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Bless him, he'll be "Drunk Tim" forever after this.

I think this season of “The Bachelorette” is going to be fun. More fun than Brad Womack’s season of “The Bachelor,” anyway. Not that it would be hard to top that 10-week funeral.

I was all in favor of bringing Brad back for a 2.0 session, so I clearly have bad judgment. I wanted pretty much anyone except Ashley Hebert as the Bachelorette, so that probably means this will be a great season.

Check out her pre-season media conference call, which was very guarded but still interesting. And catch up on all the spoilers, speculation, gossip, videos, photos, etc. on Wetpaint’s Bachelorette site. I’ll be recapping each episode there on Monday nights.

Here's Sasha on "The Bachelor" Ukraine.

Remember, the premiere is from 9 to 11 p.m. tomorrow, because of “Dancing With the Stars.”

I think Hines Ward & Kym Johnson will win DWTS Season 12, but I’d be happy for Kirstie Alley & Maksim Chmerkovskiy, mostly because winning a Mirror Ball trophy might calm Maks down. I really, really don’t want Mark Ballas to win a third time with another young and/or athletic woman.

Speaking of Maks, though, are you watching his “journey” as the Ukrainian Bachelor? I think they have him down to the final three or four at this point.

I have no idea what anyone is saying, but occasionally people provide commentary below the videos.

I read somewhere that Maks chooses Sasha (who kind of looks like a brunette Vienna Girardi, to me) but they aren’t together anymore. Who knows if that’s true. I couldn’t even pinpoint the place where I read it, but it was somewhere in the YouTube comments.

Just picture little Disney birds flying sweetly around their heads. (And maybe taking a dump every now and then.)

The premiere hasn’t even started yet. It’s about 7 hours away. But I’ve seen the “Dancing with the Stars” Season 12 contestants’ first rehearsal videos and — based on that — this is my pre-season ranking:

1. Chelsea Kane & Mark Ballas: She’s young, she’s cute, she’s a Disney star, she has Mark Ballas

2. Kendra Wilkinson & Louis van Amstel: She’s hot and she’s already got the sexy moves, but sometimes that turns off DWTS viewers, so she’d better not push it

3. Kirstie Alley & Maksim Chmerkovskiy: She doesn’t seem to dance too much in her rehearsal video, but Kirstie does do impressions of my girls Edyta and Lacey. She has Maks and fans looooove Maks, so between her fame and humor and his Maks-ness, she should stick around.

Lacey seems like the most fun DWTS pro.

4. Ralph Macchio & Karina Smirnoff: He’s such a nice guy and he seems to have not aged a day. He did OK in his video and I have high hopes. Have you heard the story about how he met his wife? Too cute.

5. Mike Catherwood & Lacey Schwimmer: He’s hot. She’s hot. She always choreographs fun, bouncy routines. I think they’ll be all right.

6. Petra Nemcova & Dimitry Chaplin: She’s gorgeous. He’s gorgeous. Fans have missed Dmitry. We’re not going to let him go that easily. I was disappointed by their rehearsal video, but maybe my expectations were just too high.

7. Romeo & Chelsie Hightower: I’m not sure yet how this will turn out, but he was named one of the most fit men alive so if he flashes his abs around, he could be the new (and less tacky) Situation.

8. Hines Ward & Kym Johnson: Hines seems like a decent guy and Kym is adorable (and she got screwed with The Hoff last season!) but the jury is still out on his talent and dance floor appeal.

Petra & Dmitry should be a slam-dunk, but I'm worried.

9. Wendy Williams & Tony Dovolani: She seems like she’ll be funny, but she’s awkward in her video and her mouth could get her in trouble.

10. Chris Jericho & Cheryl Burke: Cheryl can make anybody good and this guy does seem to have appeal and humor on this side, but I don’t know… He definitely had “concentration face” going on during rehearsals. But Cheryl does have him moving. We’ll see.

11. Sugar Ray Leonard & Anna Trebunskaya: I feel bad for picking on Sugar Ray, but he’s so serious and Anna is super serious. They are both going to need to get loose and just have some fun.

***

Read all kinds of DWTS recaps, top 10 lists, quotes, costume hits & misses and sneak peeks here at Wetpaint.com/Dancing-with-the-Stars.

He's 49. No, seriously. I mean it. It's sick. I look older than this at 34.

I’m a little bit worried about Season 12 of “Dancing with the Stars.”

As much as I love Ralph Macchio, I’m wondering what it’s going to be like to watch non-controversial stars after Kate Gosselin and Bristol Palin. No Christine O’Donnell? No Dina Lohan? No Michael Lohan? No Charlie Sheen?

In theory it’s great, but in practice it could be dull. We’ll see.

“The Bachelor” is also finally ending. And I’m happy to see “The Event” is coming back, although damned if I know how we left things.

Here’s the March schedule, as copied wholesale from the lovely and amazing AOL TV Squad:

Tuesday, March 1
8:00 – ‘The Haney Project’ (Golf) 3rd season finale
10:00 – ‘Cuff Me If You Can’ (ID) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Louis Theroux: Behind Bars’ (BBC America) special presentation

Wednesday, March 2
10:00 – ‘Hoarding: Buried Alive’ (TLC) 2nd season mid-season premiere
10:00 – ‘I Used to Be Fat’ (MTV) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘I’m Alive’ (Animal Planet) 2nd season premiere

Thursday, March 3
9:00 – ‘Police Women of Cincinnati’ (TLC) 5th season finale
10:00 – ‘Babies Behind Bars: I’m a Dangerous Criminal’ (TLC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Beyond Scared Straight’ (A&E) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Ice Brigade’ (Food) series premiere

Friday, March 4
8:00 – ’42nd NAACP Image Awards’ (FOX) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Beast Hunter’ (National Geographic) series premiere
9:00 – ‘The Injustice Files’ (ID) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘American Loggers’ (Discovery) 3rd season premiere
11:00 – ‘VH1 Unplugged: Adele’ (VH1) special presentation

Saturday, March 5
6:00 – ‘Auction Packed’ (National Geographic) 1st season finale
8:00 – ‘NCAA Basketball: Duke @ UNC’ (CBS) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Bellator Fighting Championships’ (MTV2) 4th season premiere

