Here are some of the women who "tell all." Rozlyn was kept in a separate cage, in case she was contagious.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

If I have to suffer through two hours of this “The Bachelor on the Wings of Love: The Women Tell All” nonsense — at least half of which will be self-congratulation, and the other half a mix of self-defense and recaps of what we’ve already seen — I’m going to do it in real time.

So here’s my live blog, with classic stream-of-consciousness rambling…

Huzzah!

***** THE RECAP CRAP *****

Chris Harrison and Jake Pavelka sat down with a steaming vat of fresh gossip (that one was for real Harry Potter fans) about “the ladies.”

They talked about the Rozlyn Papa incident and congratulated each other on how they handled it.

(*Feb. 25 update: Now Rozlyn is involved in some kind of sex tape allegations and E! said she was in the E! studios for “a general audition,” whatever that means.)

I'm proud of me.

Chris said Rozlyn was “not the only one playing games,” and segued into a talk about Elizabeth Kitt from Nebraska.

She was too forward and played mind games. We know.

Then we got to hear about Vienna Girardi and they showed her bungee jumping clip with Jake and the subsequent upside down kiss.

Then we got to hear about Tenley Molzahn and how Jake started falling for her during their matching “kiss me” fortune cookie stuff.

Then we heard about Ali Fedotowsky leaving the show.

It’s 8:09 p.m. at this point.

Are we ever going to get to the “Women Tell All” part, or is this going to be all recap?

Jake’s going to see Ali for the first time at the “Women Tell All” (which was shot, what, two weekends ago in L.A.?)

***** BACHELOR REUNION CRUISE *****

Nearly 500 people have come on the show?

Chris talks about “Bachelor cast reunions.”

It’s kind of like a fraternity, past contestants say.

There's no getting rid of Erica.

We see pool parties, crazy Erica the Tiara Girl from that awful Rome season. (She’s a lawyer now?)

Where are the cool guys? I want Graham Bunn!

They went on a “Bachelor” cruise to Mexico.

I see Robby the bartender guy from Jillian Harris’ season and Nikki and Natalie (“I love bears”) from Jason Mesnick’s season.

YES! Wes Hayden! My fave. He’s had a “thousand more nibbles” or something (meaning dates) since being dumped by Jillian Harris after Jake Pavelka told her he had a girlfriend on the show.

***** BACHELOR GIVES BACK*****

A bunch of past Bachelors give back by working with Portraits of Hope, painting murals with fifth graders to be placed at lifeguard stands up the coast.

I see Matt Grant, DeAnna Pappas, Michael Stagliano, Erica the Tiara Chick.

Stagliano (brother of Stephen Stagliano, DeAnna’s boyfriend) was made for this.

DeAnna said after the murals are on the lifeguard stands they could go to Haiti.

DeAnna got dumped by some kid named Carlos, who said he did not want to go on “The Bachelor” to find love with her. Good call, Carlos!

Then we hear more self-congratulation about how “The Bachelor” gives back. (After taking the money our eyeballs give them when we watch commercials.)

I think Matt looks great. Sorry, I still like him.

JUAN! Juan is here. He said giving back is part of “man code.” EAT IT, DAVE GOOD!

Oh, creepy Robin from Matt’s season is there, too.

Kiptyn! Kiptyn Locke was there. Nice.

***** THE WOMEN TELL ALL*****

Finally. The women come out.

Judging from the applause, the audience LOVES Ali. Gia got more tepid applause. Ali for “The Bachelorette”? Looking more like it every day.

Ashleigh confirmed that she did plan her “fall” into Jake’s arms when she came out of the limo. She got to try out his biceps.

They all laugh about how spacey Michelle is and how Tenley “fell out of a Disney movie.”

Gia made a great comment about how Tenley s–ts rainbows.

I will always love you, Wes.

And they REALLY lit into Vienna as a white trash trailer trash wh-re. Ashleigh said that and now she regrets it.

Chris asked what was it about Vienna that everyone hated. What did she say or do to piss them off?

