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Happens to the best of us.

Honest to God, I don’t even care what happens next. It’s 20 minutes into “Project Runway” Season 9, Episode 5, “Off the Track,” and already there’s so much drama I feel full.

I'm mad at you.

Cecilia Motwani, who should’ve SAID SOMETHING last week, was upset because the judges chose to send Julie Tierney home instead of herself. She wanted to leave. But she decided to keep that information private. The judges were supposed to read her mind.

So she waited until she was at the New Balance Track & Field Center in NYC, wearing her New Balance shirt, to say something to Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn. She quit. She looked sick and miserable and I’m glad she made herself happy, but I wish she had done it last week to give Julie a chance. Julie actually wanted to be there.

And I don’t care what anyone says. I don’t mind the droat.

But just a minute after that, the designers started running the track to decide who would be a team leader. Olivier Green was doing well, until he tripped and fell. I laughed. Guffawed, really. Because I’m evil. But then it looked like he passed out, which was not funny. He said he was feeling dizzy and couldn’t feel his arms. He had a panic attack. Poor Olivier is delicate. Especially his accent.

Wait, what? Why?

The rest of the episode probably won’t be as good, since it involves creating apparel for Heidi’s New Balance sneaker collection. Yes. Once again, Heidi is the client. Still, it will be cool for the designers to have something sold on Amazon.com.

It’s a team challenge, so there should be plenty of drama, but I feel bad for these designers. They deserve more solo challenges.

But wait! There’s more! Because Cecilia quit, somehow Joshua Christensen gets to come back. Why not Julie? Or even Fallene Wells? WTF? Oh, OK. Viktor and Olivier got to choose which of the eliminated designers would return to be on their team, and they picked Josh C.

Poor Becky. I'm glad Joshua apologized — even if it was in the bathroom stall — but they need to stop treating her with such condescension.

Oh, and by the way, the other Joshua, Josh McKinley is an ass. And a bully. He was a jerk to Julie and he’s a jerk to Becky Ross. And Anya Ayoung-Chee isn’t that much better.

Even though Josh is the harsh one, he and Anya tag-teamed Becky and treated her like their slave. Anya can’t even sew, so Becky had to put her own design skills — NOT dowdy, by the way — aside to make up for it? Go take a nap, Josh. Or have a Snickers. Maybe that will calm you down.

Love Josh M. vs. Bert Keeter. As pretentious as Bert can be, in that fight I am Team Bert.

***ON THE RUNWAY***

Heidi said the runway was all over the place. There were no higher or lower scores.

Viktor's look is surprisingly awesome. Love it. The rest of his team's collection? Not into it. Olivier is officially on the "only here for fascination" list.

Viktor’s team — Nice black motorcycle jacket. The dress is cute. Wow. This is from Viktor? I don’t normally like his stuff, but I really like this. JUDGES: Everyone agrees that Viktor’s look is the best. Michael Kors thinks Olivier’s skirt is for a German farm girl. They like Josh’s shirt. WINNER!

Josh C. — Not into the pants, the shirt or the backpack straps.

Olivier — I don’t like the skirt, it seems dowdy. (The word of the night!) Viktor’s look is the best of this group.

*

Bryce’s team — Nice tight black dress, but I wouldn’t wear it with sneakers. JUDGES: Michael Kors loves his dress and calls it “fantastic.” He thinks it works with the sneaker. He wasn’t as into the other two looks, though. He thinks Danielle’s look is terrible. Heidi mentions how she’s doing the same things. The color is a random addition to the collection. Heidi likes Kimberly’s jacket, but not with the shorts.

Kimberly — I don’t like the shorts. The jacket is OK. Meh.

Danielle — Nope. I hate the top. Danielle is falling fast in my estimation.

*

My poor Anthony Ryan. Did he peak too soon? His look, at center, is appalling. I didn't like Laura's any more than that, though. So glad my boy is safe. But now he needs to redeem himself.

Anthony Ryan’s team — He doesn’t like this look and I don’t like it much either. “I sent gym shorts down the runway.” Save him! JUDGES: Laura and AR got along well, but they didn’t communicate well with Bert. Since AR and Laura are two of the nicest people, this does not make Bert look good to me. Heidi said Bert’s look is the only decent outfit from the team, although it doesn’t fit the challenge. Michael Kors said AR’s shorts are big and tight at the same time. She has camel toe. Is my favorite going home?

Laura — Eww. This look is even worse.

Bert — OK, of the three this is the best. I like the top.

*

Joshua M.‘s team — What’s with the random, ripped vest? JUDGES: Heidi thinks Josh M. used their extra till 4 a.m. time to “bedazzle” things. Heidi said Anya’s look was her favorite. Anya is the judges’ darling and, once again, I don’t get it. I don’t see it. Nina Garcia liked Josh’s shredded jacket. She didn’t like Becky’s. Poor Becky. Although she agrees. Everyone this season hates their own work. But at least this time had more of a cohesive look. It looked like more of a collection. WINNER!

Huh. I just got an e-mail from Amazon.com, promoting the HKNB Heidi Klum for New Balance "winning" looks from "Project Runway." That looks like Viktor's look, but that is definitely not Anya's maxi dress. Major changes. http://www.amazon.com/b/?&node=2412595011&ref_=pe_80590_20946300

Becky — Shouldn’t she be wearing a sports bra

Anya — Not that athletic. It reminds me of something Uli would’ve designed on Season 3, but without the fluorescent stripe down the middle.

***WHO WINS? WHO GOES HOME?***

Heidi announced two winners — Viktor and Joshua M.

Viktor’s look will be sold on Amazon.com and Joshua’s team’s maxi dress will be sold as well.

Heidi argued for Anthony Ryan to go home over Danielle because, as she put it, the decisions are one challenge at a time. Which is not true. Has never been true. Nina and MK, to their credit, stood up for AR as having shown more potential, despite having the worst look of the day. Heidi really does make up the rules as she goes along.

