By Gina Carbone
Things we learned on “Cathy Drone,” the sixth episode of “The Amazing Race” season 16:
- It’s cathedral, not Cathy Drone.
- Joan of Arc was not a man.
- She was certainly not Noah, who built the ark.
- Champagne is not wine plus club soda.
- French people don’t always speak perfect English.
- You can fix anything with duct tape.
- Don’t always trust a pretty girl.
- Trust the guy in the Porsche.
- Louie & Michael have the luck of the Irish.
- Jeff and Jordan have the luck of the intellectually challenged.
- Given a choice between luck and skill, pick luck. You have no skill. Never forget that.
Brothers Dan and Jordan got lucky. Three times.
First, they thought they had to go to a French “Cathy Drone” to find the statue of Joan of Arc, where the seven teams would find their first clues.
They were quickly set straight and Jordan was the first to propel down into a wine cellar to find one particular champagne bottle.
Then, when trying to find a vineyard, they were directed by a pretty girl to the wrong town. They eventually figured out the right town.
Then, at the vineyard, they chose “tower” — building a tower of 15 champagne glasses — over “terra” — search the vineyard for a red and yellow flag.
Somehow, even after choosing the most difficult thing imaginable, they made it work.
It didn’t work as well as terra did for the detectives Louie and Michael — tops again, after a slow start but huge good fortune in following a local straight to the vineyard.
Or Steve and Allie — who rallied thanks to duct tape after Steve busted the car AND was also directed to the wrong city.
Or Carol and Brandy, who managed to go almost the entire episode without pissing or moaning.
Or Jet and Cord — who actually drove 40K in the wrong direction to the wrong town before choosing terra and racing ahead.
But, hey, the sassy brothers did better than epically irritating models Brent and Caite, who tried terra. Fought. Gave up. Tried tower. Huge crash. Fought. Gave up. And went back to terra where Brent quickly found the flag and Caite quickly apologized for wanting to do tower.
They should’ve lost, but Jeff and Jordan — always reliable to make the wrong choice — got to the vineyard last and picked tower. And screwed it up.
They eventually went for the terra route and Jordan found the flag, but by that time it was dark and everyone else was long gone.
And so Jeff and Jordan — the “newly dating” “Big Brother” couple — are now gone.
Phil Keoghan said now maybe they can spend some time together. Ha ha ha.
This is my first time writing about “The Amazing Race.” I’ve seen it win all the awards every year and wondered why I never got into it.
Last week I visited my friend Trinh in Wilmington, N.C., and she sat me down to watch the race.
Obviously I’m in love with the cowboys already. That was a given.
But I’m more in love with the excitement of the race. The traveling. The baguettes (that was last week, but I’m still craving some fresh bread).
I want to listen to some chick play a saw next to a Joan of Arc statue, then propel down into a wine cellar to find a marked champagne bottle and hunt through a vineyard for a flag. Sign me up!
(But try to keep it at a consistent time. I’m tired of CBS shows like “The Amazing Race” and “Survivor” being pushed back an hour, or to a different day entirely, because of stupid NCAA basketball.)
Here are the stats after the “Cathy Drone” episode.
Go cowboys … and Steve and Allie!
‘CATHY DRONE’ RANKINGS
1. Louie & Michael
2. Carol & Brandy
3. Steve & Allie
4. Jet & Cord
5. Dan & Jordan
6. Brent & Caite
7. Jordan & Jeff — eliminated