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Welcome back, Paul! Where's Laura?

I’m a little bit nervous. “In Treatment” gets under my skin like no other show. I’m excited to have it back, but worried about how many sleepless nights I’m going to face this Fall.

If they do it right, that is.

This is Season 3, the first season not copied from the Israeli series “BeTipul,” which ended after two seasons. The producers have a tabula rasa and I have faith that they will produce something suitably profound.

I’m excited to see the “suspenseful” storylines for Irrfan Khan, Debra Winger and new kid Dane DeHaan (I predict big things for him). Also happy to see Amy Ryan as Paul’s (Gabriel Byrne) new therapist.

Check out this Season 3 behind-the-scenes video and this “Crazy” black-and-white Season 3 trailer and I’ll see you on Monday, Oct. 25.

Sad news: “Mad Men” season 4 is ending on Sunday, Oct. 17. I’m gonna call it: This is the best season yet. It’s also one of the best seasons any show has ever had. And “The Suitcase” is the highlight of the season … so far. Catch up on my recaps here.

Also: “Project Runway” will present “the most controversial season finale ever!” on Thursday, Oct. 28. Read my recaps/spoilers/vlog commentary on Season 8 here.

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Here’s the full schedule of October premieres and finales as copied wholesale from the lovely and amazing AOL TV:

Friday, October 1
8:00 – ‘WWE Smackdown’ (Syfy) network premiere
9:00 – ‘Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss’ (TLC) series premiere
10:00 – ‘The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret’ (IFC) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Teach: Tony Danza’ (A&E) series premiere

Saturday, October 2
6:00 – ‘The Antonio Treatment’ (HGTV) 1st season finale
8:00 – ‘SEC on CBS: Florida @ Alabama’ (CBS) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Austin City Limits’ (PBS) 36th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Iconoclasts’ (Sundance) 5th season premiere

Sunday, October 3
7:00 – ‘America’s Funniest Home Videos’ (ABC) 21st season premiere
8:00 – ’25 Most Shocking Reality TV Moments’ (TV Guide) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Hoarding: Buried Alive’ (TLC) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘Holmes Inspection’ (HGTV) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Ice Road Truckers’ (History) 4th season finale
9:00 – ‘The Next Iron Chef’ (Food) 3rd season premiere
9:30 – ‘American Dad’ (FOX) 6th season premiere
10:00 – ‘CSI: Miami’ (CBS) 9th season premiere
10:00 – ‘The Glades’ (A&E) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘The Haunted’ (Animal Planet) 1st season mid-season premiere
10:00 – ‘IRT: Deadliest Roads’ (History) series premiere
10:30 – ‘Law & Order: UK’ (BBC America) series premiere
11:00 – ‘Underbelly’ (DirecTV) 2nd season premiere

Monday, October 4
9:00 – ‘Sins of My Father’ (HBO) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Lie to Me’ (FOX) 3rd season premiere
9:00 – ‘Money Hungry’ (VH1) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘The Real Housewives of Atlanta’ (Bravo) 3rd season premiere
9:30 – ‘Quints by Surprise’ (TLC) 1st season finale
9:30 – ‘Rob Drydek’s Fantasy Factory’ (MTV) 3rd season finale
10:00 – ‘The A-List’ (Logo) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Disappeared’ (ID) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Southern Fried Stings’ (TruTV) 2nd season premiere
11:00 – ‘The Arrangement’ (Logo) series premiere

Tuesday, October 5
7:30 – ‘Sextuplets Take NY’ (TLC) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘106 & Park: 10 Years & Counting’ (BET) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Hair Battle Spectacular’ (Oxygen) 1st season finale
11:00 – ‘House of Glam’ (Oxygen) series premiere