Sunday, March 6
7:00 – ‘Ruby: My Naked Truth’ (Style) special presentation
8:00 – ‘America’s Next Great Restaurant’ (NBC) series premiere
8:00 – ‘Basketball Wives’ (VH1) 2nd season finale
8:00 – ‘The Family Crews’ (BET) 2nd season premiere
8:00 – ‘Ruby’ (Style) 4th season premiere
8:00 – ‘Secret Millionaire’ (ABC) 2nd season premiere
9:00 – ‘Army Wives’ (Lifetime) 5th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Cake Boss: Baby Special’ (TLC) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ (NBC) 11th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Daniel Tosh: Happy Thoughts’ (Comedy Central) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Love & Hip-Hop’ (VH1) series premiere
9:00 – ‘River Monsters: The Giants’ (Animal Planet) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Ask Oprah’s All-Stars #4′ (OWN) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Breakout Kings’ (A&E) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Coming Home’ (Lifetime) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Heavily Ever After: Time to Climb the Stairs’ (TLC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘The Real Housewives of Orange County’ (Bravo) 6th season premiere
10:00 – ‘Taking on Tyson’ (Animal Planet) series premiere
11:00 – ‘Heavily Ever After: Dog Days’ (TLC) special presentation

Monday, March 7
8:00 – ‘The Event’ (NBC) 1st season mid-season premiere
8:00 – ‘Too Fat for 15′ (Style) 2nd season premiere
8:00 – ‘World’s Weirdest: Freaks in the Ocean’ (National Geographic Wild) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Greek’ (ABC Family) series finale
9:00 – ‘He Loves Me’ (Lifetime) special presentation
9:00 – ‘World’s Weirdest: Freaks on Land’ (National Geographic Wild) special presentation
10:00 – ‘All About Aubrey’ (Oxygen) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Stargate Universe’ (Syfy) 2nd season mid-season premiere
10:00 – ‘World’s Weirdest: Freaks of the Sky’ (National Geographic Wild) special presentation

Tuesday, March 8
7:00 – ‘Pitchmen’ (Discovery) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘Cupcake Wars’ (Food) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘Dirty Jobs’ (Discovery) 7th season finale
10:00 – ‘Crimes Against Nature’ (National Geographic Wild) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Louis Theroux: Johannesburg’ (BBC America) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Southland’ (TNT) 3rd season finale
10:00 – ‘Tiniest Tween: Kenadie’s Story’ (TLC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘White Collar’ (USA) 2nd season finale
11:00 – ‘Character Approved: Honoring 12 Cultural Trailblazers’ (USA) special presentation

Wednesday, March 9
10:00 – ‘Greatest Tank Battles’ (Military) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Nothing Personal’ (ID) series premiere
10:00 – ‘The Real World’ (MTV) 25th season premiere

Thursday, March 10
9:00 – ‘My Big Redneck Wedding: My Big Redneck Intervention’ (CMT) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Taxidermy USA’ (TLC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Polar Bear: Spy on the Ice’ (Animal Planet) special presentation

Friday, March 11
12:00 – ‘FBI: Criminal Pursuit’ (ID) series premiere
8:00 – ‘The Defenders’ (CBS) 1st season finale
8:00 – ‘Fish Warrior’ (National Geographic) 2nd season premiere
9:00 – ‘Fatal Attractions’ (Animal Planet) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘Ask Oprah’s All-Stars #5′ (OWN) special presentation
10:00 – ‘FBI: Criminal Pursuit’ (ID) 1st season finale

Saturday, March 12
12:00AM – ‘Mash Up’ (Comedy Central) special presentation
8:00PM – ‘Best Player’ (Nickelodeon) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Rascal Flatts: Nothing Like This [Presented by JC Penney] (ABC) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Battle of Los Angeles’ (Syfy) special presentation
10:00 – ‘An Idiot Abroad’ (Science) 1st season finale
11:00 – ‘Norm MacDonald: Me Doing Stand-Up’ (Comedy Central) special presentation

Sunday, March 13
8:00 – ‘Basketball Wives: Reunion’ (VH1) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2′ (ABC Family) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Brick City’ (Sundance) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘Sister Wives’ (TLC) 2nd season premiere

Monday, March 14
8:00 – ‘The Bachelor’ (ABC) 15th season finale
9:00 – ‘Wedding Wars’ (VH1) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Wild Case Files’ (National Geographic Wild) series premiere
9:30 – ‘Outrageous Kid Parties’ (TLC) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘The Bachelor: After the Final Rose’ (ABC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Beverly Hills Fabulous’ (VH1) series premiere

Tuesday, March 15
8:00 – ‘Onion SportsDome’ (Comedy Central) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best?’ (WE) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘V’ (ABC) 2nd season finale
9:30 – ‘Pipe Dream’ (Golf) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘African Hunting Holiday with Louis Theroux’ (BBC America) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Detroit 1-8-7′ (ABC) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Hard Time’ (National Geographic) 1st season finale

Wednesday, March 16
9:00 – ‘Nazi Hunters’ (National Geographic) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Face Off’ (Syfy) 1st season finale
10:30 – ‘Storage Wars’ (A&E) 2nd season premiere

Thursday, March 17
12:00AM – ‘6th Annual MTVU Woodie Awards’ (MTV) special presentation
7:00PM – ‘NCAA Basketball Championship [1st Round] (CBS) special presentation
7:00 – ‘Destination Truth: Life from Ireland – The Search for the Banshee Ghost’ (Syfy) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Bear Woman’ (Animal Planet) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Manhunters: Fugitive Task Force’ (A&E) 3rd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Ultimate Factories’ (National Geographic) 1st season finale

Friday, March 18
7:00 – ‘NCAA Basketball Championship [1st round]‘ (CBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Supernanny’ (ABC) series finale
9:00 – ‘Flying Wild Alaska’ (Discovery) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Confessions: Animal Hoarding’ (Animal Planet) 1st season finale

Saturday, March 19
1:00 – ‘NCAA Basketball Championship [2nd round] (CBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Must Love Cats’ (Animal Planet) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Time After Time’ (Hallmark) special presentation
10:00 – ‘The Pee-Wee Herman Show on Broadway’ (HBO) special presentation

Sunday, March 20
9:00 – ‘Big Love’ (HBO) series finale
9:00 – ‘My Fair Wedding’ (WE) 4th season finale
10:00 – ‘Ultimate Cleaners’ (TLC) special presentation
11:00 – ‘Rich Bride, Poor Bride’ (WE) 5th season finale

Monday, March 21
8:00 – ‘Dancing with the Stars’ (ABC) 12th season premiere
8:00 – ‘Inside Nature’s Giants: Elephants’ (National Geographic Wild) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Pretty Little Liars’ (ABC Family) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Intervention’ (A&E) 10th season finale
9:00 – ‘Triangle: Remembering the Fire’ (HBO) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Rip the Runway’ (BET) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Skins’ (MTV) 1st season finale
10:20 – ‘James May’s Road Trip’ (BBC America) special presentation

