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It’s Sunday, September 26, which means all of this stuff will be on TV tonight:
7:00 – ‘America’s Funniest Home Videos’ (ABC) 21st season premiere
7:30 – ’60 Minutes’ (CBS) 43rd season premiere
8:00 – ‘Extreme Makeover: Home Edition’ (ABC) 8th season premiere
8:00 – ‘Nature’ (PBS) 28th season premiere
8:00 – ‘The Simpsons’ (Fox) 22nd season premiere
8:30 – ‘The Amazing Race’ (CBS) 17th season premiere
8:30 – ‘The Cleveland Show’ (Fox) 2nd season premiere
9:00 – ‘All American Handyman’ (HGTV) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Desperate Housewives’ (ABC) 7th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Dexter’ (Showtime) 5th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Family Guy’ (Fox) 8th season premiere
9:00 – ‘I Survived…’ (Biography) 5th season finale
10:00 – ‘Bored to Death’ (HBO) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Brothers & Sisters’ (ABC) 5th season premiere
10:00 – ‘Delocated!’ (Cartoon Network) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘Sister Wives’ (TLC) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Undercover Boss’ (CBS) 2nd season premiere
10:30 – ‘Childrens Hospital’ (Cartoon Network) 2nd season finale
10:30 – ‘Eastbound & Down’ (HBO) 2nd season premiere
And that’s on top of “Boardwalk Empire” on HBO and the #1 best show on TV, “Mad Men,” on AMC.
I have to watch “Dexter” because I’m dying to know how Dexter handles life with Rita’s kids and Harrison. Is he going to feel guilty or will he have to fake guilt and grief? If he genuinely feels even numb after her death, doesn’t that prove he’s human like everyone else?
By the way, Michael C. Hall is #1 on my list of perfect men. I don’t have a full list going, but I’m working on it. I should be fair and include a list of perfect women, too. Emma Thompson will be high on that list.
Check out my Five questions after the ‘Dexter’ season four finale, written right after The Rita Incident, watch this trailer for “Dexter” Season 5 and get pumped for tonight!
Then return to my “Dexter” archive, at some point, for my thoughts on the season 5 premiere.
By Gina Carbone
I blame the cutting.
While waiting to fly to San Francisco for the final leg of their journey, cowboys Jet and Cord McCoy arrived after models (for how not to behave) Brent Horne and Caite Upton, but six hours before brothers Dan and Jordan Pious.
But Jordan, the “Amazing Race” megafan, pulled a “Survivor” move and dropped his backpack behind Caite, cutting the cowboys in line while they slept.
Jordan & Dan got onto the plane before the cowboys and then upgraded themselves to first class. They kept that lead for the duration of the finale. The cowboys kept coming close to catching up, but never quite made it.
The models on the other hand, were just as useless as ever. How did they make it this far instead of detectives Louie & Michael or cute Dad & Daughter Steve & Allie?
After 23 days, five continents and 40,000 miles, Dan & Jordan won $1 million and “The Amazing Race” season 16.
Although I’m disappointed in the outcome and how the brothers arrived at it — (I love “Survivor,” but I thought “The Amazing Race” was supposed to be classier) — I am happy for Jordan since this was his dream come true. And Dan made his little brother’s dream come true. So that’s very sweet.
My boys Jet & Cord came in second.
Who cares about the models. (They were third, obviously.) More trash talking between the models and Carol & Brandy (aka “the lesbians”) during the finale. Too much drama.
Random stream of consciousness notes from “Huger Than Huge,” the finale:
The brothers got help finding San Francisco’s Coit Tower from a cyclist. One of the bros, Jordan I think, noted that “People who ride bicycles are smart. It’s a general rule.”
The cowboys didn’t need help finding Coit Tower since they had already purchased a city guide.
The models were being bitchy to their poor cab driver, but what else is new.
They had to climb Coit Tower for the next clue, which took them to Letterman Digital Arts Center, home of Industrial Light and Magic.
One of the brothers hasn’t seen Star Wars?
Storm Troopers escorted them inside.
One of them had to be the motion capture searcher and the other had to be the director.
Jordan, Jet and Caite were the searchers. In the director room, Cord tried to distract and misdirect Jordan, who was trying to listen to Dan. Payback time!
Cord was having trouble reading the message on the computer screen. That’s why Jordan was spinning, man! That lost them some time.