So for the first time this season I am on Team Nina & Michael over Heidi. Heidi, you seriously would’ve kept Danielle over him? With her boring silks? You wanted more of that, just to make a point?

Honestly, Olivier should’ve gone home instead of even Danielle. Or send no one home, since freakin’ Cecilia quit.

***

Catch up on my “Project Runway” stories in this nifty archive.

Nina does look pretty good in this, even with a patch around her tummy.

Maybe Joanna Coles’ fantastically b*tchy attitude is just rubbing off on me, but I’m not happy with this “Project Runway” challenge. As Nina Garcia would put it — repeatedly “No.”

Cecilia should've gone home for this.

I’m not happy with who was in the top group — although of the three I definitely think the right garment won. I’m not happy with who went home. But more than anything I’m annoyed that once again one of the judges was made the client. Especially since that judge has such muted taste and she’s not the type to allow the designers to be themselves. At all.

Heidi Klum has been the client more times than I can count and it’s almost always a disaster. Michael Kors has assigned some kind of resort wear before and I can’t recall that going well. Now, you can imagine how things go with Nina Garcia as the client.

Oy.

There was a time when she was The Goddess Nina Garcia for me. But after last season, and the past two episodes, I’m not sure about Nina. She’s tough but not consistent. Does anyone else remember how frustrated she got with Christian Siriano and anyone else who had too much black in their final collections? She was always a proponent of color. But now she’s fine with LBDs and other safe stuff.

She’s also an extremely difficult client. Her tastes are limited. She doesn’t listen. She knows what she wants and assigns it rather than letting the designers express their own viewpoints.

I don't really mind Julie's coat thing.

And she’s harsh. But man! Nina is nothing next to Joanna Coles, aka Tilda Swinton + Anna Wintour. No wonder Nina is the queen of “No” with that lady as her boss. Gotta say, I kinda love her.

The challenge on “Project Runway” Season 9, Episode 4, “All About Nina” was to create a look for Nina that she can wear to work during the day and wear to an industry event at night. So it’s a day-to-evening look. The winning design, which turned out to be Kimberly’s gold top and pants, will be featured in a Marie Claire ad and New Yorkers should see it riding around at the top of cabs. Pretty cool.

I’m glad for Kimberly, but it was the gold top that they loved and she didn’t even want to make those pants. Nina assigned them. She also assigned Danielle’s top, because she and the other judges failed to see how that kind of top was boring last week.

Julie was sent home, which is sad ’cause she was sarcastic and cool and actually wanted to be there. Imagine that! Julie should’ve been kept over Cecilia, who pulled a Fallene + Bert, throwing her own design under the bus and acting like she didn’t want to be there. Her garment was beyond awful and she knew it. But because Julie had been in the bottom several times (loved how she called it living in a bad neighborhood!) she got the boot. I actually kinda liked that housecoat thing.

Does it matter that Anya got help sewing this? Should she have said something on the runway when the judges complimented her skills?

I also like how the women on this season seem to be supporting each other, for the most part, especially since so many of the guys are getting catty. I did like that little moment between my boy Anthony Ryan and Anya, when Anthony introduced his fiance via Skype or whatever. That was cute. The fiance was cute, too. Jealous.

It was a little odd that Anthony Ryan and Becky both picked the same fabric, but there really didn’t need to be so much high school whispering about it. And even though I usually adore AR, I thought Becky did a better job with the fabric. But they were both declared safe by The Powers That Be, so in the end it didn’t matter at all.

But how do we feel about Anya getting help with her almost winning design? It looked very Gretchen Jones, by the way. The second I saw that it was a Gretchen-esque jumpsuit with that kind of styling I thought it would win.

It was sweet of Laura to help Anya, but considering the judges keep gushing about how well Anya is sewing with such limited experience, shouldn’t they let her present her own work? Sloppy construction is often called out, so why should she be exempt? And wasn’t it Josh’s idea to dye the fabric away from that mustard color? True, the designers are choosing to help her, but they should realize that it could be at their own expense as Anya’s work is elevated above their own.

ON THE RUNWAY

Josh M. — Big gray spot in the front. The back is very futuristic, kind of melony pink colored. JUDGES: SAFE

Bert — Very clean, basic black dress with a plunging neck and back. JUDGES: SAFE

Olivier — Safe and boring gray pants and top. JUDGES: SAFE

Anthony Ryan's look is at left, Becky's at right. I think she used the fabric better. His look is ... surprising, from him.

Anthony Ryan — Not my favorite look of his. Not even close. Disappointing. JUDGES: SAFE

Becky — Of the two fabrics, I like this one more. Weird, ’cause Anthony is my boy. JUDGES: SAFE

Kimberly — Very gold, like Goldfinger top with the pants Nina wanted. JUDGES: HIGHER SCORES. You can tell Nina will like this when you see what Nina is wearing to the runway. Heidi loves this look because it doesn’t need any work. MK loves that it’s separates. Joanna calls this “a special shirt.” And “it’s just gorgeous.” She wants to wear it herself. *WINNING LOOK*

Cecilia — Yeah, this deserves to be in the bottom. JUDGES: LOWER SCORES: Man, I thought Nina was mean but Joanna goes on a rampage about this. Fair, though, because even Cecilia hates it. Once again, “it’s very sad.” That’s the phrase of the day. Cecilia’s attitude is challenged, too. She doesn’t seem like she wants to be there.

Anya — Interesting brownish pantsuit. It looks like something Gretchen would’ve made, which is perfect for Nina. JUDGES: HIGHER SCORES. Nina is amazed at the transformation from mustard to this brown. Heidi loves this jumpsuit. They are still obsessing over her sewing skills. She doesn’t mention how she got help from Laura with the sewing. Kerry loves this. “It’s so fun.”