Wednesday, October 6
2:30 – ‘MLB on Deck’ (TBS) special presentation
3:00 – ‘MLB Playoffs: Division Series’ (TBS) special presentation
6:00 – ‘106 & Park: The Celebration, 10 Years Live! (BET) special presentation
6:30 – ‘MLB Playoffs: Division Series’ (TBS) special presentation
7;30 – ‘Hole in the Wall’ (Cartoon Network) 2nd season premiere
8:00 – ‘Dude, What Would Happen?’ (Cartoon Network) 3rd season premiere
8:30 – ‘Destroy Build Destroy’ (Cartoon Network) 3rd season premiere
9:00 – ‘Dog the Bounty Hunter’ (A&E) 7th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Mythbusters’ (Discovery) 8th season mid-season premiere
10:00 – ‘Bad Universe: Alien Attack!’ (Discovery) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Harry Loves Lisa’ (TV Land) series premiere
10:00 – ‘The Real World/Road Rules Challenge’ (MTV) 20th season premiere
10:00 – ‘South Park’ (Comedy Central) 14th season mid-season premiere
10:00 – ‘Steven Seagal: Lawman’ (A&E) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘MLB Playoffs: Division Series’ (TBS) special presentation
10:30 – ‘Ugly Americans’ (Comedy Central) 1st season mid-season premiere

Thursday, October 7
1:30AM – ‘Inside MLB’ (TBS) special presentation
2:30PM – ‘MLB on Deck’ (TBS) special presentation
3:00 – ‘MLB Playoffs: Division Series’ (TBS) special presentation
6:30 – ‘MLB Playoffs: Division Series’ (TBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Texas Rodeo Tykes’ (Animal Planet) special presentation
8:00 – ‘The This Old House Hour’ (PBS) 9th season premiere
9:00 – ‘The Promise: The Making of Darkness on the Edge of Town’ (HBO) special presentation
9:00 – ‘The Real Housewives of DC’ (Bravo) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Kick Off Cook Off’ (TLC) series premiere
10:00 – ‘MLB Playoffs: Division Series’ (TBS) special presentation
11:00 – ‘WCG Ultimate Gamer’ (Syfy) 2nd season finale

Friday, October 8
1:30AM – ‘Inside MLB’ (TBS) special presentation
6:00PM – ‘MLB on Deck’ (TBS) special presentation
6:30 – ‘MLB Playoffs: Division Series’ (TBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Petty Blue’ (CMT) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Dog Whisperer’ (National Geographic) 7th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Degrassi: The Next Generation’ (TeenNick) 10th season mid-season premiere
9:00 – ‘Fatal Attractions’ (Animal Planet) 1st season mid-season premiere
9:00 – ‘Swamp Loggers’ (Discovery) 3rd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Invitation Only: Toby Keith’ (CMT) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Gigantic’ (TeenNick) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Haven’ (Syfy) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Final Judgment’ (ID) special presentation
10:00 – ‘MLB Playoffs: Division Series’ (TBS) special presentation

Saturday, October 9
1:30AM – ‘Inside MLB’ (TBS) special presentation
6:00PM – ‘MLB on Deck’ (TBS) special presentation
6:30 – ‘MLB Playoffs: Division Series’ (TBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘After the Fall’ (Hallmark) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Monsterwolf’ (Syfy) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Auctioneer$’ (TLC) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Color Splash’ (HGTV) 7th season finale
10:00 – ‘MLB Playoffs: Division Series’ (TBS) special presentation

Sunday, October 10
1:00AM – ‘Comics Anonymous’ (Comedy Central) special presentation
1:30AM – ‘Inside MLB’ (TBS) special presentation
3:00PM – ‘MLB on Deck’ (TBS) special presentation
3:30 – ‘MLB Playoffs: Division Series’ (TBS) special presentation
7:00 – ‘MLB Playoffs: Division Series’ (TBS) special presentation
9:00 – ‘My Brand New Face’ (TLC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Food Feuds’ (Food) series premiere
10:30 – ‘The Spin Crowd’ (E!) 1st season finale
10:30 – ‘MLB Playoffs: Division Series’ (TBS) special presentation