“Oh my gravy!” Love that line from Cord!
The models caught up with the cowboys fast. How?
Models lost their money and stuff, thanks to Caite. Brent flipped out, as usual.
At The Great American Music Hall, they had to post psychedelic posters of the contestants in order of eliminations. Megafan Jordan had written them all down just for this purpose.
Sports fan Dan knew immediately the finale was at Candlestick Park. The cowboys knew, too. It wasn’t a rocket science riddle.
The bros ran onto the field first. Alas!
Here’s the final leg itinerary:
Leg 12 (People’s Republic of China → United States)
* Flight: Shanghai (Shanghai Pudong International Airport) to San Francisco, California, USA United States (San Francisco International Airport)
* San Francisco (Coit Tower)
* San Francisco (Letterman Digital Arts Center)
* San Francisco (The Great American Music Hall)
* San Francisco (Candlestick Park)
By Gina Carbone
Things we learned on “Cathy Drone,” the sixth episode of “The Amazing Race” season 16:
- It’s cathedral, not Cathy Drone.
- Joan of Arc was not a man.
- She was certainly not Noah, who built the ark.
- Champagne is not wine plus club soda.
- French people don’t always speak perfect English.
- You can fix anything with duct tape.
- Don’t always trust a pretty girl.
- Trust the guy in the Porsche.
- Louie & Michael have the luck of the Irish.
- Jeff and Jordan have the luck of the intellectually challenged.
- Given a choice between luck and skill, pick luck. You have no skill. Never forget that.
Brothers Dan and Jordan got lucky. Three times.
First, they thought they had to go to a French “Cathy Drone” to find the statue of Joan of Arc, where the seven teams would find their first clues.
They were quickly set straight and Jordan was the first to propel down into a wine cellar to find one particular champagne bottle.
Then, when trying to find a vineyard, they were directed by a pretty girl to the wrong town. They eventually figured out the right town.
Then, at the vineyard, they chose “tower” — building a tower of 15 champagne glasses — over “terra” — search the vineyard for a red and yellow flag.
Somehow, even after choosing the most difficult thing imaginable, they made it work.
It didn’t work as well as terra did for the detectives Louie and Michael — tops again, after a slow start but huge good fortune in following a local straight to the vineyard.
Or Steve and Allie — who rallied thanks to duct tape after Steve busted the car AND was also directed to the wrong city.
Or Carol and Brandy, who managed to go almost the entire episode without pissing or moaning.
Or Jet and Cord — who actually drove 40K in the wrong direction to the wrong town before choosing terra and racing ahead.
But, hey, the sassy brothers did better than epically irritating models Brent and Caite, who tried terra. Fought. Gave up. Tried tower. Huge crash. Fought. Gave up. And went back to terra where Brent quickly found the flag and Caite quickly apologized for wanting to do tower.
They should’ve lost, but Jeff and Jordan — always reliable to make the wrong choice — got to the vineyard last and picked tower. And screwed it up.
They eventually went for the terra route and Jordan found the flag, but by that time it was dark and everyone else was long gone.
And so Jeff and Jordan — the “newly dating” “Big Brother” couple — are now gone.
Phil Keoghan said now maybe they can spend some time together. Ha ha ha.
This is my first time writing about “The Amazing Race.” I’ve seen it win all the awards every year and wondered why I never got into it.
Last week I visited my friend Trinh in Wilmington, N.C., and she sat me down to watch the race.
Obviously I’m in love with the cowboys already. That was a given.
But I’m more in love with the excitement of the race. The traveling. The baguettes (that was last week, but I’m still craving some fresh bread).
I want to listen to some chick play a saw next to a Joan of Arc statue, then propel down into a wine cellar to find a marked champagne bottle and hunt through a vineyard for a flag. Sign me up!
(But try to keep it at a consistent time. I’m tired of CBS shows like “The Amazing Race” and “Survivor” being pushed back an hour, or to a different day entirely, because of stupid NCAA basketball.)
Here are the stats after the “Cathy Drone” episode.
Go cowboys … and Steve and Allie!
‘CATHY DRONE’ RANKINGS
1. Louie & Michael
2. Carol & Brandy
3. Steve & Allie
4. Jet & Cord
5. Dan & Jordan
6. Brent & Caite
7. Jordan & Jeff — eliminated