanished with Beth Holloway’ (Lifetime) series premiere
10:30 – ‘Unleashed: K-9 Broward County’ (Discovery) 1st season finale

Tuesday, May 10
9:00 – ‘Becoming Chaz’ (OWN) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Animal Mega Moves’ (Animal Planet) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Worst. Prom. Ever.’ (MTV) special presentation
10:30 – ‘After the Doc with Rosie O’Donnell: Becoming Chaz’ (OWN) special presentation

Wednesday, May 11
8:30 – ‘Better With You’ (ABC) 1st season finale

Thursday, May 12
8:00 – ‘Community’ (NBC) 2nd season finale
8:00 – ‘Lost Land of the Tiger’ (National Geographic Wild) series premiere
8:00 – ‘Naked Science’ (National Geographic) 10th season premiere
8:00 – ‘Prince William & Catherine: A Royal Love Story, Part 2’ (OWN) special presentation
8:00 – ‘The Vampire Diaries’ (CW) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘CSI: Crime Scene Investigation’ (CBS) 11th season finale
9:00 – ‘Nikita’ (CW) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Swords: Life on the Line’ (Discovery) 3rd season premiere
10:30 – ‘Outsourced’ (NBC) 1st season finale

Friday, May 13
8:00 – ‘Shark Tank’ (ABC) 2nd season finale
8:00 – ‘Smallville’ (CW) series finale
9:00 – ‘CSI: New York’ (CBS) 7th season finale
9:00 – ‘Pig Farm’ (ID) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Blue Bloods’ (CBS) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘The Haunted’ (Animal Planet) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘Swamp Brothers’ (Discovery) series premiere
11:00 – ‘VH1 Storytellers: Kings of Leon’ (VH1) special presentation

Saturday, May 14
12:00AM – ‘Lore: Deadly Obsession’ (ID) special presentation
7:00PM – ‘MLB Prime Time Special’ (Fox) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Edge of the Garden’ (Hallmark) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Nick Cannon: Mr. Showbiz’ (Showtime) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Off the Rez’ (TLC) special presentation

Sunday, May 15
7:00 – ‘Jerseylicious: Wild and Untamed, Part 2’ (Style) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Extreme Makeover: Home Edition’ (ABC) 8th season finale
8:00 – ‘Jerseylicious’ (Style) 3rd season premiere
8:00 – ‘Survivor: Redemption Island’ (CBS) 22nd season finale
8:00 – ‘Wild Animal Repo’ (Discovery) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Desperate Housewives’ (ABC) 7th season finale
9:30 – ‘The Cleveland Show’ (Fox) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘Survivor: Redemption Island: The Reunion’ (CBS) special presentation

Monday, May 16
8:00 – ‘90210’ (CW) 3rd season finale
8:00 – ‘Chuck’ (NBC) 4th season finale
8:00 – ‘How I Met Your Mother’ (CBS) 6th season finale
8:30 – ‘Mad Love’ (CBS) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Gossip Girl’ (CW) 4th season finale
9:00 – ‘Off Limits’ (Travel) series premiere
9:00 – ‘The Real Housewives of New Jersey’ (Bravo) 3rd season premiere
9:30 – ‘Mike & Molly’ (CBS) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Castle’ (ABC) 3rd season finale
10:00 – ‘Hawaii Five-0’ (CBS) 1st season finale

Tuesday, May 17
8:00 – ‘NCIS’ (CBS) 8th season finale
8:00 – ‘One Tree Hill’ (CW) 8th season finale
9:00 – ‘Hellcats’ (CW) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘NCIS: Los Angeles’ (CBS) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘Raising Hope’ (Fox) 1st season finale
9:30 – ‘Traffic Light’ (Fox) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘The Good Wife’ (CBS) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘Sinbad: It’s Just Family’ (WE) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Tosh.0’ (Comedy Central) 3rd season mid-season premiere

Wednesday, May 18
8:00 – ‘Burma Soldier’ (HBO2) special presentation
9:00 – ‘America’s Next Top Model’ (CW) 16th season finale
9:00 – ‘Criminal Minds’ (CBS) 6th season finale
9:30 – ‘Breaking In’ (Fox) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Law & Order: Special Victims Unit’ (NBC) 12th season finale
10:30 – ‘Animal Fugitives’ (National Geographic Wild) 1st season finale

Thursday, May 19
8:00 – ‘The Big Bang Theory’ (CBS) 3rd season finale
8:00 – ‘Wipeout’ (ABC) 4th season mid-season finale
8:30 – ‘Rules of Engagement’ (CBS) 5th season finale
9:00 – ‘Bones’ (Fox) 6th season finale
9:00 – ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ (ABC) 7th season finale
9:00 – ‘The Mentalist’ (CBS) 3rd season finale
9:00 – ‘The Office’ (NBC) 7th season finale
10:00 – ‘Parks & Recreation’ (NBC) 3rd season finale
10:00 – ‘Private Practice’ (ABC) 4th season finale
10:00 – ‘Running Wilde’ (FX) series finale