Monday, October 11
2:00AM – ‘Inside MLB’ (TBS) special presentation
6:00PM – ‘MLB on Deck’ (TBS) special presentation
6:30 – ‘MLB Playoffs: Division Series’ (TBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Giuliana & Bill’ (Style) 3rd season premiere
8:00 – ‘Property Virgins’ (HGTV) 9th season premiere
8:30 – ‘The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, Part 1 of 5′ (Disney XD) special presentation
9:00 – ‘American Pickers’ (History) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘Cake Boss’ (TLC) 3rd season mid-season premiere
9:00 – ‘Carlos, Part 1 of 3′ (Sundance) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Expedition Wild With Casey Anderson’ (National Geographic Wild) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘Hardcover Mysteries’ (ID) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Reviving Ophelia’ (Lifetime) special presentation
10:00 – ‘MLB Playoffs: Division Series’ (TBS) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Texas Quints’ (TLC) special presentation

Tuesday, October 12
1:30AM – ‘Inside MLB’ (TBS) special presentation
6:00PM – ‘MLB on Deck’ (TBS) special presentation
6:30 – ‘MLB Playoffs: Division Series’ (TBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Hip Hop Awards ’10’ (BET) special presentation
8:30 – ‘The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, Part 2 of 5′ (Disney XD) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Ray Charles America’ (Biography) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Carlos, Part 2 of 3′ (Sundance) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Flipping Out’ (Bravo) 4th season finale
9:00 – ‘Private Chefs of Beverly Hills’ (Food) 2nd season premiere
9:00 – ‘Swords: Life on the Line’ (Discovery) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘Zoo Confidential’ (National Geographic Wild) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Being Terry Kennedy’ (BET) series premiere
10:00 – ‘The Little Couple’ (TLC) 3rd season mid-season premiere
10:00 – ‘Nick Swardson’s Pretend Time’ (Comedy Central) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Inside MLB’ (TBS) special presentation
10:30 – ‘Parking Wars’ (A&E) 4th season premiere

Wednesday, October 13
8:00 – ‘Hell’s Kitchen’ (FOX) 100th episode
8:30 – ‘The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, Part 3 of 5′ (Disney XD) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Carlos, Part 3 of 3′ (Sundance) special presentation
10:00 – ‘I Shouldn’t Be Alive’ (Animal Planet) 4th season premiere
10:00 – ‘Storm Chasers’ (Discovery) 4th season premiere
10:00 – ‘What’s Eating You?’ (E!) series premiere
11:30 – ‘Bam’s World Domination’ (Spike TV) special presentation

Thursday, October 14
8:00 – ‘Monica & David’ (HBO) special presentation
8:30 – ‘The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, Part 4 of 5′ (Disney XD) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Beast Legends’ (Syfy) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ (Bravo) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Wicked Attraction’ (ID) 3rd season finale

Friday, October 15
7:30 – ‘MLB on Deck’ (TBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the Team’ (CMT) 5th season premiere
8:00 – ‘School Pride’ (NBC) series premiere
8:00 – ‘Smallville’ (The CW) 200th Episode!
8:00 – ‘MLB Playoffs: ALCS, Game 1′ (TBS) special presentation
8:30 – ‘The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, Part 5 of 5′ (Disney XD) special presentation
9:00 – ‘World’s Strictest Parents’ (CMT) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Conspiracy Theory With Jesse Ventura’ (TruTV) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Sanctuary’ (Syfy) 3rd season premiere
11:30 – ‘Inside MLB’ (TBS) special presentation

