By Gina Carbone
I’m offended. Not that I would ever do well on “Survivor,” but to remove my chances completely? I should sue. Can I sue?
All thirtysomethings out there, let’s get a class action suit going — and let’s go for the jugular: Joint custody of Jeff Probst’s dimples. This may be our only chance.
“Survivor: Nicaragua” doesn’t want us. It only wants people 30 or under or 40 and over. The youngest is a 20-year-old student named Kelly Shinn and the oldest is 67-year-old masochist retired NFL coach Jimmy Johnson.
CBS released the cast info today and I swiped this list from E! News, where King Dimples himself said they are taming down the challenges.
“Once we decided it was going to be old versus young,” Jeff told E!, “we knew it couldn’t be big physical challenges. One of the things that’s kind of implied [in Survivor] is that the challenges have to be fair for everybody.”
Rudy Boesch had to do the tough stuff! Make Mr. Football man up and do the same.
According to Entertainment Weekly, there are more twists beyond old vs. young:
“At the very opening, Probst will reveal to the contestants a brand new item: the Medallion of Power. The Medallion can be used by a tribe to give itself an advantage in an immunity challenge, but once used, it goes over to the other tribe to use when it sees fit. ‘The Medallion of Power is designed to give you power at challenges,’ Jeff told EW. ‘And our job is to make sure that the advantage is enough to tempt you — not so much that it’s a landslide, but enough that you go, ‘I’m not sure we should take it. Maybe we should, maybe we shouldn’t.’”
Also, thanks to The Evil Oompa Loompa Russell Hantz, immunity idols will now be harder to find.
“This season we have made changes to the hidden immunity idol,” Jeff told EW. “The only way you’re gonna find it is to decipher these cryptic visual clues. So it’s a bit like a visual riddle, and the audience will get to play along. And the first set of four clues is very difficult. The next set will be a little easier, and then by the third set, you should find it.”
“Survivor: Nicaragua” premieres on WEDNESDAY, September 15 at 8 p.m. on CBS.
Here is the cast list. Check out more photos and intel at the official site.
La Flor Tribe (The Flower — even though it’s not French, I still think of Sawyer/LaFleur from “Lost”)
Alina Wilson, 23; student/model
Ben “Benry” Henry, 24; bar owner
Brenda Lowe, 27; business owner, former Miami Dolphins cheerleader
Chase Rice, 24; NASCAR jackman/singer — (Gina’s note: Potential eye candy)
Judson Birza, 21; student/model/musician — (Gina’s note: Potential comic relief)
Kelly Bruno, 25; medical student, amputee triathlete
Kelly Shinn, 20; student
Matthew “Sash” Lenahan, 30; luxury broker
NaOnka Mixon, 27; P.E. teacher
Shannon Elkins, 30; business owner
Espada Tribe (The Sword)
Dan Lembo, 63; property management
Holly Hoffman, 44; swim coach
Jane Bright, 56; dog trainer
Jillian Behm, 43; ER physician
Jimmy Johnson, 67; retired NFL coach/TV sports broadcaster
Jimmy Tarantino, 48; fisherman/government seafood inspector
Marty Piombo, 48; wine industry executive
Tyrone Davis, 42; fire captain
Wendy Jo DeSmidt-Kohlhoff, 48; retired army officer
Yve Rojas, 41; stay-at-home mom
Based on nothing I am going to guess that one of the “older” folks wins. But that is based on gut alone since recently Jeff announced that the average age of a “Survivor” winner is in their 30s. (Dang it!) Still, young people tend to be viewed as bigger threats for some reason. They are also more obnoxious in general.
I always do a pre-season pick for the winner. Back on “Samoa” I picked The Toothless Texan, who turned out to be The Evil Oompa Loompa. This time I am picking Jane Bright. She has something of a Tina Wesson meets Twila thing going on. I see her bonding with people without having a target on her back.
Catch up on my “Survivor” stories in this nifty archive. Parvati Shallow should’ve won “Heroes vs. Villains.” Deep down, you know it’s true.