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Why isn't Henry Cavill in this photo? Charles is like Henry's seventh wife.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

“The Tudors” returns for its fourth and final season on April 11. (Watch the season premiere online here.)

Other than that, it’s a lot of little things here and there.

For me, anyway. “Glee” and “The Hills” fans will be happy. I also occasionally like “Top Chef Masters,” so I’ll tune in for that when it starts on April 7.

(Note: As usual, this list was copied and pasted wholesale from AOL Television. Enjoy!)

Thursday, April 1
‘Beasts of the Bible’ (Animal Planet) special presentation
‘Bones’ (FOX) 5th season mid-season premiere
‘Model City’ (Centric) 1st season finale
‘Food Tech’ (History) 1st season finale
‘Fringe’ (FOX) 2nd season mid-season premiere
‘Fugitive Chronicles’ (A&E) series premiere

Friday, April 2
‘Wife Swap’ (ABC) 6th season premiere
‘Stargate Universe’ (Syfy) 1st season mid-season premiere
‘Merlin’ (Syfy) 2nd season premiere
‘Miami Medical’ (CBS) series premiere

Saturday, April 3
no premieres or finales

Sunday, April 4
‘Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom’ (Animal Planet) 8th season premiere
‘Sunday Best’ (BET) 3rd season premiere
‘Your Kid Ate What? Brush With Death’ (TLC) special presentation
‘The Man with Half a Body’ (TLC) special presentation
‘Tool Academy’ (VH1) 3rd season finale
Deadliest Catch: Best of Season 5: King Crab’ (Discovery) special presentation
‘How to Make It in America’ (HBO) 1st season finale

Monday, April 5
‘Little People, Big World’ (TLC) 6th season mid-season premiere
‘NCAA Men’s Championship’ (CBS) special presentation
‘Celebrity Fit Club’ (VH1) 7th season finale
‘Expedition Wild with Casey Anderson’ (National Geographic Wild) series premiere
‘Intervention’ (A&E) 8th season mid-season premiere
‘American Pickers’ (History) 1st season finale
‘Christian Siriano; Having a Moment’ (Bravo) special presentation
‘Mystery Gorillas with Mireya Mayor’ (National Geographic Wild) special presentation
‘Runaway Squad’ (A&E) series premiere
‘Tori & Dean’ (Oxygen) 5th season premiere

Tuesday, April 6
‘Madman of the Sea’ (Animal Planet) 1st season finale
‘Dad’s in Heaven with Nixon’ (Showtime) special presentation
‘How the States Got Their Shapes’ (History) special presentation
‘Chopped’ (Food) 4th season premiere
‘Little Miss Perfect’ (We) 2nd season finale
‘The Michael Vick Project’ (BET) 1st season finale
‘Southland’ (TNT) 2nd season finale

Wednesday, April 7
‘Peep Show’ (BBC America) 3rd season premiere
‘That Mitchell & Webb Look’ (BBC America) 3rd season premiere
‘Being Erica’ (SOAPNet) 2nd season finale
‘The Real World/Road Rules Challenge’ (MTV) 19th season finale
‘Shear Genius’ (Bravo) 3rd season finale
‘Top Chef Masters’ (Bravo) 2nd season premiere

Thursday, April 8
‘Bones’ (FOX) 100th episode
‘Keeping Up with the Joneses’ (Centric) series premiere
‘LisaRaye: The Real McCoy’ (TV One) series premiere
‘The Marriage Ref’ (NBC) 1st season finale

Friday, April 9
‘Gator 911′ (CMT) series premiere
‘Danger Coast’ (CMT) series premiere
‘Private Chefs of Beverly Hills’ (Food) series premiere
‘The Message’ (TLC) special presentation
‘Friday Night Alright’ (VH1) 1st season finale
‘The Awkward Comedy Show’ (Comedy Central) special presentation

Saturday, April 10
‘NASCAR Phoenix 500′ (FOX) special presentation
‘At Risk’ (Lifetime) special presentation
‘Lies Between Friends’ (Hallmark) special presentation
‘Mega Piranha’ (Syfy) special presentation
’24/7: Mayweather/Mosley’ (HBO) 9th season premiere
‘That Metal Show’ (VH1 Classic) 4th season finale

