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Get your hands off my Nigel! Quick, Miss J, smother Tyra with that orange thing you're draped in!

It’s like she’s daring us now.

All the crazy “Pot Ledom” stuff. Tookie. The branding words. The insane challenges. The “All-Stars” disqualification of Angelea Preston with no explanation. The failure to give any kind of award — even for Most Patient Model To Sit Through This Crap — to Allison Harvard.

All of it. It’s like Tyra Banks is daring us to keep watching “America’s Next Top Model.”

Last week on Cycle 18, “British Invasion” — which, yes, I am still watching — they dumped one of the frontrunners, AzMarie, for refusing to wear a (sigh) “booty tooch pad” in Tyra’s tooch class. That’s where we are now.

But all of that, somehow, I can stand. I’ll shake my head, but I can stand it. But I wake up today and — lo and behold — my three favorite people on the show have just been fired: sexy noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker, the fabulous runway diva coach extraordinaire Miss J. Alexander, and the on-shoot style director/therapist, Ice Man Jay Manuel.

I can’t see the end game with this.

Are they seriously thinking this will help ratings — because ratings are down because of Nigel and the Jays? Ratings are not down because of Nigel and the Jays. We all know ratings are down because:

1. Lisa won “All-Stars” instead of Allison.

2. There’s been no explanation about Angelea.

3. The show has just gotten too bizarre and too much about Tyra’s own ego as opposed to finding raw new talent and supporting it.

Kelly Cutrone was added to the judges’ table this cycle and so far it sounds like she’s still going to be around. She gets to stay, the guys have to go. Unbelievable. I really think they must want the show to end so they’re going to go out of their way to kill it.

If you are still curious/sad/determined enough to still want to keep up with ANTM news, be sure to check out Wetpaint.com/americas-next-top-model for all kinds of daily updates, polls and my recaps. I want Sophie to win this cycle, and not just because she’s best friends with Hermione Granger. It won’t change everything that’s happened but Sophie winning would end the men’s reign on a high-ish note.

Is Allison the real winner of this current cycle, without even showing up?

Loyalty! Such a prized commodity nowadays. Could it be that “America’s Next Top Model” fans are more loyal to Allison Harvard than Tyra Banks?

According to TV by the Numbers (via Wetpaint.com), only 1.3 million people tuned in to the Cycle 18 “British Invasion” premiere and the show pulled a 0.6 in the coveted 18-49 demo. For comparison, that 0.6 is 45% worse than the spring 2011 premiere.

Why? According to the comments under Wetpaint’s story, the general consensus is “IT’S COS ALLISON LOST.”

So far I really like Scottish Ashley and British Annaliese of the “British Invasion” cycle.

Yes. Maybe. Probably.

But I agree with the guy who wrote “It’s because Alisson lost AND because they disqualified Angelea without giving any explanations at all.”

I would add AND because having Americans compete against seasoned British models makes even less sense for AMERICA’S Next Top Model than everything else they do.

That said, there’s no way I wouldn’t watch. In fact, I’m writing recaps of Cycle 18 for Wetpaint. If you are boycotting the show but still want to know what happens, why not read the recaps of a devoted Allison fan like me? If you feel like it, check out my premiere recap here. They do a “power rankings” style recap and, right now, I’m fond of the Scottish girl. I like all the Brits best.

I’m also recapping the “Kris Jenner” episode tonight and you can read my recap Tuesday a.m. here at Wetpaint’s ANTM site.

Overall I like Lisa's shot the best, but if this is selling eyes, Allison is always going to win.

*April 3rd update* Fellow Pot Ledom lovers/sufferers: For daily updates on ANTM news, please visit Wetpaint.com/americas-next-top-model. There’s new Allison and Angelea stuff on there right now! *End update*

I’m so proud of my little scary doll-eyed blood lover. I loved her back on Cycle 12 and I still love her now. Even if she didn’t win Cycle 17.

Allison Harvard definitely deserved to be named “America’s Next Top Model All Star.” She always seemed aware that the whole thing was ridiculous — One-word branding? Bath tub perfume ads? Pot Ledom?! I am Tookie?! — and stayed above it without mocking the whole thing or taking it much too seriously.

How random that Angelea was disqualified right at the end. If shooting had already wrapped, how much time lapsed between the end of filming and the final panel where they decided the winner?

Angelea Preston, on the other hand, took everything way too seriously. This was her Hunger Games and it brought out all of her emotions —good and bad, but mostly bad.

And then something happened to disqualify Angelea, after the final runway show, right when the panel was about to judge the winner.

As Nigel put it: “It turns out that after shooting was wrapped, our production team and the network learned information from Angelea that disqualifies her from the competition.”

What went on with Angelea? They didn’t say. It was frustratingly cryptic, especially since Angelea was so into the competition up to this point. However, everyone said they wished Angelea the best so she couldn’t have done anything too awful.

***Update***

According to comments below, as well as other reports, Angelea supposedly posted some finale spoilers on Facebook and that got her dumped.

***End Update***

Anyway, the finale came down to two girls after all: Allison vs. Lisa D’Amato.

Lisa grew on me as the cycle progressed. I came to love the wild child. But really? She’s ANTM’s first All Star?

She just doesn’t fit the high fashion mold as much as Allison. She also reads a little “old” to me — model “old” not real-life old. Both Lisa and Angelea are a little more commercial, which fits with the “Extra” correspondent part of the competition, but not the pure modeling part.

Allison actually matched her branding term — unique — which automatically set her up to win, in my eyes, since that’s what they were looking for to begin with. Lisa was given “daring” and Angelea had “persistence” and neither one had the same ring.

Plus, Allison at least kept pace with her previous season, even if she didn’t improve on it. (I don’t think anyone really improved.) She took gorgeous photos and managed to turn her I-can’t-look-into-the-sun issues into assets, since it made her eyes tear up and look stunning. She also came out of her shell a lot more and showed her personality, which seemed to include a dry wit and natural gift for random goth music videos.

On that note, I got sick of hearing about her supposed lack of personality — as if being more reserved than the crazies is the same thing as having no personality. It isn’t. Just like being loud and overconfident does not equal a personality.  To me, it just equals obnoxious. Allison may be reserved but she’s great on camera and if she’s interviewing someone she might actually let the interview be about the subject.

As they said during the finale, she’s one of the  most popular past contestants and even The Game fell in love with her. Tyson Beckford wasn’t as into her, but that’s probably because she failed to worship him as much as Angelea.

I like Lisa well enough — and I think she’ll do well with the “Extra” interviews — but Allison was the real star of this season. Maybe they can keep bringing her back until they get it right?

***

Catch up on my ANTM stories in this little archive.

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