I just noticed how trashtastic Jessie looks in this dress. It's not "Rock of Love," dear.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

Everything must go!

We’re already down to the final five on “The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love.”

Not seeing much love, though.

But Jay Leno should be pleased. We finally have someone on television more hated than Dr. Chin: Vienna Girardi.

The most important thing to the women who were let go — Jessie Sulidis, Kathryn Sherlock, Ella Nolan and Ashleigh Hunt — seemed to be to screech in disbelief that Vienna outlasted them.

(Unfortunately this season is still zero for sobbing-at-the-balcony scenes.)

Losing Jake Pavelka’s heart seemed a far second. Barely an afterthought.

It was all ego, no heart.

Which makes me really wonder if those other rumors about RealitySteve getting spoilers from ABC might actually have some merit.

It makes sense. Get us worked up over the idea of Jake keeping Daddy’s little Paris Hilton princess, making the show even more interesting to watch for the catfight drama.

This week was supposed to be about road tripping up the California coast.

Jake gave a rose to Gia Allemand on his one-on-one camping date with her at the vineyard.

He later gave a rose to Tenley Molzahn during the surf and sand group date.

On the dreaded two-on-one date, Jake decided to dump both Ella and Kathryn.

During the final rose ceremony, he gave roses to Ali Fedotowsky — captain of Team Die Vienna Die — and Corrie Adamson, who just seems to be gunning for Tenley’s cute vote.

Then he paused and asked Daddy (Chris Harrison) to jump in and save him from having to give out two more roses.

He only wanted to hand out one — to Vienna, thereby stiffing Jessie and Ashleigh.

This was a special slap to Jessie’s face, since the girl who had NO one-on-one time with Jake until that night wasted her chance with him to talk crap about Vienna.

She looks like a Muppet here.

True crap, but crap. (Jessie told him about how Vienna crashes cars and her dad bails her out with checks. We already heard basically that exact intel from Vienna’s own mouth in the first episode.)

Jake has heard all the smack about Vienna and HE IS NOT LISTENING.

So, Ali, stop seething. If you really believe “If that’s what he wants, I am not what he wants” then it’s time to walk away.

And according to RealitySteve, that’s exactly what she does.

*****

ROAD TRIP!

Chris Harrison comes into the house to talk to the girls about how the week will be going. They are all in their around-the-house/PJ clothes — all hoodies and tracksuits. No one just wears ratty T-shirts anymore?

They get two huge campers to take a road trip up the California coast. They will be living on the RVs.

Ali, Jessie, Kathryn, Tenley and Ella are in one RV. Tenley is glad she is not in the RV with Vienna.

Gia, Corrie, Ashleigh and Vienna are in the other RV.

Vienna would rather ride in a bike behind an RV than be in a camper with Ali and Tenley.

*****

VINEYARD

Jake pitches a tent in a vineyard. (Tee hee)

The girls get out and hug Jake.

Poor Jessie looks so out of place.

Vienna was “incredibly forward” and all over Jake, hugging and talking to him. Tenley was “shocked, I was shocked.” But why? That’s the point of the show.

*****

ONE-ON-ONE DATE

Gia and her hair get to spend dreamy time with Jakey.

Jake and Gia

Vienna thinks Gia, a New Yorker, will be totally out of her element.

She may be right.

Gia dressed in stilettos and a cute city girl outfit, even though they are doing an outdoors date.

They played hide and seek in the vineyard. Jake liked seeing that spontaneous side of Gia.

She was easy to find. She wrapped her legs around Jake and he carried her around. He thought that felt like the start of a fairy tale. (Cue Taylor Swift’s “Today was a Fairytale.”)

Gia insists she was a nerd in high school, even though Jake didn’t believe it.

Jake’s first kiss was in 11th grade.

Gia said her first kiss was bad; it was part of a spin-the-bottle story.

So Jake suggests they finish the wine bottle and play spin the bottle, presumably to leave Gia with a more favorable impression of the game. Or maybe he’s just drunk at this point.

They have their first kiss around sunset on a checkered picnic blanket.

Gia said it was the best kiss of her life. “It felt perfect. It felt right.”

Love the Spanish guitars on the soundtrack.

They have a simple dinner around the fire. Jake tries to start the fire. Gia wants to learn. It’s not exactly “Survivor,” thanks to matches.

Gia said it’s the most romantic thing she’s ever done. “This is me,” Jake said as they snuggled under a sleeping bag.

Awww.

She said she wants to be engaged for a while and Jake said he did too. She wants to have kids before 30 and adopt a baby from China.

Gia said the most surprising part of the date was that she wasn’t worried about her hair or whether she was wearing lipstick.

She said she was putting her heart on her sleeve and it could be broken.

He gave her the rose.

I have no real problem with Gia except for her laugh. I don’t like.

*****

GROUP DATE

Jessie, Ashleigh, Tenley, Ali, Vienna and Corrie “next stop falling inn.”

Ella and Kathryn will get the two-on-one date.

Vienna keeps calling Jake her boyfriend.

Ali stole Jake on her dune buggy and Vienna told the camera she can have her fun with Jake now cause she — Vienna — is going to marry him.

WHAT IF IT’S TRUE?! What if they actually do get married? How odd.

Tenley and Jake -- love the lighting

Jessie was riding with Vienna and was a little too timid, Jake said. They got stuck.

But Jake came to rescue them.

