You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains’ tag.

Russell never uncovers his head. That's what he should do next time, when he and Boston Rob have the season where they kick each other's arses. Go Rob!

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

Maybe Russell Hantz can go on “American Idol” or “Dancing with the Stars,” since the “flaw” in “Survivor” is that America doesn’t get to vote.

Hate to agree with Russell, but how DID she win twice?

Russell, there is NO WAY IN HELL I would’ve voted you to win “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains.”

“Samoa,” maybe. Yes, actually, in hindsight I probably would’ve voted for you to win “Samoa.”

I give Russell credit, though. Even he said Parvati Shallow probably should’ve won this season.

(Read my live blog of the finale and my argument for why Parvati should’ve won Heroes vs. Villains.)

On the Reunion Show, Sandra Diaz-Twine was wearing a crown. That makes her “the queen” of Survivor. She said she is the best player for having played twice (she also won “Pearl Islands”) and won twice. I don’t agree.

Parvati said she’s played three times and lasted longer than anyone.

Russell said of Sandra, “she’s lippy and she knows it.” Social game, no. Physical game, “maybe the worst physical player to ever play the game.”

Sandra: “That’s actually a strategy.” (A sad one! As Jeff Probst noted, Sandra never won a challenge in either season. Even Courtney has won a challenge.)

Russell said Sandra’s strategy was to get rid of Russell and it didn’t work. There’s a flaw in the game. “If she can win twice, there is a flaw.”

Jeff finally made him stop.

Russell: “What needs to happen is America needs to have a percentage of the votes.”

The crowd went wild.

Sandra: “You still wouldn’t win if they had a percentage of the votes. The only people that like you are right there.” She points to Russell’s family.

Jeff said the show is clearly defined. It’s a group of people who come together and vote, etc. Maybe Russell would’ve won a different game.

Russell broke out a laminated copy of JT’s letter, saying this is how good he is. He got a winner to write him a letter and make the stupidest move in the game. JT made a move to take (and burn?) the letter. I just love that Russell kept it and got it laminated. He probably stares at it every night.

Sandra’s husband was back from Afghanistan and in the audience. He’s just back for two weeks and then returns overseas.

Jeff asked Parv if teaming up with Russell worked against her. She said yes, because they all hated Russell so much. They thought she was a coattail rider.

Parv, I love you! You should’ve won. She tied for second in the most individual challenges. Colby has the record with 7 wins.

Jeff asked about the hat. Russell said he didn’t know what happened until he saw Sandra burn it in the finale.

Russell said he gives credit where it’s due. “At the end of the day, Parvati, she probably should’ve won.”

WOW! I completely agree with him.

Jeff keeps trying to get Russell to calm down and take a deep breath.

Jeff asked Russell if he’s aware of the jury during the game. By yelling at Rupert, betraying Jerri — do you think about losing their votes?

“I don’t care about that fact,” Russell said.

Jeff asked Boston Rob if he had paired with Russell if it would’ve worked out. Rob said they could’ve worked well together. Rob said what Russell was just saying is he doesn’t play to win and that’s where he differs from Russell. Russell said Rob plays to win? “When have you won?” Rob said he’s never won, but he told Russell he’d gladly go back “and kick your ass.”

Jeff talked to Tyson and JT about their dumb moves. Jeff said there’s been a poll asking  people to vote on the dumbest move in the past 20 seasons. JT asked if there’s any money involved. Jeff joked that the winner of this poll has to give money BACK.

They created a tiki thing and JT won it for “the dumbest move in Survivor history” for giving the idol to Russell. Congrats!

Jeff talked about the season’s disappointments. James was a disappointment because of his injury, but also his attitude. James said he did have fun, it just didn’t show. Amanda defended him, as usual.

Rupert talked about his broken toes. Even he was surprised at lying, cheating and still being named a hero.

Colby was brought back because he embodies the qualities of a hero. (*Sigh* Yes, he does.) But things went wrong right away, from losing to Coach in the first episode to the end. Colby said he had more fun watching the show than being out there. He knew right away things were going to be different, physically. He said they were quarantined this time (?) In the past they could go explore and have adventures. You couple that with his bad challenges and it was a rough season. (So basically Colby just wanted an exotic vacation. Sorry, man. But that still doesn’t explain why you were more interested in “Treasure Island” than two half-naked girls wrestling.)

Amanda is a great player but she doesn’t have the killer instinct. She gets emotional and feels bad about voting people out. (Eye roll.)

Stephenie also represented the major competitor but she hurt her shoulder and never got up to speed. She was also one of the few people not friends with everyone there. She plugged her restaurant! Good for her.

Cirie said everyone has a perception of who and what you are and it’s hard to break that.

Jeff replayed the Tyson/Coach crying scene. Jeff found it “a very endearing moment.” He wanted Coach to talk about it, but keep it to a minimum because “you will tell a story.” Sure enough, Coach is a talker and goes on about wanting to change the perception of him from “Tocantins,” etc. Coach wants to be in Gryffindor! I still love Coach. Why didn’t Jeff ask about Coach + Jerri? Are they a couple now?

Boston Rob and Amber have given birth and there’s the baby, Lucia Rose. Cute!

Sprint Player of the Season came down to Rupert vs. Russell? Russell won $100,000. DAMN YOU, AMERICA! For picking both of them, but especially Russell.

Parvati, you are my player of the season.

Jeff said after three seasons it all came together for Jerri. She’s wearing too much makeup. The first time she played they hated her, she said, and this time they liked her too much to keep her around.

Jeff said Danielle was in it till the end, then had a breakdown during Tribal Council. She said she’s human and she has emotions. She proved at the end that she’s not a villain. Looking back it kills her because if she’d kept it together she’d be there in the end. “Russell, damn you,” she joked.

Courtney always seems to be having fun, Jeff said. She wanted to have fun and she did.

Randy never seemed to be having any fun. He said he didn’t.

Jeff asked Sugar if it’s still an enjoyable experience after three days. She said she didn’t like the rain and she had a lousy alliance.

Here's the Survivor winner prototype. I am not this guy. Are you?

Candice postponed her wedding to do this show. She got married May 1. (Sorry, man.)

Twice as many single people win as married. Average age 32. Oh my god, I should play this game! But I don’t look like their winner guy. Jeff: “If you know this guy, or if you are this guy, come onto Survivor ’cause you could win.”

For the 21st season they are going to Nicaragua, a land of impenetrable terrain, volcanoes and wildlife. Christopher Columbus discovered its shores 500 years ago, etc.

A brand new set of survivors and “something that may surprise them all.” This fall the adventure continues on “Survivor: Nicaragua.”

Sandra, Parvati and Russell will be on the Early Show tomorrow morning and that’s when Sandra will get her check for $1 million.

I miss this season already! But I do wish Jeff had asked the cast about whether being labaled a Hero or Villain was an asset/liability. And if not having seen Russell’s season helped or hurt him.

***

Catch up on all of my “Survivor” drivel in this handy archive.



The crazy-eyed, bandy-legged troll we know as The Evil Oompa Loompa is about to get served.

By Gina Carbone
opus619@gmail.com

Would the Super Bowl be as much fun to watch if you already knew the results? I suppose you’d have to think football was fun to watch to begin with, so you tell me.

This “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains” finale, on the other hand, still feels like the Super Bowl of “Survivor” finales, even though I know who won (and I don’t much like it).

I’m excited. The show is about to start and I’m going to do the live blog thing. Please excuse my typos and stream of consciousness ramblings off topic. They’re both inevitable.

***

8 p.m.: Jeff Probst recap of the season and then recap of each player individually.

Colby was so cute back in Season 2. He’s still cute, just useless in general. No one likes a man who can’t last longer than 15 seconds. Parv and her Black Widow Alliance. Sandra with her sneakiness and attitude. Jerri looks exactly the same as in Season 2. That’s funny. The Black Widow and The Dragon Slayer. I am still rooting for their love. Russell is the king of chaos. If he can control how they feel he can control how they think? Nope. He makes deals with everyone and then breaks them — adding personal insults along the way.

8:07 p.m.: Recap is finally over.

Parv admired Sandra’s idol move from the last Tribal Council: “Russell, you have to admit it was a pretty good play.”

Russell said it was a bad play because she didn’t need to use it. He did the same thing! Parv called him on it, bless her.

