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Wouldn't it be funny if Sulu DID have a muscled body like The Hulk and went shirtless all the time?

I love George Takei so much I can hardly stand it. His voice. His swooning over Lou Ferrigno. He’s the best.

When he’s fired from “The Celebrity Apprentice” Season 5 — and I seriously doubt he’ll win, although I’d be thrilled — I may have to stop watching. I still don’t know who a lot of these “celebrities” are and, as usual, the loudest people in the room are already getting the most attention.

On the guys’ side, Team Unanimous, comedians and former “Dancing With the Stars” losers Penn Jillette and Adam Carolla can’t stop joking long enough to be taken seriously. I’m always a fan of the quieter stars, so that’s probably why I’m rooting for “meek” Mr. Takei. I haven’t picked another favorite on the men’s side yet, but dark horses always emerge. (By the way, congrats to Paul Teutul, Sr. for being the winning project manager, earning almost $500,000 for the Make-A-Wish Foundation.)

On the women’s side, I’m loving Patricia Velasquez and I think it says so much that her Team Forte lost the first challenge of the season and yet no one thought she should’ve gone home. She is classy, smart, thoughtful and everything good. I had never heard of her before tonight’s premiere but I’m impressed with what I’ve seen so far. People stop jabbering and actually listen when she speaks — which is huge since the women always talk over each other and the biggest interrupter in Apprentice history is always “Mr. Trump” himself. Guy never shuts up.

I don't know what's up with this photo, but I'm very impressed with Patricia.

I like Chery Tiegs but she’s lucky to be escaping before the ugly drama starts. I would’ve fired Victoria Gotti — she did seem to spend a lot of time on that phone talking about non-Apprentice things — but no one really pushed for it. They are all on their best behavior at this point, like roommates walking on eggshells around each other in the first week at college. This will end.

Before the season started I knew I would be Team Sulu but I’m so impressed with Patricia  that I hope she goes all the way. I think she has the stuff to be a good, respectable winner.

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Catch up on my old “Celebrity Apprentice” stories in this “meek” and rather limited archive.

Is there a rabbit under that hat?

When Donald Trump said “I’m going to do something a little different tonight,” I expected him to say “The winner of The Celebrity Apprentice 2011 is John Rich … AND Marlee Matlin.”

I thought he’d pick both. What was different about just picking one of them?

*UPDATE* Thanks to the person who commented below for this explanation: “Regarding your question above, the difference was he chose not to fire the runner up, which he does in every season. He simply stated the winner. By contract with NBC he still has to choose a single winner.” *END UPDATE*

Of the two, he definitely picked the best. John was a strong leader throughout the competition, whereas Marlee occasionally deferred to others and just tried to keep her head down around all the drama on the women’s team.

John and Marlee both raised more than $1 million for their charities. He worked for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital (a cause dear to the Trump family’s heart) and she for The Starkey Hearing Foundation.

It was cute seeing that kid say "mama" for the first time, when he was wearing a hearing aid.

Since both John and Marlee are nice and professional and actually respect each other — unlike, say, Joan Rivers and Annie Duke — it was a surprisingly kind and gentle finale, with Marlee only getting irritated when John dared to bring in about $250,000 during the 7-Up challenge to put himself over the $1 million mark. They even sang a song together “For the Kids.”

Marlee had a smooth 1970s retro 7-Up challenge featuring the Harlem Globetrotters. But it sounded like she wasn’t as organized at first, and both La Toya Jackson and Richard Hatch were initially waiting for her to delegate tasks. Her team’s 7-Up can wasn’t as dynamic as John’s team, and their commercial was cool but not as funny as John’s Twisted Sister spoof.

John Rich, on the other hand, seemed very organized with this 1980s Def Leppard task, except he didn’t welcome Trump and the 7-Up executives and he introduced Def Leppard 20 minutes before they were actually intending to perform. (*Ooops*) It was an awkward mistake, but he covered well by performing himself. John and Lil Jon (The Jonz!) were such an adorable team and a majority of the “Celebrity Apprentice” cast picked John Rich to win over Marlee.

The only real drama of the night was when Star Jones called out NeNe Leakes for going after all the black women on the show. She brought race into it, which just opened the wounds between the two of them.

Gary Busey also tried to explain his kite plan again, revealing that Omaha Steaks actually went with his kite idea and somehow added a tiny kite into their product. I still don’t get it, but there it is.

All told, I think it was a satisfying and positive ending for a strange and extremely dramatic season.

Congrats, Hot John!

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