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More TMI from Phillip: "I enjoy being on the bottom." Hey now!

I lack a feather — and therefore the courage, determination and knowledge of when to hold my tongue — so I’m going to go ahead and agree with David’s assessment of Phillip: “You sound like a lunatic.”

Oh, David. I wish your Rob vote had counted four times. ‘Cause now things are downright boring. Ometepe Cult vs. Zapatera Zzzzs. Phillip’s crazy babbling and Rob’s mafia plotting have taken over “Survivor” and sucked all the air out of the island. No one else is on the show, it seems, including the people who actually win the challenges and get voted to Matt’s Island.

Make a move, Grant. Make a move.

There were two Tribal Councils on “The Buddy System” episode of “Survivor: Redemption Island.”

My great-great grandfather was not a full-blooded Cherokee and he did not come to me in a meditation with a spoiler on what would happen, but it was pretty clear that Mike would be the first one heading to Redemption Island to face Matt/Jesus.

It was the Ometepe Six against the Zapatera five and nobody flipped after the first challenge, which Gorgeous Grungy Grant won over David and Mike.

The Mariano Crime Syndicate put out a hit on Mike, the guy they considered their biggest physical threat and also the guy with the best chance to take out Matt/Jesus, who is like the landlord of Redemption Island. He should just charge rent whenever anyone stops by.

The second challenge was an immunity or food challenge and Phillip and Steve immediately decided to eat burgers instead of hang on a pole. (Burgers > a scoop of the crispy brown rice?) Rob was the first one out of the challenge, which was a total waste since he got no immunity and no food. Andrea won immunity, but only because Ashley and Natalie decided they could just give up. Their objective was just to beat David and they did it.

The Robfather said the second Tribal Council vote was down to strategic David vs. T-Rex Steve, who apparently wants to go home. (Why haven’t we heard about this yet? Too much time spent on Phillip and Stealth R Us?) David ended up going to Redemption Island, too. So now it’s a hoppin’ joint!

The Robfather has decided Phillip is a loyal soldier, and after Natalie tattled on her buddy Ashley’s “I’d vote for you over Rob” conversation with Ralph, Rob decided Phillip and Natalie would go with him to the final three. The ego. The arrogance. Someone needs to check it.

Phillip, bless him, isn’t a complete drone. He’s “a smart guy and a complex person” (or at least one of the two) and he claims he’s preparing to make a move on Rob. It’s just a matter of when.

Rob wants to run “his” tribe like an Army. He controls their diet, including fish. But Grant is hungry. I’d like him to be hungrier for a big move in this game, but I think I’m going to have to wait.

Rob made “his” tribe use “the buddy system” (hence the ep title) and they are not allowed to talk to anyone else alone. “It’s cult-like” is right. David gets it. They have The Fear in them because of the Matt decision — if you waver in loyalty, he’ll take you out in a boat and kill you.

Julie also gets it. Matt is a good guy, a nice person who thought Ometepe was his home but they cut his throat like it was nothing. They are an island mafia and it would be impressive if Rob weren’t the only one appearing to make any moves. If anyone else gets to the end, how can we even decide who to vote for? Would any of the Zaps even vote for Rob? Even though he isn’t blindsiding them, he’s controlling everyone in a way that seems to be ticking them off. Only David and Mike seem truly impressed. Ralph has decided he would vote for Ashley over Rob. Did he mean it? COULD anyone mean it?

I understand wanting to wipe out Zapatera, but think of the jury. Wouldn’t they love and appreciate a Rob blindside? If Grant made a move like that, let’s say, wouldn’t the jury appreciate that more than blind loyalty, even when it comes to eating habits? No one can respect that in the end.

It’s hard to know who is winning — or even in — this game, other than Rob. But one thing is clear: Jeff Probst and the producers/editors love Phillip a little too much. Other people are on the island, too, you know!

*

Catch up on my “Survivor” stories in this archive.

These people are playing the game:

Ometepe Tribe

* Grant Mattos, 29, West Hollywood; former NFLer, yoga instructor
* Phillip Sheppard, 52, Santa Monica; technology executive
* Natalie Tenerelli, 19, Acton, Calif.; professional dancer
* Ashley Underwood, 25, Benton, Maine; nurse
* Andrea Boehlke, 21, Random Lake, Wis.; student
* “Boston Rob” Rob Mariano
* Francesca Hogi, 36, Washington D.C.; attorney— 1st sent to Redemption Island
* Matt Elrod, 22, Nashville; pre-med student — 2nd sent to Redemption Island, first to be “redeemed,” 8th sent to Redemption Island
* Kristina Kell, 46, Malibu; law student — 4th sent to Redemption Island

Zapatera Tribe

* Ralph Kiser, 44, Lebanon, Va.; farmer
* Julie Wolfe, 50, Oceanside, Calif.; firefighter
* Steve Wright, 51, Huntington Beach, Calif.; former NFL player
* Russell Hantz — 3rd sent to Redemption Island
* Krista Klumpp, 25, Columbia, S.C.; pharmaceutical rep. — 5th sent to Redemption Island
* Stephanie Valencia, 25, Long Beach, Calif.; waitress — 6th sent to Redemption Island
* Sarita White, 36, Santa Monica; visual effects producer — 7th sent to Redemption Island, aka “Matt’s Island”
* Mike Chiesl, 31, Del Mar, Calif.; former Marine — 9th sent to Redemption Island
* David Murphy, 31, West Hollywood; defense attorney — 10th sent to Redemption Island

This is not the scoop of crispy you're looking for.

“The crispy.”

I love it. From now on, everything I want but can’t get in life will be referred to as “the crispy.”

On “Survivor: Redemption Island” episode 7, “It Don’t Take A Smart One,” God + Matt Elrod gave shrill chatterbox Stephanie Valencia the permanent boot. Now God + Matt will take on weak Sarita White.

What do you think, six for six for God + Matt? Will he get to go back in the game?

Sarita vs. Matt. Is there any doubt at all?

I really don’t care what Zapatera does and at this point it seems like the editors don’t care either.

The Zaps lost the rainy, muddy, disgusting reward and immunity challenge and had to go to Tribal Council, but who cares? Without Russell Hantz and his beyotches, not even Ralph Kiser can make them interesting.

