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Is this a joke?

I already wrote something about the fashions at the Golden Globe Awards, but Heidi Klum deserves a special mention.

She is the host/judge/producer of my beloved “Project Runway” and then she did this.

Why, Heidi?

What is happening here?

According to FabSugar, “Heidi Klum brought her multicolored self to the red carpet wearing a ’70s-inspired Marc Jacobs dress with stacked bangles. Orange lips and newly done eyebrows by eyebrow guru Anastasia complete her free-spirited look. Thoughts?”

Here are my thoughts: She looks like ass. I can’t see a single good thing about the dress, but the very worst has to be the flower bow thing at the waist.

At least her hair is pretty.

Tilda Swinton looked better and it pains me to say that.

Only Tilda Swinton can get away with being Tilda Swinton. And God love her for it.

In my fantasy land, I’m wearing a green dress to the Golden Globe Awards. And the Oscars. And the SAG Awards. And everywhere else. Because green is the way to go, as Scarlett Johansson proved at the MTV Movie Awards.

Thankfully, Hollywood paid attention. Lots of green. And lots of red. (Thanks Sofia Vergara, January Jones and Christina Hendricks!)

Unfortunately they also went for nude/blush tones and I have never been a big fan. Natalie Portman even tried to combine the blush and red in an epic fail. (But I still don’t think she looked as bad as Heidi Klum.)

See below for my best and worst from the night.

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BEST DRESSED

In my dream world, I look like this. But I'm NOT married to him.

Catherine Zeta-Jones upstaged her not-that-sick-anymore husband, Michael Douglas —which is probably how he likes it and why he married her — in arguably my favorite gown of the night. I had forgotten how gorgeous she is. She reminded me.

Eat your heart out, Don Draper!

I think January Jones is the most consistently interesting person on any red carpet. She was my favorite at the Emmys (except her hair) and I love her bold statement here. She is so confident when it comes to fashion, so why does she suck so bad as a “Saturday Night Live” host? She’s even dating the hottest SNL guy, Jason Sudeikis. I don’t get it. Anyway, I love this look. She is beyond stunning.

Not my favorite green of the night, but I appreciate the effort.

Angelina Jolie wore emerald earrings to the Oscars … was it last year? No, I think maybe the year before. Can’t remember. Anyway, she wore those gorgeous earrings with a bland black dress and this time she’s covering up her scrawny frame in a full green dress. At least she looked good while Ricky Gervais trashed her film, “The Tourist.” Awkward! He really knows how to get the groans.

Look at her "I'm so effing hot" expression. She's right.

Mila Kunis, the other hottie from “Black Swan,” also wore green. She looks just like the elder daughter from “Modern Family.” I think it’s funny that both Mila and her “Black Swan” buddy, Natalie Portman, have almost identical movies coming out. Mila’s is called “Friends with Benefits” and Natalie’s is “No Strings Attached.” That trend sucks.

The beloved Elisabeth Moss (Peggy!) indulges my beloved green dress trend. Thanks, lady!

I love Elisabeth Moss, even if she is a Scientologist. What do I care. She looks great and looking great is the best revenge. (Take that, Fred Armisen!) This is not my favorite green dress, but I’m all-in when it comes to green tonight.

White is not part of my fun color theme, but I adore Hailee Steinfeld.

Miss Hailee was amazing in “True Grit” (which was otherwise just OK to me) and looks gorgeous here. Sleek hair! I love sleek hair.

This is a good blue. If you have to pick a shade of blue, this is a very flattering one. Love the woman on the right photo-bombing Amy's shot.

What is going on with him? I'm not into the scruffy.

I like Amy Adams, even if I wasn’t that into her in “The Fighter.” But I was only into Christian Bale in “The Fighter.”

Speaking of Christian, why is he all of a sudden always gushing about his wife?

Jealous.

Actually, I know the answer: He’s trying so hard to win an Oscar for “The Fighter.”

So can we love him now? I miss loving him.

And what did he say to Roberto De Niro?

Christina Hendricks is now officially Jessica Rabbit. And yet, this is very restrained for her.

She knows. She knows exactly what she’s doing. Look at her. When is “Mad Men” coming back? By the way, look at what they’re doing to Johnny Depp in this shot. AP recalled this but I’m keeping it.