Sunday, April 11
‘Brandy & Ray J: A Family Business’ (VH1) series premiere
‘The Tudors’ (Showtime) 4th season premiere
‘Undercover Boss’ (CBS) 1st season finale
‘Army Wives’ (Lifetime) 4th season premiere
‘Basketball Wives’ (VH1) series premiere
‘Deadliest Catch: Best of Season 5: Opilio Crab’ (Discovery) special presentation
‘Treme’ (HBO) series premiere
‘What Chilli Wants’ (VH1) series premiere
‘Madhouse’ (History) 1st season finale

Monday, April 12
‘Life Unexpected’ (The CW) 1st season finale
‘Tough Love: Couples’ (VH1) series premiere
‘Double Exposure’ (Bravo) series premiere
‘Africa’s Lost Eden’ (National Geographic Wild) special presentation

Tuesday, April 13
‘Deadliest Catch’ (Discovery) 6th season premiere
‘Melrose Place’ (The CW) 1st season finale
‘Glee’ (FOX) 1st season mid-season premiere
‘The Big Gay Sketch Show’ (Logo) 3rd season premiere
‘Construction Intervention’ (Discovery) 6th season premiere
‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ (Bravo) 3rd season finale
‘Tiny & Toya’ (BET) 2nd season premiere
’9 by Design’ (Bravo) series premiere

Wednesday, April 14
‘Human Target’ (FOX) 1st season finale
‘First Love, Second Chance’ (TV Land) 1st season finale
‘The Robert Verdi Show Starring Robert Verdi’ (Logo) 1st season finale
‘South Park’ (Comedy Central) 200th episode
‘Ugly Betty’ (ABC) series finale

Thursday, April 15
‘SNL in the 2000s’ (NBC) special presentation
‘Weird, True & Freaky’ (Animal Planet) 2nd season mid-season premiere

Friday, April 16
‘The Sarah Silverman Program’ (Comedy Central) 3rd season finale
‘Important Things with Demetri Martin’ (Comedy Central) 2nd season finale
‘Secrets of the Mountain’ (NBC) special presentation
‘Chandon Pictures’ (Sundance) 1st season finale
‘Spartacus: Blood & Sand’ (Starz) 1st season finale

Saturday, April 17
‘Doctor Who: The Ultimate Guide’ (BBC America) special presentation
‘Strikeforce’ (CBS) special presentation
‘Doctor Who’ (BBC America) 5th season premiere
‘The Front’ (Lifetime) special presentation
‘The Graham Norton Show’ (BBC America) 7th season premiere

Sunday, April 18
‘Riverworld’ (Syfy) special presentation
‘Beauty & the Briefcase’ (ABC Family) special presentation
‘The 45th Annual Academy of Country Music Awards’ (CBS) special presentation
‘The Emeril Lagasse Show’ (Ion) series premiere
‘Accidental Fortune’ (TLC) special presentation
‘Ultimate Recipe Showdown’ (Food) 3rd season finale
‘Chefs vs. City’ (Food) 2nd season premiere
‘Life’ (Discovery) 1st season finale
‘On the Case with Paula Zahn’ (ID) 2nd season premiere

Monday, April 19
‘Shark Island with Enric Sala’ (National Geographic Wild) special presentation
‘Untamed & Uncut’ (Animal Planet) 2nd season mid-season premiere
‘Friday Night with Jonathan Ross: Top Gear Special’ (BBC America) special presentation
‘Damages’ (FX) 3rd season finale
‘Dhani Tackles the Globe’ (Travel) 2nd season premiere

Tuesday, April 20
‘Deadliest Warrior: Back for Blood’ (Spike) special presentation
‘The Lazy Environmentalist’ (Sundance) 2nd season premiere
‘Hunt for the Giant Octopus’ (National Geographic Wild) special presentation
’16 & Pregnant’ (MTV) 2nd season finale
‘Deadliest Warrior’ (Spike) 2nd season premiere

Wednesday, April 21
‘Accidentally on Purpose’ (CBS) 1st season finale
‘Addicted’ (TLC) 1st season finale
‘Destination Truth’ (Syfy) 3rd season finale
‘The Locator’ (We) 4th season finale