Saturday, October 16
3:30 – ‘MLB on Deck’ (TBS) special presentation
4:00 – ‘MLB Playoffs: ALCS, Game 2′ (TBS) special presentation
7:00 – ‘Scooby-Doo!: Curse of the Lake Monster’ (Cartoon Network) special presentation
7:30 – ‘NASCAR Sprint Cup: Charlotte’ (ABC) special presentation
7:30 – ‘MLB Playoffs: NLCS, Game 1′ (FOX) special presentation
7:30 – ‘Inside MLB’ (TBS) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Behind the Music: Poison’ (VH1 Classic) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Hunt for the Mad Trapper’ (ID) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Rock ‘N Roll Fantasy Camp’ (VH1 Classic) series premiere
11:00 – ‘Bo Burnham: Words, Words, Words’ (Comedy Central) special presentation
11:00 – ‘That Metal Show’ (VH1 Classic) 6th season premiere

Sunday, October 17
8:00 – ‘MLB Playoffs: NLCS, Game 2′ (FOX) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Paranormal State’ (A&E) 5th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Rubicon’ (AMC) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Mad Men’ (AMC) 4th season finale
10:00 – ‘Psychic Kids: Children of the Paranormal’ (A&E) 3rd season premiere
10:30 – ‘La La’s Full Court Wedding’ (VH1) 1st season finale

Monday, October 18
7:30 – ‘MLB on Deck’ (TBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘MLB Playoffs: ALCS, Game 3′ (TBS) special presentatoin
9:00 – ‘Rusty Nuts’ (History) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Bret Michaels: Life As I Know It’ (VH1) series premiere
11:30 – ‘Inside MLB’ (TBS) special presentation

Tuesday, October 19
4:00 – ‘MLB Playoffs: NLCS, Game 3′ (FOX) special presentation
7:30 – ‘MLB on Deck’ (TBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Nova’ (PBS) 38th season premiere
8:00 – ‘MLB Playoffs: ALCS, Game 4′ (TBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Tower Prep’ (Cartoon Network) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Cold Blood’ (ID) 3rd season premiere
9:00 – ‘Dirty Jobs’ (Discovery) 7th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Frontline’ (PBS) 29th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ (Bravo) 4th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Scream 2010′ (Spike TV) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Ghost Lab’ (Discovery) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Independent Lens’ (PBS) 12th season premiere
10:30 – ‘Freak Encounters’ (Animal Planet) series premiere
11:30 – ‘Inside MLB’ (TBS) special presentation

Wednesday, October 20
3:30 – ‘MLB on Deck’ [if necessary] (TBS) special presentation
4:00 – ‘MLB Playoffs: ALCS, Game 5′ [if necessary] (TBS) special presentation
7:30 – ‘MLB Playoffs: NLCS, Game 4′ (FOX) special presentation
7:30 – ‘Inside MLB’ [if necessary] (TBS) special presentation
7:30 – ‘The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes’ (Disney XD) series premiere
8:30 – ‘That’s Tough!’ (G4) series premiere
9:00 – ‘I’m Alive: Nando Parrado’s Story’ (History) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Changing Lanes’ (BET) 1st season finale
11:00 – ‘Blue Mountain State’ (Spike TV) 2nd season premiere

Thursday, October 21
7:30 – ‘MLB Playoffs: NLCS, Game 5′ [if necessary] (FOX) special presentation
8:00 – ‘World’s Toughest Fixes’ (National Geographic Channel) 3rd season finale
9:00 – ‘Wild Japan’ (Animal Planet) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Night of Too Many Stars: An Overbooked Benefit for Autism Education’ (Comedy Central) special presentation
10:30 – ‘Kick Off Cook Off’ (TLC) 1st season finale

Friday, October 22
7:30 – ‘MLB on Deck’ [if necessary] (TBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘MLB Playoffs: ALCS, Game 6′ [if necessary] (TBS) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Main Street Mysteries’ (ID) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘My Super Psycho Sweet 16 2′ (MTV) special presentation
11:30 – ‘Inside MLB’ [if necessary] (TBS) special presentation