They say you should pick one asset to highlight -- legs, shoulders, chest, etc. -- and it's pretty clear which one she chose.

Sofia! Always looks good. Doesn’t know how not to. Love the back. Baby got back, for sure. Love or hate? Hit up FabSugar’s poll.

I don't think anyone else could pull this off.

Holy crap. When is Halle Berry going to look just average? Her perpetual beauty is getting to be annoying.

Pretty in pink. Yep, I went straight for the cliche.

See. This is how good it looks when you keep it simple. Granted, Claire Danes is a bit too thin, but I looooove this simply chic look.

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WORST DRESSED

Is that a wig? It should be.

Sandra Bullock has given up. The hair. The dress. So far from her big Oscar moment. Sad.

I do not accept this rose.

Natalie Portman is pregnant but for heaven’s sake, she’s not THAT pregnant. She recently got even tinier for “Black Swan” so it’s kind of funny how in the same 365 days she’ll probably be at her smallest (ballet dancer) and largest (preggers!) as an adult woman. Anyway, the dress is ugly.

Even Hope Davis seems to know Hope Davis went wrong here.

There are at least three dresses in this one dress. Oh Hope. The blue is nice, anyway.

Come on, now! People used to say I looked like you. I need you to be the better version of me!

This is one of my biggest disappointments. Juliana Margulies is not Tilda Swinton, I don’t expect her to look bad. She’s gorgeous and this dress does not flatter.

J.Lo is a no go, but not in a dramatic way. Too safe.

Jennifer Lopez does not look good here. She normally does, but it doesn’t work this time. Blah. I don’t like how she overdoes her face.

No "Glee" for this look.

How did Lea Michele end up on the worst list? She’s usually so good at keeping it simple and glam, but she goes overboard here. And it keeps bunching in the wrong places.

I like the silver but the rest of it is a no. And it's wrinkled.

Look, no one loves Michelle Williams more than I do. But this cute hippie look is just not right. And it’s not flattering. Frown.

You really can't expect more than this from Tilda Swinton.

The one and only. The woman. The myth. The legend. The Tilda.

Always unique ... in the worst way possible. But still lovable. Look at her mismatched shoes!

How could I forget Helena Bonham Carter! She is the new Bjork. I adore her. The SHOES! Watch “The King’s Speech” and join me in wishing you lived in Geoffrey Rush’s office.

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SPLIT DECISIONS

I love Olivia’s dress, but not the shoes.

Olivia Wilde was one of the first ladies to hit the red carpet. I loved her Cinderella dress and didn’t even mind her bangs. But the shoes. Too much for me.

How do I feel about this? And who is he?

Scarlett Johansson is definitely going old Hollywood, but I’m not sure about the sleeves. And the color. I just want color. Why is that too much to ask?

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Check out my “Golden Globes” archive and scroll down for whatever-the-hell I said about last year’s event. I can’t even remember.

Yes, Hugh Laurie, ask God why.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

This is what I wanted to happen:

  • “Hurt Locker” wins best pic and best director for my hero Kathryn Bigelow. (Which would make her the second woman to win this award, after Barbra Streisand for “Yentl.” It’s time for Babs to be dethroned, no?)
  • Jeff Bridges (“Crazy Heart”) or Jeremy Renner (“Hurt Locker”) for Best Actor in a motion picture drama.
  • “Mad Men” gets anything and everything it’s nominated for, including Jon Hamm for Best Actor TV drama and January Jones for Best Actress TV drama.
  • Christoph Waltz for best supporting actor for “Inglourious Basterds”
  • “The Weary Kind” from “Crazy Heart” for best original song.
  • And I want host Ricky Gervais to do something shocking to make everyone in the audience uncomfortable.

But as the sun now stands, Julianna Margulies won over January Jones (and Anna Paquin of “True Blood”), which upsets me, although Julianna looked GORGEOUS.

Michael C. Hall. I've loved him since he played David Fisher on "Six Feet Under."

Michael C. Hall won over Jon Hamm and Hugh Laurie and I have to say, that head wrap is a good look for him. Not happy about why he has to wear it, but at least his cancer is in remission. He is quite the cutie and we need him (and “Dexter”) around for a long time.