And David Murphy is not as smart as he thinks, since he put himself in the position of backing two annoying girls who were clearly going to leave early. How was that a strong strategy? He should take his own advice to Sarita and “Don’t get too confident.”

It doesn’t sound like he has an alliance going into next week … but, then again, next week is the merge so he can sell himself as a free agent. OK, the jury is still out on David. The rest of the tribe didn’t know the merge was coming. If they did, they probably would’ve kept loyal Sarita. I think they should’ve kept her either way. Loyalty trumps strength. Foa Foa foursome.

By the way, that was a good challenge for once. It’s still not on par with the water challenges of the old days, but it was a refreshingly demanding challenge.

And you know who rocked it? My boy Grant Mattos. He’s the challenge king. And he gets hotter by the day. And he’s smart to let the leadership role of the tribe fall to Boston Rob while the annoying person role clearly goes to Phillip Sheppard. More on Phillip in just a second.

For the reward, Ometepe got to fly to an active volcano, which was very “Bachelorette” Season 6 of them. (Poor Matt deserves to go on stuff like this.) While everyone was stuffing their faces, Rob dipped his hand into the jar of those cylindrical cookies and found another idol clue. (I would’ve accidentally eaten it.) I was just wondering how many freaking idols are on the island when he threw the thing (litter bug!) into the volcano because he already found the idol. How does he know there’s only one?

Hot and not. Although, this is not the best shot of Grant.

But the really interesting dynamic on Ometepe is not Rob’s constant Robfather domination, the uselessness of the pageant twins or even the hotness of Grant. It’s Phillip.

Phillip was not allowed to have any of the popular crispy brown rice because it’s Boston Rob’s favorite. Phillip took extreme offense to this, ranting at the two useless girls plus cool Andrea and hot Grant that they all got scoops of crispy rice, so he should too.

He’s a 52-year-old man and the senior member of the tribe. (Does that come with special benefits and a pay raise?) But they shouldn’t make a mountain out of a mole hill about it. Because that’s his job!

Phillip and his chaperone, Rob, observed the Redemption Island challenge and Phillip called Matt a true samurai warrior, which cuts dangerously close to Coach 1.0 territory. Can they go on “The Amazing Race” together?

By the way, Jeff Probst said there’d be alcohol on the reward. Did Phillip imbibe? The possibility of a drunk Phillip just opens so many doors.

Phillip said the girls are sharing Rob’s underwear. (Does Amber know/care?) Phillip is done with Rob. He wants Rob out. Rob knows this and he must know a merge is coming. (And it looks like it’s coming next week!) Should Ometepe have thrown a challenge to get rid of Phillip? I know some people think Zapatera throwing their own challenge was a bad idea, but they had to get rid of Krista and Stephanie before they switched sides, so I thought it was smart.

Right now I’m on Team Matt. And Team Grant, with a side order of Team Andrea. And, hell, Team Phillip. He’s amusing. And he feels left out. If Ometepe just included him, they wouldn’t have this problem.

Catch up on my “Survivor” stories in this archive.

These people are playing the game:

Ometepe Tribe

* Grant Mattos, 29, West Hollywood; former NFLer, yoga instructor
* Phillip Sheppard, 52, Santa Monica; technology executive
* Natalie Tenerelli, 19, Acton, Calif.; professional dancer
* Ashley Underwood, 25, Benton, Maine; nurse
* Andrea Boehlke, 21, Random Lake, Wis.; student
* “Boston Rob” Rob Mariano
* Francesca Hogi, 36, Washington D.C.; attorney— 1st sent to Redemption Island
* Matt Elrod, 22, Nashville; pre-med student — 2nd sent to Redemption Island
* Kristina Kell, 46, Malibu; law student — 4th sent to Redemption Island

Zapatera Tribe

* Mike Chiesl, 31, Del Mar, Calif.; former Marine
* Ralph Kiser, 44, Lebanon, Va.; farmer
* David Murphy, 31, West Hollywood; defense attorney
* Julie Wolfe, 50, Oceanside, Calif.; firefighter
* Steve Wright, 51, Huntington Beach, Calif.; former NFL player
* Russell Hantz — 3rd sent to Redemption Island
* Krista Klumpp, 25, Columbia, S.C.; pharmaceutical rep. — 5th sent to Redemption Island
* Stephanie Valencia, 25, Long Beach, Calif.; waitress — 6th sent to Redemption Island
* Sarita White, 36, Santa Monica; visual effects producer — 7th sent to Redemption Island, aka “Matt’s Island”

Smells like teen suckage. He really is just Soul Patrol Part II, anyway. Am I alone on that? Can you really picture his voice on the radio, any more than Taylor Hicks?

I’m not even slightly surprised that Casey Abrams was on the bottom. It’s Megan’s fault. Megan, if you recall, is the “friend” in the audience that Casey pointed out on Wednesday’s “American Idol” season 10 top 11 performance show.

Ever since Jennifer Lopez dubbed Casey “sexy,” girls have screamed for him.  They don’t want to think that the cuddly teddy bear is already taken. That takes a shine off fast. It’s like Andrea looking at Matt in a whole new light after he bonded with fellow prayer warrior Krista on “Survivor: Redemption Island”. (See recap below)

Other reasons he was at the bottom: He performed first and sometimes the early singers are forgotten by the end of the night. Also, after he performed he was grossly overpraised. Casual fans probably figured he was safe and they didn’t need to vote for him. People who don’t have clear favorites (like me) probably weren’t so impressed by that performance that they would jump to the phone/web.

I think Casey is cute and funny, but the growl got old for me last week. I like the talent this season, but I don’t have a strong favorite anymore. I’m voting performance-by-performance. Last night I voted for Jacob and Pia. It was the first (and possibly the only) time I voted for Jacob but I’ve voted for Pia several times. I like her.

Anyway, the judges saved Casey. Which means we still have a top 11. And all 11 will go on tour. What a Disney special. Two people go home next week. Such melodrama.

Interesting week. I have a lot of catching up to do, so I’m combing my “American Idol,” “Survivor” and “Top Model” recaps.

