A *shite*storm of his own making sends Craig back to Toronto. They can keep him. Meanwhile, Houston can feel free to come claim Jonathan, if his mother doesn't show up first.

By Gina Carbone

You know what I’d love to see? A cage match between Craig “The Hair” McKinnon from Ali Fedotowsky’s season of “The Bachelorette” and Dave “Man Code” Good of Jillian Harris’ season.

Hopefully they’d just kill each other off, but I worry that they might actually get along. In fact, yeah. They would probably have a great bromance.

I’ve been through a lot with my fellow Mass girl. I liked her at first on “The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love” with Mr. Vienna Girardi. Then disliked her whiny I don’t knoooooooowwwww what to dooooooo sobbing about work.

Now I’m back to liking Ali, because she just cut The Hair. I hate The Hair, and I hate how the guys seemed to laugh at his stupid antics (you wear gross short-shorts and sweat through another guy’s jacket and that’s funny?) and egged him on. Craig M. is a bully and the guys helped him bully Jonathan “The Weatherman” Novack. That is not OK.

Not that I’m fond of Jonathan. He’s coming off as weak and whiny, even if he really does have a brown belt from his year and a half of martial arts.

The good news at this point on “The Bachelorette” is Justin “Rated R” Rego is actually coming off as an OK guy. (For now.) But this is a lousy season on the bachelor front in general. (Reid, we miss you! Graham, I miss you and your abs!)

There’s Frank Neuschaefer, who is ADORABLE, but I already hate him because of the spoilers. And I can already see that developing. Come on. The “aspiring screenwriter” gets the Hollywood paparazzi date and Ali is proud of him for being “uncomfortable” but smiling and kissing her and putting on a good face for the cameras? Please. Frank only went on the show for those very cameras. He wants his name out there.

Jesse Beck is hot as hell, except for his spiky hair, but his vocabulary appears to be limited to “stoked.” Ty Brown annoys the crap out of me already. No. More. Guitars. Please. Kasey Kahl and his fast-talking monotone still creep me out. Chris Lambton goes far, I know, but he’s the Deepak Chopra of the house. No real believable human quote has come out of his mouth.

Steve Kocsis seems like a sweetie for helping to boost Jonathan’s nerves during the Sexy Guy calendar shoot (which was missing a few sexy guys), but he didn’t need to go so far as to compliment the weatherman’s ass.

So far the only guy getting an A+ is Roberto Martinez, who continues to hit it out of the park. Literally. He said tonight that he played baseball in college and was drafted by the Rockies and the Twins. (So what happened? He didn’t say.) He and Ali played catch together and he taught her another something new. This guy is the only winner on deck.

(Bachelorette spoilers: Should Ali Fedotowsky pick Chris Lambton or Roberto Martinez?)

In a nice twist, Jonathan is playing the Ali role this season and Craig M. is the Vienna. Except Ali didn’t keep the Vienna around, like Jake did. She dumped her Vienna. I bet it felt good. It sure felt good from here.

Go back to Canada, you twat. And I hope all the “attractive women” you wanted to meet on the plane shave your head in your sleep.


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