La Toya pulled out a win, because lame Australians don't appreciate pirates. Koalas are cute, but boring. Have you ever met a koala? All they do is sleep.

And now for the #1 Gary Busey assessment of the week:

Meat Loaf: “We have to give him tasks to keep him away from the task.”

Never let Gary use the word "sexual" around anyone, never mind a client.


Gary is the pirate that plunders from his own team. He embarrasses everyone. He needs to be babysat. He should team up with Phillip from “Survivor: Redemption Island” for a separate reality show infiltrating Forture 500 companies to drive corrupt CEOs crazy enough that they quit and agree to give up their giant bonuses.

On “Celebrity Apprentice” Episode 6, “Australian Gold,” the two teams had to use a 10-foot glass box to create a marketing event for Australian Gold sun care products. So, yeah, they had to “think inside the box.” Har har!

La Toya Jackson volunteered to be project manager. I thought she was the only woman left who had not done the job, but that’s just because I always forget about Hope Dworaczyk. Trump thought she was appropriate for sun care products, which is weird.

But enough about her. It was finally my boy Mark McGrath’s turn to shine. Or so I thought. Trump said he had been quiet up till this point, which I think is bull. Just because Trump is too busy kissing Busey’s booty to notice anyone else doesn’t mean Mark hasn’t been busy — keeping Meat Loaf from killing Gary, for one thing. I started the season believing Mark would win but now I’m thinking it will come down to John Rich vs. Marlee Matlin.

Anyway, the women have won the fund-raising challenges to this point, but the men have always won the creative challenges.

Why would she even bother getting this nasty AFTER they win the challenge? And she wouldn't apologize to La Toya in front of Trump? Dumb.

In NeNe Leakes’s ever-unkind assessment of her own team, “If we win, that means the guys sucked.” Apparently the guys sucked. Which sucks for me, because Mark was awesome. I loved their set-up. Who gives a frack about the stupid koala? Pirates rule.

Besides, NeNe should go home. “Go in the bathroom and hide” is not a nice thing to say to anyone. Neither is “Disappear, ghost.” Then there’s “The only reason you got this one is ’cause of your last name.” Or how about “You are very old and you need to play your age and not 12.” NeNe is a big bully. I agree with La Toya: “All she is, is mouth. And height.”

And this was after they won the challenge. You’d almost think they’d celebrate, but these women hate each other so much they are just determined to fight, no matter the outcome.

During the task, Mark made one of those Niki Taylor speeches where he said, if they lost, he offered himself up to be fired. Bad move, since it was pretty clear that Gary was the weak link on the team, not Mark. True, the pirate thing was his call and not using koalas turned out to be a bad call, but their exhibit was extremely popular and memorable and he was a good manager.

Gary won a challenge a few weeks ago because his team did all the work. This time, Gary sabotaged his team by harassing the executives and promoting himself as a potential spokesman.

Gary denied making a “sexual” statement to one of the executives, even though we saw him say it. He went too far with them and all Trump has to do is play back the footage to see. But Trump loves to defend Gary. He believes the guys “ganged up” on Gary. Gary believes they ganged up on him because he’s the strongest player.

Trump fired my boy Mark and that was his stupidest call yet — even stupider than wasting time discussing Lisa Rinna’s lip reduction and his own hated for tattoos. Gary should’ve walked the plank.

Is Gary Trump’s long-lost brother or something? What is the deal?

*** Stream of consciousness recap ***

During the initial project brainstorming session, John Rich offered to bring in some hot chicks covered in gold with some treasure. He comes up with the idea of finding lost treasure. Pirate stuff. It’s a fun idea. And one of the client reps even uses the word “treasure” to describe treasuring moments. Later, John says he isn’t sure about the pirates idea, but Mark and Meat Loaf are into it.

I was so sure you'd win, man.

Mark says you can never have enough hot chicks. The idea is very Goldfinger. Gary instinctively knows this is wrong, he tells the camera, because you never see pirates putting on sunscreen in movies. Captain Jack Sparrow never lathers up. So … burn, Team Backbone! Or not. I’m going with not. It’s not the strongest argument.

