Jake and Chelsie practice their romantic Viennese waltz...as real dancer Tenley Molzahn quietly seethes with jealousy. You know Vienna Girardi is probably already flirting with whoever sits next to her in the ABC studio.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

“Dancing with the Stars” isn’t exactly “So You Think You Can Dance” — think way more sequins and way less talent.

(Think zero talent and you won’t leave disappointed.)

But any show that gives an extra 15 minutes to Crazy Cloris Leachman and introduces Gilles Marini’s chest to prime time gets a spot on Gina’s Must Watch list.

And that’s even before the arrival of Jake Pavelka of “The Bachelor” and his No. 1 blonde squeeze Chelsie Hightower Tanya Douglas Vienna Girardi.

(Jake tweeted earlier today that Gia Allemand will be in the audience tonight with Vienna.)

Tonight, Jake and Chelsie will supposedly dance a Viennese waltz to Seal’s “Kiss from a Rose.”

The Viennese waltz is a snore, but five of the pairs will be doing it, for some reason, on opening night. (Seriously, five waltzes on opening night? You want us to WATCH the show, right?)

Maybe Nicole will actually be too stiff for DWTS. Loosen up her buttons, Derek!

Six others will actually do something interesting: The cha-cha-cha.

No idea how Sexy Nicole Scherzinger and even Sexier Derek Hough got stuck with ballroom instead of Latin, but I’m sure there is a grand design … that misses the point of getting people hooked early on in the season.

Please consider the train wreck potential of tonight’s liiiiiiive! broadcast of DWTS season 10, from 8 to 10 p.m. on ABC.

Yes, in “The Bachelor” timeslot. I know you’ve kept it open.

And then return here around 10:30 p.m. ET or thereafter to read my thoughts on the show.

Unfortunately no one will be eliminated this week, so we’ll just have to suffer through enjoy the process and wait for next week to take a moment and say our goodbyes to one of these 11 “stars” and their more attractive pro partners:

* BUZZ ALDRIN, legendary astronaut, partners up with ASHLY COSTA (formerly DelGrosso), who returns for her fourth season.

* PAMELA ANDERSON, actress and model, joins professional dancer DAMIAN WHITEWOOD, who makes his “Dancing with the Stars” debut this season.

* ERIN ANDREWS, ESPN host, teams with MAKSIM CHMERKOVSKIY, who returns for his eighth season.

* SHANNEN DOHERTY, actress, teams up with two-time “Dancing with the Stars” champ MARK BALLAS, who returns for his sixth season.

* KATE GOSSELIN, TLC star, teams with TONY DOVOLANI, who returns for his ninth season.

* EVAN LYSACEK, Olympic figure skating champion, teams with ANNA TREBUNSKAYA, who returns for her fifth season.

* NIECY NASH, comedienne and host, teams up with LOUIS VAN AMSTEL, who returns for his sixth season

* CHAD OCHOCINCO, NFL Star, teams up with two-time champion CHERYL BURKE, who returns for her ninth season.

* JAKE PAVELKA, “The Bachelor” star, joins CHELSIE HIGHTOWER, who returns for her third season.

* NICOLE SCHERZINGER, pop star, teams with Season 7 champ DEREK HOUGH, who returns for his sixth season.

* AIDEN TURNER, soap star, teams with EDYTA SLIWINSKA, who is the only pro to compete in all 10 seasons of “Dancing with the Stars.”

My money is still on The Hottie Hough and his Pussycat to win.

More notes from the original ABC press release:

In week two, all of the couples will return and try to outshine each other once again in a two-hour show, MONDAY, MARCH 29 (8:00-10:00 p.m., ET). The couple with the lowest combined judges’ scores and public votes for both performances will be sent home on TUESDAY, MARCH 30 (8:00-9:00 p.m., ET) in the season premiere of “Dancing with the Stars the Results Show.”

Viewers may cast their votes for their favorite teams via phone on Monday night during and up to 30 minutes after the “Dancing with the Stars” performance shows. AT&T customers may also text message their votes by texting the word “VOTE” and entering the number that corresponds to the team they want to support (message and data rates may apply). Viewers may also vote online at http://www.abc.com starting from the opening of each episode on the East Coast and until 12:00 Noon, ET the following day.

Read my pre-season interview with host Tom Bergeron here.

He was a DJ in Portsmouth, N.H., and he’s still good about supporting local stuff. But I think he’s jealous that his new co-host, Brooke Burke, is kicking his ass on Twitter followers.

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