Tuesday, March 22
9:00 – ‘Best in Film: The Greatest Movies of Our Time’ (ABC) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Destination Truth’ (Syfy) 4th season mid-season premiere
10:00 – ‘Big Brian: The Fortune Seller’ (TruTV) series premiere
10:00 – ‘The Fabulous Beekman Boys’ (Planet Green) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Marcel’s Quantum Kitchen’ (Syfy) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Our America with Lisa Ling’ (OWN) 1st season finale

Wednesday, March 23
8:00 – ‘Campus PD’ (G4) 3rd season finale
9:00 – ‘Four of a Kind’ (Lifetime) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Fact or Faked: Paranormal Files’ (Syfy) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Glamour Belles’ (Lifetime) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Hot in Cleveland’ (TV Land) 2nd season mid-season finale
10:30 – ‘Retired at 35′ (TV Land) 1st season finale

Thursday, March 24
7:00 – ‘NCAA Basketball Championship [Regional Semifinal - Double Header] (CBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Naked Science’ (National Geographic) 9th season finale
9:00 – ‘Man vs. Wild’ (Discovery) 6th season finale
9:00 – ‘Selling New York’ (HGTV) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘Fairly Legal’ (USA) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Jersey Shore’ (MTV) 3rd season finale
10:00 – ‘Sins and Secrets’ (ID) 1st season finale
11:00 – ‘The Hard Times of RJ Berger’ (MTV) 2nd season premiere

Friday, March 25
12:00AM – ‘John Oliver’s New York Stand-Up Show’ (Comedy Central) 2nd season premiere
7:00PM – ‘NCAA Basketball Championship [Regional Semifinal - Double Header] (CBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Fish Warrior’ (National Geographic) 2nd season finale
8:00 – ‘Shark Tank’ (ABC) 2nd season premiere
8:00 – ‘The Suite Life on Deck: The Suite Life Movie’ (Disney) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Beast Hunter’ (National Geographic) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Onion News Network’ (IFC) 1st season finale

Saturday, March 26
12:00AM – ‘Funny or Die Presents’ (HBO) 2nd season finale
4:30PM – ‘NCAA Basketball Championship [Regional Final - Double Header] (CBS) special presentation
7:30 – ‘Candice Tells All’ (HGTV) 1st season finale
8:00 – ‘Dear Genevieve’ (HGTV) 4th season finale
8:00 – ‘It’s Me or the Dog’ (Animal Planet) 3rd season mid-season premiere
8:30 – ‘Cash & Cari’ (HGTV) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Scream of the Banshee’ (Syfy) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Greg Giraldo Tribute’ (Comedy Central) special presentation

Sunday, March 27
9:00 – ‘Alaska State Troopers’ (National Geographic) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘Californication’ (Showtime) 4th season finale
9:00 – ‘Mildred Pierce’ (HBO) mini-series premiere
10:00 – ‘The Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump’ (Comedy Central) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Shameless’ (Showtime) 1st season finale

Monday, March 28
8:00 – ‘Home Takeover with Simon & Tomas’ (OWN) series premiere
8:00 – ‘The Secret Life of the American Teenager’ (ABC Family) 3rd season mid-season premiere
9:00 – ‘Royal Wedding of a Lifetime: William & Kate, a Love Story’ (Lifetime) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Make It or Break It’ (ABC Family) 2nd season mid-season premiere
10:00 – ‘Nurse Jackie’ (Showtime) 3rd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Royal Wedding of a Lifetime: A Tale of Two Princesses’ (Lifetime) special presentation
10:30 – ‘United States of Tara’ (Showtime) 3rd season premiere

Tuesday, March 29
9:00 – ‘Breaking Down the Bars’ (OWN) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Addicted to Food’ (OWN) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Body of Proof’ (ABC) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Modern Monarchy: Dos & Don’ts’ (BBC America) special presentation

Wednesday, March 30
9:00 – ‘The Ultimate Fighter’ (Spike) 13th season premiere
10:00 – ‘Coal’ (Spike) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Tyler Perry’s House of Payne’ (TBS) 7th season premiere

Thursday, March 31
9:00 – ‘Mobbed’ (FOX) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Swamp People’ (History) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Bear Woman’ (Animal Planet) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Jersey Shore: Reunion Special’ (MTV) special presentation

I just hope there's at least one juicy judge vs. pro fight this season.

It’s almost time for Len Goodman to break out his 10 paddle! (Or at least the 5.) The cast of Dancing with the Stars Season 12 will be announced on Monday during Episode 9 of The Bachelor.

DWTS Season 12 will hold its two-hour premiere from 8 to 10 p.m. on Monday, March 21, a week after The Bachelor finale. The first Results Show will air from 9 to 10 p.m. on Tuesday, March 29.

It won't happen, but it should. She'd be much better as a DWTS contestant than The Bachelorette. And the DWTS audience would LOVE her.

Pretty much everyone on the planet has been rumored to be in the cast this season, so check for your own name in this gallery of possible DWTS stars and return to Wetpaint’s DWTS site on Monday night for the actual list of contestants.

Will Christine O’Donnell be the new Kate Gosselin/Bristol Palin? Will the world end if that happens? What if she’s actually a good dancer?

And Bachelor spoiler fans, whaddya think about this wild theory: What if Emily Maynard dances this season?

Think about it.

She turned down The Bachelorette and it could just be because she was away from Ricki for so long, but it could be because she decided to do DWTS instead.

*** FEB 26 UPDATE ***

Is Emily not the Bachelorette because Brad actually picked her in the end? FORT says Steve got it wrong (again) and Brad is engaged to Emily, not Chantal. Emily is actually a much better match for Brad, since they are both vanilla bland. Michelle Money called them Ken & Barbie and I think that’s the truth. Maybe Brad & Emily should dance together?

*** END UPDATE ***

It’s probably not the case, but it’s my favorite wild theory of the day. Besides, she’s gorgeous and she’d be great paired with … Maks? she’s so sweet, he’d have to keep his temper around her.

I'm not feeling it.

Is Maks even coming back, or is he still busy being the Ukrainian Bachelor? If Maks doesn’t come back, and Derek Hough is still gone, who will we stare at?

By the way, I’m not into the Ashley Hebert idea. At all. She’s, like, 10th on my list of good Bachelorettes. Michelle Money is still #1. Then Shawntel Newton, Madison “fang girl” Garton, Gia Allemand, Jackie Gordon, Jillian Harris 2.0 … I’ll think of more…

Visit Wetpaint.com/the-bachelor for a crapload of “Bachelor” stories. Do the same for “The Bachelorette” at Wetpaint.com/the-bachelorette.