Friday, May 20
8:00 – ‘Children of Promise: The Legacy of Robert F. Kennedy’ (ID) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Kitchen Nightmares’ (Fox) 3rd season finale
8:00 – ‘Supernatural’ (CW) 6th season finale
11:00 – ‘VH1 Storytellers: Cee Lo Green’ (VH1) special presentation

Saturday, May 21
7:00 – ‘MLB Prime Time Special’ (Fox) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Chase’ (NBC) 1st season finale
8:00 – ‘High Stakes Poker’ (GSN) 7th season finale
9:00 – ‘Sinbad & the Minotaur’ (Syfy) special presentation
11:30 – ‘Ben Bailey: Road Rage’ (Comedy Central) special presentation
11:30 – ‘Saturday Night Live’ (NBC) 36th season finale

Sunday, May 22
7:00 – ‘America’s Funniest Home Videos’ (ABC) 22nd season finale
7:00 – ‘Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom’ (Animal Planet) 9th season finale
7:30 – ‘American Dad’ (Fox) 6th season finale
8:00 – ‘The Simpsons’ (Fox) 22nd season finale
8:30 – ‘Bob’s Burgers’ (Fox) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ (NBC) 11th season finale
9:00 – ‘Family Guy’ (Fox) 9th season finale
9:00 – ‘Jesse Stone: Innocents Lost’ (CBS) special presentation
10:00 – ‘The Borgias’ (Showtime) 1st season finale

Monday, May 23
8:00 – ‘House’ (Fox) 7th season finale
9:00 – ‘The Bachelorette’ (ABC) 7th season premiere
9:00 – ‘The Chicago Code’ (Fox) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘The Event’ (NBC) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Too Big to Fail’ (HBO) special presentation
9:00 – ’50 Cent: The Origin of Me’ (VH1) special presentation
10:00 – ‘4th & Forever’ (Current) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Clash of the Commercials: USA vs. the World’ (CBS) special presentation

Tuesday, May 24
8:00 – ‘Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution’ (ABC) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘The Biggest Loser’ (NBC) 11th season finale
9:00 – ‘Dancing with the Stars’ (ABC) 12th season finale
9:00 – ‘Glee’ (Fox) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘All on the Line’ (Sundance) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘Pregnant in Heels’ (Bravo) 1st season finale

Wednesday, May 25
8:00 – ‘American Idol’ (Fox) 10th season finale
8:00 – ‘The Middle’ (ABC) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘Modern Family’ (ABC) 2nd season finale
9:30 – ‘Cougar Town’ (ABC) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘Cold Blood’ (ID) 3rd season finale
10:00 – ‘Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior’ (CBS) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Law & Order: LA’ (NBC) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Tori & Dean: sTORIbook Weddings’ (Oxygen) 1st season finale

Thursday, May 26
8:00 – ‘So You Think You Can Dance’ (Fox) 8th season premiere
10:30 – ‘Secret Diary of a Call Girl’ (Showtime) series finale
11:00 – ‘Gigolos’ (Showtime) 1st season finale

Friday, May 27
9:00 – ‘From Spain with Love’ (Cooking) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Build It Bigger’ (Science) 5th season finale
11:00 – ‘VH1 Storytellers: Death Cab for Cutie’ (VH1) special presentation

Saturday, May 28
7:00 – ‘MLB Prime Time Special’ (Fox) special presentation
9:30 – ‘The Antonio Treatment’ (HGTV) 2nd season finale

Sunday, May 29
6:00 – ‘NASCAR Racing: Charlotte’ (Fox) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Best in Smoke’ (Food) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Amazing Wedding Cakes’ (WE) 4th season finale
10:00 – ‘Big Fat Gypsy Weddings’ (TLC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Breakout Kings’ (A&E) 1st season finale

Monday, May 30
8:00 – ‘Basketball Wives’ (VH1) 3rd season premiere
9:00 – ‘Make It or Break It’ (ABC Family) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘Single Ladies’ (VH1) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition’ (ABC) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Man v. Monster’ (National Geographic Wild) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Platinum Hit’ (Bravo) series premiere
10:00 – ‘River Monsters’ (Animal Planet) 3rd season finale

Tuesday, May 31
9:00 – ‘America’s Got Talent’ (NBC) 6th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Have Cake Will Travel’ (Food) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Addicted to Food’ (OWN) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Hogs Gone Wild’ (Discovery) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Love Handles’ (Lifetime) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Million Dollar Decorators’ (Bravo) series premiere

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