Danielle — Very green top and black pants. Total snore. JUDGES LOWER SCORES. MK calls it “very pedestrian.” So finally he’s insulting the kind of “old-fashioned” blouse she made last week. (It’s a Joan Crawford at St. Patty’s Day look!) Why was it great last week? Joanna thinks Danielle and her model might be depressed. If Nina came into work wearing that she’d think she was ill. Poor Nina really has to worry about what she wears with this woman!

She really does look just like Tilda Swinton.

Julie — I like the idea but it looks unfinished in some way. JUDGES: LOWER SCORES. Kerry Washington doesn’t understand it. Is it a dress? Is it a coat? (It’s a droat!) It’s not one of Nina’s favorites. Michael Kors calls it a housecoat. “It’s just sad.” Heidi said this is not Nina at all and it doesn’t look clean. It looks like she wore it in an airport for 12 hours. Joanna Coles called it “unwearable” and said if Nina came into the office wearing that she’d think she was asking to be fired. *LOSING LOOK*

Bryce — Very simple and short navy and gray skirt with a troubling hem. JUDGES: SAFE. Really? So short. Execution problems. Whose cousin is this guy?

Laura — Hideous green fairy outfit that is so not Nina. JUDGES: SAFE. She did have immunity. That’s the only reasoning I can think of for making this safe.

Viktor — Funny how he and his former nemesis Bert both went for the clean, basic LBD. JUDGES: HIGHER SCORES. Of course Nina loves this. She’s always complained about collections having too much black so of course she goes against her own words.

***

Catch up on my “Project Runway” stories in this nifty archive.

Ready for a J Crew ad.

It’s been a long time since I added anything to my Things That Are Obvious file, but now seems like the time.

The “Love in the Wild” Season 1 finale is airing tonight from 10 to 11 p.m. on NBC. Mike Spiro and Samantha Woods should win. Not that I even understand at this point what winning would mean. I’m sure they’ve mentioned — oh yeah, there’s a trip around the world or something. It’s like an afterthought, though, because to me winning a show called “Love in the Wild” means you’ve found love in the wild. And more than any other couple, Mike and Sam have found love in the wild.

Heather and Miles look like they're listening to a sermon.

No disrespect to the other finalists, Miles Haefner and Heather Pond, but S&M (ha!) have been together since the beginning of the show. They are Team GQ. If this show had a little more publicity — even a tenth of “The Bachelor’s” — they could be getting major preppy/outdoorsy endorsements.

Samantha, a wedding planner (how apropos), is already talking about introducing Mike to her family. Miles and Heather, on the other hand, seem very close and maybe they will continue their relationship in the real world, but I don’t see it lasting as long as S&M. Not that I know what “lasting” would mean. Six months? A year?

Anyway, I really like this show and I hope there’s a Season 2. But I’d also like there to be some kind of a “Love in the Wild” reunion special after, to give us updates on the couples. I want to know what happened to everyone.

**UPDATE** They did it! Mike & Samantha won. Congrats! Now go learn how to pitch a tent, S&M! (Hee hee)

It's time to degrade the Padawans! (Poor Erica Rose...)

Everyone has a part to play on “Bachelor Pad” Season 2.

Vienna Girardi and Gia Allemand are fighting over who gets to play the biggest victim. Jake Pavelka and Kasey Kahl are battling for king hero. Blake Julian and Kirk DeWindt are playing the “who can insult Erica the most” game. Holly Durst is playing the fun party girl. Michael Stagliano is playing the jilted suitor. Melissa Schreiber is about to play the crazy jealous girl — and I actually can’t wait to see that one play out. Ella Nolan is playing “This is what it looks like to be a sane, strong woman — just in case you’ve forgotten.” Ames Brown and Jackie Gordon are playing the season sweethearts and I wish they would stay together and get married so she could become Jackie Brown.

Did you see the three-hour BP2 premiere? Read my recap here. I wish Justin Rego were still around. He’s a good “Survivor” player and I like how he sided with Gia and the underdogs. What was William Holman doing with the veteran clique, though? Shouldn’t he have been with Gia’s outcasts?

Anyway, Episode 2 sounds like it’s going to be pretty epic.

Don’t forget to catch up on all kinds of BP2 spoilers, recaps, quotes, top 10 lists and other news stories here at Wetpaint.com/the-bachelorette.

The hypnotic "Beetlejuice" carnival pants stood out to me right away — when I first saw these garments in June — but now I also like the skirt and the red dress. Everything on the right, really. What is that random ugly cupcake dress to Heidi's right?

I’m sorry, was this episode called “Go Big Or Go Home” or not? Can anyone explain the point of having stilts and a huge outdoor crowd as part of the challenge if the designers who utilized those “larger than life” elements were punished?

It seems like the ones who went big — like Josh & Julie, most of all — were mocked for being too “costumey,” whereas boring ready-to-wear junk — like the sheer matron receptionist with alien hair that Cecilia & Danielle barfed up — were rewarded. They had to be kidding to have that look in the top three. That was chic?

And as much as I’m glad that Anthony Ryan’s gorgeous red dress won this week, I’m pissed that he was all Gryffindor about letting Laura take the win. So now three weeks in a  row he should’ve won and didn’t.

Since this was the first outdoor show in “Project Runway” history, photos and intel have been out about it since June. I already formed my opinion right from the images, but my thoughts changed a bit watching the actual Season 9, Episode 3.

I love having those kinds of *spoilers* ’cause you can see the process in reverse. It’s like taking a watch apart to see the gears. It’s also interesting to see who did what, after the fact. I loved the ballet skirt garment — from afar —and couldn’t believe Bryce “Wee-Wee Pads” Black and Fallene “Yep, You’re Right, I Suck” Wells were the ones to make it. Until I saw it up close.