***

American Idol Season 10 (stream of consciousness asides)

Is it just me, or was the Marc Anthony opening extremely awkward? Did the “American Idol” top 11 want a thing to do with him? Was he just bored? That whole relationship is weird. Jennifer Lopez and Marc, I mean. But J.Lo and Steven Tyler is coming off as weird to me, too. Steven seems to turn his back to her sometimes and Jennifer openly leans into Randy Jackson. It’s like two against one.

By the way, happy birthday, Steven! He really is the most adorable thing to happen to this show since the Davids of Season 7.

Unnecessary side note: I still have my old, pink “About Me” diary from when I was in grade school where I wrote “Hulk Hogan” as the strongest person I knew. I didn’t quite get that it was supposed to be someone I knew in person.

Is Ryan Seacrest a slightly good actor or did Hulk actually hit him a little bit there? Did those people know they were going to get Julianne Hough-close to Ryan when he crashed into their row?

Stevie Wonder rocks. And I noticed Jennifer had her arm around Steven when Stevie sang for the b-day boy. Is she jealous of his attention? I’ve heard that, but who knows.

Catch up on my “American Idol” stories here.

They deserve the pink undies as punishment for being lazy. (CBS pic)

Survivor: Redemption Island

Who was it that ripped Grant Mattos’s shirt off during the immunity challenge on “Their Red-headed Step Child”? Was that David Murphy or Mike Chiesl? Whoever it was, THANK YOU.

I’ve been praying to the Survivor gods for more shots of hot Grant. And, as we know now, God has a vested interest in the outcome of the show. He’s Team Matt Elrod and Team Ometepe. Matt now has a pink Bible, courtesy of The Other Blonde, Krista Klumpp, but no girl wants to see her crush bonding with another (similar) woman, so Matt may have lost the very important support of Andrea Boehlke — aka the only girl on Ometepe who is not completely useless. (I miss you, Kristina Kell.) Matt has turned out to be more Brett Clouser than Jud “Fabio” Birza and it looks like Krista was briefly Matt’s Natalie White.

Anyway, I’m disappointed in my boy David. He was my pre-season pick to be named fan favorite. But what was that nonsense about defending Stephanie Valencia over Sarita White? Even if he didn’t know Sarita had the support of her loyal allies, didn’t he hear shrill Stephanie’s pro-Russell Hantz screeches earlier in the season? Doesn’t he know that it’s better to enter a merge with fewer numbers as long as they stick together, rather than a large group with some people ready to be bought by the other side? How do you think Russell got to the end on “Samoa”? That Foa Foa Foursome was far from a majority.

I hate to support Boston Rob any more than he’s already been supported, but right now — other than Matt — he’s the only player really making a mark. He even pulled a fast one on my new faux boyfriend (I don’t care that he’s married) Grant, switching out the idol clues last week. Rob is also right when it comes to letting Natalie Tenerelli and Ashley Underwood dig their own finale graves.

However, how pissed is Rob going to be if/when Rob gets booted before the two useless girls? That was Phillip Sheppard’s point and —  I hope these words never pass through my keyboard again — he’s right. I’m growing fond of our resident Coach 2.0. Is it inevitable that Phillip and Coach 1.0 will be brought back together and put on the same tribe?

At this point, I’m in the market for someone to support. I guess it’s Matt for now, but I might be Team Andrea, just to support a girl who feels illogically hurt and betrayed by a guy. Who hasn’t been there?

Catch up on my “Survivor” recaps and spoilers (such as they are) here in this archive.

I am currently Team Brittani, but ask me again next week. From left: Hannah, Molly, Dalya, Jaclyn, Brittani, Alexandria, Monique, Kasia and Mikaela (CW pic)

America’s Next Top Model Cycle 16

Am I nuts or is Alexandria Everett not really THAT annoying?

Maybe I’ve just been watching too much “Survivor” and “Project Runway.” And I haven’t really been watching enough ANTM this cycle to really weigh in, but at this point Alexandria just seems like one of those girls who sounds more abrasive than she means to. She’s my Sharon Stone out there.

But I think I’ve switched allegiances from the machete cheekbones of Mikaela Schipani to the cute bob of Brittani Kline. I also like Monique Weingart and I wonder who she reminds me of. Someone. And as sweet as she may be, I CAN’T STAND Jaclyn Poole’s voice. I can’t get past it. I think Kasia Pilewicz is already overrated. And Hannah Jones. Hannah is not making a dent at all for me.

The just-eliminated Dalya Morrow said it’s going to come down to bad-weave Molly and Brittani in the end. Agree?

Catch up on my ANTM stories in this archive.

Sorry, Jeff. I know you wanted your boyfriend to stay longer.

Bwahahaha! Bwahahahahahaha!

He had two chances and he blew both of them. And then he cried. Tee hee.

Russell Hantz is gone. Permanently. He said this is his last time playing “Survivor.” And thank heaven for it.

Matt Elrod (Fabio 2.0) beat him in the (lame) Redemption Island domino challenge. Was he really crying or did he pull a Michelle Money? By the way, I LOVED the soft princess music they had for him while he sobbed.

Jeff Probst wondered if he was crying out of embarrassment or what?

I do wish Redemption Island itself were a little cooler.

Russell: “I respect this game too much to go out this way.” Then he started insulting his tribe for throwing the challenge to get rid of him. He called himself the a “professional quarterback” with pee wee players on his team. Right.

Then Ralph Kiser — one of the challenge witnesses — did some weird fake-out with his idol, telling Russell he found it within 15 seconds of the game. He started to show it to Russell, then backed off on Sarita White’s advisement.

Then Phillip “Special Agent” Sheppard weighed in, because no moment is complete without his input. He said he could tell that Ralph had an idol. It’s his job to tell when people are lying. (And to sweep the floor at the crack of dawn. And to be the season’s resident crazy person/Coach 2.0.)

Russell decided he could still play in the game via Phillip and his pink tighty whities. So he played spoiler king (something he’s familiar with) and spilled all of his tribe’s secrets. Bitter much?

So now Stephanie Valencia and Krista Klumpp are permanently stuck with “the goobers.” The storm is coming for them. Especially Stephanie.

Holy crap Grant is hot. Please show more of him.

And Russell, like Francesca before him, is rooting for sweet Matt to win. Rooting from afar, of course. As Russell said before the Redemption Island challenge, “If this was the real world I’d be rooting for Matt.” Just like with Brett Clouser on “Samoa.” Matt is the new prayer warrior.