“The Weary Kind” did win best song, but T Bone Burnett couldn’t find my new crush, Ryan Bingham. Was he in the “loo,” like Toni Collette was, way back when?

And everyone who won said they worked with the best people in the world and they have the best jobs in the world and it made me want to take their awards away. If you have the best job in the world, that should be reward enough.

In this lousy economy with countries falling apart, you don’t deserve major gift bags and free liquor at the table and fancy dresses and jewelry AND the best jobs in the world. Pick one.

Click here for all of the nominees, and more about Ricky Gervais’ plan for the show.

Now let’s get to the arrival pics. These are all AP photos. Sorry, in advance, for any weird formatting issues.

Christina Hendricks is gorgeous, as always, but I have never been a fan of the ruffle sash. Love the color and top part of the dress on her, just wish the dress were more simple.

January Jones looks fierce with her black power self. Not sure about the headband. Love the girl in the background checking on Janny's dress/shoe situation.

Ginnifer Goodwin of "Big Love" always looks perky, even in the rain. I'm tired of this little type of dress, though.

Sofía Vergara of "Modern Family." I think I like this dress.

The back of Sofia's dress.

Olivia Wilde of "House." I like the dress from this angle, but not her stone face. I found another pic with the opposite issue.

Maggie Gyllenhaal of "Crazy Heart." Love the color but I need a side view for a full verdict.

Sarah Hyland. I needed to look up that she was from "Modern Family." I didn't recognize her for some reason. Red is not always easy to pull off, especially in someone so young, but this is a classy, mature look.

Stephen Moyer, Anna Paquin and their intrepid umbrella holder. Love "True Blood" to DEATH and I hope Alexander Skarsgard shows up so I can post his pic. I wish there was a full view of this dress. The bottom is crucial.

Zoe Saldana of "Star Trek" and "Avatar" -- so beautiful. Love this shade of red. Kind of burlesque, in a way, but not trashy. But where does the dress actually end?

Talk about "Bride Wars." I think Kate Hudson's dress is fighting with itself. Am I the only one for simplicity? Look at the shoes. I love the megabitch expression on her face. "Fierce" I guess.

Jon Hamm is looking very Brad Pitt with that face. Jennifer Westfeldt is doing the simplicity thing. Too simple, maybe. Rain bites.

The Edge and Morleigh Steinberg. The Edge is the sexiest part of U2.

Amy Adams. Not into this look at all. At all.

Oh I LOVE this look from the front. Nice one, Maggie.

Carey Mulligan is so adorable. I would be happy if she won for "An Education."

Mickey Rourke and Elena Kuletskaya. He always gets the ladies.

James Cameron and Suzy Amis -- she couldn't do her hair?

Cameron Diaz -- dress is gorgeous but it loses a little something with the umbrella. At least she color-coordinated.

George Clooney with Elisabetta Canalis. Gorgeous George's ladies always look the best on the runway, but they also look like Stepford clones. Not a coincidence.

Jaime Pressly. Wow. Wow. She gave birth in 2007, which I guess is technically three years ago, but it would take me a lot longer to look that good. Considering I've never had a kid and I've never looked that good ... well, blame the donuts.

Heidi Klum and Seal. Yes, it's called rain.

Oh wow. I don't like the idea of sharing Colin Firth, but I don't blame him for choosing a wife with taste this good. This is his Italian lady, Livia Giuggioli.

Sam Worthington from "Avatar" and girlfriend Natalie Mark. I hate that he's dating someone, but these two have been together for a while, so at least he's loyal. Sigh.

Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon and Mariah's chachas.

Sigourney Weaver and Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York? What is going on with this?

Courteney Cox and David Arquette. He is her PUH.

Julia Roberts, looking confident and comfy. That's all that matters.

Oh no! I take it back, Zoe!

Jeff Bridges and Susan Bridges -- they look like a great, solid couple. Hope it's true. Loved how he thanked her at the Critics Choice Awards the other night.

Penelope Cruz, looking more like Sophia Loren every day. Where's Javier Bardem?

Jason Reitman and Michele Lee -- going to a funeral?

