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By Gina Carbone
If Colby Donaldson didn’t want to leave “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains” before “Banana Etiquette,” I can only imagine he’s ready to go now.
“Old sleepy-ass Colby” — a sucky Superman in a fat suit?
Yes, he lost to the Dragon Slayer. Yes, he was in last place during the rope challenge. He was beat by a fat man (Rupert Boneham) and a cripple (James Clement).
Did James have to tick all of those failures off during tribal council — with the Villains watching and listening and eating hot dogs?
Why don’t you just all take turns kicking him?
Anyway, Colby is in. James and his giant mouth are out.
(Apparently failure is an option. But stealing bananas is not.)
Glad for my eye candy to still be intact, but no more speeches about how you know you’re going home when you clearly don’t know squat.
But who cares.
We have more important things to discuss right now.
Who was already a dumbass even before he single-handedly gave Russell Hantz a major victory during tribal council.
Tyson wins the Champion Douche award.
After being voted out he told the camera Russell probably earned some respect with that move.
It only took about four seconds to fool you, Tyson, so don’t congratulate Russell too hard. It wasn’t that great a move. It should not have worked.
Poor Boston Rob. He wins the immunity challenge — twice — thereby winning individual immunity and hot dogs and sodas for his tribe.
He set them up with the perfect plan to get rid of either flirty Parvati Shallow or the evil Oompa Loompa and got the tribe ringside seats for the Heroes tribal council.
Even Russell said the best idea for the “other” Villains would be to split the vote three and three — three for Parvati, three for Russell.
That way, if Russell played the not-so hidden immunity idol, Parvati would go. But if Russell gave the idol to Parvati — which he did, after a pompous speech where he remembered to name drop the equally self-important Coach — Russell would go.
It was a great plan. As Rob told the group, “We can’t lose.”
But they could! Because Tyson screwed it up.
He was supposed to vote for Russell. But he believed Russell when Russell told him he wanted to save Parvati, but didn’t think it would be possible.
Russell told Tyson he was going to vote for Parvati. Tyson — scared because he figured Russell and Parvati would be voting for him, since they couldn’t vote off Rob — tried to cover his own ass by switching his vote from Russell to Parvati.
So he deserved to go home. And I can only hope that the next time the Villains go to tribal council, Rob and Sandra Diaz-Twine are able to keep a stable Russell ousting together.
Oh. And Colby? Time to man up, Sally. Own your tribe.
May I suggest dumping Rupert, Amanda and JT in that order? As long as you ditch JT before the merge, you should be all set.
Amanda is sick of Candice, because Candice wanted James out. (But she voted for Tom! Move on!)
Russell approached Boston Rob at night.
He told Rob he didn’t want to go after his throat. But he told the camera he only wanted Rob to think that.
He and Rob are now gunning for each other.
Rob: “Russ is going to find out soon enough that he’s out of his league.”
Rob said a lot of people are mad that Russell went out for the idol.
They have a “watch your back” battle.
Stop it, you’re both pretty!
Vague tree mail arrived about being at the end of your rope. They weren’t sure if it was for immunity or reward and Colby wanted to know what it meant for James, whose leg is injured.
The Villains were surprised that James was still around. (Me too.)
Jeff Probst said today they would be competing as individuals against their tribe mates because both tribes were going to tribal council.
Each person would be attached to a rope as they maneuver through an obstacle course.
Both winners from each tribe will square off with the winner getting his or her tribe hot dogs and soft drinks, which they will enjoy while watching the other team’s tribal council.
Tyson won this challenge in his season. He looked around when Jeff mentioned that, like he was looking for the Tyson that Jeff was talking about. That’s you, dumbass. (Sorry. NOT a Tyson fan.)
The Villains won the coin toss and had the Heroes go first.
James was actually in the lead during the challenge, with Colby stuck in the middle.
Love of God, Colby, MAN UP.
Candice won the individual immunity for the Heroes. So shut it, Amanda.
JT told the camera that Candice was the only thing stopping Colby from going home next.
So it’s 8:13 p.m. and he’s saying that. If Colby does go home after this, nice job spoiling it out of the gate.
Right off the bat, Rob, Tyson and Russell were in the lead for the Villains. Sandra was making “no progress at all,” as Jeff put it.
Parvati and Coach were putting up good fights, too.
Rob was through the first section first.
Come on, Rob!
Yes! He won!
SUCK THAT DOWN, EVIL OOMPA LOOMPA! Ha ha.
Showdown between Boston Rob and Candice.
They added a third level to make it more difficult.
Rob was in the lead but Candice was right behind him.
Boston Rob won. Seriously, this guy is The Man.
Having said that, this makes the Russell vs. Rob story that much less dramatic.
They both have immunity idols. Rob can force Russell to play his tonight, though.
