You got what you deserved, man. Stephen would be ashamed.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

Lucy, you got some ‘splainin’ to do!

Is this the first time someone has blindsided Russell Hantz? Sure, he’s still in the mix on “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains,” but he did not see Parvati Shallow playing two idols on the episode appropriately titled “Going Down in Flames.”

He decided to give Parvati the idol JT Thomas had given him, ignoring his own taunt last week that you should never give the enemy the idol.

Make no mistake, troll, Parvati is the enemy. And she is kicking your Oompa Loompa Ass! LOVE IT.

Especially since Oompa was so blinded by his own sense of being the heroic and magnanimous King Villain, he didn’t realize Queen Parvati already had her own idol.

I think Jerri Manthey was right. The name of the newly merged tribe should be All Villains. There is no Yin and Yang. They are all scrambling in the exact same way. Except maybe Parvati. She is “dangerous,” as Amanda Kimmel noted, but so far people are just handing her opportunities like grapes to the gods. Doesn’t seem terribly savvy.

I don't like you, but I respect you. Now, what's your big plan for next week?

By the end of the episode, Parvati’s real ally, Danielle DiLorenzo, had won the immunity challenge (which Parv let her win), and Parv gave her two idols to Sandra Diaz-Twine and Jerri.

Candice Woodcock said the five Heroes voted for Jerri because she was considered the least likely of the Villains to be given an idol. So those five Jerri votes were invalid, leaving only the five Villain votes for Idiot Boy JT.

It was a masterful play, but now what?

Hey, speaking of who is kicking Russell’s ass, Sandra is now coming into her own. She had the most powerful thing you can have in this game: Information. And she played it well. She told Rupert “The Banana Whisperer” Boneham the truth about Russell, knowing he would believe her but maybe his compatriots wouldn’t. Now that the Hero leader is gone, she can sweep in and be the new leader of the minority tribe.

Oh and JT? He said in his goodbye that he felt like “a total idiot” for believing Russell so completely, but instead of turning around and blaming Russell and the Villains, his key conclusion was: “Don’t trust women, ever ever ever.”

That’s what you got out of what happened? How about don’t trust yourself, ever ever ever, since you are so blinded by your own alpha male arrogance you STILL can’t see you got screwed by you.

And your good pal Russell — who whispered to Parvati that she had some “explaining to do” — got screwed by the exact same thing.

Parvati, I tip my hat to you. I still can’t stand your obnoxious laugh and I have no idea what you’re going to do next week when you have no idols to play, but good on ya.

*** STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS EPISODE RECAP ***

Heroes Camp To Be Home Base

Rupert and Amanda find a trunk that can only be opened when the Villains show up with the key. (Very “Ghostbusters.” Are you the Keymaster? I am the Gatekeeper! Maybe Jerri and Colby can role-play that out.)

So the 5 Villains will be moving in with the 5 Heroes at Chez Heroes.

***

Villains Plot Stuff

Russell thinks he has the only immunity idol. He had a pow-wow with Parvati and Danielle about what to tell the Heroes when they show up — “they” including Parvati, whom JT and the Heroes instructed Russell to ditch in their hilarious love letter. Danielle got all “Shh!” when Sandra was wandering by. What are you, 4?

Danielle annoys the crap out of me. So keep her. No one ever wants to vote for the obnoxious ones at the end, so it’s good to have someone like that sitting next to you.

***

The Villains Are Coming!

Parvati once again referred to herself as the Queen and Russell as the King. She called Danielle her “Lady in Waiting.”

And here I thought Coach was gone.

A toast to being completely ruled by the Villains!

JT said “Thank God” when he saw Russell there, behind the (*sponsorship alert*) Sears box.

So he figured Parvati played an idol and there are no more idols in the game. … Except for the two Russell and Parvati have! Way to be, JT.

They opened the black box and vegetables and fruits and stuff arrived.

They talked about what to call themselves. Hillains. Yin Yang. Jerri suggested “All Villains,” and despite Rupert’s frustrations, that’s a good idea. Rupert is another one I would be glad to see gone.

Parvati doesn’t feel like she’s part of the new tribe because they all wanted her gone. She’s “offended” by how the Heroes are treating her. (The Queen is not amused!) They don’t know it, she said, but they are about to be picked off one by one.

Russell spinned his lies to JT and Rupert. He told them Parvati played her idol at the same time. He said there was a revote and that’s how they got to Courtney. He told them — ha ha! — he hasn’t been comfortable since day 4.

He told them — ha ha — to just “breathe” and let it happen.

Seriously, Coach is still around. He’ll probably break into Tai Chi.

JT admitted to the camera Russell could actually be the leader of the girls, but he doesn’t believe it. He knows the idol move could come back to bite him, but he’s so DELUDED confident he’s sure of the new alliance.

Sandra wants revenge. She told Rupert the truth, that Courtney was part of her alliance. She said Russell is the kingpin and Parvati is his right-hand man. She said the Heroes are going to be picked off one by one, starting with a man.

Rupert said he has to believe Sandra (why?) and that means Russell is playing them.

Now, we know Sandra is telling the truth, but Rupert doesn’t know that. He just believes whatever the last person said. Not a good plan.

Maybe it should be All Idiots instead of All Villains.

***

We’re Back to Banana Etiquette Already!

Rupert has no patience for big eaters. Ironic since he’s the fat guy.

Rupert: “Greedy ass, eatin ass, pain in the ass tribe.”

They have plenty of coconuts, but when you want to eat their bananas it becomes war.

Rupert makes Sandra’s case about Russell. “He’s on the Villain’s side for a reason!” (Tip: So is Sandra.)