Saturday, October 23
3:30 – ‘MLB Playoffs: NLCS, Game 6′ [if necessary] (FOX) special presentation
7:30 – ‘MLB on Deck’ [if necessary] (TBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘MLB Playoffs: ALCS, Game 7′ [if necessary] (TBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘The Boy Who Cried Werewolf’ (Nickelodeon) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Growing the Big One’ (Hallmark) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Pit Boss’ (Animal Planet) 1st season finale
10:30 – ’24/7: Pacquiao/Margarito’ (HBO) 10th season premiere
11:00 – ‘Donnell Rawlings: From Ashy to Classy’ (Comedy Central) special presentation
11:00 – ‘Brave New Voices 2010′ (HBO) special presentation
11:30 – ‘Inside MLB’ [if necessary] (TBS) special presentation

Sunday, October 24
7:30 – ‘MLB Playoffs: NLCS, Game 7′ [if necessary] (FOX) special presentation
8:00 – ‘First Life With David Attenborough’ (Discovery) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Luther’ (BBC America) series premiere
10:30 – ‘Football Wives’ (VH1) series premiere

Monday, October 25
12:30AM – ‘Metalocalypse’ (Adult Swim) 3rd season finale
9:00PM – ‘In Treatment’ (HBO) 3rd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Thintervention With Jackie Warner’ (Bravo) 1st season finale

Tuesday, October 26
12:00AM – ‘Dead Set, Part 1 of 5′ (IFC) special presentation
9:00PM – ‘Marijuana: A Chronic History’ (History) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Meteorite Men’ (Science) 2nd season premiere
9:00 – ‘Zoo Confidential’ (National Geographic Wild) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Bidder Rivals’ (Discovery) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Dance Cam Slam’ (VH1) series premiere
10:00 – ‘I (Almost) Got Away With It’ (ID) 2nd season premiere

Wednesday, October 27
12:00AM – ‘Dead Set, Part 2 of 5′ (IFC) special presentation
7:30PM – ‘MLB Playoffs: World Series, Game 1′ (FOX) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Friday Night Lights’ (DirecTV) 5th season premiere
9:00 – ‘I’ll Do Anything’ (BBC America) series premiere

Thursday, October 28
12:00AM – ‘Dead Set, Part 3 of 5′ (IFC) special presentation
7:30PM – ‘MLB Playoffs: World Series, Game 2′ (FOX) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Scared Shrekless’ (NBC) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Destination Truth’ (Syfy) 4th season finale
9:00 – ‘Project Runway’ (Lifetime) 8th season finale
10:00 – ‘Ancient Aliens’ (History) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Hollywood Treasure’ (Syfy) series premiere
11:00 – ‘The Fairy Jobmother’ (Lifetime) series premiere

Friday, October 29
12:00AM – ‘Benson Interruption’ (Comedy Central) series premiere
12:00AM – ‘Dead Set, Part 4 of 5′ (IFC) special presentation
9:00PM – ‘What Not to Wear’ (TLC) 8th season premiere
11:00 – ‘Orny Adams Takes the Third’ (Comedy Central) special presentation

Saturday, October 30
12:00AM – ‘Dead Set, Part 5 of 5′ (IFC) special presentation
7:30PM – ‘MLB Playoffs: World Series, Game 3′ (FOX)
8:00 – ‘American Occult: Savage Sin’ (ID) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Red: Werewolf Hunter’ (Syfy) special presentation
10:00 – ‘American Occult: Evil Sacrifice’ (ID) special presentation
10:00 – ‘The Graham Norton Show’ (BBC America) 8th season premiere
10:00 – ‘Pit Bulls & Parolees’ (Animal Planet) 2nd season premiere

Sunday, October 31 – HALLOWEEN!
7:00 – ‘Ghost Hunters Live!’ (Syfy) special presentation
8:00 – ‘MLB Playoffs: World Series, Game 4′ (FOX) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Swamp Battle’ (History) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘The Walking Dead’ (AMC) series premiere
11:30 – ‘The Venture Brothers’ (Adult Swim) 4th season finale

Is this something we can blame on Pete Campbell?