VILLAINS TRIBE — RUSSELL AND PARVATI MAKE A PLAN
Parvati said she went into the challenge knowing she had to win … and then Rob won.
Rob wasn’t exactly congratulating himself for beating a girl.
Rob gathered his troops and said they would vote out Parvati but make it seem like they wanted to vote out Russell.
Rob told Russell it’s better to be with him than against him.
Russell told Parvati he’s not stupid: He knows they are trying to flush the idol out. He said he was going to write down Tyson’s name and give the idol to Parvati.
HEROES TRIBE — COLBY OR JAMES?
Colby told the camera he needed an A+ performance to save himself and James beat him, even injured.
Colby addressed the troops, saying he knew he would be going home that night. He said no scrambling needed, no hard feelings on his part.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAN, THINK OF ME.
Even if you have no thoughts for yourself, think of what a loss it will be for me with you gone.
James and Colby had a talk.
And by “talk” I mean James called Colby “the great Colby,” and said if he turns it on and starts winning they’ll be all right.
“But if it’s the old sleepy-ass Colby, you know, that gets beat by a fat man and a cripple, that ain’t right.”
Poor Colby’s reputation is getting ruined. One of the “baddest competitors” ever has seen his muscles go away.
As James told the camera, it almost brought him to tears. “It’s like my superman sucks.”
JT, Rupert, Candice and Amanda had a powwow about Colby vs. James.
JT said James eats them out of house and home. He eats too many bananas.
Rupert said he eats four bananas on the way to challenge and three more on the way back.
Amanda, who loves James and said last week that he treats her like a little sister, told James he has to stop stealing bananas.
It’s come to this. “Banana Etiquette,” just like the episode title.
James and JT raced down the beach to show that his leg was OK.
Rupert told the camera James is a fighter, James is power, James is on his side.
Colby is not a fighter, Rupert said.
JT told the camera James is the kind of person who will not let you know he’s hurt until he’s in a stretcher. They have to look at the big picture.
VILLAINS TRIBE — ROB’S THREE-WAY PLAN
Rob said they should split the vote three and three.
Three for Parvati, three for Russell.
Three of the other side are going to pick someone else, probably Tyson.
If they vote three and three there’s a tie.
If he plays the idol, she’s going home. If she plays the idol, he’s going home.
“We can’t lose.”
Rob said it was an “insurance policy” with the idol so they can’t blindside them.
Rob has an alliance with Tyson.
Tyson said the vote would be “pretty straightforward” which means it won’t be!
He said Rob, Tyson and Sandra would vote for Russell.
Courtney, Coach and Jerri would vote for Parvati.
(Where is Danielle in all of this? Is she with Russell and Parvati? Is she just sliding through?)
Russell told Tyson he can’t save Parvati so he’s going to vote for her.
Tyson said it was an excellent opportunity for him to send his vote to Parvati.
Russell told the camera the smartest thing for the other side to do would be to do a three-way tie. He’s not sure if they’re that smart.
Yes, they are! But Tyson sounds like he’s ready to screw it up already. Out of fear.
VILLAINS TRIBAL COUNCIL
Sandra called Russell out on having the immunity idol. Why is he playing coy?
We see Rob vote for Russell and say “Welcome to the big leagues.”
Parvati voted for Tyson.
Coach voted for Parvati.
Sandra voted for Russell. Wow, she hates him as much as I do.
Jeff said now would be the time to play the hidden idol.
So Russell stood up and started to hand the idol to Jeff. Then said “No, not this way.”
He said Coach always said honesty and trust was the best thing.
So he gave the idol to Parvati.
Rob shook his head.
Jeff said it was a bold move by Russell.
Tyson, you ASS!
HEROES TRIBAL COUNCIL
Rupert said the line between hero and villain is so blurred right now. The Villains are teaching the Heroes how the game is played.
Someone has a bit of brown on his nose in front of the hot-dog-eating Villains!
Oh God, more gushing over JT. That he beat James in a foot race. The guy is crippled right now, even I could beat him.
James gave another rundown of Colby’s failures. Being beaten by the Dragon Slayer. Being beaten by a fat man and a cripple. Ouch.
It’s like Superman is wearing a fat suit?
Poor Colby. “I’m not that old.”
James explains the banana etiquette.
Colby is such a gentleman, to listen to all that and accept it — in front of the hot-dog-eating Villains.
I STILL LOVE YOU, MAN! And I bet Vanna White does, too.
James hugged Amanda.
JT — who can’t be trusted for longer than it takes him to drawl out a sentence — told him to have a shot for them. James called back that he’d be good and drunk within five minutes.
James, while you’re drunk, would you mind kicking Tyson at least once, for me?