Matt is in a good position right now. So is Boston Rob Mariano, after finding that idol. He, at least, has learned something from his past seasons.

I wish Kristina Kell had been given more time in the game — strong, strategic women are hard to come by — but “Survivor: Redemption Island” without Phillip would be so much less amusing.

Loving this season so far…

Catch up on my “Survivor” stories in this archive.

These people are playing the game:

Ometepe Tribe

* Francesca Hogi, 36, Washington D.C.; attorney— 1st sent to Redemption Island, 1st permanently eliminated
* Matt Elrod, 22, Nashville; pre-med student — 2nd sent to Redemption Island
* Kristina Kell, 46, Malibu; law student — 4th sent to Redemption Island
* Grant Mattos, 29, West Hollywood; former NFLer, yoga instructor
* Phillip Sheppard, 52, Santa Monica; technology executive
* Natalie Tenerelli, 19, Acton, Calif.; professional dancer
* Ashley Underwood, 25, Benton, Maine; nurse
* Andrea Boehlke, 21, Random Lake, Wis.; student
* “Boston Rob” Rob Mariano

Zapatera Tribe

* Mike Chiesl, 31, Del Mar, Calif.; former Marine
* Ralph Kiser, 44, Lebanon, Va.; farmer
* Krista Klumpp, 25, Columbia, S.C.; pharmaceutical rep.
* David Murphy, 31, West Hollywood; defense attorney
* Stephanie Valencia, 25, Long Beach, Calif.; waitress
* Sarita White, 36, Santa Monica; visual effects producer
* Julie Wolfe, 50, Oceanside, Calif.; firefighter
* Steve Wright, 51, Huntington Beach, Calif.; former NFL player
* Russell Hantz — 3rd sent to Redemption Island, 2nd permanently eliminated

I like having another Fabio to stare at, but this one needs to stop showing off his undies. Who does he think he is, Chase?

Rob Mariano seems like he’s back in The Robfather role on “Survivor: Redemption Island,” but I don’t know… He and Russell Hantz are back to playing their 1.0 games and the whole “Redemption Island” thing seems to be getting lost in the shuffle.

I get Rob wanting to prevent another Rob + Amber, but was it smart to vote out Matt Elrod on Episode 2, just because:

1. He flirted with Andrea Boehlke
2. He — gasp! — showed good sportsmanship after his tribe, Ometepe, lost the reward/immunity challenge
3. He’s the biggest male threat in his alliance?

I vote no.

Because Matt is now going to meet Francesca Hogi on Redemption Island. It’s possible that Francesca will beat Matt, but it’s also possible that Matt is truly another Fabio clone and will dominate in whatever challenge they throw at him.

*
Pause for a brief spoiler break:

The very limited and probably wrong spoilers out there have said that Matt is part of a core alliance that does well. There were even mutterings that he might make the final 3. Wrong? Right? Who knows. They also said Matt and Natalie Tenerelli had a flirtation, when it looks like (so far) it’s really Matt and Andrea.

End spoiler break!

*

Now what? I love how big you're playing, Kristina, but now you have no idol and no allies.

I feel like the Matt decision may come back to haunt Rob. He should’ve voted out Phillip Sheppard, who said the episode’s title to Rob: “You Own My Vote.”

So use it, Rob. Send former-federal-agent-and-current-lion Phillip to Redemption Island to do what he wants to do — face his “nemesis,” Francesca/Francesqua. (Maybe he should just call her Fran.)

Or (wild idea) vote out a weak player so your tribe might actually start winning a few challenges.

Meanwhile, Russell Hantz has turned into the clown of his own season. He’s back to collecting pretty young things, telling anyone who’ll listen that he’s Russell Hantz. He’s that good!

But while he’s playing Russell 1.0, his nemesis — the exceptionally hairy Ralph Kiser — has become Russell 2.0, the kinder softer version the real Russell should’ve tried to be.

Ralph now has an idol. He found it without a clue while … uh … looking for rocks? Russell has an idol clue. Does he have the clue to the idol that was already found? How many idols are out there?

And why isn’t Redemption Island its own cool little island in the middle of nowhere? Why does it look like any other beach?

Right now only about a handful of players have gotten any real camera time — Rob, Russell, Ralph, the power-playing Kristina Kell, crazy Phillip, Russell’s #1 gal, Stephanie Valencia, and Rob’s #1 gal, Natalie. Mike Chiesl may have some potential, but it’s quiet potential right now. That’s probably for the best.

Considering how Rob & Russell are so patronizing to the girls they believe they’ll have to carry to the end, I am rooting for Kristina at this point. I’m also rooting for Matt to beat Francesca, but only to show Rob that he’s not as in control of this game as he thinks.

But most of the people on the show have not said more than two words, so I have no idea who I’ll be rooting for by the end. Has Julie Wolfe even said one word? How about my boy David Murphy? Move the cameras off Rob for a second, please!

Catch up on my “Survivor” stories in this archive.

These people are still around:

Ometepe Tribe

* Francesca Hogi, 36, Washington D.C.; attorney— 1st sent to Redemption Island
* Matt Elrod, 22, Nashville; pre-med student — 2nd sent to Redemption Island
* Kristina Kell, 46, Malibu; law student
* Grant Mattos, 29, West Hollywood; former NFLer, yoga instructor
* Phillip Sheppard, 52, Santa Monica; technology executive
* Natalie Tenerelli, 19, Acton, Calif.; professional dancer
* Ashley Underwood, 25, Benton, Maine; nurse
* Andrea Boehlke, 21, Random Lake, Wis.; student
* “Boston Rob” Rob Mariano

Zapatera Tribe

* Mike Chiesl, 31, Del Mar, Calif.; former Marine
* Ralph Kiser, 44, Lebanon, Va.; farmer
* Krista Klumpp, 25, Columbia, S.C.; pharmaceutical rep.
* David Murphy, 31, West Hollywood; defense attorney
* Stephanie Valencia, 25, Long Beach, Calif.; waitress
* Sarita White, 36, Santa Monica; visual effects producer
* Julie Wolfe, 50, Oceanside, Calif.; firefighter
* Steve Wright, 51, Huntington Beach, Calif.; former NFL player
* Russell Hantz

I never thought "Francesca" was a hard name to pronounce, but apparently it's impossible.