Russell, as usual, was upset because Sandra didn’t tell him she had it. Like she should tell him about her idols? What exactly does she owe him? She called him out on it, too. That’s why I love this season. No one lets Russell just shoot his mouth off. He wants to micromanage the whole tribe, Sandra said, and she’s not the type you can micromanage.

Now Russell thinks Parv knew about Sandra’s idol. He — ha ha! — is upset because if she knew about it, that would be “sneaky.” Sneaky!

Parv told the camera the childish pouting makes Russell look ridiculous. True.

Jerri told Colby Parv is dangerous and they have to get rid of her? Is that who they were talking about? Parv over Sandra?

8:13 p.m.: Tree mail. Immunity challenge involves dishes. Same challenge as in China, Parv said.

Sandra during the immunity challenge. She was the first one out. Parvati won. Again.

Russell’s dream trio is himself, Jerri and Sandra. He thinks Sandra didn’t play at all and neither did Jerri, so they jury would have no choice but to vote for him.

Isn’t it funny to hear how he thinks?

If Colby wins immunity he wants to ditch Parv.

Another balancing/concentration challenge. Are they favoring Parv with these?

Adding plates and dishes to this balance thing.

Sandra is the first one out. Jerri out second. Russell out next. (Get rid of him!)

It came down to Colby vs. Parvati. There was a big gust of wind and Colby’s stuff was wobbling.

They kept adding more stuff to this crazy pile. I’m proud of Colby, but Parv excels at these challenges. And she has good luck. This is her third individual win, second in a row. The girl is good. That’s what I’m saying.

Parv just kicked Colby out of the game. And Russell can’t get rid of her! That’s my favorite part.

8:26 p.m.: (These commercials go on forever)

Parv said winning was a huge deal for her because it means she’s safe and she can keep the rest of her villains. (Note “Her” villains.)

Colby gathered the Villains and said he made his play to break them up before. It didn’t work. He tried to win the challenge. It didn’t work. He gave a “surrender speech” that almost made Jerri and Parv cry. He said it was his attempt at a sympathy vote. Jerri rubbed his arm. (Back off my man!)

But Colby told the camera he’s not a quitter. (Could’ve fooled us, the way you’ve played.) When the time was right he made one more attempt.

Colby made a good pitch, but he talked too much at Tribal Council.

Colby told Russell he should get rid of Sandra tonight and get rid of Parvati next time. Colby said Parv will be hard to beat. He said the best strategic move may be to keep Colby for now.

Funny how everyone is against Parv and totally discounts Sandra as the real winner.

Russell said he’ll make up his mind at Tribal Council.

8:30 p.m.: Tribal Council. Rupert never changes his clothes!

Colby said no one wants to sit next to Parvati in the finals. “Love you to death, Sandra, but everybody wants to sit next to you.”

D’oh! Did Colby just win Sandra a million dollars??

Sandra is cute and funny during Tribal and I think that’s why the jury loves and rewards her.

Jeff is probably even more sorry to see Colby go than I am. He *loves* Colby.

Plus, no one likes to be told how they should vote. They may vote for Sandra just as a “screw you” to people who said they should vote for Parv.

The tribe just spoke to my boyfriend. They dumped him. Jerri looked near tears.

Tomorrow is their final immunity challenge.

Colby’s parting words: “I know if I’d won that challenge today I’d have a shot at a million dollars. It’s disappointing especially when the challenges were something that I used to be good at. I guess I’m just an old (chuckles) dusty veteran. My third time in, I’m just not destined to win this game.”

But I love you, man! Pleeeease come back a fourth time. I love to watch you lose take your shirt off play Survivor.

8:40 p.m.: Ha! Walking back to camp, everyone is talking about how crazy Rupert looked. Like a serial killer who might’ve jumped out at them.

Parv said Colby’s words were a wake-up call. She didn’t know she was such a threat.

Final four. Interesting dynamic here, no? Guess the honeymoon is over between Russell and Parvati.

Russell and Jerri talked about how they have to get rid of Parvati because, if they don’t, she’ll have won three immunities in a row and definitely take the million.

Jerri said Parv wasn’t such a strategic player in this game because she was “tucked under” Russell’s wing.

What?! Did you watch the same show I did?

Another rites of passage thing where they pay tribute to fallen comrades.

We watch all the fallen again in post-elimination speeches. In order: Sugar, Stephenie, Randy, Cirie, Tom, Tyson, James, Boston Rob, Coach, Courtney, JT, Amanda, Candice, Danielle, Rupert, Colby.

(Tyson still loves himself. He is the “funny guy,” though.)

(Ha! Sandra said Boston Rob told her they would get along because Italians and Puerto Ricans are both loud and ignorant. She died laughing. I love Boston Rob. He said the survivors getting rid of him was the first smart thing they’ve done in 20 seasons.)

(Coach! I love how he goes on about himself.)

(JT said Russell used the idol to vote him out. But it was really Parv who did that. Give her credit.)

(Amanda is another one who said she’s not destined to win this game. Why is everyone so defeatist? She regrets giving Danielle the idol clue, and she should. Her conscience — Colby! — got the best of her.)

(Rupert still thinks he’s a Hero.)

(Colby—  Jerri’s favorite cowboy! Mine, too. Even Russell said Colby was the real, true hero of the game. For once, I agree with Oompa.)

8:58 p.m.: The final immunity challenge. Survivor maze. They’ll all be blindfolded. This looks complicated.

I'd probably get lost too, Sandra.

Russell got his first necklace first. Sandra was at the back.

Sandra tried to take Parv’s necklace off her neck! Funny. I love Sandra’s commentary!

Russell got his second necklace first, too. Then Parv. Then Jerri. Sandra way in the back. She’s funny. She sucks so bad at challenges and, in the end, that didn’t matter at all.

Jerri ended up in the lead with the third necklace first. Then Parv. Then Russell. They had one necklace left.

Ha! Parv vs. Russell for the end. They kept running into each other, on purpose on Russell’s part, I think. Then Jerri joined in.

Russell walked right by the immunity necklace. He found it, though. He got it in the end over Parv and Jerri, within inches.

Russell won the second immunity challenge. Not that it sounded like he needed it. Everyone wants to sit next to Russell in the end because they think they can beat him.

Jeff: “It doesn’t get any closer than that.”

And then there’s Sandra, who got nowhere near.

Jeff said that was one of the most dramatic finishes ever. Jeff is always ranking things in the Survivor universe.

Russell waited for Jeff to put the necklace on him.

Parv told the camera she has to talk to Russell and make sure she’s still “his girl.”

9:10 p.m.: Back at camp, Jerri said the fact that Russell won immunity means Parvati will be going home. She won’t cry. Why does everyone hate Parv?

Russell said no matter what, he’s taking Sandra. He thinks she can’t beat him, maybe in part because she’s already won — Pearl Islands. Sandra said she doesn’t expect to win, she’ll take the $100,000.

Russell thinks Sandra will maybe get Courtney’s vote and that’s it.

Parv and Russell went for a walk. Parv said if Sandra goes with them she instantly gets Amanda, Candice and Courtney.

Russell said he doesn’t think so. Russell said he’d rather have Jerri on the jury because he’d get Jerri’s vote.

Russell said Parv doesn’t think she can beat Sandra or Russell.

Russell told Parv his best strategic move is to take Sandra and Jerri. Parv said Sandra would win.

Russell told the camera if he sends Jerri home he’ll get her vote. If he sends Parv home he may not get her vote. He’s “suffered way too much in this game” to lose now. “I have to win.”

9:15 p.m.: Tribal Council.

Sandra said her argument to Russell was “take me because I can’t win.” Russell tried to backpedal and said Sandra could easily potentially win.

Russell had better explain this well.

I think the jury really just doesn’t like to hear how good Parvati is and how many friends she has. Everyone thinks Parv will win. I say she SHOULD win, but no one likes the easy win.

Parv vs. Russell again. He thinks he’s been protecting Parv and Parv said “we’ve been protecting each other.” Russell, she is not Natalie White. She did not ride your coattails or anything close to that. In fact, Parv saved Jerri and Sandra (or at least Jerri) with her double idol move. You’d think they’d respect her for that instead of dissing her.

How is it Russell’s best shot at winning the game to get rid of Jerri? Because she’ll vote for him over Parv? Would she even do that? I doubt it.

1. Parvati

2. Jerri

3. Jerri

4. Jerri

Jerri hugged Russell goodbye. “I can’t wait to hear this story later.” Seriously. Bad move, man.