Mark says his vision is to have plants on the outside of the box, making it look like they’ve been shipwrecked. The pirate thing seems to give everyone pause. Why? It’s a cool idea.

Gary, of course, also brings up something sexual during a marketing meeting. The guys treat him like the embarrassing uncle you simply can’t introduce to company. Lil Jon is upset because part of his job is to babysit Gary. But he takes Gary to the prop store, which is a good spot for Gary. Just let him play … then leave him there.

Unfortunately, Gary and Lil Jon have to sit outside a truck for an hour waiting for props to arrive. So Gary starts singing and doing his “Gary sh-t.” Never a good idea. It’s Jon’s kryptonite.

Meanwhile, on Team A.S.A.P., La Toya was not giving direction or coming up with ideas. Remember, this team is packed with vultures. The second they smell weakness, they attack. However, her idea also included everything gold. Palm trees, island stuff and everything gold. NeNe Leakes said she didn’t understand their concept and thought it might not be creative enough. She thought La Toya was all over the place.

Hope actually had a job this week! She was in charge of the budget and the shopping. She volunteered to be one of the models — since that’s her job in real life, which I don’t think we’ve even heard about up till now — but La Toya said they would just use other models. Bad idea. Hope hasn’t done much and this would keep her busy, show off her best assets and maybe earn some loyalty from her should they get to the boardroom.

Star Jones was also confused and wanted to know where money for the printed budget was going to come from. Star thinks La Toya has no concept of money. La Toya thinks they are pulling a Lisa Rinna and just trying to sabotage her. Both options are entirely possible at this point.

The girls don’t seem to have faith in La Toya. Her communication skills aren’t that strong, but her outfit is pretty cool. She wings it with the production design crew.

La Toya has class. NeNe doesn't. End of story.

The girls have a koala as their mascot. Marlee said that’s what the clients wanted. Lil Jon seemed to think the opposite; while at the props store he avoided koalas because he said you have to be careful with a company’s branding. If they already have a brand you can’t add a new one or change it. Did the clients say something to the women that they didn’t say to the men? Did I miss it? Gary distracts me. If I missed it, I blame him.

Mark is a good ass-kisser. That seems to be his #1 skill and on a show like this — with all the egos from “Mr. Trump” on downward — that’s a huge skill. He kisses John’s ass. He kisses Ivanka’s ass. Ivanka seems to think Meat Loaf is in charge of the creative aspect, which is not what we’ve seen to this point. Ivanka seems to like the men’s pirate chanting theme. When anyone asks Mark what the plan is, he is ready with an answer. He’s a good leader and he has a good team, except for Gary.

Meanwhile, La Toya is not only a wishy-washy leader, she has a weak group, except for Marlee. Ivanka asked La Toya if they were being original enough with their concept. So it put the idea in La Toya’s head. She may rally now. Except … she now asks NeNe, Hope and Marlee for 125 bags of sand. Maybe she meant 125 pounds instead of something like 6,000 pounds.

The morning of the event, La Toya added a winter element to the summer theme. People wear sunscreen when skiing and such. Hope was pissed because she wanted to know this the day before. They wasted a lot of time. But La Toya said she was determined to win because the girls were determined to see her fail.

La Toya is a good salesperson, but immediately the women sold each other out. La Toya complained to Trump’s son. NeNe The Koala complained to Don Jr. She’s like a little kid tattle-tale. She loves to set people up to fail. But Trump Jr. said they did well with brand awareness.

On the men’s side, John and Mark looked hot as pirates. Lil Jon said they had a memorable set up with the guys dressed up, some hot women running around and a 3-foot pirate. Trump Jr. said the guys came up with something original. But he’s not sure it had the message that the executives were looking for.