But I can’t get over the gall Bryce had to act like he knew everything and had to hold Fallene’s hand. Did he not see what he made last week? But Fallene is too insecure and emotional for this show and I’m glad she’s gone. I don’t know if it’s because she’s self-taught — although half of them seem to be self-taught — or just lacks the necessary self-esteem.

And her tears. I won’t miss her tears. Why is there always at least one big crier?

"Beetlejuice" pants!

For the challenge, the designers had to perform in teams of two (dun dun DUN) without choosing their partners (DUN DUN DUN!!!) to design for stilt-walkers. They had $500 to spend at Mood. What’s with the huge budgets? Last week it was $300 at the pet store. Huh. Then they had to have their stuff shown at Battery Park.

Here are the teams:

Bert Keeter & Viktor Luna
Anthony Ryan Auld & Laura Kathleen
Joshua McKinley & Julie Tierney
Danielle Everine & Cecilia Motwani
Anya Ayoung-Chee & Olivier Green
Kimberly Goldson & Becky Ross
• Bryce Black & Fallene Wells

Bert is apparently a pretentious Bertzilla diva, although pretty much all the guys were catty trash-talkers who dissed their partners behind their backs. Viktor was definitely no better.

Well, not all the guys were catty. For some reason Anya and Olivier were considered a “dream team.” Team Accent! (By the way, is it pronounced Oliver like Oliver Twist or Olivier like Laurence Olivier? Why does nothing about this guy make sense?) I didn’t care too much for what they made, but I’m not surprised to feel that way either. I think he is definitely overrated as a designer and she is good but not consistent.

Speaking of consistent, my #1 boyfriend Anthony Ryan Auld and his lovely partner Laura Kathleen got along great and made that beautiful red dress with shoulder pads that Tim Gunn said were “right on trend.” I hate trends, but PR loves when people are “right on trend.”

This is a terrible photo of my TV but it actually improves the garment and hair. I am not crazy to think this was a miss. I'm blaming Michael Kors.

ON THE RUNWAY

Josh & Julia — Up close, I love the details on the pant design. It’s a bedazzled Spanish matador outfit. I love it, but the model seemed to have trouble walking in it. JUDGES: Lower scores. Really?! Josh said ready-to-wear was appreciated more than costumes, even though it’s a larger-than-life challenge. Blame MICHAEL KORS. For everything. As he says “drama doesn’t mean tacky.” He said it’s another Halloween costume. Nina said it looks well-made, though. I wish they had made it clear the point of the challenge was to pretend the stilts and crowd didn’t even exist. What a waste.

Bert & Viktor — Fug. JUDGES: Lower scores. MK said it was like the wallpaper and curtains at a tacky catering hall. True. Kim said it looked like curtains, like in the Sound of Music. Now Bert and Viktor are fighting over who is responsible for the mess. Bert said Viktor didn’t sketch the look, he made Bert do it?

Bryce & Fallene — Oh, up close the hat clashes with the belt. JUDGES: Lower scores. Heidi said they literally gave her “Black Swan.” Kim said there was no effort. The model is wearing the kind of tank top that Kim wears to bed. She thinks they could’ve done it in 15 minutes. MK liked Fallene’s hat, though. Fallene throws herself under the bus again.

Becky & Kimberly — This outfit is great, but the model ruins it by making it look like it was hard to walk in. Borrowed stilts suck! JUDGES: Higher scores. Heidi was very impressed with the outfit. They tailored the pants but it was still a show-stopper. They are kick-ass tailors and cut a mean pant, MK said. The model does have a good tattoo. Nina loves the pants, too. Her only detail issue is the half collar. It looks a bit circus-y — which should’ve been a bonus. Sorry, but what the hell was the point of this challenge if not to make good use of the elements? They usually bash designers for being too safe when it comes to the super-creative challenges and this week only the safe ones are being praised.

Anya & Olivier — Boring. JUDGES: Safe. Very safe, really. Dull as dishwater.

Cecilia & Danielle — Oh I don’t like this one at all up close. The hair is sci-fi Mad Men evil queen. JUDGES: Higher scores. REALLY?! They liked this and not the Beetlejuice pants? Kim loves this look too. Insane. She looks like a matron receptionist. Nina said the challenge was about drama and this was too quiet. Michael loved that they used chiffon. Please.

Anthony & Laura — YES! Three in a row for my boy. This guy can’t miss. He should win one, finally. AND he works well with a partner. JUDGES: High scores. Heidi liked it and said it was dramatic enough. Kim Kardashian loved this look. She loved the color and the detailing. It looked elegant and not costumey. Nina liked it too and liked how the wind made it move. Her worry is that it’s a little referential and she thinks he’s not original enough. Are. You. Kidding. Me? This is from Nina? And what did Anthony just say? If they win, she gets to take it? But he’s already long overdue for a win.

WHO GOES HOME?

It’s down to Fallene vs. Viktor.

Bryce just dodges bullets left and right, doesn’t he?

Fallene was out. She made the only part of the garment that they liked — the hat — but she’s out anyway. Because Bryce has “spunk”? Ugh. Fallene was glad to go. No more tears.

NEXT WEEK

Oh, now Nina is going to be the client! Because it wasn’t bad enough when Heidi was the client half a dozen times. Free labor!

***

Catch up on my “Project Runway” stories in this nifty archive.

None of these people were free?

I’m thrilled to see Mondo, Michael C., Mila, Sweet P, Kenley and my beloved *Rami* again, but I’m surprised to see no one from “Project Runway” Season 3 on the list for the new “All Stars” season. What gives?

According to TV Guide, “The 12-episode series will feature an entirely different administrative lineup than its source show (now in its ninth season). Supermodel Angela Lindvall is taking over Heidi Klum’s role as host. Marie Claire Editor-in-Chief Joanna Coles will mentor the all-stars, a la Tim Gunn. Isaac Mizrahi, who headed Bravo’s The Fashion Show, will sit on the judging panel alongside fellow designer Georgina Chapman.”