Leona Lewis looks bright on a cheerless night.

Julianne Moore and her "A Single Man" director, Tom Ford.

Toni Collette was one of the first wins of the night.

Patricia Arquette and Thomas Jane. Patricia is never on the best dressed list, but she's always on the most unique list. Love her.

Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart. They look all right, but Harrison sounded like he had some problems introducing "Up in the Air."

Emily Blunt and John Krasinski -- they are a beautiful couple, yes?

Poor Joan. She gets fired and has to put up with a lemon of a husband and still can't get a Golden Globe nod.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

Bah. Those tricksy Golden Globe Awards. Not quite the Emmys. Not quite the Oscars. But somehow just as desired.

So I’m disappointed in some glaring snubs in the 67th annual Golden Globe nominations:

MOTION PICTURES

Best Picture, Drama
”The Hurt Locker”
‘Up in the Air”
“Avatar”
”Inglorious Basterds”
”Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”

Snubbed: I want “The Hurt Locker” to win, but I’m disappointed that “Where the Wild Things Are” was left out.  Plenty of good films were snubbed — including “The Road,” “An Education,” and “Bright Star” — but “Where the Wild Things Are” is one of 2009′s best pictures. It could easily have taken the “Up in the Air” spot, and “Up in the Air” could’ve moved to the top of the less impressive Best Picture, Musical or Comedy lineup.

Don't worry, "Where the Wild Things Are." If nothing else, you shall achieve cult status.

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Best Picture, Musical or Comedy
”Nine”
“(500) Days of Summer”
”The Hangover”
”It’s Complicated”
”Julie & Julia”

Snubbed: No “The Informant!” “Bruno,” “Duplicity” … there really aren’t that many award-worthy comedies, are there.

****

Best Actor, Drama
Jeff Bridges, “Crazy Heart”
George Clooney, “Up in the Air”
Colin Firth, “A Single Man”
Morgan Freeman, “Invictus”
Tobey Maguire, “Brothers”
Snubbed: The biggie: Jeremy Renner for “The Hurt Locker.” The star of the best film of the year is usually nominated and Renner definitely earned a nod. Also left out: Viggo Mortensen for “The Road,” Max Records for “Where the Wild Things Are,” Sharlto Copley for “District 9.”

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Best Actress, Drama
Helen Mirren, “The Last Station”
Carey Mulligan, “An Education”
Emily Blunt, “The Young Victoria”
Gabourey Sidibe, “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”
Sandra Bullock, “The Blind Side”

Abbie Cornish (right) was snubbed in "Bright Star," which was also snubbed for Best Picture, Drama, and Best Director, Jane Campion.

Who is missing: The biggie” Abbie Cornish for “Bright Star.” She was certainly as good as Carey Mulligan, who may win this year. Also left out: Hilary Swank for “Amelia” (thank you for that), Saoirse Ronan for “The Lovely Bones” (is this movie going to be bad?)

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Best Director
Kathryn Bigelow, “The Hurt Locker”
James Cameron, “Avatar”
Jason Reitman, “Up in the Air”
Quentin Tarantino, “Inglorious Basterds”
Clint Eastwood, “Invictus”

Snubbed: Lee Daniels for “Precious,” Rob Marshall for “Nine,” Jane Campion for “Bright Star,” Peter Jackson for “The Lovely Bones,” Neill Blomkamp for “District 9.” Love that this is pitting James Cameron and his ex-wife, Kathryn Bigelow, against each other. Go Kathryn!

****

Best Actor, Musical or Comedy
Matt Damon, “The Informant!”
Daniel Day-Lewis, “Nine”
Robert Downey Jr., “Sherlock Holmes”
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, “(500) Days of Summer”
Michael Stuhlbarg, “A Serious Man”

Snubbed: Alec Baldwin or Steve Martin from “It’s Complicated,” Clive Owen from “Duplicity,” any of the guys from “The Hangover”

****

Best Actress, Musical or Comedy
Meryl Streep, “Julie & Julia”
Marion Cotillard, —”Nine”
Meryl Streep, “It’s Complicated”
Sandra Bullock, “The Proposal”
Julia Roberts, “Duplicity”