The clients showed up and they liked the women’s brand integration and brand messaging. The guys stayed in character when talking to the clients. Gary grabbed one of the executives by the arm and dragged them away from Meat Loaf. This is the kind of thing that bugs Meat Loaf because it speaks to his “entitlement.” Mark was worried because Gary is the only thing that can go wrong with their exhibit. He wouldn’t let the executives move. Why did the other men let him talk to them so long? Mark tried to pull the execs to see the rest of the exhibit, but Gary pushed him away. By the way, Gary looks like Waldo the Village Idiot in that red-and-white-striped shirt.

The clients said the men created the most buzz. But they didn’t utilize Surfing Sydney the koala bear and they didn’t utilize the “Live the Gold Life” theme. The women did do better for branding, but they didn’t utilize their team very well.

So Surfing Sydney is an issue.

In the boardroom, La Toya said she thought they did well. NeNe thought they did okay. She said NeNe was just okay as a project manager. She didn’t think they had a concept. It’s now NeNe vs. La Toya. I’m on Team La Toya with this. NeNe immediately sells out La Toya in front of Trump. The execs thought La Toya did well, but NeNe counters that the team probably doesn’t agree. Marlee sweet-talks and says La Toya has a different management style than she’s accustomed to. Now it’s Marlee vs. La Toya. La Toya is very poised in the boardroom. Trump wants to know why Playmate of the Year Hope wasn’t a model in the sexy shoot. La Toya said they were busy and needed her for other things. Star said the models they had couldn’t hold a candle to Hope.

Mark said he would’ve used Hope. Mark has a tattoo and Trump doesn’t like tats. Deal with it, Trump. He’s hotter than you.

Trump asked Gary how they did. Gary talks about pirates. Mark explained why they decided to go for pirates and treasure. Meat Loaf talked about how they expanded beyond the box and brought people in. They had a huge crowd.

Ivanka said this has been a theme: The women play it safe and the men take risks.

Mark said if they lose the challenge, he’s on the firing line. He couldn’t hold anyone else accountable. But what about Gary? Trump singled out John Rich as doing a good job. Mark said John and Meat were the most creative.

The men got called out for not using koalas. They didn’t want to mess with the brand. The clients didn’t like pirates or the lack of a koala or the fact that Gary pitched himself during the meeting.

Marlee said pirates don’t make sense with tanning lotion.

The women imploded after they won, which is odd. NeNe was just determined to get into a fight. She’s a nasty witch.

In the boardroom, Meat Loaf defended his buddy Mark. Gary said the executives wanted to come to him and he didn’t force them. He did force them. Once again, Trump tried to defend Gary. Gary is a liability “big time,” Meat says. Trump needs to stop treating Gary like one of his children. Gary didn’t believe that he pitched to the clients. Lil Jon also trashed Gary. In the other room, Star Jones said Gary has moments of clarity, just in the boardroom.

John Rich gave Gary a benefit of the doubt before, but he uses Trump’s and Gary’s words against them. Gary said he likes to keep people off balance and that’s what he does. He’s focused in the boardroom, but outside the boardroom he’s nearly impossible to wrangle.

Trump misinterprets Mark’s words, believing that wanting to take responsibility means wanting to quit. Why is Trump so much harder on Mark than Gary?

Gary has been an issue for weeks! They shouldn’t have to bring him up AGAIN out in the field.

Mark and Gary are going into the boardroom. Mark wouldn’t nominate a second person.

Trump said the theme was the primary reason they lost. Which means Mark should leave. But the guys all say Gary is the weak link. Trump made a bad call. Who the hell would hire Gary for anything?


Here’s the cast, in order of my preference. Now that Mark is gone, I have a new frontrunner:

* John Rich
* Lil Jon
* Marlee Malin
* Meat Loaf
* La Toya Jackson
* Hope Dworaczyk (Who?)
* Star Jones
* NeNe Leakes
* Gary Busey
* David Cassidy — ELIMINATED 1ST
* Lisa Rinna — ELIMINATED 2ND
* Niki Taylor — ELIMINATED 3RD
* Dionne Warwick — ELIMINATED 4TH
* Richard Hatch — ELIMINATED 6TH
* Mark McGrath — ELIMINATED 7TH

Read my “Celebrity Apprentice” recaps here.