And catch up on my “Bachelor/ette/Pad” articles in this nifty blog archive.

My boys are back!

I think I’ve missed Andy Richter even more than Conan O’Brien. I’ve always been an Andy girl.

This month we’ll see the end of “Dancing with the Stars” season 11, the start of “Skating with the Stars” (find out who is cast Tuesday, Nov. 2 on DWTS; we’ll post the news here.) and, of course, the debut of “Conan” on Monday, Nov. 8 on TBS.

Check out this full schedule, as copied wholesale from the lovely and amazing AOL TV Squad.

Monday, November 1
7:30 – ‘MLB Baseball: World Series, Game 5 [if necessary]‘ (FOX) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Dancing with the Stars’ (ABC) 200th episode
8:00 – ‘Wreck Chasers’ (Discovery) series premiere
9:00 – ‘My Big Friggin Wedding’ (VH1) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Saturday Night Live: The Women of SNL’ (NBC) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Top Gear’ (BBC America) 15th season finale
10:30 – ‘Mario Lopez: Saved by the Baby’ (VH1) series premiere

Tuesday, November 2
9:00 – ‘America’s Election Headquarters: The 2010 Midterms’ (FOX) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Meteorite Men’ (Science) 2nd season premiere
9:00 – ‘Mysteries at the Museum’ (Travel) series premiere
9:00 – ‘NBC News: 2010 Election Night’ (NBC) special presentation
9:30 – ‘ABC News: Vote 2010′ (ABC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘CBS News: Election Coverage’ (CBS) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List: Whores on Crutches’ (Bravo) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Running Russell Simmons’ (Oxygen) series premiere

Wednesday, November 3
7:30 – ‘MLB Baseball: World Series, Game 6 [if necessary]‘ (FOX) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Marijuana: A Chronic History’ (History) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Most Shocking’ (TruTV) 7th season finale
9:00 – ‘My Dog Ate What?’ (National Geographic Wild) series premiere
9:00 – ‘The Will’ (ID) series premiere
10:00 – ‘In the Spotlight with Robin Roberts: All Access Nashville’ (ABC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘LA Ink’ (TLC) 4th season finale
10:00 – ‘Mutual Friends’ (DirecTV 101) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Tailgate Warriors with Guy Fieri’ (Food) 1st season finale
10:30 – ‘Master of the Mix’ (Centric) series premiere

Thursday, November 4
7:30 – ‘MLB Baseball: World Series, Game 7 [if necessary]‘ (FOX) special presentation
9:00 – ‘No Heroics’ (DirecTV 101) series premiere
9:30 – ‘How Not to Live Your Life’ (DirecTV 101) series premiere
10:00 – ‘On the Road with Austin & Santino’ (Lifetime) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Pranked’ (MTV) 3rd season premiere
10:30 – ‘Megadrive’ (MTV) series premiere
11:00 – ‘Bully Beatdown’ (MTV) 3rd season premiere

Friday, November 5
12:00AM – ‘Benson Interruption’ (Comedy Central) series premiere
7:00PM – ‘Supernanny’ (ABC) 7th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Cops & Coyotes’ (ID) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Fatal Attractions’ (Animal Planet) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Operation Wild’ (Planet Green) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret’ (IFC) 1st season finale
11:00 – ‘Martin Lawrence Presents 1st Amendment Stand-Up’ (Starz) 5th season finale

Saturday, November 6
9:00 – ‘Doubles Poker Championship’ (GSN) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Downsized’ (WE) series premiere
9:00 – ‘A Family Thanksgiving’ (Hallmark) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Iconoclasts’ (Sundance) 5th season finale
10:00 – ‘The Locator’ (WE) 5th season premiere
10:00 – ‘Big River’ (Planet Green) special presentation
10:30 – ‘King Corn’ (Planet Green) special presentation

Sunday, November 7
8:00 – ‘Black Girls Rock!’ (BET) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Bridezillas’ (WE) 7th season finale
8:00 – ‘Great Migrations’ (National Geographic) series premiere
8:00 – ‘BAFTA Los Angeles’ Britannia Awards (TV Guide) special presentation
8:30 – ‘Shake It Up’ (Disney) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Kate Plus 8: Alaska, Here We Come!’ (TLC) special presentation
9:00 – ‘MTV Europe Music Awards 2010′ (MTV2) special presentation
9:30 – ‘Mel B: It’s a Scary World’ (Style) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Kendra’ (E!) 3rd season premiere
10:00 – ‘On the Case with Paula Zahn’ (ID) 3rd season premiere
10:00 – ‘William & Kate: A Royal Love Story’ (TLC) special presentation
10:30 – ‘Eastbound & Down’ (HBO) 2nd season finale
10:30 – ‘Married to Rock’ (E!) series premiere

Monday, November 8
12:00AM – ‘Childrens Hospital’ (Cartoon Network) 1st season finale
8:00 – ‘NBC News: Matt Lauer Reports’ (NBC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Strike Force’ (National Geographic Wild) series premiere
11:00 – ‘Conan’ (TBS) series premiere

Tuesday, November 9
10:00 – ‘Auction Hunters’ (Spike) series premiere
10:00 – ‘The Fashion Show’ (Bravo) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Rehab: Party at the Hard Rock Hotel’ (TruTV) 3rd season finale

Wednesday, November 10
7:00 – ‘CMA Red Carpet Special 2010′ (CMT) special presentation
8:00 – ‘The 44th Annual CMA Awards’ (ABC) special presentation
9:00 – ‘WWII in HD: The Air War’ (History) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Black Gold’ (TruTV) 3rd season finale
10:00 – ‘Harry Loves Lisa’ (TV Land) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Psych’ (USA) 5th season mid-season premiere
10:00 – ‘Steven Seagal: Lawman’ (A&E) 2nd season finale

Thursday, November 11
8:00 – ‘Thursday Night Football’ (NFL Network) 4th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Deadly Women’ (ID) 4th season finale
9:00 – ‘Wartorn: 1861-2010′ (HBO) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Burn Notice’ (USA) 4th season mid-season premiere

Friday, November 12
8:00 – ‘Avalon High’ (Disney) special presentation
9:30 – ’24/7: Pacquiao/Margarito’ (HBO) 10th season finale
9:30 – ‘Wizards of Waverly Place’ (Disney) 4th season premiere
10:00 – ‘Real Time with Bill Maher’ (HBO) 8th season finale

