Which is worse: Having a big mouth or listening to someone who has a big mouth when you should know better?

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

If Colby Donaldson didn’t want to leave “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains” before “Banana Etiquette,” I can only imagine he’s ready to go now.

“Old sleepy-ass Colby” — a sucky Superman in a fat suit?

Ouch.

Yes, he lost to the Dragon Slayer. Yes, he was in last place during the rope challenge. He was beat by a fat man (Rupert Boneham) and a cripple (James Clement).

Did James have to tick all of those failures off during tribal council — with the Villains watching and listening and eating hot dogs?

Why don’t you just all take turns kicking him?

Anyway, Colby is in. James and his giant mouth are out.

(Apparently failure is an option. But stealing bananas is not.)

Glad for my eye candy to still be intact, but no more speeches about how you know you’re going home when you clearly don’t know squat.

But who cares.

We have more important things to discuss right now.

Like Tyson.

Who was already a dumbass even before he single-handedly gave Russell Hantz a major victory during tribal council.

Tyson wins the Champion Douche award.

We were so close to being rid of him.

After being voted out he told the camera Russell probably earned some respect with that move.

It only took about four seconds to fool you, Tyson, so don’t congratulate Russell too hard. It wasn’t that great a move. It should not have worked.

Poor Boston Rob. He wins the immunity challenge — twice — thereby winning individual immunity and hot dogs and sodas for his tribe.

He set them up with the perfect plan to get rid of either flirty Parvati Shallow or the evil Oompa Loompa and got the tribe ringside seats for the Heroes tribal council.

Even Russell said the best idea for the “other” Villains would be to split the vote three and three — three for Parvati, three for Russell.

That way, if Russell played the not-so hidden immunity idol, Parvati would go. But if Russell gave the idol to Parvati — which he did, after a pompous speech where he remembered to name drop the equally self-important CoachRussell would go.

It was a great plan. As Rob told the group, “We can’t lose.”

But they could! Because Tyson screwed it up.

He was supposed to vote for Russell. But he believed Russell when Russell told him he wanted to save Parvati, but didn’t think it would be possible.

Russell told Tyson he was going to vote for Parvati. Tyson — scared because he figured Russell and Parvati would be voting for him, since they couldn’t vote off Rob — tried to cover his own ass by switching his vote from Russell to Parvati.

Now is the time to play Superman, Colby. Regroup. Make Tina proud. Make me proud. Whatever. Just don't steal bananas. We know how that ends.

So he deserved to go home. And I can only hope that the next time the Villains go to tribal council, Rob and Sandra Diaz-Twine are able to keep a stable Russell ousting together.

Oh. And Colby? Time to man up, Sally. Own your tribe.

May I suggest dumping Rupert, Amanda and JT in that order? As long as you ditch JT before the merge, you should be all set.

****

INTRO POSTURING

Amanda is sick of Candice, because Candice wanted James out. (But she voted for Tom! Move on!)

Russell approached Boston Rob at night.

He told Rob he didn’t want to go after his throat. But he told the camera he only wanted Rob to think that.

He and Rob are now gunning for each other.

Rob: “Russ is going to find out soon enough that he’s out of his league.”

Rob said a lot of people are mad that Russell went out for the idol.

They have a “watch your back” battle.

Stop it, you’re both pretty!

****

ROPE CHALLENGE

Vague tree mail arrived about being at the end of your rope. They weren’t sure if it was for immunity or reward and Colby wanted to know what it meant for James, whose leg is injured.

The Villains were surprised that James was still around. (Me too.)

Jeff Probst said today they would be competing as individuals against their tribe mates because both tribes were going to tribal council.

Each person would be attached to a rope as they maneuver through an obstacle course.

Both winners from each tribe will square off with the winner getting his or her tribe hot dogs and soft drinks, which they will enjoy while watching the other team’s tribal council.

Tyson won this challenge in his season. He looked around when Jeff mentioned that, like he was looking for the Tyson that Jeff was talking about. That’s you, dumbass. (Sorry. NOT a Tyson fan.)

The Villains won the coin toss and had the Heroes go first.

James was actually in the lead during the challenge, with Colby stuck in the middle.

Love of God, Colby, MAN UP.

Candice won the individual immunity for the Heroes. So shut it, Amanda.

JT told the camera that Candice was the only thing stopping Colby from going home next.

So it’s 8:13 p.m. and he’s saying that. If Colby does go home after this, nice job spoiling it out of the gate.

Rob, you won. Twice. And have individual immunity. I know you're still stuck with Russell, but cheer up. At least you're not playing with the Career Builder monkeys on the Heroes tribe.

Right off the bat, Rob, Tyson and Russell were in the lead for the Villains. Sandra was making “no progress at all,” as Jeff put it.

Parvati and Coach were putting up good fights, too.

Rob was through the first section first.

Come on, Rob!

Yes! He won!

SUCK THAT DOWN, EVIL OOMPA LOOMPA! Ha ha.

Showdown between Boston Rob and Candice.

They added a third level to make it more difficult.

Rob was in the lead but Candice was right behind him.

Boston Rob won. Seriously, this guy is The Man.

Having said that, this makes the Russell vs. Rob story that much less dramatic.

They both have immunity idols. Rob can force Russell to play his tonight, though.

****

VILLAINS TRIBE — RUSSELL AND PARVATI MAKE A PLAN

Parvati said she went into the challenge knowing she had to win … and then Rob won.

Rob wasn’t exactly congratulating himself for beating a girl.

Rob gathered his troops and said they would vote out Parvati but make it seem like they wanted to vote out Russell.