These people are still around:
Rupert Boneham (Pearl Islands, All-Stars)
Colby Donaldson (Australian Outback, All-Stars)
Cirie Fields (Panama, Fans vs. Favorites)
Amanda Kimmel (China, Fans vs. Favorites)
JT Thomas (Tocantins)
Tom Westman (Palau)
Candice Woodcock (Cook Islands)
Sandra Diaz (Pearl Islands)
Danielle DiLorenzo (Panama)
Russell Hantz (Samoa)
Jerri Manthey (Australian Outback)
Boston Rob Mariano (Marquesas, All-Stars)
Parvati Shallow (Cook Islands, Fans vs. Favorites)
Benjamin “Coach” Wade (Tocantins)
Courtney Yates (China)
By Gina Carbone
Woo hoo! I’m excited for Natalie White, since I wanted her to win “Survivor: Samoa” — and predicted it several times — but I’m still surprised.
Russell Hantz was this season. He owned it. And he knew it. And that was his downfall. That arrogance Erik Cardona singled out in his thoughtful jury speech. (See recent “Survivor” posts for more on the finale.)
Poor Mick. Mick Trimming was the odd man out. No votes. It was a two-way finale even if he was sitting with them. He just got to listen to Shambo — of all people — insult him as “feckless” and possibly fart at him. Hard to tell.
Russell looked ticked during the live reading of the votes. Natalie was thrilled even beforehand. Did they know the outcome?
And, by the way, this was not a coattail victory. Natalie not only killed a rat, she knocked out Erik (who made that speech for her) and was sure to play a strong social game. Never nasty to anyone. Prayer warrior. God was on her side.
During the reunion special, Russell started tearing up. He said he felt he played the best strategic game in history. What a crybaby! He said Natalie’s best move was to jump on his back.
Jeff polled the jury. If Russell had brought Shambo or Jaison to the jury he would’ve won.
He told Natalie all he wants is the title of Sole Survivor. He offered to pay her $10,000 for the title.
The audience loves Russell. Russell said he’s not the only one who thinks he played the best strategic game.
Jaison said people hate Russell in real life. Russell said Jaison is still bitter about the burning socks. Russell pulled out a pair of socks … and put it in the fire.
Russell was named the Sprint Player of the Season and got $100,000. He was up against Shambo and Brett.
At least he won something. Now his ego can go in peace. Or just go.
By Gina Carbone
Evil Russell Hantz (lest we forget, the first night on Samoa, Russell convinced everyone he was a Hurricane Katrina survivor. He wasn’t.) just dethroned prayer warrior Brett Clouser as the immunity king.
But the name of the final episode of “Survivor: Samoa” is “This Game Ain’t Over,” and since that sounds like the kind of vernacular Russell uses, I’m hesitant before naming him the winner of this season.
Still, how can he lose? Other than Jaison Robinson, who said he would not vote for Russell (see below), who on the jury could deny Russell the Puppet Master?
Unless … Russell is actually true to his word to Brett and keeps him in the final three.
I’m thinking there’s no chance of that, but we’ll see. Russell also promised to keep Mick.
Can’t wait to see how Russell defends his nastiness in the reunion special tonight.
*** Update: 9:23 p.m. ***
FINAL TRIBAL COUNCIL VOTE
Russell — it always comes down to Russell — decided to dump Brett and keep a pure Foa Foa final. Erik — who can always be counted on to whisper commentary from the jury — whispered “They did it.”
They did indeed.
Russell may well want his daughters to marry someone like Brett (if they are anything like their father they don’t deserve Brett) but he could never keep Brett in the game. Brett is, as Jaison put it, what they were: The underdog.
So it’s Russell, Mick and Natalie in the end. I hate when it’s a three-way finale. I want Natalie vs. Russell. Russell will win anyway, but Mick is just dead weight at this point.
Except, Mick is right when it comes to Russell.
Russell was grilling Natalie about what answers she would give the jury. He kept pressing and pressing and I’m wondering why the heck he cares. Even Natalie told him to let up. Mick said Russell made some good points about how he was up against a nice guy and a nice girl, but he needs to be reminded he couldn’t have done it without them.
Mick is right. And Russell is getting cocky. That can backfire. Tell me it backfires.
Russell said if Mick or Natalie won over him it would be “a shame” and not make sense to him. (That’s because you’re an arrogant arse.)
*** Update: 9:38 p.m. ******
JURY LAYS DOWN THE LAW
Very different opening statements to the jury.
Mick basically said he wanted to play a moral game where he never screwed anybody over and accomplished it.
Natalie basically wanted to prove to herself she could do this and now she has more confidence. She thanked the jury for getting her there.
Russell — and I think this is his one big bad move so far — gloated. Gloated hard. Pointed out his moves from getting rid of Marisa and Betsy to his big moves with Kelly, Laura, John and Brett.