They don’t say when the show will premiere, but it should be sometime later this year. Something to look forward to!

They're baaaack!

Here are the 13 all-stars:

• Austin Scarlett (Season 1)
Kara Janx (Season 2)
Elisa Jimenez (Season 4)
Rami Kashou (Season 4)
Kathleen “Sweet P” Vaughn (Season 4)
Jerell Scott (Season 5)
Kenley Collins (Season 5)
Gordana Gehlhausen (Season 6)
Anthony Williams (Season 7)
Mila Hermanovski (Season 7)
April Johnston (Season 8 )
Michael Costello (Season 8 )
Mondo Guerra (Season 8 )

Here's the new cast!

I don’t even remember Gordana and I would much rather forget Season 6 happened at all than ignore Season 3.

No Laura Bennett? No Mychal Knight? No Uli Herzner? Not even Malan or Vincent? They all said no?

On Blogging Project Runway, they have a poll asking which designer fans are most excited to see again. So far Mondo is winning, with Austin close behind. I picked Rami. I heart Rami.

Catch up on my “Project Runway” recaps and stories in this nifty archive.

Not a-freakin-gain! To me it's obvious Anthony Ryan's birdseeds, at left, are way better than Olivier's hamster stuff. Sorry for the crappy pics of my own TV, but that's the way it is until Lifetime posts the *real* shots on Friday.

It’s Mondo vs. Gretchen Part II. As Michael Kors put it, “Here it goes again!”

And, once again, I was with Heidi Klum over Nina Garcia and MK. Anthony Ryan Auld’s birdseed dress completely owned Olivier Green’s hamster chip outfit on “Project Runway” Season 9, Episode 2 “My Pet Project.”

But, once AGAIN, Heidi lost. Why do Nina + MK always win?  GretchenGate!

Bye Josh C.! At least Heidi didn't want to pee on your outfit.

As a completely irrelevant aside, can I just say how much I HATE MY CABLE AND INTERNET? You don’t care, but I do and I just needed to say that because — naturally — both cable and Internet went out at 8:55 p.m. and my Time Warner cable recording told me so pleasantly that it would be out for 90 minutes. Of course! Because “Project Runway” was about to start and run for 90 minutes.

Thankfully, the cable came back around 10:15 or whenever the stuff started coming down the runway. So I missed all the drama! But I feel like a real PR judge. I don’t know what went into making the sausage, I just saw the sausage.

Speaking of little sausages, the challenge on “My Pet Project” was to create a dress using only materials purchased from Petland Discounts.

What I like about this is how consistent my favorites and least favorites are being already. Thank you for that! Joshua Christensen, whom I believe should’ve left last week, was chided for his “umbrella for pets” outfit that didn’t use innovative materials. Since he was on the bottom last week, too, he was out this week.

I’m confused about Fallene Wells. It’s like she was pulling a Cyrano de Bergerac — don’t insult me like this, insult me like THIS, agreeing with the judges on all their criticism and even adding new insults for her own design. She wasn’t inspired by her materials, she said behind-the-scenes. “Excuses are for the birds,” my man Anthony Ryan Auld says. (And birds are for HIM!)

Even though I thought I would like Bryce Black’s designs, he made the kind of “ugly napkin clothes” that are always on PR. “I don’t know how many times we have had this tissue dress,” Heidi Klum said. She even wanted to, um, pee all over it?

Here's the one Heidi wanted to pee on!

Bert Keeter didn’t seem to care what he did since he had immunity, which is disappointing. I liked Becky Ross’ look last week — if I can remember that far back — and this week I liked it too but for some reason she can’t make her way into the top three. I still like Danielle Everine and I hope someday she can get out of the “safe” zone, too. I was not a huge fan of Olivier Green’s look, I have to say, even though I still find him fascinating.

However, my favorite from last week outdid himself: Anthony Ryan Auld and his extreme Southern accent pulled out a huge win with that birdseed dress. I had no idea what to expect since, like I said, I hadn’t seen anything beforehand and by the time the stuff came down the runway I wasn’t even sure of the parameters. Just seeing his (admittedly short) dress turn the corner — it had a nice “wow” factor for me. Then to see that it was from birdseed?

That’s my boy! So when is he going to win a challenge?

***

Catch up on my “Project Runway” stories in this nifty archive!

I love how disheveled all the Bachelor Padawans look.

Did you see the “Bachelor Pad” Season 2 preview during last night’s “The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All” special? It was worth sitting through more Bentley babble just to see that teaser. Next Monday’s BP2 premiere is three hours long. I can’t wait. I love everything about it already.

I only wish BP2 aired for more than six weeks. It should be the other way around — six weeks of “The Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” and 11 weeks of “Bachelor Pad.” But “Dancing With the Stars” Season 13 has to start on Sept. 19, so they don’t have time. However, they could do another “Bachelor Pad” season between DWTS Season 13 and “The Bachelor” Season 16, which starts next January. Think about it, ABC…

Anyway, here’s the full list of August premieres and finales, as copied wholesale from the lovely and amazing AOL TV Squad:

Monday, August 1
12:15AM – ‘Mongo Wrestling Alliance’ (Adult Swim) 1st season finale
8:00PM – ‘The Bachelorette’ (ABC) 7th season finale
8:00 – ‘Moby Dick’ (Encore) mini-series premiere
8:30 – ‘Secret Mountain of Fort Awesome’ (Cartoon Network) series premiere
9:00 – ‘The Bad Girls Club’ (Oxygen) 7th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Cake Boss’ (TLC) 4th season mid-season finale
9:00 – ‘Koran by Heart’ (HBO) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Rogue Sharks’ (Discovery) special presentation
10:00 – ‘The Bachelorette: After the Final Rose’ (ABC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘The High Low Project’ (HGTV) series premiere
10:00 – ‘The Real Housewives of New York City: Reunion, Part 2′ (Bravo) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Summer of the Shark’ (Discovery) special presentation