“Survivor: Redemption Island” Episode 1: “You’re Looking at the New Leader of Your Tribe” (Phillip thinks it’s him!)

***

Han Solo: “Keep your distance, though, Chewie, but don’t look like you’re trying to keeping your distance.”
[Chewie barks a question]
Han Solo: “I don’t know. Fly casual.”

***

If we’ve learned anything from recent seasons of “Survivor” it’s the need to fly casual. Lay low. Go ahead and strategize. Go ahead and find immunity idols. Go ahead and play hard like Kristina Kell, just don’t be as obvious about it as Kristina Kell. (Who is Yve + Alina from “Survivor: Nicaragua.”)

However, brava to her for making a big move on the very first episode of “Survivor: Redemption Island.” After “Nicaragua” I am starved for big moves. But make them SMART big moves. Pissing off Boston Rob Mariano on the first day? Not smart.

Also not smart: Making an alliance with Phillip “Pipe That” Sheppard and his motor mouth. How many sisters does he have? Seven? How have they let him get away with this “Did I mention I’m a former federal agent” and “You need to pipe that” and “We’re done talking” and “hyper state of arousal” and “excuse me!” horseshite for so long?

Ometepe, minus Rob.

Boston Rob — hero-worshipped right off the bat, as if “All-Stars” never happened — saw through Kristina right away and knew she was looking for the idol. (While everyone else was socializing and building camp.) He played it down. She should’ve tried to make an alliance out of it, but instead she panicked and decided to go against him.

Rob used her decision to go against him to go against her — calling her out at Tribal Council and making a big move in front of the impressionable young’uns. He won.

Rob proves if you get a second chance, you don’t waste it. You change or at least convince people you’ve changed. He will do well.

And he’s right: He’s playing with amateurs. Francesca Hogi should’ve kept her mouth shut at Tribal Council and Phillip’s “crazy outburst” saved Natalie Tenerelli’s fate and sealed Francesca’s.

Poor Francesca is now gone … but she’s gone to Redemption Island. We still don’t know how that will play out.

I feel sorry for Kristina, but what can you do…

While Rob was being casual, just making friends with the worshipping young’uns, Russell Hantz made a speech about changing and then went right back to his routine of trying to organize a “dumbass girls” alliance.

Immunity winners Zapatera, minus Russell.

LOVED his patronizing exchange with Stephanie Valencia, asking her — like a teacher, leading a student — who he took to the end the first time on “Samoa.” Natalie! The second time, on “Heroes vs. Villains”? Parvati!

He thinks she’s stupid enough to go with the “i” name theme. He makes his pitch. She goes for it, or at least says yes, which is the correct response even if you don’t mean it. (She is not living up to her namesake. The Real Stephanie, from “Palau,” would’ve told Russell off.)

And, point of order, Parvati owned the Russell/Parv alliance. She is not a “cute little girl.” She’s the best player this game has ever seen.

David Murphy (my pre-season favorite) and Mike Chiesl want Russell gone. Good idea. You can’t bank on having him take you to the end. He does breed paranoia and he can’t be trusted to stick with people. (He tried to get rid of Parvati and he ousted her BFF, Danielle, in a blindside. He’s also obnoxious and emotionally exhausting.)

Rob is on Ometepe, which has more women than men. He’s good with girls. Very good. Ashley Underwood even said losing the immunity challenge made her feel like she let her “leader” down. Phillip believes he’s good with girls, too, and then he pissed off his alliance mate, Kristina, and their co-conspirator, Francesca. (It’s worth noting, though, that Fabio clone Matt Elrod is probably even better with girls, without having to try.)

Rob said he was going to try to vote off Francesca (or whatever Phillip called her, with his dry mouth), because Fran said right off the bat that Rob was sneaky and she didn’t want him around. But Kristina’s obvious moves prompted Rob to change his mind. And by his mind, I mean everyone’s mind. Ometepe is now The Borg. And Phillip, Kristina and Francesca are on the outs.

So far Russell isn't doing much. Even though Rob's team lost the immunity challenge, he's still in charge.

Right now, even with his tribe down one player, Rob is running the game.

Who will go to Redemption Island next week, if Ometepe loses again? Phillip or Kristina? As annoying as Phillip is, he’s not as dangerous as Kristina. She (over)played her hand too soon. But she does still have that idol…

Side note: Enough with the “Redemption Island” “What if?” videos — like Shambo. Really? Shambo? We get the point of coming back.

These people are still around:

Ometepe Tribe

* Andrea Boehlke, 21, Random Lake, Wis.; student
* Matt Elrod, 22, Nashville; pre-med student
* Kristina Kell, 46, Malibu; law student
* Grant Mattos, 29, West Hollywood; former NFLer, yoga instructor
* Phillip Sheppard, 52, Santa Monica; technology executive
* Natalie Tenerelli, 19, Acton, Calif.; professional dancer
* Ashley Underwood, 25, Benton, Maine; nurse
* “Boston Rob” Rob Mariano

Zapatera Tribe

* Mike Chiesl, 31, Del Mar, Calif.; former Marine
* Ralph Kiser, 44, Lebanon, Va.; farmer
* Krista Klumpp, 25, Columbia, S.C.; pharmaceutical rep.
* David Murphy, 31, West Hollywood; defense attorney
* Stephanie Valencia, 25, Long Beach, Calif.; waitress
* Sarita White, 36, Santa Monica; visual effects producer
* Julie Wolfe, 50, Oceanside, Calif.; firefighter
* Steve Wright, 51, Huntington Beach, Calif.; former NFL player
* Russell Hantz

***

Catch up on my “Survivor” stories and spoilers in this nifty archive.

Here's the Ometepe Tribe, before Rob Mariano joins in.

By Gina Carbone
opus619@gmail.com

If the headline didn’t make it clear, I know nothing. Not that I ever did, but my nothing has sunk to new lows.

I love spoilers, but “Survivor: Redemption Island” is extra tricky because of the recent hullabaloo between Missyae, Russell Hantz and CBS. Everyone is on egg shells, Missyae is no longer spoiling in Survivor Sucks and “boot list” is apparently a four-letter word.

