Someone slip some Valium into the crispy rice and give Phillip a scoop.

Anyone who doesn’t think Phillip is crazy is crazy.

Phillip Sheppard has been hijacking “Survivor: Redemption Island” for a while now and it started out as funny in a Coach 2.0 way. But because he’s been given so much leeway by his tribe (who roll their eyes at him behind his back) and the producers just love exploiting him for drama, he’s now shifted from being the amusing rice police to the slandering race police.

I appreciate that at the start of the episode, “Rice Wars,” (should’ve been “Race Wars”) they featured a flashback of first outcast Francesca Hogi calling fellow African-American Phillip “crazy.” That’s important because being called “crazy” by white Steve became a focal point of the episode.

Phillip went off about the rice again, although this time he didn’t target “the crispy” in his wild but entertaining way. He has been going out of his way to emphasize the divisions that still exist between the old Zapatera and Ometepe tribes (forgetting that his old tribemates were all against him not too long ago and they only want to keep him because he’ll get zero votes in the end).

But when Ometepe’s rice was about to spoil, the surviving Zapateras decided not to help them by allowing the Omes to use their rice jars. I wouldn’t allow them to use the jars, either. Boston Rob’s mafia has gone out of their way to ostracize the Zaps. They owe the Ometepe folks nothing.

Steve probably wishes they had sent him to Redemption Island instead of David ... and Julie. Thats the safest place at this point.

Phillip went on and on to Steve and Julie about how it wasn’t logical to not let Ometepe use their rice jar. He got very Phillip about it, which is to say he started rambling and getting heated. Steve called him a “lunatic” and Phillip initially agreed as he walked away. Then he returned and said anytime someone of his color makes an argument to someone like Steve, the Steves of the world come back and call the Phillips “Crazy.” It would be a point worth looking into if Phillip hadn’t been crazy to everyone FROM DAY ONE.

Tonight he called himself “chief of counter intelligence,” in addition to being a federal agent. He also called himself the n-word and told the cameras “I’m like a lot of black men, we’re prepared to self-destruct at any moment.”

But it’s perfectly fine for him to say that?

I can’t speak for any black men, but I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be lumped into the same category as Phillip. And, buddy, please don’t speak for women when it comes to making analogies between understanding racism and understanding when a man makes an inappropriate pass at a woman.

As Steve said of Phillip: “It’s not a chip, it’s a log on his shoulder.” Steve also said he played football with the L.A. Raiders where 1/5 of the team was white. “There’s no line of black and white in my heart.”

I miss the part of “Survivor” where they actually play “Survivor” out there instead of therapy. I’m done with Phillip.

Matt and Mike won the Redemption Island three-way, making David the first jury member. I thought David would go farther in the game.

Rob won immunity in the series of puzzles (he’s always been good at puzzles) and Julie was sent to Redemption Island. Julie also hid Phillip’s shorts. Messing with people’s clothes is always nasty, but I’ve been following Jeff Probst’s tweets and it’s pretty clear he’ll do anything to defend Phillip. He tweeted it was “downright cold blooded” to bury the shorts, but Jeff worships Russell Hantz, who pulled that move with Jaison’s socks back when they were still on the same tribe in “Samoa.”

I feel sorry for Matt, whose faith seems to be tested out there. I thought I was tired of Matt’s talk about how God is his co-pilot or whatnot, but I’ll take that over Phillip’s ranting any day. Religion is sensitive but race is even more sensitive and there’s no way to “win” an argument when you’re just talking about people’s feelings. Phillip clearly felt affronted by Steve using the c-word in particular.

I feel most sorry for Steve, because everyone out there has called Phillip crazy at least once, or at least thought it. Except maybe Matt. Matt has spent the game away from everyone else, which — it turns out — was God’s true blessing.

***

Catch up on my “Survivor” stories in this archive.

These people are playing the game:

Ometepe Tribe

* Grant Mattos, 29, West Hollywood; former NFLer, yoga instructor
* Phillip Sheppard, 52, Santa Monica; technology executive
* Natalie Tenerelli, 19, Acton, Calif.; professional dancer
* Ashley Underwood, 25, Benton, Maine; nurse
* Andrea Boehlke, 21, Random Lake, Wis.; student
* “Boston Rob” Rob Mariano
* Francesca Hogi, 36, Washington D.C.; attorney— 1st sent to Redemption Island
* Matt Elrod, 22, Nashville; pre-med student — 2nd sent to Redemption Island, first to be “redeemed,” 8th sent to Redemption Island
* Kristina Kell, 46, Malibu; law student — 4th sent to Redemption Island

Zapatera Tribe

* Ralph Kiser, 44, Lebanon, Va.; farmer
* Steve Wright, 51, Huntington Beach, Calif.; former NFL player
* Russell Hantz — 3rd sent to Redemption Island
* Krista Klumpp, 25, Columbia, S.C.; pharmaceutical rep. — 5th sent to Redemption Island
* Stephanie Valencia, 25, Long Beach, Calif.; waitress — 6th sent to Redemption Island
* Sarita White, 36, Santa Monica; visual effects producer — 7th sent to Redemption Island, aka “Matt’s Island”
* Mike Chiesl, 31, Del Mar, Calif.; former Marine — 9th sent to Redemption Island
* David Murphy, 31, West Hollywood; defense attorney — 10th sent to Redemption Island, 1st Jury Member
*
Julie Wolfe, 50, Oceanside, Calif.; firefighter — 11th sent to Redemption Island

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