Kelly, just take your leg off and smack Na with it. Seriously, what's the point of a detachable leg if it can't be used as a weapon?

NaOnka Mixon: “I’ll push you so hard that damn leg’ll fly off.”

Did I mention NaOnka is a P.E. teacher? Can you imagine how much of a PITA she is with her students? I’d beg my parents to transfer.

It's not my fault.

Anyway, now that Shannon/Shambo/Nicaragua’s-answer-toSamoa’s-Ben has gone back to his (hostage?) wife, we need to talk about Episode 3 of “Survivor: Nicaragua.”

If you watch the preview here at CBS.com, you can observe Coach Jimmy Johnson as he embarrasses himself in front of a team of monkeys (and I don’t mean the La Flor tribe), hear La Flor decide what to do with the Medallion of Powaaahhhh and see NaOnka continue to be, as Jeff Probst himself put it, “the bitch of the show.”

According to CBS, here’s what will happen next Wednesday, Sept. 29 on “Glitter in Their Eyes”:

“An allied pair with a powerful secret makes a surprising announcement to their tribe in the hopes that their daring strategy will pay off.”

(Sounds like Kelly Bruno and Alina Wilson with the immunity idol clue they couldn’t figure out after thinking about it for two seconds.)

Also: “A battle erupts over a clue to the hidden immunity idol and one fearless competitor makes a bold move that earns them the upper hand, but the bad behavior doesn’t go unnoticed by their tribemates.”

OK, that definitely sounds like Kelly vs. NaOnka. Remind me why Na hates Kelly so much? Is it just the leg?

And am I going straight to hell if I think Jud/Fabio is cute? Am I just trying too hard to find eye candy this season? Chase Rice is too much of a dim bulb about “The Asian Sensation” Brenda Lowe.

By the way, if you want to read some of the spoilers out there, I’ve collected various boot lists here. I’m pretty confident about the final 3, if nothing else.

And check out my full archive of “Survivor” stories, spoilers and recaps here.

THESE PEOPLE ARE STILL AROUND:

La Flor Tribe (The Flower)

Alina Wilson, 23; student/model
Ben “Benry” Henry, 24; bar owner
Brenda Lowe, 27; business owner, former Miami Dolphins cheerleader
Chase Rice, 24; NASCAR jackman/singer
Judson Birza, 21; student/model/musician
Kelly Bruno, 25; medical student, amputee triathlete
Kelly Shinn, 20; student
Matthew “Sash” Lenahan, 30; luxury broker
NaOnka Mixon, 27; P.E. teacher

Espada Tribe (The Sword)

Dan Lembo, 63; property management
Holly Hoffman, 44; swim coach
Jane Bright, 56; dog trainer
Jillian Behm, 43; ER physician
Jimmy Johnson, 67; retired NFL coach/TV sports broadcaster
Jimmy Tarantino, 48; fisherman/government seafood inspector
Marty Piombo, 48; wine industry executive
Tyrone Davis, 42; fire captain
Yve Rojas, 41; stay-at-home mom

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