But I’ve been trying to piece together random asides from Blackwhale on Survivor Sucks, Missyae on Survivor Skills and photos posted on TrueDorkTimes, as well as Sucks. (*Update* I also added spoilers from RealityTVSpoilers.net)

Keep an eye on Natalie and Matt.

Long story short: Things will probably go well for a “core” Ometepe alliance, which likely includes Natalie Tenerelli (who supposedly dated Ben Henry, aka Benry from “Survivor: Nicaragua”) and Matt Elrod (who looks like Fabio from “Nicaragua”) and probably Ashley Underwood. And maybe Andrea Boehlke.

Natalie and Matt may hook up, too. Showmance? Yes? No? (That’s what they said, but it sounds like “they” may have confused Natalie and Andrea. Andrea and Matt seem to be the couple of the season.)

***

April 28 UPDATE: I think Andrea Boehlke is going to win. If not, I think it’s Ashley Underwood. Here’s why.

May 15 finale UPDATE: Nope! These spoilers suck! Read my full live finale blog! Boston Rob won. Ugh.

***

Anyway, here are the pieces I’ve found and you can put them together (or discount them completely) yourselves:

***

Ometepe Tribe

* Andrea Boehlke, 21, Random Lake, Wis.; student
* Matt Elrod, 22, Nashville; pre-med student
* Francesca Hogi, 36, Washington D.C.; attorney
* Kristina Kell, 46, Malibu; law student
* Grant Mattos, 29, West Hollywood; former NFLer, yoga instructor
* Phillip Sheppard, 52, Santa Monica; technology executive
* Natalie Tenerelli, 19, Acton, Calif.; professional dancer
* Ashley Underwood, 25, Benton, Maine; nurse
* “Boston Rob” Rob Mariano

Here's Zapatera, before Russell joins the fun.

Zapatera Tribe

* Mike Chiesl, 31, Del Mar, Calif.; former Marine
* Ralph Kiser, 44, Lebanon, Va.; farmer
* Krista Klumpp, 25, Columbia, S.C.; pharmaceutical rep.
* David Murphy, 31, West Hollywood; defense attorney
* Stephanie Valencia, 25, Long Beach, Calif.; waitress
* Sarita White, 36, Santa Monica; visual effects producer
* Julie Wolfe, 50, Oceanside, Calif.; firefighter
* Steve Wright, 51, Huntington Beach, Calif.; former NFL player
* Russell Hantz
***

Missyae’s look at this year’s cast:

Andrea Boehlke – -  Love this player. Smart, strong, social, got it all. A serious threat
Ashley Underwood – The Total Package, another serious threat
Francesa Hogi – - – Why do they always cast black females and edit them mouthy? No chance to win
Grant Mattos – - -  I really like this guy, he could be dangerous
Kristina Kell – - – - One of my favorites but shes too much like me, wide open, early alliance wont save her
Matt Elrod – - – - – Might be too nice, if its between him and another alliance member, he would be in trouble?
Natalie Tenerelli – - Of course all the talk is about her because of dating Benry, did she talk? I dunno, but he did
Phillip Sheppard – - Dude, wrong strategy, wow
Rob Mariano – - – - Cant win the title but will win fan favorite. Great alliance, great player, simply put, The Man!!!

David Murphy – - – Booksmart, will that translate to Game smart?? Maybe he outsmarts himself
Julie Wolfe – - – - Wrong, wrong, wrong
Kristina Klumpp – - The Natalie look alike wont win but might surprise some people with a move
Mike Chiesl – - – - Tough guy, strong, smart, definite threat
Ralph Kiser – - – - Definitely has some youtube moments but will not win, he dont take no crap
Sarita White – - – Silent Assasin
Stephanie Valencia – Not very smart and in way over her head
Steve Wright – - – Good guy
Russell Hantz – - Should have never changed your game style, no final 3 for you anymore, toast

***

Blackwhale: 22 Leagues Under the Sea forum on Survivor Sucks:

(Click the link for a lot more; I’m just adding a few of his notes)

Matt, Ashley and Natalie may have actually hung out pretty recently.

Matt Elrod is also a part of the core Ometepe alliance, which if you haven’t yet figured out, does very well.

Two people are “redeemed” and I believe one is male one is female. One at around the merge and the other at the finale, as you all know from call sheets.

Natalie Tenerelli fans will be happy to know she’s one of the last two girls standing.

Forgot to mention, Natalie Tenerelli and Ashley Underwood work very well together!

Rob Mariano outlasts Russell Hantz.

Ashley aligns with Rob and then outlasts him.

Stephanie Valencia = Marisa Calihan? That may be so. Not quite sure if its Ometepe or Zapatera that goes to tribal council first, but when Zapatera goes, look for Stephanie to go quick. She and Russell clash.

Seems like a lot of people here don’t like David too much, but sorry to say he does fairly well for himself. I hear he is linked in with the Krista/Russell alliance. He’s a pretty good player. I think Krista’s the only one who doesn’t turn against Russell though. Just like Ashley outlasts her ally Rob, I am pretty sure Krista does better than Russell.

***

*NEW* (click link below for updates)

RealityTVSpoilers.net’s spoilers:

Castaways voted out for good:
-Francesca Hogi

Castaways sent to Redemption Island early:
-Matt Elrod
-Russell Hantz
-Stephanie Valencia
-Phillip Sheppard
-Kristina Kell

Castaways who may or may not make merge:
-Ralph “Rooster” Kiser
-Julie Wolfe
-Steve Wright
-Krista Klumpp
-Grant Mattos

Castaways who make the merge:
-Mike Chiesl
-Sarita White
-David Murphy
-Boston Rob (probably comes in 5th or 6th)
-Andrea Boehlke (could be in the Final 3)
-Ashley Underwood (could be in the Final 3)
-Natalie Tenerelli (could be in the Final 3)

***

Catch up on my past “Survivor” stories (and future recaps) in this nifty archive.

Actually, he always looks on the verge of tears.

He did look pissed.

Russell, I mean. At the live finale for “Survivor: Samoa.” You could tell he knew he lost and, of course, he was bitter about it. (Some would say justifiably bitter.)