Saturday, November 13
8:00 – ’40 Greatest Songs of the Decade’ (CMT) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Outlaw’ (NBC) series finale
9:00 – ‘America’s Cutest Cat’ (Animal Planet) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Dear Food Network: Top 10 Thanksgiving Problems Solved’ (Food) special presentation
9:00 – ‘The Good Witch’s Gift’ (Hallmark) special presentation
9:00 – ‘The Lost Future’ (Syfy) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Back to Hell: A Tribute to Sam Kinison’ (Comedy Central) special presentation
10:00 – ‘H2Oil’ (Planet Green) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll Fantasy Camp’ (VH1 Classic) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Tracy Morgan: Black & Blue’ (HBO) special presentation

Sunday, November 14
9:00 – ‘Sarah Palin’s Alaska’ (TLC) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Amazing Wedding Cakes’ (WE) 3rd season finale
10:00 – ‘Bored to Death’ (HBO) 2nd season finale

Monday, November 15
7:00 – ‘1 vs. 100′ (GSN) 3rd season premiere
8:30 – ‘Wreck Chasers’ (Discovery) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Invitation Only: Rascal Flatts’ (CMT) special presentation
9:30 – ‘American Restoration’ (History) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Weeds’ (Showtime) 6th season finale
10:30 – ‘The Big C’ (Showtime) 1st season finale

Tuesday, November 16
10:00 – ‘Glory Daze’ (TBS) series premiere

Wednesday, November 17
8:00 – ‘Human Target’ (FOX) 2nd season premiere
9:00 – ‘My Dog Ate What?’ (National Geographic Wild) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Finding Hulk Hogan’ (A&E) special presentation
10:00 – ’25 Years of Sexy: People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive!’ (ABC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Full Throttle Saloon’ (TruTV) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘South Park’ (Comedy Central) 14th season finale
10:00 – ‘Top Chef Just Desserts’ (Bravo) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘What’s Eating You’ (E!) 1st season finale
10:30 – ‘Ugly Americans’ (Comedy Central) 1st season finale

Thursday, November 18
8:00 – ‘A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving’ [repeat] (ABC) special presentation

Friday, November 19
10:00 – ‘Dennis Miller: The Big Speech’ (HBO) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Homemade Millionaire’ (TLC) special presentation
11:00 – ‘Aaron Karo: The Rest Is History’ (Comedy Central) special presentation

Saturday, November 20
7:00 – ‘Football: Army @ Notre Dame [@ Yankee Stadium]‘ (NBC) special presentation
8:00 – ‘CMT Crossroads: Train and Martina McBride’ (CMT) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Great Migrations’ (National Geographic) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘America’s Cutest Dog’ (Animal Planet) special presentation
9:00 – ‘The Night Before the Night Before Christmas’ (Hallmark) special presentation

Sunday, November 21
8:00 – ‘2010 American Music Awards’ (ABC) special presentation
9:00 – ‘E! True Hollywood Story: Adam Lambert’ (E!) special presentation
9:00 – ‘The Next Iron Chef’ (Food) 3rd season finale
9:00 – ‘Paranormal State: The New Class’ (A&E) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Brew Masters’ (Discovery) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Fantasia for Real’ (VH1) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘The Futurama Holiday Spectacular’ (Comedy Central) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Jilted?’ (WE) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Luther’ (BBC America) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Top Gear’ (History) series premiere

Monday, November 22
8:00 – ‘Antiques Roadshow’ (PBS) 14th season premiere
9:00 – ‘The Real Story of Thanksgiving’ (History) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Skating with the Stars’ (ABC) series premiere
10:00 – ‘The A-List: New York’ (Logo) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Strike Force’ (National Geographic Wild) 1st season finale
11:00 – ‘The Arrangement’ (Logo) 1st season finale

Tuesday, November 23
8:00 – ‘Weird, True & Freaky’ (Animal Planet) 3rd season finale
9:00 – ‘Dancing with the Stars’ (ABC) 11th season finale
10:00 – ‘Nick Swardson’s Pretend Time’ (Comedy Central) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Parking Wars’ (A&E) 4th season finale

Wednesday, November 24
8:00 – ‘Merry Madagascar’ [repeat] (NBC) special presentation
8:30 – ‘Kung Fu Panda Holiday Special’ (NBC) special presentation
9:00 – ‘The Biggest Loser: Where Are They Now?’ (NBC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Primetime: Celebrity Plastic Surgery Gone Too Far?’ (ABC) special presentation

Thursday, November 25
8:00 – ‘A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving’ [repeat] (ABC) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Taylor Swift: Speak Now’ (NBC) special presentation
8:00 – ‘The Town Christmas Forgot’ (Hallmark) special presentation
9:00 – ‘People of the Year’ (NBC) special presentation
9:30 – ‘Beyonce: I Am’ (ABC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Facing Evil with Candice DeLong: For Love of Oneself’ (ID) special presentation
10:30 – ‘Facing Evil with Candice DeLong: Daddy’s Little Girl’ (ID) special presentation

Friday, November 26
8:00 – ‘TV’s Greatest Holiday Moments: A Paley Center for Media Special’ (FOX) special presentation
8:00 – ’30 Holiday Decorating Hits & Misses’ (HGTV) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Facing Evil with Candice DeLong: Love Before Life’ (ID) special presentation
10:30 – ‘Facing Evil with Candice DeLong: Disorder of Affection’ (ID) special presentation

Saturday, November 27
8:00 – ‘Genevieve’s Holiday Home’ (HGTV) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Your Pet Wants This, Too!’ (Animal Planet) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Debbie Macomber’s Mrs. Miracle 2′ (Hallmark) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Ace of Cakes: Holidays on Icing’ (Food) special presentation

Sunday, November 28
8:00 – ‘The Dog Who Saved Christmas Vacation’ (ABC Family) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Holiday Battle on the Block’ (HGTV) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Bridalplasty’ (E!) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Chopped’ (Food) 5th season finale
9:00 – ‘November Christmas’ (CBS) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Soul Train Awards’ (BET, Centric) special presentation
9:30 – ‘Paranormal State’ (A&E) 5th season finale
10:00 – ‘Psychic Kids: Children of the Paranormal’ (A&E) 3rd season finale
10:00 – ‘Red Riding: 1974′ (Sundance) special presentation
11:00 – ‘The Ghost Prophecies’ (A&E) special presentation

Monday, November 29
8:00 – ‘Africa’s Great Rift’ (National Geographic Wild) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Hardcover Mysteries’ (ID) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘The Real Story of Christmas’ (History) special presentation
9:30 – ‘CMA Country Christmas’ (ABC) special presentation

Tuesday, November 30
8:00 – ‘Dr. Seuss’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas’ [repeat] (ABC) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’ [repeat] (CBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Christmas in Rockefeller Center’ (NBC) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Stargate Universe’ (Syfy) 2nd season mid-season finale
9:30 – ‘360 Sessions’ (IFC) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show’ (CBS) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Sons of Anarchy’ (FX) 3rd season finale
10:00 – ‘Strange Days with Bob Saget’ (A&E) series premiere

How did Pete turn out to be the hero of "Mad Men" season 4? He doesn't even have his name on the door. But he does wear the cutest pajamas.