Rob told Russell it’s better to be with him than against him.

Russell told Parvati he’s not stupid: He knows they are trying to flush the idol out. He said he was going to write down Tyson’s name and give the idol to Parvati.

****

HEROES TRIBE — COLBY OR JAMES?

Colby told the camera he needed an A+ performance to save himself and James beat him, even injured.

Colby addressed the troops, saying he knew he would be going home that night. He said no scrambling needed, no hard feelings on his part.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MAN, THINK OF ME.

Even if you have no thoughts for yourself, think of what a loss it will be for me with you gone.

James and Colby had a talk.

And by “talk” I mean James called Colby “the great Colby,” and said if he turns it on and starts winning they’ll be all right.

“But if it’s the old sleepy-ass Colby, you know, that gets beat by a fat man and a cripple, that ain’t right.”

HARSH!

Poor Colby’s reputation is getting ruined. One of the “baddest competitors” ever has seen his muscles go away.

As James told the camera, it almost brought him to tears. “It’s like my superman sucks.”

JT, Rupert, Candice and Amanda had a powwow about Colby vs. James.

JT said James eats them out of house and home. He eats too many bananas.

Rupert said he eats four bananas on the way to challenge and three more on the way back.

Amanda, who loves James and said last week that he treats her like a little sister, told James he has to stop stealing bananas.

It’s come to this. “Banana Etiquette,” just like the episode title.

James and JT raced down the beach to show that his leg was OK.

Rupert told the camera James is a fighter, James is power, James is on his side.

Colby is not a fighter, Rupert said.

JT told the camera James is the kind of person who will not let you know he’s hurt until he’s in a stretcher. They have to look at the big picture.

****

VILLAINS TRIBE — ROB’S THREE-WAY PLAN

Rob said they should split the vote three and three.

Three for Parvati, three for Russell.

Three of the other side are going to pick someone else, probably Tyson.

If they vote three and three there’s a tie.

If he plays the idol, she’s going home. If she plays the idol, he’s going home.

“We can’t lose.”

Rob said it was an “insurance policy” with the idol so they can’t blindside them.

Rob has an alliance with Tyson.

Tyson said the vote would be “pretty straightforward” which means it won’t be!

He said Rob, Tyson and Sandra would vote for Russell.

Courtney, Coach and Jerri would vote for Parvati.

(Where is Danielle in all of this? Is she with Russell and Parvati? Is she just sliding through?)

Russell told Tyson he can’t save Parvati so he’s going to vote for her.

Tyson said it was an excellent opportunity for him to send his vote to Parvati.

YOU MORON!

Russell told the camera the smartest thing for the other side to do would be to do a three-way tie. He’s not sure if they’re that smart.

Yes, they are! But Tyson sounds like he’s ready to screw it up already. Out of fear.

****

VILLAINS TRIBAL COUNCIL

Sandra called Russell out on having the immunity idol. Why is he playing coy?

We see Rob vote for Russell and say “Welcome to the big leagues.”

Parvati voted for Tyson.

Coach voted for Parvati.

Sandra voted for Russell. Wow, she hates him as much as I do.

Jeff said now would be the time to play the hidden idol.

So Russell stood up and started to hand the idol to Jeff. Then said “No, not this way.”

He said Coach always said honesty and trust was the best thing.

So he gave the idol to Parvati.

Rob shook his head.

Jeff said it was a bold move by Russell.

1. Russell
2. Russell
3. Parvati
4. Parvati
5. Parvati
6. Parvati
7. Tyson
8. Tyson
9. Tyson

F*CK!

Tyson, you ASS!

****

HEROES TRIBAL COUNCIL

Rupert said the line between hero and villain is so blurred right now. The Villains are teaching the Heroes how the game is played.

Someone has a bit of brown on his nose in front of the hot-dog-eating Villains!

Oh God, more gushing over JT. That he beat James in a foot race. The guy is crippled right now, even I could beat him.

James gave another rundown of Colby’s failures. Being beaten by the Dragon Slayer. Being beaten by a fat man and a cripple. Ouch.

It’s like Superman is wearing a fat suit?

Poor Colby. “I’m not that old.”

Your big brother is gone. But I think you'll be fine. You always manage to land on your feet. Until the end, anyway.

James explains the banana etiquette.

Colby is such a gentleman, to listen to all that and accept it — in front of the hot-dog-eating Villains.

I STILL LOVE YOU, MAN! And I bet Vanna White does, too.

1. Colby

2. James

3. James

4. James

5. James

Wow. Surprise.

James hugged Amanda.

JT — who can’t be trusted for longer than it takes him to drawl out a sentence — told him to have a shot for them. James called back that he’d be good and drunk within five minutes.

James, while you’re drunk, would you mind kicking Tyson at least once, for me?

****

These people are still around:

HEROES
Rupert Boneham (Pearl Islands, All-Stars)
Colby Donaldson (Australian Outback, All-Stars)
Cirie Fields (Panama, Fans vs. Favorites)
Amanda Kimmel (China, Fans vs. Favorites)
JT Thomas (Tocantins)
Tom Westman (Palau)
Candice Woodcock (Cook Islands)

VILLAINS
Sandra Diaz (Pearl Islands)
Danielle DiLorenzo (Panama)
Russell Hantz (Samoa)
Jerri Manthey (Australian Outback)
Boston Rob Mariano (Marquesas, All-Stars)
Parvati Shallow (Cook Islands, Fans vs. Favorites)
Benjamin “Coach” Wade (Tocantins)
Courtney Yates (China)

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