And by that point he must’ve also known that he would lose “Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains.” He was just as bitter about that, using the reunion show to expose the “flaw” in the game, which seemed to be the social game as a whole.

So I’m not surprised at the allegation that Evil Russell “spoiled” seasons 19 and 20 for Missyae of Survivor Sucks, (or formerly of Sucks, anyway) despite that being a major no-no to CBS.

I love spoilers. So I guess I should thank Russell for being the alleged source of the HvV boot list (I didn’t even know about the Samoa spoilers).

BFFs?

Still, it’s strange that a spoiler king would be brought back for “Redemption Island” (unless that’s the real meaning of the title.)

Russell even supposedly fed Missyae some false spoilers on 22 — saying Kimbo Slice and Carrie Prejean would be competing this season.

Why is all of this coming to light now? Because there’s a feud! I love a good feud.

Missyae is no longer around the Sucks board. CBS threatened him with a lawsuit, but I guess they just wanted names and now that’s gone.

He and Shannon Elkins of “Survivor: Nicaragua” started the Survivor Whispers Facebook page, which includes a bunch of “Survivor” alumni chatting with fans.

Missyae tweets updates on which alumni are chatting (lots of Nicarugrats like Purple Kelly, NaOnka, Marty, Sash and Yve) and on Whispers it’s clear that Jim Early is Missyae.

And it’s very clear that Jim/Missyae and Russell do not get along.

***

Today someone started a Whispers discussion with “I think that Russell just kind of called out Missyae on his profile. Ooooooo, scandalous!” (This looks like the call-out in question. Russell goes off on an anti-spoiler rant in several posts.)

Jim Early responded in force, with some very interesting intel on the Russell/Sucks/Missyae connection. Here are some of Jim/Missyae’s posts:

Missyae recently tweeted this pic: "Russell Hantz and Snooki in the back of a limo together, from Missaye of Survivor Whispers"

Jim Early Yeah well wait till my interview and hes gonna think getting called out, LEAKER

Jim Early With realityblurred.com and MSNBC tomorrow. Someone is gonna be exposed for leaking info to Missyae

Jim Early Funny how he says that about someone spoiling the show and he spoled 19 and 20 toi Missyae. “Got your pen ready, write all this down”

Jim Early Oooooo how scandalous now Chris Yates, BOOOYAH Russell Hantz violated his contract not once, but twice, 5 milion each time, I bet he dont get paid in March like he thinks

Jim Early LOL Believe me, I got the emails saved from him. Anti deleted a thread of his at SUCKS where he was pretending to be his wife. I set that up for him and when CBS called him and told him to get it down, I asked Anti to remove it and told him why, Anti removed it. Russell Hantz is the biggest leak and biggest hypocrite ever on reality tv

Jim Early He tried to implicate an innocent player and I dont like that

Jim Early He went and actually cried to JP [Jeff Probst] and tried to implicate someone innocent

Jim Early Yeah all the crap I took at SUCKS for defending him or pimping him in the spoilers were his words he wanted me to say

Jim Early I took the heat

Jim Early Now Russell is threatning to sue me, for what, telliing the truth? lol

Jim Early Yeah and he keeps making fun of the fake Kimbo and Prejean info, it came from him. He was doing it for CBS cause at the time, they believed him about the person he implicated so they gave him bad info to give to me to discredit me. So the kimbo crap came from Russell Hantz too

Jim Early So let him keep running his mouth, thats all he can do, he sure cant win Survivor or outlast Rob.

Jim Early So the posting that started this thread is a joke, lol. Hes being called out with loads of proof

Jim Early He also mentioned why those idols were so easy to find, stay tuned for that info soon

Jim Early Prolly drunk again like he was when he accidentally came in here the other night and begged me to delete his postings so I did

Jim Early I remember the night he wanted to start that thraed at SUCKS he was so stupid he didnt know how,. I tried to tell him over the phone and he still couldnt do it. He put his wife on the phone with me and I instruced her how to do it, then he started posting as his wife

Jim Early I told him, wont CBS get mad and he said “i have better lawyers than CBS” about an hour later they called him and told him to get it down so he called me back and said, “how do i delete it” i said what happened to u having better lawyers than CBS? He said “just tell me how to delete it” I told him he couldnt MISSYAE would have to clean up his mess for him. I told ANTI the truth and he took care of it.

Jim Early Now he wants to call MISSYAE out??????

***

It goes on and on. I can’t wait to read the interviews. Jim/Missyae says Russell is Jeff Probst’s boy. Exec producer Mark Burnett supposedly hates him.

Of course, these are all Jim’s words. Very one-sided. Take it for what it is … which is, to me, just interesting behind-the-scenes gossip.

Fun!

So I have no idea when we’ll see a season 22 boot list, if we will at all. But I have a feeling we will. There’s already some spoiling going on. If it’s accurate or not, I don’t know ’cause “Survivor: Redemption Island” hasn’t started and I don’t get any direct intel myself. I just lurk on message boards like everyone else. We’ll find out!

***

Catch up on my “Survivor” stories in this archive.

I get a good vibe from this group. Maybe it's the red shoes.

By Gina Carbone
opus619@gmail.com

I’m already in love with half the cast of “Survivor: Redemption Island” and I’ve only seen a short video. I should probably stop now since I’ll start hating them if I see more.

Keep them blurry!

People magazine posted a cute little video and mini write-ups about the 16 castaways who, at this point, don’t seem to know Boston Rob Mariano and Evil Russell Hantz will be joining them to make a solid 18.

(I would LOVE IT if Rob and Russell stayed blurred out, like they are in the video clip, for the whole season.)

“Redemption Island” will be shot in Nicaragua again, which leads me to believe there will be no water challenges. I miss them. But at least we have the Redemption Island twist itself. Even if it’s lame —  and I doubt it will be — it can’t be worse than the Medallion of Power … or anything else about “Nicaragua.”

This season was shot before the end of "Nicaragua," I believe, so they won't know that Fabio won by already being this guy.

Speaking of “Nicaragua” … it looks like we have a Fabio clone in Matthew “Matt” Elrod. The video also shows us “braniac” David Murphy, hot Iraq vet Mike Chiesl, and Ralph Kiser, who is like Big Tom mixed with Rupert. Love him already.

Adore Ralph.