By Gina Carbone
opus619@gmail.com

As the light fades, so does my energy. And my patience.

I still watch all of the shows I usually watch — plus a few more, now that I’m writing about “Castle” and “The Vampire Diaries” for Wetpaint, on top of “The Bachelor,” “Bachelorette” and “Dancing with the Stars” — but some of these things sap my strength.

So here are capsule recaps/performance reviews for most of the current shows I watch, with notes on whether I will actually keep watching them once it gets dark around 4 p.m. and I start to think I’d be better off sleeping for 16 out of 24 hours.

***

MAD MEN (Click title links to be directed to my archive of recaps/other stories)

Season 4 status: Awesome. Epic. Best season ever. But see below…

Recent episode, “Chinese Wall” status: Frustrating. It’s hard for me to accept season 4 as Don Draper hitting rock bottom and finding himself when EVERY SINGLE WOMAN HE MEETS HITS ON HIM. Even Megan. Megan who said she wants to do what Don and Miss Olson do. Megan who has ambitions. I loved hearing that about Megan but, of course, it had to be followed with her speaking to Don like a scene from a cheesy Harlequin romance novel. He’s in her head all day, at work and at home… Then he kisses her in the office? So that’s Allison, Faye and now Megan, on top of the women outside the office, like Bethany the Betty clone and the prostitute who slapped him because that’s what he wants (and deserves). Look, Don is an attractive, powerful man and maybe he smells like the Old Spice Guy, but this is a bit much. We’re supposed to sympathize with this guy going through a crisis and his “crisis” involves hot young things hitting on him constantly. Stop it.

By the way, tonight’s episode, “Blowing Smoke,” was directed by John Slattery, aka Roger Sterling. We finally found something for Roger to do!

DEXTER

Season 5 status: Boring

We’re only two episodes into the new season. I accepted that the first episode was slow. But the second one was slow too. Glacial. There’s a happy medium between the slow pace of “Dexter” season 5 and the frenetic pace of “True Blood” season 3. (It’s called “Mad Men” season 4.) Pick up the pace before I fall asleep by 9:30 p.m. every Sunday night.

Update: Oct. 10 episode picked up the pace big-time. We’re back on track with an actual stalking/murder. For once this is a good thing!

Kelly Macdonald seems to have accent issues on "Boardwalk Empire." I know she's Scottish, but she sounded one way in the pilot and then had a heavy Irish accent after that. Now it goes in and out. Still love her, though.

BOARDWALK EMPIRE

Season 1 status: On notice

I want to like “Boardwalk Empire” but I’m having trouble getting into it. Part of this is due to the too-perfect set. That does not look like a boardwalk anyone actually walks on. Those shops look like they’re freshly painted every week. The windows are pristine. Was it really like that? Maybe it was. Then there’s the dialogue. Even before the first episode aired there was a preview where Michael Shannon’s (WORSHIP) agent Van Alden says of Nucky Thompson (Steve Buscemi) “he’s corrupt as the day is long.” The second I heard that, I deflated. Really? With all the millions they are spending on the set they can’t do better than a trite line like that? I was hoping they would never actually air that line, but they did last week. Nothing about the rest of the dialogue has shown they are planning to do anything but navigate through more cliches. I’ll give it a few more chances, but I don’t owe it anything. If it can’t show me something new I’m going to leave Atlantic City for good.

Update: Oct. 10 episode was my favorite so far. Plenty of action and interesting character development. Give Chalky more good speeches.

Why is Sash already this thin after four episodes? He's going to disappear before the end.

SURVIVOR: NICARAGUA

Season 21 status: Meh

Everything old is new again with “Nicaragua.” Maybe I’ve been spoiled from The Russell Show, but I’m not feeling too strongly about any of this season’s contestants. Even NaOnka Mixon is such an obvious villain I’m not upset with her as much as CBS for so gleefully casting someone they had to know was just going to self-destruct and ruin her own reputation. She’s just plain unstable. It’s old vs. young and I do like Jane of the old tribe, but not so much that I’m compelled to root hard for her. I’m just sort of biding time to see which boot list is correct. On the way I’ll stare at Chase and Jud/Fabio, but I’m really just waiting for Russell vs. Rob.

AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL

Cycle 15 status: Too obvious

Just give the Vogue Italia cover to Ann Ward already. She just won her fourth challenge in a row — the first time in “Top Model” history for that particular feat, Tyra says — and if she somehow DOESN’T win, whoever does win is going to have to feel like a usurper. Ann was the star of the cycle before the first episode aired. She was thrust into the controversy spotlight for being 6’2″ and having the world’s tiniest waistline. (Or something. Has anyone really gone around measuring all the grown women in the world?) My girl Kayla is still in play, but we lost my previous favorite Rhianna and the challenges just keep getting more and more ridiculous. A conveyor belt in heels? Do you hate the contestants that much? This show has no connection to reality anymore. It’s a parody of itself. So why do I keep watching?

DANCING WITH THE STARS

Season 11 status update: Borderline rigged

People need to stop trying to convince me that this isn’t already an open-and-shut case. Even if Jennifer Grey weren’t the best of the crop so far, she has a RABID fan base dying to give her the mirror-ball trophy. Seriously, if you go to Wetpaint’s Dancing with the Stars Facebook page, people adore her. She is going to get the votes no matter what she does. Which means Derek Hough will be the first pro to win three mirror-balls. He also won last season with Nicole Scherzinger and won season 7 with co-host Brooke Burke, who favors Derek too. Derek runs the place. Meanwhile, Maks is mouthy. He needs to stop making everyone adjust to his attitude/the way he was taught and actually adjust himself a drop for the people around him. Just a drop.

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

Season 36 status: Disappointing

The premiere was all about the old school and since then each episode has given little glimpses of the new cast members. Meanwhile, the guest stars are not being served well by the material. To put it mildly. I thought Bryan Cranston was pretty much wasted last week but that was before I saw them completely waste Jane Lynch. She deserved the Betty White treatment and instead she didn’t even get a bottle of sparkling apple juice moment. What gives? She’s definitely funny and game to do whatever — same as Bryan Cranston — but they give her such weak sketches. Last season SNL had some good stuff for Jon Hamm, Taylor Swift and even Blake Lively. This season they seem more focused on the cast members, especially Kristen Wiig injecting herself into everything. Why?