Tuesday, August 2
8:00 – ‘Moby Dick’ (Encore) mini-series finale
8:00 – ‘Rescue Renovation’ (DIY) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ’19 Kids & Counting’ (TLC) 5th season mid-season finale
9:00 – ’50 Documentaries to See Before You Die’ (Current) mini-series premiere
9:00 – ‘Billy the Exterminator’ (A&E) 4th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Gordon Ramsay’s Great Escape’ (BBC America) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Killer Sharks’ (Discovery) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Take the Money and Run’ (ABC) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Born to Dance: LaurieAnn Gibson’ (BET) series premiere
10:00 – ‘The Little Couple’ (TLC) 4th season mid-season finale
10:00 – ‘Picker Sisters’ (Lifetime) series premiere
10:00 – ‘True Grime: Crime Scene Clean Up’ (ID) 1st season finale
10:30 – ‘Extra Yardage’ (DIY) 1st season finale
10:30 – ‘Nail Files’ (TV Guide) 1st season finale

Wednesday, August 3
7:00 – ‘Scream If You Know the Answer’ (Travel) series premiere
8:30 – ’10 Grand in Your Hand’ (DIY) 6th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Franklin & Bash’ (TNT) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘How Sharks Hunt’ (Discovery) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Locked Up Abroad’ (National Geographic) 5th season finale
10:00 – ‘Truck Stop Missouri’ (Travel) series premiere

Thursday, August 4
8:00 – ‘Detroit in Overdrive’ (Planet Green) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Shark City’ (Discovery) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Jersey Shore’ (MTV) 4th season premiere
10:00 – ‘The Ultimate Merger’ (TV One) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘When Fish Attack 3′ (Discovery) special presentation

Friday, August 5
8:00 – ‘Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension’ (Disney) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Friends with Benefits’ (NBC) series premiere
8:00 – ‘Platinum Hit’ (Bravo) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Extraordinary Acts of Courage’ (OWN) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Four Weddings’ (TLC) 3rd season mid-season premiere
11:00 – ‘Whisker Wars’ (IFC) series premiere

Saturday, August 6
12:00 – ‘The Swell Life’ (OWN) series premiere
4:30 – ‘The Swell Life’ (OWN) 1st season finale
8:00 – ‘Curb Appeal: The Block’ (HGTV) 4th season premiere
8:00 – ‘Who Is Simon Miller?’ (NBC) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Outcasts’ (BBC America) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Style Exposed: The Truth About Shoplifting’ (Style) special presentation
9:00 – ‘When Fish Attack 2′ (Discovery) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Home Takeover with Simon & Tomas’ (OWN) series premiere
11:00 – ‘Michael Ian Black: Very Famous’ (Comedy Central) special presentation

Sunday, August 7
7:00 – ‘Dateline NBC: Tom Brokaw Reports on the Road Back’ (NBC) special presentation
7:00 – ‘Grand Canyon Serenade’ (PBS) special presentation
7:00 – ‘Teen Spirit’ (ABC Family) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Ty’s Great British Adventure 2011′ (ABC) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Curiosity’ (Discovery) series premiere
8:00 – ‘Teen Choice 2011′ (FOX) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Barbra Streisand: One Night Only at the Village Vanguard’ (PBS) special presentation
9:00 – ‘100 Hollywood Crimes, Misdemeanors & Dirty Deeds’ (TV Guide) mini-series premiere
9:00 – ‘Curiosity After Show’ (Discovery) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Falling Skies’ (TNT) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘How to Build a Volcano’ (National Geographic) special presentation
9:30 – ‘Into the Universe with Stephen Hawking’ (Discovery) special presentation
9:30 – ‘Peter, Paul & Mary: Carry It On’ (PBS) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Hillbilly Handfishin” (Animal Planet) series premiere
10:00 – ‘In Plain Sight’ (USA) 4th season finale
10:00 – ‘Punks’ (Logo) special presentaiton
10:30 – ‘Ice Loves Coco’ (E!) 1st season finale
10:30 – ‘The Indestructibles’ (National Geographic) 1st season finale
10:30 – ‘My Strange Addiction’ (TLC) 2nd season finale

Monday, August 8
8:00 – ‘Bachelor Pad’ (ABC) 2nd season premiere
8:00 – ‘The Bling Ring’ (Lifetime) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Michael Feinstein: The Sinatra Legacy’ (PBS) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Single Ladies’ (VH1) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Superheroes’ (HBO) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Tia & Tamera’ (Style) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Donna Decorates Dallas’ (HGTV) series premiere
10:30 – ‘Sugar High’ (Food) series premiere

Tuesday, August 9
8:00 – ‘Legends of Folk: The Village Scene’ (PBS) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Auction Kings’ (Discovery) 2nd season premiere
9:00 – ‘Crazy About Pippa’ (TLC) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Gordon Ramsay’s F Word’ (BBC America) 5th season premiere
9:00 – ‘I Escaped: Real Prison Breaks’ (ID) 2nd season premiere
9:00 – ‘White Collar’ (USA) 3rd season mid-season finale
10:00 – ‘Big Law: Deputy Butterbean’ (ID) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Covert Affairs’ (USA) 2nd season mid-season finale
10:00 – ‘Dirty Money’ (Discovery) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Top Shot’ (Histsory) 3rd season premiere
11:00 – ‘Gordon Ramsay’s Shark Bait’ (BBC America) special presentation

Wednesday, August 10
7:30 – ‘State of Georgia’ (ABC Family) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Michael Londra: Beyond Celtic’ (PBS) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Toddlers & Tiaras’ (TLC) 4th season mid-season finale
10:30 – ‘Jon Benjamin Has a Van’ (Comedy Central) 1st season finale