Jerri told the camera she was so close to the end and she expected to go. She told the camera she was leaning toward voting for Russell in the end. He’s played an amazing game, she said. He’s a reactionary but his decisions usually make sense. “Except for tonight.”

9:26: Last night on Yin Yang. They talk about how ready they are to go home, etc. Sandra is focused on her kids and her hubby in Afghanistan.

Sandra went to bed, leaving Russell and Parv alone. “There’s no need to babysit you anymore.”

How proud must her husband be, knowing while he’s out serving the country she’s earning even more money.

Sandra: “This is how I hustle, this is how I make my money. I come and play Survivor. That’s what I know how to do, that’s what I’m best at. Coming out here, getting my money, going home. Simple as that.”

And it really IS that simple with her! She’s played twice and won twice. Two million dollars for two and a half months work. Amazing.

Russell congratulated himself to the camera, talking about how he’s done it twice. He believes he has a good shot of winning this.

On Samoa he brought two weak players he thought he could beat, but he didn’t win. Russell said this time he’s bringing people that others don’t like.

Parv has been playing Survivor for 114 days. Russell asked Parv who she would’ve voted for on the jury. She said Sandra. Russell said he would’ve voted for her.

Sandra deserves a million dollars just for this. But Parvati should still be declared sole survivor.

Sandra and Parv laughed and joked. Sandra threw Russell’s hat into the fire. “That’s how much game I got.”

LOVE IT!

“I should burn his sneakers.”

She talked about his bald head and how he doesn’t want anyone to see it. It’s payback. “I don’t care,” Sandra said.

HA! It is payback for the burnt socks and hidden machete and everything else.

The title of sole survivor is all Russell wants, so that’s what Sandra is going to fight to deny him.

Wow, this is a good preview for the finale — with Sandra talking more than any other time this season. She said she never got to hide behind the immunity necklace (except for when she wasted it last week), she had to hustle to be there. (Except she skated through on being a weak non-threat.)

9:32 p.m.: Final Tribal Council

Sandra talked about her alliance of one. She’s good at keeping it simple and being likable. I can understand voting for her after her short, simple speech but if you take the game as a whole she should not win. True, she is here alone and that fits with the idea of a “sole survivor,” but she did not fight to get here. She didn’t have to. Don’t reward her for being a non-threat. All you’re doing is showing your bitterness at better players, like Parvati. (Not so much Russell. He was too sloppy, burning bridges as he went.)

Russell apologized for offending anyone along the way, but he did nothing wrong and should win.

Parv said she didn’t realize the threat she would be perceived as, so she needed a defense. That’s where Russell came in. He was the dragon and instead of slaying him she kept him as a pet. (Cut to Coach looking disgusted. No one talks about dragon slaying but me!)

I think the jury hates self-serving speeches, but when you have played the best game, what else are you supposed to say? They shouldn’t reward Sandra just for having shown up.

9:40 p.m.: Jury talks to the contenders

I'm so PISSED about Candice's bulls*t.

Colby — Russell, did you really say there was no luck involved in getting here? Colby said he was just double checking because he’s delusional if he thinks he can win without luck. He asked Parv what besides challenges did she do. She said she was the target from day one, so she had to hustle harder than anyone. She brought up her double idol play. He didn’t talk to Sandra?

Coach — The final three villains. Parvati, the charmer and manipulator. Russell the schemer and also the liar. And Sandra the coattail rider. Coach said Russell can be a little man in stature and word. The lesson he should’ve left was “only the penitent man shall pass.” (Someone just watched Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade!) Coach said he wishes he could be there instead of Sandra. Coach thought Parv would be a weak player in challenges. She was a warrior in challenges. The irony was the day he trusted her was the day she turned on him. What was that about being a Christian man and taking his responsibility serious in a game he loves? Talk about delusional.

Amanda — She asked Sandra how her strategy was better than Russell or Parvati. She talked about how she wishes her strategy had been better because she kept trying to get rid of Russell and it didn’t happen. (Russell: So did that strategy work for you?) Sandra said she could never get Heroes on her side.

Courtney — She’s proud of her villainesses. She said Sandra is loyal as hell and that’s often overlooked. How was she loyal to the end? She didn’t even have an alliance to back.

JT — He talked to “buddy” Russell first. Russell said he expects everyone on the jury to respect his game play because they’ve all played the game. JT asked how Parv thought she did. Parv said, again, that she was the threat from day one. She’s right that no one thought about getting rid of Sandra and Sandra only gave 50 percent. Sandra said she gave 100 percent to challenges but she’s not a physical person. She wishes she knew JT was making his play on the idol to Russell ’cause she would’ve stopped him.  JT said he’s not sour about his fate, he made his bed and he’ll lay in it.

Danielle — What an ass. She said there’s been a lack of skill in jury management. Would you change anything, she asked. Russell said he’s not going to tell her what she wants to hear. She said Russell’s not going to get any votes.

Jerri — Jerri said she is 100 percent undecided in who to vote for. She asked Russell what happened to the plan to get rid of Parvati after he won immunity. Russell said Jerri never ticked anyone off and he thought he would lose to her. Parv said that’s not true. Russell told her he knew he’d get Jerri’s jury vote. Jerri told Sandra that Sandra is so proud of being loyal and straightforward, but Jerri was blindsided.

Candice — Russell told “dirty lies” he didn’t need to tell. She said Parv played the game under Russell’s thumb. Like a spouse in an abusive relationship and she wanted Parv to get out from under his influence. “I like you, but I can’t support that.” Whaaaaat? It’s about how you treat people and that’s what she’s basing her vote on. “It’s not just what you stand for, it’s what you fall for, too.”

SO DON’T FALL FOR THAT BULLSH*T. Candice fell for Russell’s lines like the wife in an abusive relationship. She treated her fellow Heroes like crap and was disloyal to them. Candice made her own bed. Parvati was not in an abusive relationship. Russell gave her idols! She used him and it worked well for her. Are you crazy?

Rupert — Goes on about Russell taking “the easy way out” for being lying and deceiving. Listening to Sandra made him feel worse about his game play. He wishes he had listened to her more. He thanked her, from all the Heroes (eye roll), for trying to get them to get rid of Russell. Parv was a very strong player but she aligned herself with a “terrible” person. Rupert said Parv and Sandra deserved the vote. “You fought to be sitting there,” he told Parv.

9:58 p.m.: Time to vote

Jerri: Parvati. She said she was walking up there saying “Parvati/Sandra? Parvati/Sandra.” She ended up writing Parvati.

Candice: Sandra. She spouted some bulls*t about how the line between hero and villain was blurred but Sandra stayed true to herself, etc.

Courtney: Sandra

Coach: Parvati. He said he was wrong about her. She’s a warrior. “King Arthur’s journey has officially ended.” (?)

Rupert: Sandra. “I’m honored that I get to write your name down again and give you a million dollars. Love you.” (Just as Sandra predicted!)

Amanda: Mystery!

10:01 p.m. Jeff reads the 9 votes

Russell knows he's beat. Parv, I still think you should've won.

We’re live!

Russell looks like he’s in a slightly better mood this time. Remember how grumpy he was in Samoa? But he must know the outcome. If I do, he must.

1. Parvati

2. Sandra

3. Parvati

4. Sandra

5. Parvati

6. Sandra

7. Sandra

8. Sandra

The winner of “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains”: Sandra

Read my Reunion Show recap and other “Survivor” stories in this nifty archive.

Is JT going to be the swing vote between them? I *think* I know how everyone else on the jury is going to vote.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

(Sorry, the time for this season’s “spoiler alerts” is over.)

The “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains” finale won’t air for another two hours East Coast time. (Read my live blog of the show when it starts, if you feel like it. No pressure!)

The “real time” status of the show is a final five of Colby Donaldson, Jerri Manthey, Sandra Diaz-Twine, Parvati Shallow and Russell Hantz.

But considering the spoilers boot list shows Sandra, Parvati and Russell as the final three, there’s really nothing I can imagine Sandra doing at this point to deserve winning over Parvati.

Not that I don’t love Sandra. You kidding? It’s like she can’t lose “Survivor”! She’s played twice and won twice. Pearl Islands and now Heroes vs. Villains. She’s a rock star. Whatever she is doing, it’s working. But it’s not my preferred style of Survivor.

