She'll be replacing Simon Cowell next.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

Don’t you wish your breakups were this lucrative?

Melissa Rycroft — “The Bachelor’s” most famous dumpee — is reportedly up against Brooke Burke and Vanessa Minnillo for the gig to replace departing co-host Samantha Harris opposite host Tom Bergeron on “Dancing with the Stars.”

Melissa came in third during the eighth season of DWTS. Brooke won season seven and Vanessa is three people removed from the whole thing, since she’s dating Nick Lachey, whose brother Drew won the disco ball trophy.

If you like Mel, pray that ABC picks her and then dumps her for Brooke or Vanessa. That seems to be her lucky charm.

Sign me up for the world’s shortest engagement, followed by a televised breakup, followed within minutes by my ex-fiance asking the runner-up out for coffee — as long as it’s followed by a cushy timeline like this:

• Jason Mesnick dumped Melissa for Molly Malaney (whom he is scheduled to marry on ABC next month) in March of 2009.

The same month — within days of the show airing, actually — Mel was picked to fill the slot vacated by Nancy O’Dell, who had to withdraw from the competition on March 5 due to a knee injury.

In June 2009, it was revealed that Melissa would be joining morning television news and talk show “Good Morning America” as a special contributor.

She was named to People magazine’s list of World’s Most Beautiful People 2009 and named #99 on Maxim’s list of “Hot 100 of 2009.”

She married her boyfriend Tye Strickland last December in Mexico and it looks like she sold the pics to whoever wanted them.

She joined Ryan Seacrest in December in Times Square for the “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest” special.

She recently took on a reporting gig with “Entertainment Tonight” and her first assignment was covering the “We Are The World” recording session in Los Angeles. Future assignments will reportedly include parties, award shows, premieres and set visits. (Just like Tiger Woods’ “Mistress No. 1,” Rachel Uchitel, who just interviewed our boy Jake Pavelka for “Extra.”)

And now this thing with DWTS.

“They’re only testing those three on camera for now,” a production insider told E! News. “The testing will happen some time next week.”

If the casting session doesn’t work out, E! reported, ABC has a backup plan to “rotate past contestants” in the role as backstage interviewer, with Rycroft, Burke, Drew Lachey and Nancy O’Dell among those at the top of the list. (Note: Nancy O’Dell was not a past contestant. She’s the whole reason Mel ended up on the show.)

And that’s not even mentioning that before “The Bachelor” Melissa was on the CMT reality TV series “Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team,” which is how she was able to introduce herself to Jason as a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.

No offense, but am I the only one who’s done with this chick?

Besides, Tom Bergeron doesn’t need more tan & teeth as a sidekick. If he needs anyone at all backstage talking to the contestants it should be Crazy Cloris Leachman.

You know she’d do the best interviews.

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