Thursday, August 11
8:00 – ‘Monday Night Football: Preseason: Seattle @ San Diego’ (ESPN) special presentation
8:00 – ‘So You Think You Can Dance’ (FOX) 8th season finale
9:00 – ‘Make Me Superhuman’ (National Geographic) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Extreme Chef’ (Food) 1st season finale
10:30 – ‘Russian Dolls’ (Lifetime) series premiere

Friday, August 12
8:00 – ‘NFL Preseason: Tamba Bay @ Kansas City’ (FOX) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Karaoke Battle USA’ (ABC) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Whale Wars’ (Animal Planet) 4th season finale
9:30 – ‘Nikolai Baskov: Romantic Journey’ (PBS) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Strike Back’ (Cinemax) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Whale Wars: Reunion’ (Animal Planet) special presentation
11:00 – ‘Lavell Crawford: Can a Brother Get Some Love?’ (Comedy Central) special presentation

Saturday, August 13
8:00 – ‘David Garrett: Rock Symphonies II’ (PBS) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Daniel O’Donnell: Live from Nashville’ (PBS) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Doctor Who: Best of the Doctor’ (BBC America) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Doomsday Prophecy’ (Syfy) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Honeymoon for One’ (Hallmark) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Momster of the Bride’ (Style) mini-series premiere
9:00 – ‘Wrestlemania: The World Premiere’ (NBC) special presentation

Sunday, August 14
7:00 – ‘i.am.FIRST: Science Is Rock and Roll’ (ABC) special presentation
8:00 – ‘CMA Music Festival: Country’s Night to Rock’ (ABC) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Season 25: Oprah Behind the Scenes’ (OWN) series finale
9:00 – ‘Carson Nation’ (OWN) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Exorcist Files’ (Discovery) special presentation
9:00 – ‘In the Flow with Affion Crockett’ (FOX) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Food Network Star’ (Food) 7th season finale
10:00 – ‘Behind the Music’ (VH1) 4th season finale
10:00 – ‘The Great Food Truck Race’ (Food) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘High Stakes Sweepers’ (TLC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Lost and Delirious’ (Logo) special presentation
10:00 – ‘The Marriage Ref’ (NBC) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘Ryan & Tatum: The O’Neals’ (OWN) 1st season finale

Monday, August 15
8:00 – ‘Monday Night Football: Preseason: NY Jets & Houston’ (ESPN) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Gloria: In Her Own Words’ (HBO) special presentation
9:00 – ‘The Lying Game’ (ABC Family) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ (Bravo) 5th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Unusual Suspects’ (ID) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘All Worked Up’ (TruTV) 4th season finale
10:00 – ‘Dina’s Party’ (HGTV) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Hair Battle Spectacular’ (Oxygen) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Most Elegible Dallas’ (Bravo) series premiere

Tuesday, August 16
8:00 – ‘MasterChef’ (FOX) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘Downsized’ (WE) 2nd season premiere
9:00 – ‘Memphis Beat’ (TNT) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘The Nine Lives of Chloe King’ (ABC Family) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘What Not to Wear’ (TLC) 9th season premiere
10:00 – ‘American Hoggers’ (A&E) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Family Restaurant’ (WE) series premiere
10:00 – ‘HawthoRNe’ (TNT) 3rd season finale

Wednesday, August 17
7:30 – ‘Exes & Ohs’ (Logo) 2nd season finale
8:00 – ‘To the Mat’ (CMT) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Animals Say the Wildest Things’ (National Geographic Wild) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Ghost Hunters International’ (Syfy) 3rd season mid-season finale
9:00 – ‘I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant’ (TLC) 4th season mid-season premiere
9:00 – ‘Law & Order: UK’ (BBC America) 3rd season premiere
9:00 – ‘Ton of Cash’ (VH1) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Wonders of the Universe’ (Science) 2nd season finale
9:00 – ‘You Don’t Know Dixie’ (History) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Bedbug Apocalypse’ (Animal Planet) special presentation
10:00 – ‘CMT Made’ (CMT) series premiere
10:00 – ‘The Hour’ (BBC America) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Legend Quest’ (Syfy) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Love in the Wild’ (NBC) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Outrageous Kid Parties’ (TLC) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Pint-Sized Preachers’ (National Geographic) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Rocco’s Dinner Party’ (Bravo) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman’ (Science) 2nd season finale
10:30 – ‘Happily Divorced’ (TV Land) 1st season finale

Thursday, August 18
8:00 – ‘NFL Preseason: Philadelphia @ Pittsburgh’ (FOX) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Salvage Code Red’ (TLC) 2nd season premiere
9:00 – ‘Blog Cabin’ (DIY) 5th season premiere
9:00 – ‘Do Something Awards 2011′ (VH1) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Prostitution: Leaving the Life’ (OWN) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Beyond Scared Straight’ (A&E) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Salvage Code Red’ (TLC) 2nd season finale
11:00 – ‘The Green Room with Paul Provenza’ (Showtime) 2nd season finale

Friday, August 19
8:00 – ‘Flashpoint’ (CBS) 4th season finale
8:00 – ‘NFL Preseason: Atlanta @ Jacksonville’ (FOX) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Tanked’ (Animal Planet) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Monster Fish’ (National Geographic) 3rd season finale

Saturday, August 20
8:00 – ‘2011 Visa Gymnastics Championships’ (NBC) special presentation
8:00 – ‘HGTV Green Home Giveaway 2011′ (HGTV) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Doctor Who: Best of the Monsters’ (BBC America) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Momster of the Bride’ (Style) mini-series finale
9:30 – ‘The Cupcake Girls’ (WE) 2nd season finale
9:30 – ‘From Spain With Love’ (Cooking) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Rock ‘n’ Roll Fantasy Camp’ (VH1 Classic) 2nd season premiere
10:30 – ‘That Metal Show’ (VH1 Classic) 8th season premiere