JT believes Russell. They all just believe whoever has looked in their eyes.

Rupert proposed a test. They will tell Russell who they are voting out then the five of them will vote for someone else.

JT told Rupert he was “paranoid.” It’s “Survivor.” You should be.

“There’s a reason I’ve been doing Rupert’s strategical play for him thus far,” JT said, chuckling. (DUMBASS)

He laughed and told the camera Rupert should think about it, should he believe Sandra or should he believe the obvious thing, which is Russell and the women’s alliance?

Rupert is talking sense at this point, telling Candice that Russell swore on his kids’ lives that he was telling them the truth, and anyone who would say that he doesn’t trust.

But it took Sandra telling him that for him to believe it. Sandra made a smart move in picking Rupert to tell. She knew who would believe her.

***

Amanda and Parvati

Amanda told Parvati she has no power on her tribe (ha!). She said she’s working hard to get rid of Sandra and that’s the only way to save Parvati. These two should not be allowed to talk to each other.

Parvati decided to tell Amanda about her idol. Why?

They aren’t telling each other the whole truth, but they say they trust each other. That’s what they say to each other’s faces, anyway. But Amanda told the camera she knows if Parvati gets to the end she’ll win.

***

Immunity Challenge

Russell said they settled on a name of Yin Yang.

Simple hang-onto-the-pole challenge. I like the simple ones.

They are very high up. Candice, JT and Parvati have done this challenge before but have never won.

Sandra couldn’t get good footing. Colby and Sandra were the first ones out.

Look, I LOVE Colby, but WTF? What’s wrong with his feet? Train yourself, man. I like you a lot more than Rupert but Rupert has a broken toe and he’s hanging on.

This is another challenge that favors women because they tend to have smaller feet. Same as last week, which is curious.

That said, JT did well last week and he’s doing well again. His deluded overconfidence is irritating, but he’s a VERY strong physical player. There are so many reasons to get rid of him.

After JT dropped it was down to Candice, Parvati, Jerri and Danielle.

Jerri dropped from dehydration more than pain, she said. She was up there for 1 hr 30 min.

Candice and Parvati had a showdown back on Cook Islands.

Candice stepped off the post to end the challenge and Jeff called her out on that move. Why is she doing that?

Danielle and Parvati were left and they chatted. Danielle said she would win because Parvati has the idol. So Parvati got down. That’s the downside of telling her about that idol, Parv.

So Danielle got immunity, not that she needed it.

Rupert told the camera Parvati wouldn’t have walked off the pole if she didn’t have the idol. (It’s true.)

He wants to out Russell as the weasel he is. (It’s true.)

The downside of this whole Sandra Told Rupert thing is Rupert will now puff himself up as the voice of wisdom when he was just lucky that she chose him to tell. She could’ve been lying, just like Russell was lying to JT. After all, Sandra is a villain, too.

***

Who To Vote Out?

JT said the plan is for Russell to write down Parvati’s name where the Heroes will write down either Jerri or Sandra’s name.

JT and Colby were confused by Parvati giving up during the challenge. They think it’s suspicious.

Sandra really wants Russell out bad. “But right now I’m stuck with Russell. I’m stuck with Russell.”

Girl, I feel your pain. I do. I want him out BAD.

Russell plans to save Parvati again. So he — ha ha! — gave her the idol JT gave him.

So now — ha ha! — Parvati has two idols. Everyone wants to get rid of her and yet they can’t stop giving her idols.

Amanda said of Parvati: “She’s so dangerous.” She wants Parvati to play her idol to flush it out. She told Parvati they were voting for her, but Parv knew Amanda was lying.

Amanda made some bad acting sigh and said “My head hurts.” Whatever. No wonder Parvati beats you at this.

***

Tribal council

Rupert is back on the bananas! My God, man! Danielle gave a “with all due respect…” speech, which we all know means “I have no respect for you…” So it’s Danielle vs. Rupert over food. This is embarrassing.

Russell said there are two separate tribes and the game is on. Let’s forget about green bananas. “Tonight’s vote will dictate the rest of the game.” This is the most important vote. If a Hero goes home, the Villains will be in the top 5. And vice versa.

JT now believes his name will be written down, because no one is talking to him. (Wah!)

Jerri, are you trying to flirt with JT now? I like your style, girl. Colby, then JT. Good eye.

Now there’s a fight over who is being ignored the most. Parv said she feels like a “leper” and SNAP! Jeff asked if it was because she’s used to getting attention in real life.

Candice said they decided to vote for Jerri because out of all of the Heroes she was the least likely to be given a hidden idol. (Ouch!)

LOVE watching Coach and Courtney whisper about the “troll.” Coach is such a lounge lizard.

Parvati played two idols! She gave one to Sandra and one to Jerri. So funny!

JT said “damn it.”

Jerri

Jerri

Jerri

Jerri

JT

JT

JT said “well done” — to Russell?

Russell turned to Parv and said she had some explaining to do. Ha! She owes you nothing, troll.

***

These people are still around:

HEROES
Rupert Boneham (Pearl Islands, All-Stars)
Colby Donaldson (Australian Outback, All-Stars)
Amanda Kimmel (China, Fans vs. Favorites)
Candice Woodcock (Cook Islands)

VILLAINS
Sandra Diaz (Pearl Islands)
Danielle DiLorenzo (Panama)
Russell Hantz (Samoa)
Jerri Manthey (Australian Outback, All-Stars)
Parvati Shallow (Cook Islands, Fans vs. Favorites)

***

Psst? Want to know who wins “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains”? Or just who goes next? The boot list is already out. Read it here.

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