Ella said Vienna is 23 and she was very immature. She would do or say things that she wouldn’t think about before she did them.

***** THE WOMEN BASH ROZLYN*****

Chris said he wanted to talk about the elephant in the room, which I would’ve thought was Tenley vs. Vienna, why does he pick Vienna as we all know from the Reality Steve spoilers?

But, no, he meant Rozlyn Papa.

And lots of women had stuff to say.

“I don’t know if something sexual went on, but something went on,” Gia said.

She was Rozlyn’s roommate and Rozlyn was not sleeping in her bedroom.

Ashleigh said several of them witnessed things, the cuddling, the kissing on the forehead. They (Rozlyn and the producer, Ryan Callahan) weren’t hiding anything.

Ashleigh said she and some others went to the producers because they were uncomfortable.

The ladies are more than ready to sell out one of their own.

Jessie said she saw something specific. One day, the day just before Rozlyn was booted off, Jessie heard something on the stairs and there was Rozlyn and the producer and she was laying on top of him and they were making out.

Ella told a story about how they were all “fixin’ to go to bed” one night and asked if Rozlyn was going. She was on all fours on the couch with her butt in the air. Rozlyn told the girls if they saw the producer to send him in because “I need to be put to bed.”

So that’s Ella’s story.

And, of course, they go to commercial after that, instead of letting Rozlyn defend herself.

And when they come back, Chris said, they would talk to Gia, the most recent one to get her heart broken. So they’re just going to let the allegations hang there with no rebuttal. Nice.

***** GIA IN THE HOT SEAT****

If Rozlyn was the elephant in the room, why didn’t you let her come out and talk about things and get it over with?

Instead, we do a Gia Allemand recap.

She wasn’t ready to watch her journey again, she said, wiping away a tear. She was just able to open up to him and he let her go, etc.

Frankly, I’m done with this part of it.

***** CRAZY MICHELLE IN THE HOT SEAT****

I do like Michelle Kujawa. She’s nuts, but that’s great.

She cried more than anyone else and was kicked out in the middle of her date with Jake.

I like watching her watch herself — at least she can laugh. She recognizes she was crazy.

Uh oh. Except she just said she wore her heart on her sleeve and she has no regrets. So maybe she doesn’t really recognize the crazy.

Michelle said she doesn’t believe this show is the right way to find love.

Ali jumped in to defend the show, saying it did work for her and she did find love.

And if you need even MORE PROOF that Ali will be the next “Bachelorette”: She called it “the process.”

That’s when you know you’ve become The Borg.

Cue all the women to say Michelle got a fair edit, she is crazy, thereby discrediting her claims that “The Bachelor” is not the right way to find love.

“I don’t need a therapist, Elizabeth,” Michelle said to Hot Nanny Elizabeth, who needs her own therapist for all the game playing.

***** ALI IN THE HOT SEAT****

More recaps, more gushing over Ali.

I forgot that she supposedly hated to fly. How did she get from Williamstown, Mass., to San Francisco if she can’t fly?

More tears. She wiped away tears watching her own exit. Loved how Jake had trouble getting her limo door closed.

Ali said she was thinking if it was really love, Jake would come find her. “He’s a pilot.”

So she was playing games, just the same as Elizabeth.

Ali makes her "Bachelorette" speech without ever mentioning "The Bachelorette."

She was afraid of getting her heart broken and afraid that Jake would feel like he owed it to her to keep her.

Ali: “If I could go back and do it differently I probably would.”

Chris asked about her relationship with Vienna.

Ali said something she’s learned about herself is that she’s blunt — and not always in a good way.

She was “disappointed” in herself for the time she told Vienna she was sorry that Jake went on a one-and-one with her and she wasn’t sent home. She regrets that. “That was mean.”

She said we should all be supportive of Vienna.

“Because she’s getting trashed in the tabloids. She’s a person … no one deserves that. And, you know, honestly, like, Vienna, if you’re watching, like, I’m sorry. I mean, I’m sorry for the things I said. I’m sorry that it turned out that way. And, like, stay strong.”