Sandra excels at the slow burn. You sit around and stay out of the way for the first half of the show. She didn’t do well at challenges and that occasionally put her on people’s radar to eliminate, but she also made sure there were a few other people (Courtney, for one) who looked even worse than her. Plus, she also excels at the “anyone but me” theory of voting. You can rely on Sandra to help you get rid of someone — anyone — as long as it isn’t her. That can be helpful, especially on a season filled with emotion-driven eliminations.

Once into a merge, her lack of challenge skills are no longer a major threat to the others. She isn’t into the big moves like Russell or Parvati and her mouth isn’t as big as Danielle’s or Rupert’s. She can mostly hang back while the “stronger” players eat each other alive.

You’d think the castaways would try harder to eliminate someone who has already won this game, but 90 percent of the survivors seemed more interested in dumping Parvati than Sandra.

Sure, Parv has won this game, too, but she has also lost. This is Parv’s third time at the wheel after Cook Islands (she was 15th voted out and the 7th jury member) and Micronesia: Fans vs. Favorites (she won over Amanda Kimmel).

Parvati played a big, big game and — unlike Russell — she showed you can be a true Villain without making things personal or ugly.

Parv warned Russell right off the bat: I don’t ride coattails. He said she’d want to ride his, thinking of Natalie White. But Parv is no Natalie White. Natalie won “Samoa,” but only because she wasn’t Russell. Parv should’ve won “Heroes vs. Villains” because she is Parvati Shallow.

She played a superb physical game — winning multiple balance/concentration challenges and holding her own in the more physical challenges; she just saved her own arse by winning immunity over Rupert.

She played a superb strategic game — the idol-double play alone is worthy of the Survivor Hall of Fame, but she also held her nose and stuck with Russell through everything, never once writing a fellow Villain’s name down after the merge. (Not even Candice, whom she considered a new Villain and less of a threat than Rupert. She was right, but emotion ruled the vote for the others.)

And she played an award-worthy social game — just snuggling up to Russell alone is a feat for the ages. But her flirty ways managed to sucker in just about everyone. Even Sandra is now laughing with Parv. And did you notice how Jerri, who called Parv a “virus” back in Villains camp, picked Parv first for the family reward this week?

Parvati has a magical charisma. And she knows when to use her skills and when to shut up about them. Danielle doesn’t. Danielle, who loved Parv as much as Russell, made the fatal error of boasting about their connection at Tribal Council. Russell — who played such a sloppy, emotion-driven game that I can’t believe this is the same troll-in-control of “Samoa” — loved Parv so much he couldn’t stop giving her the immunity idols, even when she had her own. He always thought he was king, but she was clearly the one wrapping him around her finger. Jealous of the Danielle bond, he successfully broke Danielle down and got rid of her, but when he tried to do the same to Parv she blocked him. That’s what a survivor does and that’s part of why Parvati should’ve won.

Parvati never sat back and waited, like Sandra did. She played a big, loud, hard, fast game. When JT wrote his love letter to Russell asking Russell to get rid of the person the Heroes considered the #1 threat — ParvatiRussell could’ve seen the sense in it. Get rid of the girl who controls everyone. Instead, he showed the letter to his girlfriend so they could laugh about it. Then he gave her the idol JT gave him. Amazing. You never give the enemy the idol, Russell mocked the camera of JT’s decision. He should’ve listened to his own words.

But, instead, we’re going to have another Tribal Council where the winner isn’t the best “Survivor” player. The winner will be the least reviled player. It makes no sense for Sandra to beat Parvati on game playing. Parv was never vicious like Russell. She never called people “dumbass” to their face or lied on her children’s names. And she never played both sides when it suited her. Sandra switched it up every week. You never could tell what she was going to do, based on what she said to the Heroes and the Villains individually.

Parvati was loyal to her alliance. Sandra didn’t even have an alliance after Courtney and I can see honoring her for that alone. But Parv had to fight to keep her alliance because her alliance-mates — Russell, Danielle and even Jerri — were flaky, childish and incredibly stupid. She deserves a medal for putting up with them.

By this point Parvati has played more hours of Survivor than anyone in history. Her game play seems to be increasing with each hour. I don’t know exactly how we’re going to get to the Sandra decision and who will decide she deserves it more than Parv, but here are my guesses:

I’m guessing Coach and Courtney vote for Sandra because Court is Sandra’s friend and Coach is probably still wounded from Russell + Parv.

I bet Rupert makes Sandra’s prophecy come true and votes for her even after she dumped him.

I bet Colby picks Sandra because he hates Parv + Russell and he’s lost track of what “Survivor” is all about.

I bet Candice, Jerri, Amanda and Danielle pick Parvati because she supported them and/or she’s their friend.

I was going to bet JT would pick Russell because he’s another Southern guy and he complimented Russell after the vote-out, but maybe he’d pick Parv or Sandra. Not sure. Some people might be confused and think Parv rode Russell’s coattails, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Based on my guesses above, I’d have to bet he picks Sandra.

We’ll find out in a couple of hours!

Catch up on my “Survivor” stories in this nifty archive.

I loved this season. This is the All-Stars we should’ve had the first time. The idea of going back to the usual Survivor of strangers seems anticlimactic. I hate to admit it — and please don’t tell him — but I’m even going to miss my Evil Oompa Loompa.

Colby gave more oomph to telling off his brother than he's given to any challenge this season.

Look. I’ve read the spoilers. And without giving too much away I’ll say this: I wish the runner-up had won. That is the Player of the Season right there. I’ll write a detailed commentary later, but right now I’m moping because Entertainment Weekly just stole my thunder. (Can I blame Colby’s brother, Reid? It seems like the thing to do this week.)

On to the latest press release from CBS on the two-hour “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains” finale this Sunday. (Do you think, during the reunion, everyone will pile on Russell with how much they hate him? Dare I dream?)

***

THE FINAL CASTAWAYS DEFEND THEIR CHOICES AND LOBBY FOR VOTES FROM BITTER JURORS TO DECIDE THE MOST DESERVING OF THE MILLION DOLLARS AND THE TITLE OF SOLE SURVIVOR, ON A SPECIAL TWO-HOUR SEASON FINALE OF “SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLAINS,” SUNDAY, MAY 16

One-Hour Live Reunion Show Hosted by Jeff Probst

Follows With All 20 Heroes and Villains

“Anything Could Happen” – As the final tribal council draws near, Survivors struggle to stay on top of their game as alliances crumble and everyone starts to play for themselves, on a special two-hour season finale of SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLAINS, Sunday, May 16 (8:00-10:00 PM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network.  A special one-hour live reunion shows follows (10:00-11:00 live ET, delayed PT) hosted by Jeff Probst.

***

Catch up on “Survivor” recaps here in my nifty archive.

Mr. Night Woodchopper gets The Dumbass of the Week Award.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

Colby Donaldson is now the only Hero left on “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains.”

If you can consider him a Hero after the way he treated his poor brother, Reid. (Colby: “Reid, talk to me, for God’s sake!” Hee hee.)

Rupert Boneham can go touch his wife some more since his arse was toasted on “Loose Lips Sink Ships.” It’s his own fault. He made a deal with the devil and — shock! — it didn’t turn out in his favor.

I continue to be amazed that no one wants to get rid of Russell Hantz. And when I say “get rid of” I’m thinking of it in the Corleone sense. If Jerri Manthey is going to get so irritated with Rupert chopping wood at night that she wants to kill him, why can’t someone get so irritated with Russell being such a bully and a liar that they want to kill him? Jerri, did you know Russell called you and Parv “a bunch of unappreciative little bitches”?

By the way, Parvati Shallow is my Challenge Queen and Sandra Diaz-Twine is my Idol Empress.  They are my heroes. I don’t care if they are technically Villains. Considering the sorry mess we had for “Heroes,” the Villains are by far the better bet.

Remember when the Heroes were so proud of themselves?

Case in point: For the “Heroes” we have lame hypocritical quotes like this from Rupert, “In this game, I don’t need to win Survivor to know that I’m a winner.”

Whereas Sandra had this winner while playing the hidden immunity idol at Tribal Council, “I would hate to go home with the idol in my bra.”

Ha! I don’t care that she didn’t technically need to play the idol. It was fun to watch.

***STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS RECAP***

Parvati talked to Sandra after the Tribal Council. “I thought Rupert was going home.”

