Holy crap.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

I’m not writing a full recap of “The Men Tell All.” You can get that and a list of the stupidest quotes Tuesday morning at BacheloretteFans.com.

Ali doesn't tell much either.

But here are a few of my notes:

Craig M. wasn’t even there. Why not? He got trashed, but not half as much as Justin “Rated-R” Rego, who was vilified more than Jesse James. (Justin tweeted that he will be issuing another statement about the show.)

Frank wasn’t there, because he’ll supposedly be at “The After the Final Rose.” Which is stupid since that airs after the finale and no matter what happens we’ll all be more interested in hearing from Ali, Roberto and Chris than Frank. (Reality Steve tweeted that Frank wasn’t in L.A. this past weekend for the ATFR taping, whatever that means.)

Craig R. dominated the conversation, as usual.

Chris N. can actually talk! It’s funny to hear him make fun of Justin for wearing a shirt to promote himself, then reveal his own “The Phantom” shirt. He even speaks of himself as The Phantom in third person.

Some of these guys didn't get a chance to tell anything, never mind all.

Kirk seemed to have nothing to say.

Poor Jonathan couldn’t get a word in with Tyler V. going after him. But at least there was some man-on-man drama. It was too much of a love fest.

Why didn’t Shooter or Jason get to say a single word? Why was Shooter there if he couldn’t even talk about his big moment? Even Steve got to get one line in, even if I can’t remember it.

I loved Ali’s behind-the-scenes moments with Roberto. The cat. The champagne bottle. The tight harnesses.

Chris L. really does come off like a frat boy, especially with this:  “We’re in Turkey and there’s nothing else to do but make people piss their pants.” So he does it to Craig R.!

Why didn’t they show more of Jesse Beck? It’s ridiculous how good he looked. I would’ve much much much rather heard more from him — or anyone — than waste so much time recapping stuff we’ve already seen and waste even more time with the dumbass “Bachelor Pad” preview.

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For all kinds of “Bachelorette” news, spoilers, recaps, top 10 lists, fashion face-offs and various general “stuff” visit BacheloretteFans.com.

Catch up on my own nifty spoiler-and-speculation-filled Bachelor/Bachelorette archive here. I’ve been updating this pretty frequently in the last few days, so do a lot of scrolling to get it all! :)

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