Thursday, April 22
no premieres or finales

Friday, April 23
‘Ben 10: Ultimate Alien’ (Cartoon Network) series premiere
‘Who Do You Think You Are?’ (NBC) 1st season finale
‘Generator Rex’ (Cartoon Network) series premiere
‘Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution’ (ABC) 1st season finale
‘Say Yes to the Dress’ (TLC) 5th season premiere
‘American Loggers’ (Discovery) 1st season finale
‘Party Down’ (Starz) 2nd season premiere
‘Gravity’ (Starz) series premiere

Saturday, April 24
‘The Wild Girl’ (Hallmark) special presentation
‘The Guard’ (Ion) 1st season finale
‘Mothman’ (Syfy) special presentation
‘You Don’t Know Jack’ (HBO) special presentation
‘The Guard’ (Ion) 2nd season premiere
‘The Wanda Sykes Show’ (FOX) 1st season finale

Sunday, April 25
‘Into the Universe with Stephen Hawking’ (Discovery) series premiere
‘Minute to Win It’ (NBC) 1st season finale
‘America: The Story of Us’ (History) series premiere
‘River Monsters’ (Animal Planet) 2nd season premiere
’2010 TV Land Awards’ (TV Land) special presentation
‘When Love Is Not Enough: The Lois Wilson Story’ (CBS) special presentation
‘Girl Meets Gown’ (We) series premiere

Monday, April 26
‘One Tree Hill’ (The CW) 7th season mid-season premiere
‘Top Gear’ (BBC America) 14th season finale
‘Donald J. Trump’s Fabulous World of Golf’ (Golf) series premiere
‘Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmerman’ (5th season premiere)
‘My Life Is a Zoo’ (National Geographic Wild) special presentation
‘Runaway Squad’ (A&E) 1st season finale

Tuesday, April 27
‘Food Party’ (IFC) 2nd season premiere
‘The Hills’ (MTV) 6th season premiere
‘The City’ (MTV) 2nd season premiere
‘Dinner with the Band’ (IFC) 2nd season premiere

Wednesday, April 28
‘High Society’ (The CW) 1st season finale
‘Happy Town’ (ABC) series premiere
‘Police Women of Maricopa: Behind Bars’ (TLC) special presentation
‘South Park’ (Comedy Central) 14th season mid-season finale
‘Sunset Daze’ (We) series premiere
‘Underbelly’ (DirecTV) 1st season finale
‘Ugly Americans’ (Comedy Central) 1st season finale

Thursday, April 29
‘Bullrun’ (Speed) 3rd season finale

Friday, April 30
‘Friday Night Lights’ (NBC) 4th season premiere
’24/7: Mayweather/Mosley’ (HBO) 9th season finale
‘I Shouldn’t Be Alive’ (Animal Planet) 3rd season finale
‘The Life & Times of Tim’ (HBO) 2nd season finale
‘Swamp Loggers’ (Discovery) 2nd season mid-season premiere

He'll never love us back.

By Gina Carbone
opus619@gmail.com

It’s the first day of spring and neither “Mad Men” nor “True Blood” is actually in season, so to speak.

There was a time when that would’ve stopped you from catching up. Not anymore.

In this lovely age of DVD and On Demand you can rent almost any show at any time, whether it has been off the air for years or not returning for several months. And sometimes at your local library FOR FREE!

Imagine that.

So you have no excuse but to catch up on these 15 shows, which are my current faves.

I’m only including series that are still running — so no “Northern Exposure,” “Six Feet Under” and “Father Ted,” which are my three favorite shows of all time.

Warning: I do love reality TV, including the heavy cheese, as #3 here will attest.

***

What Up With That?

15.”Saturday Night Live”

It’s not always good. It’s never consistent. This is far from the best season. And yet there are plenty of reasons to stay up for SNL every week, even now. There’s Jason Sudeikis in every skit, but especially dancing in his red track suit on Kenan Thompson’s “What Up With That?” BET show. If you watched Taylor Swift’s monologue, Jon Hamm’s “Sergio!” skit or any of Andy Samberg’s Digital Shorts, you were prepared for the Sunday Internet watercooler chatter. If you missed them, you missed out. And I defy you to find a more perfect thing to watch at 1 a.m. than this potato chip skit with Blake Lively.