Meanwhile, Rupert was congratulating himself on (doing nothing) surviving another week. He thinks his chances of winning are getting better and better.

Parv talked to Jerri, who has NO IDEA what she’s doing other than enabling Russell. Parv had to tell her “He uses scare tactics.” Parv told Jerri if “those two guys” — Colby and Rupert — get to the end they win. No one should have to spell this out.

No, Parvati! Don’t say Russell is the biggest Villain of all time. That’s what he wants to hear. Parv told the camera she still needs to be nice to Russell. She needs him. Why does everyone need him?

Russell said it was telling that Parv was nervous, thinking that she was going to be sent home next. It led him to believe she really was in a stronger alliance with Danielle. But, no, it really just meant that you’re a crazy person no one can trust, Oompa.

** REWARD **

They got a phone in the tree mail. (Sprint plug!)

Colby’s brother, Reid (There’s another Donaldson boy!)

Parvati’s Dad, Mike

Sandra’s uncle Fernando (can you hear the drums?)

Russell’s much-too pretty wife, Melanie (who would marry this guy?)

Jerri’s sister, Jennifer

Rupert’s pretty wife Laura (don’t tell us about touching her)

Part of the reward is spending time with your loved one.

The family members come out and hug and kiss. Don’t the survivors smell really bad? That’s love.

What was Sandra saying about how she rode on her uncle’s bicycle? Why does everyone get so crazy emotional? I know you’re tired and starving and on an island, but it’s only been a month.

You're awesome, Sandra. I love that you and Parvati stopped to hold a giggle fit at Russell's expense. He needed that.

They have to scoop water in a bucket and pass it on to the loved one, holding their own bucket. The winner flies off somewhere with their loved one where they can eat burgers and listen to more shameless Sprint Palm Pre ads.

Colby and Parvati fall short. Melanie was doing well with Russell. Dang it. Do NOT let them go on “The Amazing Race” after this.

Colby: “Reid, talk to me, for God’s sake!” (Yikes!)

Jeff: “Colby blaming everything on his big brother. He’s been that way 34 days, Reid.”

(Jeff Probst is obsessed with Colby. Even more obsessed than I am.)

Colby: “Reid, tell me what you want!”

This is hilarious!

Russell and Melanie were leading the challenge with Jerri and Jennifer right behind.

Everyone is getting so pissy!

Rupert and Laura were close, too.

Jerri & Jennifer won!

Jerri got to take another survivor and their loved one.

Russell wanted it to be him. Jerri picked Parvati. She asked if she could pick another person. She picked Sandra. Ha!

Rupert had a romantic goodbye. Colby looked like he wanted to deck poor Reid.

Russell, never one to shy away from a wound-licking moment, told Rupert it was a terrible strategic move to take all the girls. He said it was a good thing he already got rid of Danielle, “partner.” Rupert: “You damn straight.”

Jerri, you are weak and sad. I am ashamed to be of the same gender. But at least you are not quite as weak and sad as Rupert or Colby.

So he’s already your partner, Rupert? You’re buying this? And Colby, are you really that pissed at your poor brother, who did nothing wrong? Not exactly the Hero treatment.

** FOOD AND STUFF **

Parv got to plug the photo feature on the phone. This has not been a terribly challenging season in terms of real island life. Tons of food, a phone.

Sandra’s mother died, her husband is in Afghanistan. Her favorite uncle is here and she said “if it ends for me, I’m happy now.”

Jerri said she can’t stop thinking that Russell is going to attack her for not taking him. How weak is this woman? You are equals in this game, not a little girl.

Parv said Jerri is under her and Sandra’s full protection. Like a little girl.

** BACK AT THE RANCH **

Russell’s going on about how it’s a bad decision for Jerri to take the women. Rupert was surprised that it was Parvati she chose first. Russell said she should’ve chosen a guy. He thinks he has “saved” Parv and Jerri and carried them through the game.

“I hope that burger literally tastes like a million dollars cuz that was a million dollar decision,” he said in front of the guys. You could hear Rupert say “Noooo.” Russell to the camera: “These girls are a bunch of unappreciative little bitches. Both of them.”

Unappreciative! Ha!

So now, talk about voting with your emotions, Russell told Rupert and Colby he knows he’s a villain and he’s lied, but he wants it to be them in the final three.

Colby asked if Russell could get one of the others to switch to their side. Russell said he can get Jerri to switch. He thinks he can control her the easiest.

Parvati is a huge threat for the million dollars, Russell said. He thinks she’s the only one who can beat him in the game.

Why did you yell so much at your brother when you should be yelling at yourself?

OK, stop for a minute. COLBY, why are you making deals with the #1 Villain? Mr. Integrity shouldn’t even be talking to him. Rupert — I don’t expect anything more from Rupert.

And Russell, at this point there is no way you can win. You should’ve learned from “Samoa” and instead you are playing a worse game.

** REWARD CREW BACK HOME **

Jerri wanted to talk to Russell back at the ranch, but he and Colby were sleeping. So she tried to sleep.

But Rupert was being “loud, obnoxious, selfish and completely inconsiderate.”

He decided it was the right time to chop wood and make noise and all. (Well, it’s not 100 degrees at night.)

Jerri said she’s never seen anyone so inconsiderate and stupid. She wants him gone “more than anything in the entire universe.”

Jerri, you idiot, you are playing 10 times a worse game than him. And that’s saying something.

Jerri talked to Russell. He’s back on top with her. He didn’t tell her anything about trying to get rid of Parvati.

** IMMUNITY CHALLENGE **

Weird, but simple, pole balancing challenge. They have to balance poles on their outstretched arms.

15 seconds into the challenge, Colby is the first one out. COME ON.

Less than 1 minute in, Sandra dropped out.

Russell dropped out.

Jerri dropped out.

Down to Parv and Rupert. Parv is good at these concentration/balance challenges.

17 minutes have gone by …

The concentration/balance challenges love Parvati.

Rupert finally dropped out. Parv won immunity! Love this girl!

Ha! Rupert told the camera Parvati saved herself, so hopefully Sandra is next. Is this the same Sandra who warned you that Russell was a snake? The same Sandra who has been helpful to you? Rupert, I’ve met Heroes and you are no Hero. I’m not even sure Colby is one anymore. There are no Heroes. Sob! No, wait. We still have Jeff. And Reid. I feel sorry for Reid. And I tend to like Reids anyway.

** WHO TO VOTE OUT? **

You know, now would be the time to get rid of Russell. If being irritated with someone is reason enough to dump them, never mind Rupert. It’s Russell you need to send back to his poor wife.

Russell said since he can’t get rid of Parvati, he’s going to have to flip on the guys and go back to the girls.

Sandra told Rupert she wants Russell out so bad she can taste it, but the other girls won’t go for it. Everyone wants to take Russell to the end, she said, because he’s so bad they think they can beat him. (Good plan.)

Oh my God! Rupert immediately went over to Russell and told him what Sandra said. Sandra was sitting next to Parv in the hut.

Russell: “Sandra, you with me or against me?”

Sandra: “I’m against you, Russell.”

Russell has his crazy eyes out.

Russell said he’s comfortable in this game. He knows he’s safe. WHY? Why can’t anyone dump him.

Russell kept talking to Parv and Sandra about being with or against him. Parv just giggled.

Sandra called over to Rupert: “Rupert, loose lips sink ships.”

Rupert: “Yes, they do.”

Sandra: “And yes they did.”

Parv: “Who invited Boston Rob back to the party? ‘You with me or against me?'” She and Sandra laughed.

Russell to Jerri and Rupert, a bit away from the other two: “They’re making it really easy for me.”

He’s so sensitive! Such a 12-year-old girl.

Jerri said the camp has turned into Crazy Town. She mentions Rupert and the noises again. (It’s Survivor, not the Hilton.) And now Sandra and Parv are pushing Russell’s buttons. She thinks that’s a dumb idea, but that’s because Jerri is weak and acts on fear.

Oh yeah! Sandra still has the idol. I totally forgot about that because, unlike Russell, she doesn’t play it up like finding it made her the Second Coming.

** TRIBAL COUNCIL **

Sandra talks about her argument with Russell.

I love Jeff’s analysis. He asked if it’s still Villains vs. Heroes. Parv said obviously not, what with Danielle gone. She was a solid Villain for her. (Nice way to play to the jury.) What is the benefit of switching it up, a Villain voting out a Villain, etc. There is no benefit at this point, Parv sid.