Peggy Olson is back on the market. But if you pick her up, she comes with the free gift of Scientology.

I had no idea Elisabeth Moss was a Scientologist. It doesn’t affect how I view her on “Mad Men,” but it’s just … surprising.

Check out this list of other celebrity Scientologists. Some I knew, some I did not. (Jason Lee? Juliette Lewis? Erika Christensen?)

Anyway, Fred Armisen plays Obama (and not very well) on “Saturday Night Live.” I prefer him as the ditzy court stenographer and Joy Behar of “The View.”

Fred and Elisabeth were only married 10 months. SNL boy was previously married to an English singer named Sally Timms.

According to Life & Style (and picked up by other more worthy outlets), “Fred and Elisabeth separated in May. Fred is currently in Portland, Ore. on the set of his new series Portlandia. Elisabeth is in LA focusing on her career and spending quiet time with friends.”

I’m sad. I liked them.

The Emmys are only a couple of weeks away — Sunday, August 29 on NBC — and Elisabeth is nominated as Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series for playing Peggy on Season 2 of “Mad Men.” Who is she going to go to the awards with? (I still hope her fellow nominee Christina Hendricks wins for playing Joan.)

Also sad news: Patricia Arquette and Thomas Jane are reportedly divorcing.

Also, Patti Stanger of “Millionaire Matchmaker” has called off her wedding to her boyfriend of more than six years because, as she described it, he wants her to be something that she can’t be. (Emotionally stable?) Apparently she wants kids now (and she’s 49 so that sounds fair) and he doesn’t.

Good news: Neil Patrick Harris is going to be a daddy of twins. I bet he’ll be a cool father.

Also good, but not new news: Jane Lynch is going to host SNL sometime in October. Can’t wait to see who else they have lined up for the new season. You think Jon Hamm will be back for a third time? Sergio! Let’s do this thing.

Also good October news: “In Treatment” will return to HBO for a third season this October. I love this show and you can check out my list of top 15 TV shows to find out why.

He'll never love us back.

By Gina Carbone
opus619@gmail.com

It’s the first day of spring and neither “Mad Men” nor “True Blood” is actually in season, so to speak.

There was a time when that would’ve stopped you from catching up. Not anymore.

In this lovely age of DVD and On Demand you can rent almost any show at any time, whether it has been off the air for years or not returning for several months. And sometimes at your local library FOR FREE!

Imagine that.

So you have no excuse but to catch up on these 15 shows, which are my current faves.

I’m only including series that are still running — so no “Northern Exposure,” “Six Feet Under” and “Father Ted,” which are my three favorite shows of all time.

Warning: I do love reality TV, including the heavy cheese, as #3 here will attest.

***

What Up With That?

15.”Saturday Night Live”

It’s not always good. It’s never consistent. This is far from the best season. And yet there are plenty of reasons to stay up for SNL every week, even now. There’s Jason Sudeikis in every skit, but especially dancing in his red track suit on Kenan Thompson’s “What Up With That?” BET show. If you watched Taylor Swift’s monologue, Jon Hamm’s “Sergio!” skit or any of Andy Samberg’s Digital Shorts, you were prepared for the Sunday Internet watercooler chatter. If you missed them, you missed out. And I defy you to find a more perfect thing to watch at 1 a.m. than this potato chip skit with Blake Lively.

14. “The Tudors”

This show ticks me off almost as much as it excites me. I’m still frustrated about the casting of beautiful Joss Stone as the “unattractive” Anne of Cleves. But there are just too many things that I love about it. (Starting with Henry Cavill.) I have always been a Tudor-phile and this is a rich, colorful, sexy, vibrant world to dive into. It’s a history lesson CW-style, but with Showtime sex and violence. We’re getting to the end years for Henry VIII (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) and the fourth and final season starts April 11. I can’t wait to see this world come alive again. Long live the king.