Seth Caro does kind of have a Michael C. Hall/"Dexter" thing going on.

TOP CHEF: JUST DESSERTS

Season 1 status: Sweet and sassy — love it!

Am I going straight to hell if I miss Seth Caro? I thought he was hot from day one and his inherent bitchiness just made him more intriguing. Until it didn’t. As in, I think he may have a serious but treatable mental illness. I want him to seek treatment and then return. Because, man, is he interesting.

I had the crazy idea that a show about sugar and spice and everything nice would be, you know, sweet. Nothing could be further from the truth. Meltdowns like crazy, and not just from Seth. Malika just quit and her face when she announced she was leaving showed such joy and relief. Maybe it makes sense. Baking is harder than cooking. If you’re a chef you can experiment more than a baker. The slightest thing can ruin a pastry. Love watching it all play out.

Sidenote: Stop teasing me with the idea of Hubert Keller as a permanent judge when he’s not even there every week. I need more face time with my beloved French Gandalf!

PROJECT RUNWAY

Season 8 status: Love the drama, not the clothes

Mondo Guerra is going to win, despite me not really getting most of his clothes. To me, he is the naked emperor. But as a person, he is fascinating. Quirky, funny, cute, and alternately vulnerable and arrogant. He laid his soul on a slab last week by announcing his HIV positive status. But this week he showed himself to be above-it-all with his rudeness to Heidi Klum, aka a judge and producer on the show and this week’s client. The editing of the previews has been very “Bachelor” manipulation, which is a shame since the natural drama speaks for itself. Ivy Higa needs to go on “Survivor” with NaOnka Mixon. Gretchen Jones should spar with Seth Caro on “Top Chef.” So many crazy reality TV personalities to deal with. But on “Runway” they are more bitchy than mentally unstable. I prefer that. I’m fine with disliking people’s behavior on TV. I’m not fine with potentially unstable people being exploited for ratings.

This smile has a shelf life of 24 hours.

Oh, it’s not looking good for Michael Bolton.

To crawl out of a doghouse [wince], wearing that awful polka-dot jacket [shudder] only to do something that can’t really be described as a Jive [shakes head] and then have it torn to shreds by both Len Goodman and Bruno Tonioli [cower], who then fight over who’s being more cruel?

That’s what I call a bad night.

On top of that, the poor guy had laryngitis. He should’ve stayed in bed — in Germany, with David Hasselhoff.

On the other end of the spectrum, Jennifer Grey & Derek Hough had the top scores on “Dancing with the Stars” Season 11 for the second week in a row.

And this week, no one else seemed close. They are far and away the frontrunners after only two weeks. Audrina Patridge & Tony Dovolani were next in the rankings, but they weren’t nearly as good.

Is Jamie Lee Curtis going to sit in the audience every week to watch Jennifer Grey? She should just go on the show already.

I’m worried.

Does anyone else remember last season and the heat Nicole Scherzinger took for being too good too soon? Sure, she eventually won but a lot of people still hold grudges against her for being too much of a pro.

And a lot of people (including, it seemed some of his fellow pros) were frustrated that Derek got another great dancer. That was back with Nicole. And now he’s got the best one again, in Jennifer. Is a backlash coming?

Or

Is Derek just such a good teacher and choreographer that it only looks like he always gets the best dancers? Maybe if Derek had … uh … Michael Bolton, he could’ve saved him from the doghouse. Chelsie Hightower is good, but she’s not that good.

Catch up on all kinds of “Dancing with the Stars” recaps, news, sneak peeks, top quotes and other fun stuff here at wetpaint.com/dancing-with-the-stars.

Here are the scores, dances and songs from Week 2. I copied this from Wikipedia:

Jennifer & Derek 24 (8,8,8)    Jive        “Shake It”—Metro Station
Audrina & Tony 23 (8,8,7)    Quickstep    “Love Machine”—Girls Aloud
Kyle & Lacey 22 (8,7,7)    Quickstep    “(If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To”—Weezer
Bristol & Mark 22 (7,8,7)    Quickstep    “You Can’t Hurry Love”—Diana Ross
Rick & Cheryl 21 (7,7,7)    Jive        “Tush”—ZZ Top
Brandy & Maksim 21 (7,7,7)    Jive        “Magic”—B.o.B
Kurt & Anna 21 (7,7,7)     Jive        “Danger Zone”—Kenny Loggins
Florence & Corky 19 (7,6,6)     Quickstep     “Suddenly I See”—KT Tunstall
Margaret & Louis 18 (6,6,6)     Jive         “Dreaming”—Blondie
Mike & Karina 18 (6,6,6)     Quickstep     “We No Speak Americano”—Yolanda Be Cool
Michael & Chelsie 12 (4,5,3)     Jive         “Hound Dog”—Elvis Presley

Yes, this was the problem in a nutshell. Literally. Family show!

Apparently “Sex Bomb” was to be taken literally.

It’s funny to almost have “Dancing with the Stars” “spoilers” ahead of time. Both Brooke Burke and Tom Bergeron tweeted before Tuesday’s results show with hints that one of the bigger stars would be going home.

Brooke Burke: “What a crazy #DWTS dress rehearsal! Producers seemed stressed out about tonight’s results. Don’t miss it!”

Tom Bergeron: “DWTS producers seem rattled by who is going tonight. Guess they had high hopes for this star (aka thought they’d be ratings draw). Hmm…”

Did K.I.T.T. forget to vote?

Brooke said before the elimination was (finally after an hour of filler) announced: “It’s going to be quite a shock” who leaves.

Not too much of a shock — to anyone who watched The Hoff’s creepy lounge lizard Cha-Cha-Cha to “Sex Bomb.”

At least this should please Pamela Anderson. She didn’t go far on Season 10, but she went farther than David Hasselhoff on Season 11.

The Hoff and his partner, Kym Johnson, were the first to be eliminated on the first results show of the season. Hoff & Kym had a score of 15 out of 30, which was tied for last place with Margaret Cho & Louis van Amstel and The Situation & Karina Smirnoff.

Earlier on the results show, Hoff told Kym in the confessional “If we go out, we go out in a blaze of glory. And we’re already wearing black for our funeral.”

Kym said you’d be lying if you said you didn’t care about being the first to go home . It hurts your pride and your ego.

She was eliminated first in Seson 6 with Penn Jillette. She then won Season 9 with Donny Osmond.

While stars like Brandy and Jennifer Grey were freaking out (as if they were ever in danger), The Hoff was totally fine with getting the boot. It was kind of like karma. “It’s almost like America’s Got Talent payback.”