14. “The Tudors”

This show ticks me off almost as much as it excites me. I’m still frustrated about the casting of beautiful Joss Stone as the “unattractive” Anne of Cleves. But there are just too many things that I love about it. (Starting with Henry Cavill.) I have always been a Tudor-phile and this is a rich, colorful, sexy, vibrant world to dive into. It’s a history lesson CW-style, but with Showtime sex and violence. We’re getting to the end years for Henry VIII (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) and the fourth and final season starts April 11. I can’t wait to see this world come alive again. Long live the king.

13. “Project Runway”

My friend Trinh still finds it hard to believe I like “Project Runway,” since my fashion sense consists of wearing the same Walmart clothes I’ve had for 5-10 years — and Payless shoes. But I love the challenges on “Runway” — take a potato sack and make an evening gown. Go to the supermarket and use corn husks to make a cocktail dress. Use newspapers to make pants. It’s not just clothes, it’s art. I’m addicted to seeing creativity in action and that’s the show. I can’t even sew a button onto a jacket correctly (as my jackets know too well) but I find myself imagining how I would approach the challenges. It gets me thinking about color and fabrics and art supplies differently. It sounds girlie and I’m not usually girlie (then again, I love “The Bachelor” and “Project Runway”) but it’s fun.

She'll cut a bitch. Don't you forget it.

12. “Damages”

Season one was genius. Glenn Close scares the crap out of me and Tate Donovan plays wounded puppy so well. And Ted Danson! His best role in years. It’s not easy to make a corrupt CEO lovable, but he found the right balance of egomania and infectious optimism. Season two was disappointing, but it did manage to find a key role for Timothy Olyphant and for that I will be forever grateful. So far season three is amazing. I was worried it would be too gimmicky with its ripped-from-the-headlines Madoff plot, but it’s working. Very, very well. Props to Campbell Scott and especially Martin Short for playing so far against type. Keep it coming.

11. “Big Love”

I’m worried about “Big Love.” This was one of my favorite shows, but season four was all over the place. Too many plot threads, too many characters. And a Monty Python moment with a severed arm. I still have high hopes for this series and I have invested too much time and energy to give up on it, but GET IT TOGETHER. Please.

10. “Parks and Recreation”

Leslie and Ron make me smile.

Somewhere along the way, this show got as good as “The Office.” Then, for me, it got better. Mostly because I am not a fan of Jim and Pam and they dominate everything. So done with their smugness. “Parks,” on the other hand, is consistently warm, funny and uncluttered with self-congratulatory shmaltz. Special props to Nick Offerman as Ron Swanson. You will always be my Woman of the Year, man.

9. “House”

I get frustrated with everyone walking around psychoanalyzing everyone else’s reactions, but I’m a loyal Hilson (House + Wilson) fan and I love watching their bromantic banter. Now that we’re past the extended torture of House hiring his new team, and the old team is back in action, I am happy with “House” again. And the medical mysteries are still good after all this time. My friend Lisa has sarcoidosis and we like to see it make cameo appearances — alongside lupus — during the differential diagnosis. I know Wilson’s first wife is coming back into the picture and I am looking forward to House getting jealous, but please don’t break up my favorite couple for long.

8. “30 Rock”

I keep waiting for this show to run out of steam and stop being so sharply funny and on point. Guess I should grab a snack for that wait. Alec Baldwin is still the funniest person on television but the entire cast is right there with him. I laugh out loud — guffaw, really — at least twice an episode and I’ll never turn down a good belly laugh.

7. “Dexter”

Talk about season finales. Every Other Show, please take note: The way “Dexter” ended season four? That’s how it’s done. I can’t wait to see what happens next and that’s the sign of a good show. I get dizzy watching Michael C. Hall (forever part of my “Six Feet Under”

Rita! Dex! Sobs!

family) run all over the place lying to everyone, but the show always manages to figure out how to balance everything without drowning the important stuff in superfluous plot threads. There was always one overarching storyline tying everything together. That’s smart. Keep doing that and tell “Big Love” about it.