He openly congratulated himself at the expense of several jury members. He’s right that he did outwit and outplay Mick and Natalie. But no one likes to be insulted while you have your hand out for a million bucks.
Jaison wanted the three to talk about who they really were. They did. He said none of them lied but they didn’t mention they are not suffering for money and the jury should not base the vote on who needs the money. Why would they? What a wasted question.
Shambo apologized for breaking up Galu, then said Mick’s overall game would have to be called “feckless.” She said Natalie deserves a word that starts with a “c” … coattails. She was nasty! Where was this nastiness for her own tribe? Or Russell, who said she had “ass breath.” “Natalie, Mick, no way in God’s green earth you’re getting my vote.” Why does she still support Russell? And did she fart?
Brett congratulated them, then asked Mick what they would do on a road date. (?) Umm… Mick said they would check out the news, grab something to eat, talk about girls and sports. That was it? Brett wanted to see how much they had paid attention to who he was.
Kelly said she and Natalie were perceived as similar, but Natalie was never on the field. (So not true.) Kelly said Natalie always asked for help. Natalie tried to defend herself. Kelly asked about Russell’s lying. Russell said he’s not like this at all at home and he doesn’t want his kids to think he’s like this. Kelly asked what three words — instead of lie, cheat and steal — he would use to describe himself. He said honor, integrity and loyalty. She had trouble believing that.
Monica wanted fight from Mick and Natalie. She asked each one why they deserve the money over the other two. Mick sold Natalie out and said she did nothing but ride Russell’s coattails. Russell lied and pit people against each other and his ego got out of control. Russell said Mick and Natalie gave him high fives for being a snake. They didn’t mind following the snake.
Dave asked them all what they thought their chances were. Mick said 25 percent. Natalie said maybe a 30-40 percent. Russell said he came in with a larger percentage but now he’s thinking 55 percent.
Laura asked Russell what he learned about her to beat her. Russell said she was the biggest threat and he had to get rid of her.
John asked for the hard sell from Mick. “Blow my mind right now.” Mick went for the character argument, saying the ends don’t justify the means. “I don’t think you can give it to a more stand-up dude up here.” John said Natalie got here tucked under Russell’s wing, so how can she justify winning? She said she saw how the strongest women were voted out first so she learned from that. And she killed a rat. John said that was the argument — or the fight — some of the jurors were waiting to hear from her.
Erik said Mick was named Foa Foa leader but did nothing as a leader. No one on the team did anything and they had no guts. It was his responsibility and he never rose to that challenge. Erik said Russell played an unethical game but he was rewarded. “Did you get to the right place while behaving the wrong way?” He said Russell was sitting there proud of it. Erik said people will call Natalie weak and undeserving, but why are those characteristics any less admirable than lying, cheating and stealing? Why does Russell get a free pass while she is admonished? “If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this game, perception is not reality.” Natalie would say she is the least deserving, but maybe in an environment of arrogance (Russell) and self-delusion (Mick), maybe she is the most deserving. She has his vote. Natalie seemed to tear up during his speech.
Yes! Natalie for the win? If perception is not reality, then the perception that Russell should win may not be the reality after all…
*** Update: 10 p.m. ******
I WILL NOW READ THE VOTES
By Gina Carbone
Brett Clouser won his third immunity in a row on “Survivor: Samoa,” forcing the original Foa Foa foursome — Russell Hantz, Natalie White, Mick Trimming and Jaison Robinson — to eat one of their own.
Russell, as usual, played everyone against each other, telling Jaison they would vote off Mick so — once Brett was out of the way — it could be Russell, Natalie and Jaison.
On the other side of his mouth, Russell told Mick they would vote off Jaison because Jaison had already mentally and physically checked out of the game. He wasn’t going to help them to beat Brett in the final immunity challenge.
Russell originally told Natalie her head would be on the chopping block as the only woman — and she didn’t fight him, dang her — but he said he would save her.
At no point did it seem to even cross their minds that FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WE SHOULD JUST GET RID OF RUSSELL.
So, entering tribal council, the two minds were: Keep someone who could possibly beat Brett (Mick) or keep someone who could possibly be beaten when they get to the jury (Jaison).
Russell, the only operational mind on the field, decided to dump Jaison.
It made sense. Jaison didn’t see it that way. He didn’t wave goodbye or wish anyone luck. He told the camera he was mad about Russell’s betrayal and would vote for Brett before Russell.
Interesting. I just assumed everyone would vote for Russell if he got to the jury since he completely controlled the game.
As we speak, the final immunity challenge is coming down to Brett and Russell. So much for the Mick argument: He was the first one out. Uh-oh. Russell won. I think he just won the million, too. (See story above)