Asked what would be the benefit in voting out a Villain, Rupert said strategically, you want to show in the top 3 that you were the top Villain and even willing to turn on your own to get there because that’s the game.

What was the point of that speech? Just keep your answers short and sweet, man. Don’t pull a Danielle.

Parv: “I’m a Hero on the inside.” (Eye roll)

Sandra flashing her “Rupert” paper: “I’ll write your name again and if I’m up there in the final three you’ll still give me the million dollar vote.”

She’s awesome! Sandra’s a Survivor rock star. And she’s probably right.

Sandra stood up and played her idol. “I would hate to go home with the idol in my bra.”

HA!

1. Rupert

2. Sandra

3. Rupert

4. Sandra

5. Rupert

Colby is moping.

Ha! Rupert gave Russell an evil glare. You were hoisted by your own petard, man.

Don’t forget: The finale is this Sunday, May 16 from 8 to 10 p.m., followed by the Reunion special from 10 to 11 p.m. Don’t try to watch the show next Thursday because it won’t be there.

I’m going to miss this season.

***

The following people are still here:

HEROES
Colby Donaldson (Australian Outback, All-Stars)

VILLAINS
Sandra Diaz (Pearl Islands)
Russell Hantz (Samoa)
Jerri Manthey (Australian Outback, All-Stars)
Parvati Shallow (Cook Islands, Fans vs. Favorites)

***

Catch up on “Survivor” recaps here in my nifty archive.

Spoilers: Want to jump ahead and find out who is eliminated next? How about the whole boot list, including this season’s winner? Read that here.

Shot in the dark: This Loompaland refugee makes the surprising choice of trying to befriend Rupert, whom he called a "dumbass" on "A Sinking Ship."

We’re still on a “ship” theme, I see. Looks like they are bringing back time with loved ones, which was (blessedly) absent last season on “Survivor: Samoa.” It’s only a month, people. Cowboy up. What I want is the auction! Are they blowing it off for some reason?

Anyway, here’s the latest CBS press release:

ONE CASTAWAY MAKES A SURPRISING CHOICE THAT SENDS RIPPLES THROUGH THE TRIBE AND THREATENS TO COST SOMEONE THE MILLION DOLLAR PRIZE, ON “SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLAINS,” THURSDAY, MAY 13

“Loose Lips Sink Ships” – The final six get the chance to earn time with their loved ones in a fiercely fought reward challenge.  Desperate for options, the remaining heroes make an unexpected ally, hoping to turn the game around, on SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLAINS, Thursday, May 13 (8:00-9:00 PM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network.

***

Catch up on “Survivor” recaps here in my nifty archive.

Spoilers: Want to jump ahead and find out who is eliminated next? How about the whole boot list, including this season’s winner? Read that here.

Candice, even your mom would probably call you stupid today.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

Don’t you love a hypocrite?

Here’s Jerri, saying they have to get rid of Candice because she flipped from the Heroes to the Villains last week and a flipper can’t be trusted.

So what does she do? After Russell, mad at his Villainesses for the Candice move — but really just mad because he’s lost control of them — threatened Jerri with being the next to go if she didn’t vote out Danielle … she listened. She voted out Danielle.

Does Danielle's mouth ever close? Literally. I'm asking.

Talk about a “Sinking Ship.” Not only are the Heroes disappearing, the Villains are imploding.

Granted, Danielle has a big big big mouth and dug her own grave by talking about her final three alliance with Russell and Parvati at the second Tribal Council. Parv probably wanted to shoot her. (It was cute watching Danielle and Russell fight over Parv like jealous lovers. Danielle: “I’m closer to Parvati than you think.” Parv, you could do better. Make a move on Colby.)

So what now? Parv and Russell are on the outs. Sandra is “against” Russell.

But Rupert? Rupert is ready to make deals with Russell?! Talk about a hypocrite. We’ll see if that really plays out as it appeared in the previews.

P.S. Congrats Rupert on fooling Russell on the faux idol/rock and for surviving the double eliminations when at least half of the crew wanted your ass gone.

P.P.S. Russell is not the greatest Villain of all time and Rupert is far from the greatest Hero. Colby is closer.

*** STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS RECAP ***

Jerri said Candice flipped to their side for the Amanda vote (last week on “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains” “Jumping Ship”) and now she’s a threat. Anyone who flips that fast can’t be trusted.

Colby and Rupert dissed Candice, talking about what a “weak” and “pathetic” player she is for betraying them.  She deserves to be a Villain, Rupert said. He and Colby are the only “Heroes” left.

So, all in all, not Candice’s best night.

Russell talked to Sandra about how it’s going to be “fun” from now on. Rupert isn’t talking to him now. Like his feelings are hurt. “I mean, what game do they think they’re playing, you know what I mean?”

You know I can’t stand Russell. CAN’T STAND Russell. But he’s right. This is “Survivor.”

Rupert is back up on the cross about how Russell is so awful he may be worse than Jonny Fairplay.

Rupert: “You’ve already proven yourself to be a disgusting, terrible human being to swear on your kids’ life.”

Russell: “It is the game, and you really f—ed it up for yourself.”

Rupert vs. Russell went on for a while. Russell said he didn’t give a f–k about Rupert. He said it to Rupert. It’s out in the open now.

Ha!

Russell mocked him, to his face as “The second coming of Christ.”

Rupert: “You can say whatever you want, because it doesn’t really mater anymore.”

Russell: “You’re such a dumbass, Rupert.”

This was actually a smart move on Rupert’s part. To get Russell to make such arrogant statements TO THE JURY is a bad idea. That’s how you have to think of the remaining players. They are your potential jury.

*** IMMUNITY CHALLENGE 1 ***

Another standing-on-a-perch challenge. They were tied by one arm above their heads.

Parvati won this challenge in Fans vs. Favorites, lasting over 6 hours.

Jeff tempted them with an unknown item and Sandra and Russell stepped out sight-unseen. They got to share cookies and milk.

Eww! Hairy armpits.

Doughnuts and ICED COFFEE. I would stab Jeff Probst himself for an iced coffee.

Colby went for it, bless him. Boy after my own heart. Bad move, though, when there are only two Heroes left. … Unless it’s a smart move because it makes you look even less like a threat. Discuss.

Peanut butter and jelly, chips, candy and milk.

Danielle, Jerri and … uh … Candice all stepped off to share it. Candice, are you high?

Rupert and Parvati stayed there. Go Parv! She knows how to be a Villain without also being an A-hole. That’s important.

Parvati won immunity. This challenge likes Parvati, Jeff said.

Jeff said there was a twist. He gave them a clue to ANOTHER immunity idol. He read it out loud.

“… Salvation is hidden where two paths meet. A burning bush throws a shadow on top of a stone under which lies the key to not going home.”

Who gets to write these bad non-rhymes? It’s like Tolkien interpreted by third-grade wannabe poets.

***WHO WILL WIN THE NEXT IDOL?***

This is kind of fun. Everyone is running around looking for “a burning bush,” which Sandra seemed to think would literally be on fire.

They find some red bushes. Sandra found the idol and walked away with it.

It came with a note but she didn’t read it. Instead, she hid it in some bushes. Won’t someone else find it?

Rupert said even though he doesn’t have the idol, maybe he can play like he does. So he found a rock and put it in his pocket like he was just happy to see everyone.

Will anyone buy that?

Russell said he has a lot of experience with idols and when he saw Rupert he told the camera it was the idol in his pocket. So he told Sandra he knew Rupert had the idol.

Sandra knew that was good for Sandra. So she said nothing. LOVE IT! Russell is wrong about a wild assumption and he trusts Sandra.

HE’S PULLING A JT!

Colby told Rupert the Villains were going to split the vote between him and Colby and Candice. Even if three of the Villains vote for Candice and the two of them vote for Candice, they can get rid of her.

***TRIBAL COUNCIL 1 ***

They discussed the Candice/Amanda move.

Colby said he had no respect for what Candice did.

Candice said she didn’t want to go down in a sinking ship.

Russell said they were going to vote for Rupert because he didn’t want to vote for one of his Villains. He still thinks Rupert has the idol.

Colby to the camera, showing his Candice vote: “I can honestly say I’m proud of the way I played this game. Can you?”