6. “Survivor”

I just get caught up in the drama. Every time. I want to scream at the castaways. Tear my hair out. Vote them out myself. And that’s just for Russell Hantz. Whenever you think you can see exactly where things are going, they take another turn. “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains” is one of my favorite seasons of all time. And it’s the 20th one they’ve done. That’s a good sign for the future … or a good place to stop. But look at the characters they’ve given us, just in this season alone: Evil Russell, Boston Rob, Coach, Colby, JT, Rupert. All brand names, thanks to the show. And that’s without even mentioning Captain Dimples himself, Jeff Probst. The single best host on TV. I mean it!

The Man!

5. “Lost”

I’m not one of those Losties who memorizes every little detail and keeps flow charts to catalogue the connections. I’m here for the human element. And the No. 1 human element on this island was, is, and shall always be Terry O’Quinn as John Locke (with or without Smokey). I have never — and I mean never — seen stronger acting from anyone on television than this man as this character in the six seasons of this show. O’Quinn has created an icon and he will be missed when this ends. Michael Emerson, you get the silver medal and on any other show you would be gold. That’s saying something, especially since “Lost” is known mostly for its trippy sci-fi plot, not the strength of its character acting. Humble actors doing crazy things without getting in our faces about it. Love it.

4. “In Treatment”

I don’t blame Gabriel Byrne for getting tired of sitting in that chair all day. That’s tough acting — just sitting there. (I mean it!) But

Mia Wasikowska was amazing as Sophie the gymnast on "In Treatment." Not so amazing in "Alice in Wonderland."

there is no other show on TV that gets under my skin as much as “In Treatment.” After listening to problems from a divorcing couple, a cancer-stricken college student, a lonely lawyer, an embattled CEO and a troubled teenage gymnast, among others, I turn off the TV and just soak everything in. What do I think is the root of their issues? What would I do? What would I suggest? I’m so glad there will be a third season. This is the most thoughtful and thought-provoking show on television. It hits a nerve and that’s an important part of life.

3. “The Bachelor”/”The Bachelorette”

If this is not your first time glancing at this blog (don’t worry, I’m not really expecting you to hang on every word) you know I am obsessed with the land of Chris Harrison and the most dramatic rose ceremony ever. If you can’t get past the cheese of this beautiful manufactured drama, take a moment and say your goodbyes. I accept this rose. Now and always. Especially for “The Bachelorette.” One woman. 25 guys. Nuff said.

2. “True Blood”

Yes, it’s campy. Yes, it’s soft-core porn. Yes, I’m incredibly grateful for that. Alexander Skarsgard. Ryan Kwanten. Stephen Moyer. Sam Trammell. Nelsan Ellis. Jim Parrack. And a few women. (Kidding. Love ya, Anna Paquin, Carrie Preston, Deborah Ann Woll and

Eric with long hair or short hair? Discuss.

Rutina Wesley.) This is how you tell a vampire story, y’all. Fresh, original, exciting, sexy as HELL YEAH, with the best opening sequence on TV right now. Season one was good. Season two was outstanding, except for the maenad junk. (Eric made up for it. More. Please. Now.) Season three is looking pretty jam-packed and I just hope Alan Ball remembers to stay true to the characters we’ve come to lust over care about. That’d be Eric as No. 1.

1. “Mad Men”

Season three started kind of slow and I was worried the most amazing show on television would slip down my rankings. But it picked up steam and ended with a perfect, caffeinated, plot-heavy episode of “Survivor: Sterling Cooper.” This is a perfect show. So much character development I feel like these people just have to be real. There’s no way Peggy Olson is not an actual person. I expect to find Pete Campbell still wandering around somewhere on the Upper East Side. And the Drapers … well, Don Draper never existed as we know him and Betty Draper is about to become someone else. I cannot wait to see what they do next. Literally. I’m angry that we have to wait for the summer. Jon Hamm has created a screen icon. There is no one else who could bring

Joan c'est magnifique on "Mad Men."

Don Draper to life and somehow make you not hate him. He’s so freaking suave. Women want him. Men want to be him. And I just love to watch the show around him. The best writing. The best ensemble. The absolute hands-down best production design on television. My eyes worship this show.

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