Charles Barkley hosted SNL last night.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

OK, so I slept through “Saturday Night Live” last night and I forgot to even tape it.

I have been forced to the indignity of watching as much as I can on NBC videos.

It’s kind of nice, though, ’cause you can cherry-pick the good skits based on word-of-mouth or comments below each one. And no commercials.

For the most part, I agree with the comments below the videos on the SNL site:

The Reel Quotes skit was pretty good and I’ll always love MacGruber, although apparently some people found it offensive. (Why? Humor is supposed to push buttons. Come on.)

Scared Straight is also a best bet, but mostly because host Charles Barkley and SNL’s Bill Hader kept cracking up. (Bill Hader is always the first to lose it.)

Barkley’s monologue was as honest as he promised.

Shana and Charles Barkley in the ski bunny skit.

The ski bunny skit was OK, too, but not great. (But a lot of fans online seem to LOVE the Shana skit. Huh.)

Most of the other skits were pretty lame, though. (Poor Alicia Keys got the worst Digital Short ever.)

Barkley is not naturally funny and he was much too obvious about reading off the teleprompter/cue cards/whatever, but he gets props for poking fun at himself.

I wish he had done a Barney rematch, though. Just for old times.

Can’t wait for Sigourney Weaver next week. After “Galaxy Quest,” I stopped doubting her comedic prowess. Besides, “Avatar” is ripe for a good spoofing.

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BARKLEY’S HONEST MONOLOGUE

He said it was great to be hosting SNL again. He hosted 16 years ago when he was in great shape and coming off an MVP season.

“Now I play bad golf, drink, and sometimes I get arrested.”

In the past year, he said, SNL has had 1 black host out of 32. “That’s the same ratio of black people to white people that went to see ‘It’s Complicated.'”

He tells a guy in the audience he is wearing the ugliest shirt he’s ever seen. Then he tells a girl she’s cute in a Jewish way and insists she’s really a freak. “I know a freaky white girl when I see one.” Then he talks to the only other black guy in the room full of 500 white people. “There’s nothing sadder than a black nerd,” he tells the guy, calling him Urkel.

He brings out Kenan Thompson, SNL’s only black cast member, to do his Charles Barkley impression.

He admits some of the show is great and some of it they’re just going to do anyway.

True enough.

Watch the monologue here

***

REEL QUOTES GAME SHOW

As usual, goes on too long, but it had a few good moments.

Bill Hader played the host, named Red, who read the start of famous movie quotes. Charles Barkley and Kristen Wiig played the clueless contestants.

Bill Hader: “You can’t handle…”
Charles Barkley: “My privates!”

(After a minute, the host gives the answer)

Bill Hader: “I was looking for ‘the truth.'”
Charles Barkley: “I told you the truth: You can’t handle my privates!”

Speed round:

Bill Hader: “Houston we have a …”
Charles Barkley: “Arbys!”

Bill Hader: “May the force be …”
Charles Barkley: “Equal to mass times acceleration.”

End of show:

Bill Hader: Until next time, here’s looking at you, kid.
Charles Barkley: You shouldn’t be looking at kids, Red.

Watch the skit here.

***

BARKLEY GOLF

My favorite part of any of these TV show parodies is the beginning when they make fun of anyone who watches the network.

Voice over: “You’re watching The Golf Channel. Probably by accident and probably for the last time.”

Jason Sudeikis plays a legendary golf instructor trying to teach Charles Barkley to fix his golf swing.

The timing of Barkley’s delivery is way off, but it’s funny to watch the video clip of him being a terrible golfer.

Then we see him screw up even sweeping the floor, brushing his teeth and putting a magnet on the fridge.

Not so great and it lasts over a minute, which is too long.

Watch video here

***

BARKLEY’S BANK

An alternative to Barclay’s Bank.

“You give me your money I promise you two things: I’m either gonna double it or I lose it all. And that’s a promise.”

Very short. OK. Not great.

Click here to view

***

MACGRUBER

I do love the MacGruber skits.

He has a black employee now (DArryl, although MacGruber keeps calling him Da-RYLL) and he’s having trouble adjusting. MacGruber tells a racist joke. At the punchline, the boat blows up.

“MacGruber, his harmless little joke really got him into trouble. MacGruber, he had to take some f—ing class because the stupid joke (something). He makes his jokes in private now, MacGruber!”

They go through the same bomb diffusion but with added sensitivity training. It’s funny.

There’s a third one, with MacGruber taking some time off to do some soul searching, visit Africa and become Facebook friends with Spike Lee.

This one is worth watching, do it here

***

BASKETBALL COMMENTATORS

Jason Sudeikis and Charles Barkley as NBA commentators.

They bring in their Make A Wish child guest, played by Andy Samberg.

“Nothing but the bottom of the net!” — the line repeated by Samberg.

Barkley looked like he was trying not to laugh. He is also a little too obvious about reading off the cards.

Barkley got upset that the kid was there just because he has OCD. He dissed OCD. But it turns out the kid actually has Overwhelming Corpse Disease.

And dies right there on the show.

Pretty much a total miss, and 3 minutes long, but watch it here if you care to.

***

DIGITAL SHORT: BOOTY CALL

Alicia Keys guest stars.

Calls nerdy Andy Samberg in a yellow poofy pirate shirt, who is munching on cookie dough and watcing “Boston Legal.” He wants to have a three-way with his nana.

But he’s actually at an intervention for a friend who does smack.

Lamest Digital Short ever.

Don’t watch it. But if you really feel you have to, watch it here.

***

SCARED STRAIGHT

The classic Scared Straight skit, with Kenan Thompson and Charles Barkley as the prisoners who scare the kids straight.

They play father (Barkley) and son (Thompson).

Jason Sudeikis is the cop, the kids are Bill Hader, Andy Samberg and Bobby Moynihan.

Barkley kept cracking up and, as usual, Bill Hader wanted to laugh, too. He’s the first one to break character.

I think that’s why the camera stayed so close on Thompson, because everyone else was laughing.

It was pretty funny. And I love watching them try not to laugh.

But everyone on the show needs to do more rehearsal so they aren’t so dependant on the cue cards.

Watch it here

***

PEEPERS INSURANCE

We’re Thomas Peepers Insurance and we know you’re OK because we’re watching you.

Bill Hader gets chased away from a home in the middle of the night.

Funny and not too long.

Watch it here

***

YEMEN PRESS CONFERENCE COLD OPEN

Jason Sudeikis as Wolf Blitzer.

Will Forte plays General Petraeus and Fred Armisen is the president of Yemen.

Nasim Pedrad and Bill Hader play journalists.

It’s about 4 minutes long, which is way too long.

I wouldn’t bother, but watch it here if you feel compelled.

***

SKI RETREAT

Kristen Wiig plays Shana, the sexy Marilyn Monroe-esque ski bunny all the guys — Kenan Thompson, Andy Samberg, Will Forte and Charles Barkley — drool over at a lodge, much to the irritation of Jenny Slate.

But her little tricks don’t turn out to be as sexy as the guy’s expected.

This skit goes on too long — as usual — but it has its moments.

Love the bad pole dancing. She does have a hot bod, though.

Watch it here

***

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