Candice flashed her Rupert vote, saying her mother told her if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

If your mom had any good advice at all, she probably also told you to treat others as you would like to be treated. And given a choice between not-nice Rupert and not-nice Russell, it doesn’t take the Mom of the Year to know Russell is worse.

Back up, though. Why would Colby be proud of being the Superman who sucks? This is the guy who has done almost nothing impressive in challenges and who helped send his ally Amanda home by telling her to hand back the idol clue to Danielle. They could’ve at least read the clue out loud together as a threesome. Colby, I love you for being a gentleman, but your Survivor skills are lacking.

Jeff asked if anyone was playing an idol. Rupert made a move like he would play his rock. Ha.

1. Rupert

2. Rupert

3. Rupert

4. Candice

5. Candice

6. Candice

7. Candice

8. Candice

Ha ha! You deserve what you got.

***IMMUNITY CHALLENGE 2 ***

Russell treats his fellow Villains like his kids. He was mad at his girls for voting with their emotions (pot, kettle, black) and getting rid of Candice instead of Rupert or Colby. Now if Rupert wins immunity he’ll have two idols, Russell thinks.

Another obstacle course challenge. Russell, Parvati and Rupert made it to the final round. Colby sucked again.

Neck and neck between Rupert and Russell. I smell producer shenanigans. Russell won immunity.

Why does no one try to get rid of him when they can? Oh yeah. Now I remember. HE CAN’T WIN. Even if he gets to the end. That jury is chock full of Heroes. Given a choice between Russell and one or two other Villains, I doubt any of them will choose Russell.

*** WHO TO VOTE OUT? ***

Parv said she doesn’t believe Rupert has the idol. Smart girl.

Russell is jealous. Awwwww! He thinks Danielle and Parv are a team when it’s supposed to be him and Parv as a team.

So he wants to break up the team. Talk about “A Sinking Ship.” Now it’s all falling apart.

Russell talked to Danielle about voting off Parvati. Danielle said she trusted Russell 110 percent.

Russell talked to Parv about how Danielle wants to get rid of her.

Russell said Parv and Danielle wouldn’t talk to each other. But when Parv made a move to talk to Danielle, Russell freaked out and said she couldn’t do that. He tried to stop her from talking to Danielle. Parv is too smart for that.

So Parv and Danielle had a talk. It’s a shame this talk did not happen before Russell won immunity.

Oh! Sandra is watching the Parv/Danielle talk.

Russell said he’s going to get Danielle off tonight. He wants to regain control after the Candice move. He wants Parvati to need him, since right now she is at least 50 percent in control.

Russell talked to Colby and Rupert about getting rid of Danielle. Bonus for Colby & Rupert!

What is Jerri going to do? She told Parv and Danielle definitely Rupert. Done deal. Of course.

But Russell played the fear card. He’s trying to SAVE Jerri with the Danielle vote, he spun it, because if they get rid of Rupert then they’ll get rid of Jerri next. That. Makes. No. Sense. If Jerri falls for that, she’s an idiot. You don’t dump a fellow Villain out of fear that you’ll be the next Villain to go.

***TRIBAL COUNCIL 2***

Ooooh the Danielle, Parv and Russell alliance is out in the open in front of Jerri. Bad idea. Danielle is crying over Russell testing her loyalty, which is how he spun the idea of telling Danielle to vote for Parvati. Danielle: “It’s too much for me right now.” Love Courtney’s “Boo hoo” from the jury.

They are fighting over Parvati. “I’m closer to Parvati than you think,” Danielle told Russell as Parv sat quietly.

Parv is probably ready to kill Danielle for saying that.

Jerri said she had absolutely no idea what just happened, but with her vote she is sealing her fate. You know Jerri is the world’s biggest hypocrite — she voted Candice out for being a flip-flopper and now she’s going to flip.

1. Rupert

2. Rupert

3. Rupert

4. Danielle

5. Danielle

6. Danielle

7. Danielle

8. Danielle

Parv to Russell: “That’s messed up.”

Russell: “Well…”

Dumbass. He should’ve kept it Russell, Parv and Danielle in the final three. Now who would be their third person? One of the real “Heroes” or Sandra, the new half-Villain/half-Hero hybrid?

***

These people are still around:

HEROES
Rupert Boneham (Pearl Islands, All-Stars)
Colby Donaldson (Australian Outback, All-Stars)

VILLAINS
Sandra Diaz (Pearl Islands)
Russell Hantz (Samoa)
Jerri Manthey (Australian Outback, All-Stars)
Parvati Shallow (Cook Islands, Fans vs. Favorites)

***

Catch up on “Survivor” recaps here in my nifty archive.

Spoilers: Want to jump ahead and find out who is eliminated next? How about the whole boot list, including this season’s winner? Read that here.

This is from the Survivor 10 Year anniversary party in January. Rupert has no other clothes.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

Back-to-back Tribal Councils next week? That’s my kind of party! Another hidden immunity idol? Not my party.

This is officially overkill now. Enough with the hidden idols. It’s one big Easter Egg hunt and it’s affecting the game in a bad way. I can’t think of any sports analogies, since I don’t follow sports, but I’m sure my grandfather would be able to quote some baseball thing that has ruined the game at some point since the 1930s. So think of that and apply it to the hidden idols.

I like Rupert more than Russell, but at least Russell doesn't do these lame fake character poses. He also never takes his hat off. Unless he's arrested and poses for a mug shot.

It’s just one more way the producers are showing favoritism to Russell Hantz since he is the self-declared “king” of hidden immunity idols. He’s also a twat.

Here is the latest CBS press release on “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains.” Why can’t this show be on every night, like late night talk shows or “The Golden Girls” re-runs?

*****

TWO IMMUNITY CHALLENGES SEND THE MERGED TRIBE TO BACK-TO-BACK TRIBAL COUNCILS AND, WITH ALLIANCES TEETERING ON SHAKY GROUND, EVERYONE IS SCRAMBLING FOR THE PROTECTION OF THE HIDDEN IMMUNITY IDOL, ON “SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLAINS,” THURSDAY, MAY 6

“A Sinking Ship” – Sensing that he is in danger, a hero makes a bold move to save himself by fooling the entire tribe.  Meanwhile, a vicious power struggle emerges in one alliance and two of the strongest villains find themselves pitted against one another, on SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLAINS, Thursday, May 6 (8:00-9:00 PM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network.

***

Catch up on “Survivor” recaps here in my nifty archive.

Spoilers: Want to jump ahead and find out who is eliminated next? How about the whole boot list, including this season’s winner? Read that here.

This girl is the female Boston Rob? Not.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

Can I ask you something? Why is it so frickin hard to get rid of Russell Hantz? No matter what efforts are made to oust him, he sticks. It’s like Samoa is his “Lost” island and he’s Jacob’s real candidate.

Producer shenanigans? Part of me hopes so. ‘Cause stupidity is getting old as an excuse on “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains.”

Tonight’s episode was “Jumping Ship” and Amanda Kimmel was ditched because Candice Woodcock fell victim to Russell’s “final 3” Villain whispers. The Russell Seed! Why does it work? Why!

Candice gets the Dumbass Move Of The Week Award.

Sandra Diaz acted like she had jumped to the Heroes to get rid of Russell out of revenge. (Loved that she said it was revenge for Tyson, Boston Rob, Courtney and …sure, even Coach, even though she didn’t care about him.) But as she said last week, she still needs Russell. So she voted for Amanda with the rest of her group. Plus Candice.

But that was the subtext to the real drama — Danielle, Amanda and Colby spent the night on the same bed on a Rewards Challenge … and no one made a move. So boring. If “Treasure Island” can’t get you in the mood…

Instead, Danielle found the hidden immunity idol clue, Amanda noticed — as she always does — and FLAT OUT STOLE IT. Fantastic! I’ve always wondered why people don’t just steal idols, so why not idol clues?

Danielle fought her for it but couldn’t get it back. The weary Colby, looking like he couldn’t believe he got stuck in this mess, had to play Daddy and break up the fighting kids. He told Amanda to give Danielle the clue since she found it.

Colby is a true Hero, but since Amanda is the real Survivor, why did she listen to Colby?

Anyway, it was all for nothing. The final vote came down to Amanda vs. Parvati and Russell wasted the idol he found using Danielle’s clue. Not that Russell ever waited for the clues back on “Survivor: Samoa.”

Amanda and Parv were in the final two together on “Fans vs. Favorites” and Parv beat her. So it’s fitting that she won again.