We also have a bunch of football players (thanks, Jimmy Johnson!) and hot chicks, including two pageant blondes — Krista Klumpp and Ashley Underwood — and two similar cuties, Stephanie Valencia and Natalie Tenerelli.

I’m worried that Francesca Hogi will turn into another angry NaOnka. CBS should not do this, but they love to do it so they probably will. (Just don’t quit!)

At least the women also have Kristina Kell, who finds herself to be the complete package, and newly divorced firefighter Julie Wolfe, who is like several past “Survivor” contestants in one (Tom Westman? Jane Bright? Wendy? Wanda?)

I always pick a pre-season favorite and I’m about to do it again. For “Samoa” I chose “The Toothless Texan,” who turned out to be the Evil Oompa Loompa himself. For “Nicaragua” I chose Jane and she turned into Gollum.

This time I am going to use my curious powers for spotting the (evil) Player of the Season to target … David! David, I am now rooting for you … to do something interesting. You don’t have to win, you just have to be memorable. That is your task.

The season starts on February 16, which is another Wednesday. I don’t really give a rat’s ass what day it’s on. I’ll watch it.

***

Andrea is an ex-marine, which is cool. She also looks like she'll be considered less of a threat than the mega-hot Iraq veteran guy.

Here’s the cast list (minus Rob & Russell) from People.com:

Keep an eye on Ashley, and not just 'cause she's purty.

• Andrea Boehlke, 21, former marine: “I’ve been raised on a farm my whole life,” she says, “and I’ve been hunting since I was 12 and fishing and camping, so I’m not too worried about the elements.”

Mike Chiesl, 31, student: “The great thing about Survivor, though, is nobody’s shooting at you,” says the Iraqi vet. “I’ll take that over going on deployment to Iraq any day.”

• Matt Elrod, 22, pre-med student: “Out here when people feel alone and isolated,” he says, “I have a warmth towards people that I think they’ll respond to and want to keep me around and probably trust me.”

• Ralph Kiser, 44, farmer: “I’ll make you laugh your ass off,” he says, “because I say things not proper.”

Francesca Hogi, 36, attorney: “There’s a mean girl inside of me,” she says. “I terrorized some girls in elementary school.”

• Krista Klumpp, 25, pharmaceutical rep: “I competed for three years in the Miss Alabama pageant and then two years in the Miss Alabama USA pageant,” she says.

• Kristina Kell, 46, law student: “I’m a complete package,” she says.

I'm already crushing on David. He's my type. Is this bad? The shorts!

• David Murphy, 31, defense attorney: “I think I’m going to have to start the game taking myself down a notch,” he says. “It sounds awful to say it but I’m going to have but I’m going to have to bring myself down to their level.”

Here's hot Iraq vet Mike.

• Grant Mattos, 29, yoga instructor: “[I played professional football for] the San Diego Chargers, the Denver Broncos and the Tennessee Titans.”

• Stephanie Valencia, 25, waitress: “I’m always right even when I’m wrong,” she says. “I always get my way just because I know how.”

• Phillip Sheppard, 52, technology executive: “I have a terrific smile and when I really let it pop, you look at that smile and it disarms you,” he says.

• Sarita White, 36, visual effects producer: “It’s a good group,” she says of her costars, “so that of course makes me excited but also like, what’s the catch?”

• Natalie Tenerelli, 19, professional dancer: “Of course I’m going to use my girly instincts,” she says. “I can be flirtatious and I hopefully will know when to stop.”

Phillip does have a nice smile.

Go Julie!

• Julie Wolfe, 50, firefighter: “I’m newly divorced. I have 100 percent custody for two children and I’m paying alimony, I’m paying child support and my house is in foreclosure,” she says.

• Ashley Underwood, 25, nurse: “I really think pageants get a bad rap sometimes,” she says, “but in all honesty, it really takes a lot of mental toughness.”

• Steve Wright, 51, former NFL player: “I played for the Cowboys, the Baltimore Colts, the Indianapolis Colts, the Los Angeles Raiders,” he says.

***

Check out more cast photos here on the official “Survivor: Redemption” CBS page.

And check out some spoilers on the Survivor Sucks board. I haven’t been paying enough attention to know what’s up yet.

And catch up on my “Survivor” stories and spoilers in this nifty archive.

Is there a "Survivor" without Jeff? I vote no.

Everyone loves Fabio. Especially Fabio. I get it. He’s proud of his win and if I were him I’d be loving life too. More power to him.

I was reading this Zap2It story where Fabio was talking about how he was nervous after Chase’s four votes during last night’s “Survivor: Nicaragua” finale because he’d been spoiled on the ending too. He was probably given some intel from past contestants but the rest of us thought it would be a blowout because of missyae’s spoilers on Survivor Sucks. Anyway, Fabio won — as spoiled — and good for him. Go change the world via color wheels, music videos and parties, etc.

The part of his interview that froze me a bit was when he was asked about the “Redemption Island” twist for “Survivor” season 22:

*

What did you think of the “Redemption Island” twist?

“That’s crazy! I think it’s going to be the last season of ‘Survivor.’ I know Jeff has a show going on with Anderson Cooper and I think he’s milked this for all it’s worth, so I think the 22nd season will be the end. But maybe not! Maybe someone else will host.”

*

WTF? Personally, I think Jud is the one who has milked “Survivor” for all it’s worth and Jeff Probst has much more up his sleeve.

But the Sucks board has been talking about how Jeff might be leaving the show for ABC or whatnot. CBS has “Survivor” casting calls going on right now, but could they be casting for a Jeff-less season? Is there a “Survivor” without Jeff Probst?

No one is asking me, but I want “Survivor” to keep on keepin’ on, with Jeff Probst, aka Jesus Christ himself. I need my dimples fix.

By the way, if you want intel on “Redemption Island,” Jeff talks about it in this Entertainment Weekly interview and Sucks already has preview photos of an all-stars “Redemption” cast list, unless this is just old, recycled footage.

I want to believe that cast list is legit, even if that’s not logical. I love the idea of having Andrew Savage back! I loved that guy on “Pearl Islands” and I never bought the idea that he shouldn’t return just ’cause he was ousted early in the game.

Catch up on my “Survivor” recaps and spoilers in this nifty archive.

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