In my fantasy land, I’m wearing a green dress to the Golden Globe Awards. And the Oscars. And the SAG Awards. And everywhere else. Because green is the way to go, as Scarlett Johansson proved at the MTV Movie Awards.
Thankfully, Hollywood paid attention. Lots of green. And lots of red. (Thanks Sofia Vergara, January Jones and Christina Hendricks!)
Unfortunately they also went for nude/blush tones and I have never been a big fan. Natalie Portman even tried to combine the blush and red in an epic fail. (But I still don’t think she looked as bad as Heidi Klum.)
See below for my best and worst from the night.
Catherine Zeta-Jones upstaged her not-that-sick-anymore husband, Michael Douglas —which is probably how he likes it and why he married her — in arguably my favorite gown of the night. I had forgotten how gorgeous she is. She reminded me.
I think January Jones is the most consistently interesting person on any red carpet. She was my favorite at the Emmys (except her hair) and I love her bold statement here. She is so confident when it comes to fashion, so why does she suck so bad as a “Saturday Night Live” host? She’s even dating the hottest SNL guy, Jason Sudeikis. I don’t get it. Anyway, I love this look. She is beyond stunning.
Angelina Jolie wore emerald earrings to the Oscars … was it last year? No, I think maybe the year before. Can’t remember. Anyway, she wore those gorgeous earrings with a bland black dress and this time she’s covering up her scrawny frame in a full green dress. At least she looked good while Ricky Gervais trashed her film, “The Tourist.” Awkward! He really knows how to get the groans.
Mila Kunis, the other hottie from “Black Swan,” also wore green. She looks just like the elder daughter from “Modern Family.” I think it’s funny that both Mila and her “Black Swan” buddy, Natalie Portman, have almost identical movies coming out. Mila’s is called “Friends with Benefits” and Natalie’s is “No Strings Attached.” That trend sucks.
I love Elisabeth Moss, even if she is a Scientologist. What do I care. She looks great and looking great is the best revenge. (Take that, Fred Armisen!) This is not my favorite green dress, but I’m all-in when it comes to green tonight.
Miss Hailee was amazing in “True Grit” (which was otherwise just OK to me) and looks gorgeous here. Sleek hair! I love sleek hair.
I like Amy Adams, even if I wasn’t that into her in “The Fighter.” But I was only into Christian Bale in “The Fighter.”
Speaking of Christian, why is he all of a sudden always gushing about his wife?
Actually, I know the answer: He’s trying so hard to win an Oscar for “The Fighter.”
So can we love him now? I miss loving him.
And what did he say to Roberto De Niro?
She knows. She knows exactly what she’s doing. Look at her. When is “Mad Men” coming back? By the way, look at what they’re doing to Johnny Depp in this shot. AP recalled this but I’m keeping it.
Sofia! Always looks good. Doesn’t know how not to. Love the back. Baby got back, for sure. Love or hate? Hit up FabSugar’s poll.
Holy crap. When is Halle Berry going to look just average? Her perpetual beauty is getting to be annoying.
See. This is how good it looks when you keep it simple. Granted, Claire Danes is a bit too thin, but I looooove this simply chic look.
Sandra Bullock has given up. The hair. The dress. So far from her big Oscar moment. Sad.
Natalie Portman is pregnant but for heaven’s sake, she’s not THAT pregnant. She recently got even tinier for “Black Swan” so it’s kind of funny how in the same 365 days she’ll probably be at her smallest (ballet dancer) and largest (preggers!) as an adult woman. Anyway, the dress is ugly.
There are at least three dresses in this one dress. Oh Hope. The blue is nice, anyway.
This is one of my biggest disappointments. Juliana Margulies is not Tilda Swinton, I don’t expect her to look bad. She’s gorgeous and this dress does not flatter.
Jennifer Lopez does not look good here. She normally does, but it doesn’t work this time. Blah. I don’t like how she overdoes her face.
How did Lea Michele end up on the worst list? She’s usually so good at keeping it simple and glam, but she goes overboard here. And it keeps bunching in the wrong places.
Look, no one loves Michelle Williams more than I do. But this cute hippie look is just not right. And it’s not flattering. Frown.
The one and only. The woman. The myth. The legend. The Tilda.
How could I forget Helena Bonham Carter! She is the new Bjork. I adore her. The SHOES! Watch “The King’s Speech” and join me in wishing you lived in Geoffrey Rush’s office.
Olivia Wilde was one of the first ladies to hit the red carpet. I loved her Cinderella dress and didn’t even mind her bangs. But the shoes. Too much for me.
Scarlett Johansson is definitely going old Hollywood, but I’m not sure about the sleeves. And the color. I just want color. Why is that too much to ask?
Check out my“ “Golden Globes” archive and scroll down for whatever-the-hell I said about last year’s event. I can’t even remember.