It’s true, Amanda was a huge threat — she’s a smart, strong, aggressive player and for some reason people like her. But the female Boston Rob? If anything, that’s Parv.

LOVE how Parv rolled her eyes in disgust at Russell, scoffing that he wasted an idol. All hail the queen.

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS RECAP

Rupert, after the JT-dumping Tribal Council: “I tried.”

Russell in the tent, whining to whoever will listen about how “they” have “secrets going around?” He’s as confused as Boston Rob after the Tyson dumping.

Parvati told Russell of her double idol move “It’s a surprise!”

Russell: “You lied to me, that’s how I feel.” (Cue the violins.) “It pisses me off that y’all didn’t tell me. Whatever. You can talk all you want.”

Hee hee!

Parvati, still smiling and giggling, told the camera she wanted Russell scared.

Rupert, as expected, is up on a cross about how he tried to warn the Heroes. He was just lucky that Sandra was right in what she told him. And lucky that she told him, since they have the Pearl Islands in common.

Candice talked to Russell about how impressed she was by their move.

The ship is sinking, he said, and someone has to jump. That person will be crucial to what happens next.

Russell is saying this because he doesn’t trust Sandra and he wants to pull Candice into his top 6 move. He won’t say she’s going to be in the top 3, but it’s a strong possibility. Ha.

Russell told Parv that Candice was ready to “burn her house down.” So it doesn’t matter what Sandra wants to do.

REWARDS CHALLENGE

A “Survivor” version of shuffleboard. This is where it would’ve been smart to keep some old people around.

Winning team will visit Robert Louis Stevenson museum for a movie and an overnight.

Parv thinks there will be a clue to another idol on that trip. How many frickin idols are there on this island?

Red team was winning — Rupert, Russell and Sandra. It came down to Colby, who won it for the blue team. Yeah! The Colby comeback is on!

Colby, Amanda and Danielle got the reward because they were on the blue team.

THREE-WAY TURNS INTO IDOL CATFIGHT

You know, if I ever found myself in the same bed as Colby Donaldson, I would not waste it by wrestling with another woman. Especially in a non-hot way.

Sitting on the bed watching “Treasure Island,” Danielle found the idol clue in a bowl of popcorn.

Amanda was suspicious and sat next to her on the bed.

Amanda grabbed the clue and they had a “psychopath” catfight while Colby just sat there.

Amanda stole the clue. Danielle kept repeated she was “psychotic.”

Colby: “I didn’t even see what happened. I was watching Treasure Island.”

Classic!

Danielle wanted Colby to play Daddy and mediate. Colby calmly said the idol was Danielle’s because she found it and she had to give it back to Danielle.

Danielle said she needed a glass of wine. It was so fourth grade.

So all in all not a sexy three-way.

Danielle spins the story to her tribe that she wrestled Amanda to the ground and ripped it out of her hand. Not quite the way it happened. She left out how she whined to Colby about how Amanda should’ve given it back. And how Amanda whined that Colby did not back her up.

Russell is still bitter about the other immunity idol so he didn‘t tell them that he found the new idol.

Russell: “I am the king of hidden immunity idols.”

He told Candice he had the idol to show that he trusted her. So he took her on  tour. “Stick with me, I can take you places.”

You know, another young blonde won on that strategy right there on Samoa…

Russell said that was going to get them to the final three. Such a line. But is he still seriously planning to have Parvati there?

SANDRA STRATEGIZES

Sandra talked to Colby about what to do. Sandra has jumped ship to what was the Heroes. Colby wanted to know if they should first take out Russell or Parvati.

D’oh!

Sandra turned to Russell and said Colby is “uptight.” Jerri was right, he has “no personality.” Shut the eff up about my boy!

Russell told Sandra they had six votes — one of the former Heroes turned.

Sandra told the camera if she sticks with the Villains she’ll never get higher than top 5. That’s why she has to flip to the Heroes, because the Villains won’t get rid of Russell.

Then Sandra told Rupert if he wants Russell gone, he’s gone. Or they could vote out Parv. Rupert said he’d prefer to dump Russell first. “The guy is a piece of garbage,” Rupert said.

Agreed, man. Agreed.

Colby talked to Amanda about how Sandra wants to get rid of Russell.

Colby said he didn’t see any reason why Sandra would bluff him at this point.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE — HOUSE OF CARDS

They have to use panels to build a house of cards.

I do love these simple challenges. No more complicated obstacle courses. I hope.

First person to get to 10 feet wins immunity.

Jerri won immunity by seconds over Russell.

It was her very first immunity ever. Huzzah, Jerri! I’m happy for her. But technically she got immunity from Parvati the other night.

IT’S TIME FOR REVENGE

Sandra said she was voting for Russell for Tyson, Boston Rob, Courtney and even Coach although she doesn’t care about him. Ha!

Russell said Rupert and Colby look “done,” but somehow he thinks Amanda is a great strategic player. She’s like Boston Rob in a woman’s body, he said. Say whuh? Not quite.

The Heroes played cards with Sandra and Rupert was regaling them with stories about how he went home on Pearl Islands the night he thought he was safe.

Rupert said they all had to write Russell’s name down. Candice talked to Russell and said Sandra was going to write his name down.

So Russell talked to both Sandra and Candice and said they had to write Amanda’s name down. (Why do people listen to him?)

Sandra talked to Rupert about how Candice just told Russell everything. So Sandra thinks they will give Russell the idol now.

Colby reassured Sandra they would not sell her out. They said they would vote for Parvati.

Colby said if this thing doesn’t work it’s Candice’s fault for talking.

Sandra really laid it on thick to Candice. Candice is so weak.

TRIBAL COUNCIL

They talked about how it makes sense for someone at the bottom of their tribe like Sandra to flip to another tribe.

Ha! Russell thinks Sandra would be easy to beat in the end. Fool.

Russell talked about all of the Villains’ strategies and said Sandra was “just there” with them. Wow.

The Heroes think Danielle has the idol. Colby and Rupert are sure. Why are they always so sure of everything?

Russell played the idol he found. He didn’t need to, but it was good to flush it out.

1. Amanda

2. Amanda

3. Parvati (love Courtney cracking up in the jury)

4. Parvati (now it’s Russell’s turn to say “Damn it”)

5. Amanda

6. Amanda

7. Parvati

8. Amanda

It was the first time Amanda had heard “The tribe is spoken.” She made it to the finals in both of her other seasons.

Ha! Russell told Parvati he was never so nervous and she rolled her eyes at him that “you wasted one.” That should tell you everything about their relationship.

So, even though we’re still stuck with Russell, the fact that the Heroes wrote down Parvati’s name was his second blindside in a row.
***

These people are still around:
HEROES
Rupert Boneham (Pearl Islands, All-Stars)
Colby Donaldson (Australian Outback, All-Stars)
Candice Woodcock (Cook Islands)

VILLAINS
Sandra Diaz (Pearl Islands)
Danielle DiLorenzo (Panama)
Russell Hantz (Samoa)
Jerri Manthey (Australian Outback, All-Stars)
Parvati Shallow (Cook Islands, Fans vs. Favorites)

Bald is not always beautiful.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

I’m going to post a tidbit from the latest CBS press release on “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains,” but first I want to acknowledge the off-stage drama going on with Russell Hantz.

Our favorite Evil Oompa Loompa was charged with pushing a woman (what a shock!) near a bar he owns in Lafayette, Louisiana. Russell’s camp is saying the whole thing was a misunderstanding, and in true Oompa fashion he is considering taking legal action against the cops who arrested him.

On to the press release:

IN THE WAKE OF A GAME-CHANGING TRIBAL COUNCIL, EVERYONE STRUGGLES TO FIND THEIR PLACE IN THE NEWLY MERGED TRIBE, AND SOME PANICKED PLAYERS CONSIDER MAKING NEW ALLIES, ON “SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLAINS,” THURSDAY, APRIL 29

“Jumping Ship” – With two swing votes hanging in the balance, no one can be sure of their safety heading into Tribal Council, and even the most formidable villain in the game makes a potential miscalculation, on SURVIVOR: HEROES VS. VILLAINS, Thursday, April 29 (8:00-9:00 PM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network.

Catch up on “Survivor” recaps here in my nifty archive.

Spoilers: Want to jump ahead and find out who is eliminated next? How about the whole boot list, including this season’s winner? Read that here.

Twitter Updates