13. “Project Runway”

My friend Trinh still finds it hard to believe I like “Project Runway,” since my fashion sense consists of wearing the same Walmart clothes I’ve had for 5-10 years — and Payless shoes. But I love the challenges on “Runway” — take a potato sack and make an evening gown. Go to the supermarket and use corn husks to make a cocktail dress. Use newspapers to make pants. It’s not just clothes, it’s art. I’m addicted to seeing creativity in action and that’s the show. I can’t even sew a button onto a jacket correctly (as my jackets know too well) but I find myself imagining how I would approach the challenges. It gets me thinking about color and fabrics and art supplies differently. It sounds girlie and I’m not usually girlie (then again, I love “The Bachelor” and “Project Runway”) but it’s fun.

She'll cut a bitch. Don't you forget it.

12. “Damages”

Season one was genius. Glenn Close scares the crap out of me and Tate Donovan plays wounded puppy so well. And Ted Danson! His best role in years. It’s not easy to make a corrupt CEO lovable, but he found the right balance of egomania and infectious optimism. Season two was disappointing, but it did manage to find a key role for Timothy Olyphant and for that I will be forever grateful. So far season three is amazing. I was worried it would be too gimmicky with its ripped-from-the-headlines Madoff plot, but it’s working. Very, very well. Props to Campbell Scott and especially Martin Short for playing so far against type. Keep it coming.

11. “Big Love”

I’m worried about “Big Love.” This was one of my favorite shows, but season four was all over the place. Too many plot threads, too many characters. And a Monty Python moment with a severed arm. I still have high hopes for this series and I have invested too much time and energy to give up on it, but GET IT TOGETHER. Please.

10. “Parks and Recreation”

Leslie and Ron make me smile.

Somewhere along the way, this show got as good as “The Office.” Then, for me, it got better. Mostly because I am not a fan of Jim and Pam and they dominate everything. So done with their smugness. “Parks,” on the other hand, is consistently warm, funny and uncluttered with self-congratulatory shmaltz. Special props to Nick Offerman as Ron Swanson. You will always be my Woman of the Year, man.

9. “House”

I get frustrated with everyone walking around psychoanalyzing everyone else’s reactions, but I’m a loyal Hilson (House + Wilson) fan and I love watching their bromantic banter. Now that we’re past the extended torture of House hiring his new team, and the old team is back in action, I am happy with “House” again. And the medical mysteries are still good after all this time. My friend Lisa has sarcoidosis and we like to see it make cameo appearances — alongside lupus — during the differential diagnosis. I know Wilson’s first wife is coming back into the picture and I am looking forward to House getting jealous, but please don’t break up my favorite couple for long.

8. “30 Rock”

I keep waiting for this show to run out of steam and stop being so sharply funny and on point. Guess I should grab a snack for that wait. Alec Baldwin is still the funniest person on television but the entire cast is right there with him. I laugh out loud — guffaw, really — at least twice an episode and I’ll never turn down a good belly laugh.

7. “Dexter”

Talk about season finales. Every Other Show, please take note: The way “Dexter” ended season four? That’s how it’s done. I can’t wait to see what happens next and that’s the sign of a good show. I get dizzy watching Michael C. Hall (forever part of my “Six Feet Under”

Rita! Dex! Sobs!

family) run all over the place lying to everyone, but the show always manages to figure out how to balance everything without drowning the important stuff in superfluous plot threads. There was always one overarching storyline tying everything together. That’s smart. Keep doing that and tell “Big Love” about it.