Snubbed: Everyone else in “Nine,” Zooey Deschanel in “(500) Days of Summer,” Amy Adams in “Julie & Julia”

****

Best Supporting Actor
Christoph Waltz, “Inglorious Basterds”
Christopher Plummer, “The Last Station”
Woody Harrelson, “The Messenger”
Stanley Tucci, “The Lovely Bones”
Matt Damon, “Invictus”

Anthony Mackie of "The Hurt Locker"

Snubbed: Anyone else from “Inglorious Basterds” would be better here than Matt Damon, but the number one omission is Anthony Mackie of “The Hurt Locker.” Seriously, why no acting nominations for that film?

****

Supporting Actress
Mo’Nique, “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”
Vera Farmiga, “Up in the Air”
Anna Kendrick, “Up in the Air”
Penelope Cruz, “Nine”
Julianne Moore, “A Single Man”

Snubbed: Mélanie Laurent or Diane Kruger in “Inglorious Basterds”

Melanie Laurent of "Inglorious Basterds"

****

TELEVISION

Best Series, Drama
“Mad Men,” AMC
“True Blood, HBO
“House,” Fox
“Dexter,” Showtime
“Big Love,” HBO

Snubbed: “In Treatment” was here last year and now it’s gone because season two didn’t air in the right time frame this past year.

****

Best Actor, Drama
Jon Hamm, “Mad Men”
Michael C. Hall, “Dexter”
Hugh Laurie, “House”
Simon Baker, “The Mentalist”
Bill Paxton, “Big Love”

Snubbed: Gabriel Byrne won in this category last year and now he’s gone. Bryan Cranston is a perennial favorite, but there’s no “Breaking Bad” here at all. What gives? I’ve never gotten into that show, but for some reason *They* always rave about him.

****

Best Actress, Drama

January Jones, “Mad Men”
Anna Paquin, “True Blood”
Glenn Close, “Damages”
Julianna Margulies, “The Good Wife”
Kyra Sedgwick, “The Closer”

Snubbed: Sally Field for “Brothers & Sisters” — she was here last year, along with Mariska Hargitay of “Law & Order”

****

Best Series, Musical or Comedy
“Modern Family,” ABC
“Glee,” Fox
“30 Rock,” NBC
“The Office,” NBC
“Entourage,” HBO

Snubbed: “Parks & Recreation” is actually as strong as “The Office” this year, and better than “Entourage.” “Weeds” was shut out.

****

Best Actress, Musical or Comedy
Toni Collette, “United States of Tara”
Courteney Cox, “Cougar Town”
Edie Falco, “Nurse Jackie”
Tina Fey, “30 Rock”
Lea Michele, “Glee”

Snubbed: No Mary-Louise Parker for “Weeds”? Guess they are done with her.

****

Best Supporting Actress, Series, Miniseries or Movie
Jane Lynch, “Glee”
Janet McTeer, “Into the Storm”
Chloe Sevigny, “Big Love”
Rose Byrne, “Damages”
Jane Adams, “Hung”

Snubbed: A lot of people, including most of the women on your favorite shows, but the most unforgivable omission is Christina Hendricks on “Mad Men.” For shame. She should be winning this. I’m also upset for Hope Davis that “In Treatment” was shut out because of its air dates.

****

Godric, go bite the Hollywood Foreign Press for snubbing Allan Hyde! And pray for an Emmy.

Best Supporting Actor, Series, Miniseries or Movie
Michael Emerson, “Lost”
Neil Patrick Harris, “How I Met Your Mother”
William Hurt, “Damages”
John Lithgow, “Dexter”
Jeremy Piven, “Entourage”

Snubbed: I wanted Allan Hyde here for “True Blood.” His Godric was, to me, the second best thing about TB’s fantastic second season. The first was the rise of Alexander Skarsgard as Eric. I would’ve been happy to see Skarsgard here as well, or Nelsan Ellis as scene-stealer Lafayette. But how about John Slattery as Roger Sterling on “Mad Men”? Or Ty Burrell of “Modern Family”? Or, since my choice to win is Michael Emerson of “Lost,” what about Terry O’Quinn? Locke is the lasting icon of “Lost.”

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