Chris asks what she’s learned.

It’s true. We should stop trashing Vienna. … But I do like to read US Weekly … What to do?

ANOTHER BACHELORETTE CLUE: Ali said moving forward she’s going to put love first.

This is such an ad for Ali as the next “Bachelorette.” Makes. Me. Sick.

***** ROZLYN IN THE HOT SEAT****

I support you, Rozlyn!

Chris started by saying he has no ill will toward her and he wasn’t intending for this to turn into a he said/she said.

Rozlyln vs. Chris -- again

Rozlyn said she was prepared for a cage match.

Rozlyn met the producer, Ryan, when they filmed in her hometown.

“Is that where the relationship started?” Chris asked. Nice try at a gotcha!

Rozlyn said that’s where their friendship started, with the whole camera crew. They were “super nice.”

According to you, nothing physical happened at the house between you and the producer, Chris said to Rozlyn.

She said absolutely.

Chris asked her why didn’t she stop him during their conversation when he kicked her out.

Rozlyn said she thought it was about how she used a producer’s phone to call her child. Chris never said anything about an alleged sexual relationship. Just inappropriate behavior.

Chris asked Ella about her access to her phone. She got to talk to her son every day.

Rozlyn asked her if her ex signed release forms for him to be on TV. She said yes. Rozlyn said that makes a difference. Chris said not for phone calls.

Valishia (who?) said she talked to her kids every other day. She thinks the calling your son issue and the other issue are separate.

Chris asked if anything physical happened in the house.

Rozlyn: “Absolutely nothing.”

Chris talked about what he says to his son when he’s going on about unicorns and magical things. He says “isn’t the truth the simplest thing?”

The audience laughed and clapped. I hate the audiences they have for these things.

Chris said he’s confused because the only thing this is about is the physical relationship with the producer.

What physical relationship? Rozlyn asked.

We’ll answer that after a quick break! While I prepare my answers!

Back from break. Chris asked the women to weigh in.

Chris said Rozlyn had said they were vague before. So he wants details.

Christina said she has lots of male friends but she doesn’t touch her male friends’ thighs.

Rozlyn made faces and said “When did I touch somebody’s thigh? You guys are so silly, come on!”

Jessie said she’s not a drama queen, she doesn’t call attention to herself. She told her she saw Rozlyn and the producer kissing on the stairs.

Rozlyn: “You are so…”

She swore on her dog’s life that it happened.

Rozlyn: “I swear on my child’s life that never happened.”

The audience ooooohhhed.

Ella told her fixin’ to go to bed story again. WHY ARE WE HEARING THIS TWICE?

Rozlyn had a shocked/horrified face on during the story.

Rozlyn: “You are, oh, this is unreal. Is this the same girl that was talking about fried uterus on the show? Come on.”

Ella said don’t try to make her look bad. She is a mother and she would not make another mother look bad.

Ella said when she left that night she was worried about her.

Rozlyn: “I was already asleep. …” She said there was footage of Ashley Elmore saying she looks like a little angel.

Chris: “Did you sleep in your bed or did you sleep downstairs?”

There was one night when the girls were on their Six Flags date when she stayed on the couch.

She thought that might be after the producer was fired.

The girls said no.

That was the exact same night they saw her there, Ella said, and went to the master bedroom and asked what the hell she was talking about.

Rozlyn said she didn’t understand why the girls were talking bad about her.

Valishia said she and Rozlyn were friends. Valishia said at first she never thought it was true. But there was one night she went to bed at 7 o’clock ’cause she was sick. She got up at 4 a.m. and looked for Rozlyn and didn’t find her anywhere.

So now Valishia doesn’t believe her anymore.

Rozlyn asked about the cameras.

Rozlyn: “You have cameras all over the place and you somehow missed the biggest scandal of the season? That’s impressive.”

Chris said that’s been brought up. They’ve done this for eight or nine years now, they know what they’re going to use. Rozlyn knows very well, he said, they are not shot 24 hours a day, they don’t wear mics 24 hours a day. They have a lot of downtime.