He just felt bad for Kym since she tried so hard to get him to do well.

After the announcement, Brooke asked what’s been most difficult part of this?

The Hoff: “Oh, you know, it’s been a great ride and I just, I feel bad for Kym because she worked so hard to try to get me where I was going. I’m just so proud that my daughters are here and they got to see me go this far. So it’s great.”

Head over to www.wetpaint.com/dancing-with-the-stars for all kinds of recaps, top 10 lists, news, gossip, spoilers, sneak peeks and everything you could possibly want about DWTS!

Loved her dance, but is she going to be emotional every week?

I tried.

I didn’t want to love Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough on “Dancing with the Stars” season 11 because she is already famous for dancing and he just won the last season with a dancer who was good right off the bat.

But I couldn’t help it. And not just because she sobbed (a little too loudly, unless that was editing) about Patrick Swayze.

It was the lights. The way she leaned into him. The way he sang along with “These Arms of Mine.” The way she totally gave into the dance.

It was magical. And I don’t even like the Viennese Waltz.

Kyle & Lacey are the young, fun, energetic couple.

So Jennifer & Derek are my favorites after the “Dancing with the Stars” Fall 2010 season premiere.

They are the judges’ favorites so far too. Their waltz made Carrie Ann Inaba cry and I don’t blame her.

My second faves are a surprise: Disney Channel star Kyle Massey — who I’d never heard of — and Lacey Schwimmer, who is now blonde and therefore a traitor.

I also love Florence Henderson for being Cloris Leachman + a tiny drop of talent. Corky Ballas is an angel that fell from the sky and I’ll have words with anyone who says otherwise.

Very disappointed in Margaret Cho. My ideal season had her wowing us all ala Kyle Massey. Instead, I fear she will be the first one to go. And for doing goofy choreography for a Viennese Waltz. Huge mistake on Louis van Amstel’s part. Love ya, Louis, but this one’s on you.

Bristol Palin was not good, but at least she tried. She smiled and wore sparkles and did her best. She’s not like Kate Gosselin. And Mark is the perfect supportive partner for her. Love him. So because I love him I will support her. Her mother should’ve supported her, too, but I guess her daughter was not worth the bother of showing up?

I was actually pretty impressed with the first week talent level in general. I expected more stinkers.

I fear this is the end for Margaret and Louis.

I’m still chuckling, though, from the true “sex bomb” that was David Hasselhoff & Kym Johnson. I agree with Len Goodman: “It’s never too early to panic.” That hip shaking will haunt me tonight. Wow.

Earlier today I named Audrina & Tony as my winners for the season, but that was before seeing anyone dance. Now I’m not sure what will happen, although I think it’s still good to be good but not TOO good right off the bat.

Here are my favorites after the premiere:

1. Jennifer Grey & Derek Hough — Score: 24 (8,8,8)
2. Kyle Massey & Lacey Schwimmer — Score: 23 (8,7,8)
3. Rick Fox & Cheryl Burke — Score: 22 (8,7,7)
4. Audrina Patridge & Tony Dovolani — Score: 19 (6,7,6)
5. Florence Henderson & Corky Ballas — Score: 18 (6,6,6)
6. Brandy Norwood & Maksim Chmerkovskiy — Score: 23 (7,8,8)
7. David Hasselhoff & Kym Johnson — Score: 15 (5,5,5)
8. Margaret Cho & Louis van Amstel — Score: 15 (5,5,5)
9. Michael Bolton & Chelsie Hightower —
Score: 16 (6,5,5)
10. Kurt Warner & Anna Trebunskaya
— Score: 19 (7,5,7)
11. Bristol Palin & Mark Ballas — Score: 18 (6,6,6)
12. Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino & Karina Smirnoff — Score: 15 (5,5,5)

Head over to www.wetpaint.com/dancing-with-the-stars for all kinds of recaps, top 10 lists, news, gossip, spoilers, sneak peeks and everything you could possibly want about DWTS!

Michael & Chelsie 16 (6,5,5) Viennese Waltz Life After You“—Daughtry

I just want Tony to have a nice, peaceful season with little-to-no drama.

I’m basing this on very little.

I watched the first Fall 2010 “Dancing with the Stars” rehearsal videos and I thought Jennifer Grey and Brandy Norwood looked the best.

But Jennifer Grey may be too good too soon and does anyone really want Derek Hough to win AGAIN with a “ringer”?

Brandy already seems to have an Erin Andrews-esque relationship with Maksim Chmerkovskiy, and by that I mean they fight. Maks already walked out once, supposedly.

And Tony Dovolani has the fan vote after putting up with Kate Gosselin last season. I don’t think you can overstate the importance of that.

People want Tony to do well. He deserves a reward. He got a hot young Season 11 partner in Audrina Patridge and their rehearsal videos show some sweet awkwardness. That’s likable.

She’s not overconfident or pushy. She’s not too good too soon. She’s not terribly stiff and awkward (like Bristol Palin, who has my pity after her rehearsal footage).

This is the official Tony/Audrina Team TorinA logo. You can even buy T-shirts with your favorite team's logo on the official ABC site.

I think Audrina could go very far and possibly win — thanks in large part to Tony.

I guess that puts me on Team TorinA. (What team are you on?)

I’m hearing mumblings about David Hasselhoff as the one to beat because he’s arguably the most famous (REALLY?) real “star” of the group, but The Hoff is a close talker. It’s uncomfortable to watch him in videos and I feel like that could come back to bite him.

Here are my personal pre-season rankings, based on who I like and who I think will do well:

1. Audrina Patridge & Tony Dovolani
2. Brandy Norwood & Maksim Chmerkovskiy (I’m dying for a Tony vs. Maks finale! They are best friends, so that would be so cool)
3. Florence Henderson & Corky Ballas
4. Jennifer Grey & Derek Hough
5. Margaret Cho & Louis van Amstel
6. David Hasselhoff & Kym Johnson
7. Michael Bolton & Chelsie Hightower
8. Rick Fox & Cheryl Burke
9. Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino & Karina Smirnoff
10. Kurt Warner & Anna Trebunskaya
11. Kyle Massey & Lacey Schwimmer
12. Bristol Palin & Mark Ballas

Granted, I haven’t seen anybody dance yet because the show hasn’t even started yet. On that note … don’t forget to watch the premiere tonight from 8 to 10 p.m. on ABC! Then watch who gets cut tomorrow night.

And head right over to www.wetpaint.com/dancing-with-the-stars for all kinds of recaps, top 10 lists, news, gossip, spoilers, sneak peeks and everything you could possibly want about DWTS!

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