6. “Survivor”

I just get caught up in the drama. Every time. I want to scream at the castaways. Tear my hair out. Vote them out myself. And that’s just for Russell Hantz. Whenever you think you can see exactly where things are going, they take another turn. “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains” is one of my favorite seasons of all time. And it’s the 20th one they’ve done. That’s a good sign for the future … or a good place to stop. But look at the characters they’ve given us, just in this season alone: Evil Russell, Boston Rob, Coach, Colby, JT, Rupert. All brand names, thanks to the show. And that’s without even mentioning Captain Dimples himself, Jeff Probst. The single best host on TV. I mean it!

The Man!

5. “Lost”

I’m not one of those Losties who memorizes every little detail and keeps flow charts to catalogue the connections. I’m here for the human element. And the No. 1 human element on this island was, is, and shall always be Terry O’Quinn as John Locke (with or without Smokey). I have never — and I mean never — seen stronger acting from anyone on television than this man as this character in the six seasons of this show. O’Quinn has created an icon and he will be missed when this ends. Michael Emerson, you get the silver medal and on any other show you would be gold. That’s saying something, especially since “Lost” is known mostly for its trippy sci-fi plot, not the strength of its character acting. Humble actors doing crazy things without getting in our faces about it. Love it.

4. “In Treatment”

I don’t blame Gabriel Byrne for getting tired of sitting in that chair all day. That’s tough acting — just sitting there. (I mean it!) But

Mia Wasikowska was amazing as Sophie the gymnast on "In Treatment." Not so amazing in "Alice in Wonderland."

there is no other show on TV that gets under my skin as much as “In Treatment.” After listening to problems from a divorcing couple, a cancer-stricken college student, a lonely lawyer, an embattled CEO and a troubled teenage gymnast, among others, I turn off the TV and just soak everything in. What do I think is the root of their issues? What would I do? What would I suggest? I’m so glad there will be a third season. This is the most thoughtful and thought-provoking show on television. It hits a nerve and that’s an important part of life.

3. “The Bachelor”/”The Bachelorette”

If this is not your first time glancing at this blog (don’t worry, I’m not really expecting you to hang on every word) you know I am obsessed with the land of Chris Harrison and the most dramatic rose ceremony ever. If you can’t get past the cheese of this beautiful manufactured drama, take a moment and say your goodbyes. I accept this rose. Now and always. Especially for “The Bachelorette.” One woman. 25 guys. Nuff said.

2. “True Blood”

Yes, it’s campy. Yes, it’s soft-core porn. Yes, I’m incredibly grateful for that. Alexander Skarsgard. Ryan Kwanten. Stephen Moyer. Sam Trammell. Nelsan Ellis. Jim Parrack. And a few women. (Kidding. Love ya, Anna Paquin, Carrie Preston, Deborah Ann Woll and

Eric with long hair or short hair? Discuss.

Rutina Wesley.) This is how you tell a vampire story, y’all. Fresh, original, exciting, sexy as HELL YEAH, with the best opening sequence on TV right now. Season one was good. Season two was outstanding, except for the maenad junk. (Eric made up for it. More. Please. Now.) Season three is looking pretty jam-packed and I just hope Alan Ball remembers to stay true to the characters we’ve come to lust over care about. That’d be Eric as No. 1.

1. “Mad Men”

Season three started kind of slow and I was worried the most amazing show on television would slip down my rankings. But it picked up steam and ended with a perfect, caffeinated, plot-heavy episode of “Survivor: Sterling Cooper.” This is a perfect show. So much character development I feel like these people just have to be real. There’s no way Peggy Olson is not an actual person. I expect to find Pete Campbell still wandering around somewhere on the Upper East Side. And the Drapers … well, Don Draper never existed as we know him and Betty Draper is about to become someone else. I cannot wait to see what they do next. Literally. I’m angry that we have to wait for the summer. Jon Hamm has created a screen icon. There is no one else who could bring

Joan c'est magnifique on "Mad Men."

Don Draper to life and somehow make you not hate him. He’s so freaking suave. Women want him. Men want to be him. And I just love to watch the show around him. The best writing. The best ensemble. The absolute hands-down best production design on television. My eyes worship this show.

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