They — especially overnight producers — know where and when the cameras will be around.

Is that not true?

Rozlyn said she didn’t know.

You were there, Rozlyn, Chris cut in.

She snapped at him — if he asks a question, he can calm down and wait for an answer.

(The audience ooohed.)

Rozlyn thought there were hidden cameras. Ali jumped in and said she’d bet her job there were no hidden cameras. (Always about you, Ali.)

Chris asked if she still has a relationship with the producer.

She said they are still friends.

She even admitted he came to her hometown and she met his dad.

It makes sense to me, since they were both thrown under a bus. They have to stick together.

Chris said, clearly this comes down to “a mountain of evidence” with multiple confessions and multiple sightings. (It’s like Bigfoot.)

Rozlyn said just because he says it doesn’t make it so.

Chris said it’s not him saying it.

Rozlyn: “Oh that’s right, you just hide behind other people’s speculation.”

NICE!

Ali: “You’re saying they’re all liars, right?”

Gia: “You’re bashing a TV show that gave you an opportunity and all you had to do was say …”

Rozlyn: “I’m not bashing a TV show.”

Gia: “All you had to do was say I love this man and I’m gonna get off the show and that was it…”

Loud clapping for Gia.

THE BACHELORETTE PENDULUM SWINGS!

Chris said the producer is not a nameless man. He was a friend.

Rozlyn said that’s a surprise because the producer said they were not friends, especially when Chris was hitting on his wife in New Zealand.

Gasps from the easily led audience.

“I clearly won’t dignify that with a response,” Chris said. He said he has no ill will for Rozlyn. “I hope truly in my heart that you have learned a life lesson and I hope you will become a better person from this. I do. I wish you the best.”

Cheers from the easily led audience.

UGH.

***** JAKE IN THE HOT SEAT****

Jake Pavelka comes out. Is his hair darker? I think it is. It is.

I think his hair looks darker.

He made some weak speech about how it was his honor to be on the show with those amazing women.

Chris asked about Gia.

Jake turned to Gia.

Jake: “When we were sitting on that bench, my heart was crying.”

How are they not all snickering? Come on. “My heart was crying”?

Chris asked about Ali. Jake talked to Ali about how he hated that Ali had to make that decision. He expected Ali to jump out of the limo when she left. Just like she expected him to fly and get her? Not buying either one.

Jake said Ali is an amazing woman and she’ll always have a friend in him.

(Apparently Ali was “in the lead” before she left. As Jake supposedly told ETOnline, “That night, when she left, she was ahead of all the other women. … I can’t tell you if she was going to be The One, but, that night, if somebody had said, ‘Gun’s to your head. Pick a girl,’ it would have been her.”)

Chris asked if there’s anyone he wishes he had gotten to spend more time with.

Jake immediately said Christina and gushed about how funny she was and how she could laugh at herself. He only saw that watching the show back. It broke his heart to see her leave after seeing her like that on the show.

She was the one who called herself “bitchy.” That was her, wasn’t it? She was nasty to all the ladies? He LOVES chicks like that. Apparently.

They showed some bloopers.

Apparenty Corrie farted on the bus, among other things.

Chris said he knows Jake can’t say what happens, but “Are you happy.”

Jake, looking anything but happy: “Yes, I’m happy.”

Then he made a “glad that’s over with” type face.

***** A LOOK AT VIENNA AND TENLEY****

You’ll never guess: More recaps.

I love how the finale is being billed as “Sugar or Spice.” Hee hee!

He SHOULD pick Tenley, not least of which because she just said something about how he made her “heart smile.” They could make each other ill with that kind of talk for the rest of their lives. God love them!

I hate to say it, man, but it’s time to pull a Double Mesnick: After you pick Vienna, sob at a balcony and then trade her in for Tenley. It’s not original anymore, but that’s OK. We’ll forgive you this time.

Vienna, no hard feelings, but I’m ready for your 15 minutes to be over.

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