Sunday, August 21
8:00 – ‘Sunday Night Football: Preseason: San Diego @ Dallas’ (NBC) special presentation
9:00 – ‘The Glee Project’ (Oxygen) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘My Collection Obsession’ (TLC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Talihina Sky: The Story of Kings of Leon’ (Showtime) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Vegas Strip’ (TruTV) 1st season finale

Monday, August 22
8:00 – ‘Monday Night Football: Preseason: Chicago @ NY Giants’ (ESPN) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Top Gear [UK]‘ (BBC America) 17th season premiere
9:30 – ‘Lizard Lick Towing’ (TruTV) 1st season mid-season premiere
10:00 – ‘American Ninja Warrior’ (NBC) 3rd season finale
10:00 – ‘Bear Swamp Recovery’ (TruTV) series premiere
10:00 – ‘CIA Confidential: Inside the Drone War’ (National Geographic) special presentation
10:00 – ‘La La’s Full Court Life’ (VH1) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘RFK in the Land of Apartheid: A Ripple of Hope’ (PBS) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Surprise Homecoming’ (TLC) 1st season finale
10:30 – ‘The T.O. Show’ (VH1) 3rd season premiere

Tuesday, August 23
9:00 – ‘Ludo Bites America’ (Sundance) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Hard Time’ (National Geographic) 2nd season finale

Wednesday, August 24
8:00 – ‘Buried Treasure’ (FOX) series premiere
9:00 – ‘Confessions: Animal Hoarding’ (Animal Planet) 3rd season premiere
9:00 – ‘Ghost Hunters’ (Syfy) 7th season mid-season premiere
10:00 – ‘Desperate Landscapes’ (DIY) 8th season finale
10:00 – ‘Top Chef Just Desserts’ (Bravo) 2nd season premiere

Thursday, August 25
8:00 – ‘Monday Night Football: Preseason: Washington @ Baltimore’ (ESPN) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Secret Access: Most Credible UFOs’ (History) special presentation
8:00 – ‘World’s Toughest Fixes’ (National Geographic) 3rd season finale
9:00 – ‘Expedition Impossible’ (ABC) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Life 2.0′ (OWN) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Earth Overhaul’ (National Geographic) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Leopards of Dead Tree Island’ (National Geographic Wild) special presentation

Friday, August 26
8:00 – ‘NFL Preseason: Green Bay @ Indianapolis’ (CBS) special presentation
9:00 – ‘Doctor Who Confidential’ (BBC America) special presentation
9:00 – ‘LFL Presents: Friday Night Football’ (MTV2) 2nd season premiere
10:00 – ‘Rat Busters NYC’ (Animal Planet) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Rhett & Link: Commercial Kings’ (IFC) 1st season finale

Saturday, August 27
7:30 – Bathtastic! Top 10: Bathroom Blowouts’ (DIY) special presentation
8:00 – ‘HGTV Urban Oasis 2011′ (HGTV) special presentation
8:00 – ‘NFL Preseason: New England @ Detroit’ (CBS) special presentation
8:00 – ‘Staten Island Cakes’ (WE) 1st season finale
9:00 – ‘Doctor Who’ (BBC America) 6th season mid-season premiere
9:00 – ‘Killer Mountain’ (Syfy) special presentation
9:00 – ‘William & Catherine: A Royal Romance’ (Hallmark) special presentation
9:50 – ‘Doctor Who: Best of the Companions’ (BBC America) special presentation
10:00 – ’24/7: Mayweather/Ortiz’ (HBO) 12th season premiere
10:00 – ‘I Didn’t Do It’ (ID) special presentation
11:00 – ‘Godfrey: Black by Accident’ (Comedy Central) special presentation

Sunday, August 28
8:00 – ‘Sunday Night Football: Preseason: New Orleans @ Oakland’ (NBC) special presentation
9:00 – ’28th MTV Video Music Awards’ (MTV) special presentation
9:00 – ‘100 Hollywood Crimes, Misdemeanors & Dirty Deeds’ (TV Guide) mini-series finale
9:00 – ‘Leverage’ (TNT) 4th season finale
9:00 – ‘Same Name’ (CBS) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Livin’ for the Apocalypse’ (TLC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Visionaries: Inside the Creative Mind’ (OWN) series premiere

Monday, August 29
8:00 – ‘Basketball Wives LA’ (VH1) series premiere
8:00 – ‘The Secret Life of the American Teenager’ (ABC Family) 4th season mid-season finale
9:00 – ‘Man vs. Wild’ (Discovery) 7th season finale
9:00 – ‘RuPaul’s Drag U’ (Logo) 2nd season finale
10:00 – ‘Design on a Dime’ (HGTV) 30th season premiere
10:00 – ‘Ridiculousness’ (MTV) series premiere
10:20 – ‘James May’s Road Trip’ (BBC America) 3rd season finale
10:30 – ‘Death Valley’ (MTV) series premiere

Tuesday, August 30
9:00 – ’50 Documentaries to See Before You Die’ (Current) mini-series finale
9:00 – ‘Flipping Out’ (Bravo) 5th season finale
10:00 – ‘9/11: Where Were You?’ (TLC) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Big Sexy’ (TLC) series premiere
10:00 – ‘Quirky’ (Sundance) series premiere

Wednesday, August 31
9:00 – ‘Royal Pains’ (USA) 3rd season mid-season finale
10:00 – ‘The Franchise: A Season with the San Francisco Giants’ (Showtime) 1st season finale
10:00 – ‘Hard Knocks: Anniversary Special’ (HBO) special presentation
10:00 – ‘Hot in Cleveland’ (TV Land) 2nd season finale
11:00 – ‘Rake’ (DirecTV/Audience) 1st season finale

 

 

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