Jake was having so much fun on the date with Tenley. “I’m just naturally drawn to her.”

She fell during the sand surfing thing and started spitting sand at him.

Jake wanted everyone to roll down the hill with him and Corrie was the only one who took the bait. (Really? Why are they there if not to hang out with Jake? Is that a stupid question?)

Corrie ended up having some one-on-one time with Jake.

Ashleigh was sitting with Jake and doing some embarrassingly frank flirting and foot touching and other stuff I don’t believe her doppelganger, Connie Britton, would do.

They had nothing to talk about. Jake told the camera Ashleigh is “smoking’” but he felt no chemistry or connection.

Jake was pulling women out for one-on-one time. He asked Vienna for time and she asked to have the last one-on-one time.

So Jake said, how about Ali?

Ali told the camera Vienna has to be going home. She can’t stand the idea of Jake keeping Vienna.

So I can definitely see how the spoilers about Ali leaving of her own volition could come to pass. I think she’ll leave when she sees that Jake is not going to dump Vienna. Ever.

Tenley got to kiss Jake and have her first kiss since her ex-husband.

Wow. This is impressive. Jake actually calls Vienna out on how she appears to the other women.

As an outsider looking in, he tells her he can see how she’s different with him than with them. He sees some “red flags.” Thank God!

He gave the rose to Tenley.

*****

TWO-ON-ONE-DATE

Poor Kathryn felt like the third wheel on her date with Jake and Ella. She couldn’t get a word in.

This has happened before and it doesn’t necessarily mean Ella will get the rose.

But Jake thinks Ella is amazing.

Kathryn finally gets some alone time with him and Jake said he gets “lost” in her eyes.

So she immediately lights into him, accusing him of looking at Ella more than her and ignoring her.

Kathryn didn't seem too broken up.

“I just feel like, Jake, there’s something holding you back from me.”

She wants him to break down the wall and move on.

He calls her so beautiful and he doesn’t want to get lost in that.

She says he should hurry up and ask her questions because they don’t have a lot of time.

Uh oh. See…

Jake asks to talk to Ella outside.

He gives her the “I think you’re an amazing person” speech. Never a good sign.

He said he’s looking for the next 60 years and he’s developing feelings for the other women that are just a little bit stronger.

(So, Vienna, 60 years later? Vienna in her 80s … bet she’ll still have one of those Paris Hilton dogs.)

RealitySteve was only off by one week. He must’ve thought the source said Ella Nolan leaves after the one-on-one date with her son, Ethan, meaning the next week. Or something.

Oh HO! So this is the date where Jake lets both women go.

Kathryn Sherlock doesn’t get a rose. (No s–t!) She asks him if he’s sure.

I have respect for Jake for once.

Neither girl appeared to be too broken up. Just hurt egos. Bruised, but not broken.

They think Jake is going to make a huge mistake. (*Premonitions?*)

*****

BACK ON THE RANCH

The other girls actually seemed to like Kathryn and Ella and couldn’t decide which one would go home.

But they were shocked when both girls’ bags were taken away.

But I bet they were secretly pleased. It is a competition.

*****

JAKE AND HIS ROSE

Jake thinks things are only going to get worse.

Is he enjoying this at all?

He heads to the fire and puts the rose in the campfire. This is the burning rose image we’ve been waiting for.

Somehow I expected there to be tears involved, but no one even choked up.

*****
COCKTAIL PARTY

Corrie wants one-on-one time because she doesn’t feel like she’s had the same amount of connection with Jake as other girls.

So she tells Jake he should be nervous around her. She’s upset that he’s not because being awkward and uncomfortable is a sign that a guy likes a girl?

That’s rubbish.

I see Corrie leaving. And Jessie. Who is Jessie? Is she hiding from Jake?

I like when Jake lays down the law.

Ali comes out to talk to Jake and said what he did last night was “unbelievably honorable.”

Letting two girls go?

She said she was falling for him.

He kissed her.

He told Ali he’s in a place with her where nothing needs to be said.

(Can’t wait for Vienna to watch this back and FUME.)

Jessie finally gets her one-on-one time and WASTES it talking about Vienna. Don’t these girls watch past seasons? This always backfires.

“There is one person in the house that I don’t feel is for you…”

She would never say anything if it wasn’t 110 percent and she doesn’t think Vienna is the one for him.

She’s very self-centered and spoiled, Jessie said. For example, Vienna talked about all the cars that she’s crashed and how her father just wrote checks for her like it’s nothing.

“I don’t know if you really want to be that daddy..”

Jake thanked Jessie and seemed sweet and appreciative about it.

And it’s actually TRUE about Vienna — she talked about those qualities herself in the very first video clip we saw of her during the first episode.

She said she was a horrible driver and a spoiled daddy’s girl.

But, once again, Vienna gets the last word in. She talks to Jake for one-on-one time.

Jake asks why the girls don’t like her. Vienna said it’s because she jokes a lot and the girls are so uptight.

*****

SIDE NOTE

I’m so sick of the Eric Clapton T Mobile commercial. ENOUGH about what you get off on.

*****

ROSE CEREMONY

Gia Allemand, 26, of New York, N.Y., swimsuit model; and Tenley Molzahn, 25, of Newberg, Ore., College Admissions; already have roses.

Only four more to give out.

Jake made a sorrowful speech about how hard it is to do these rose ceremonies, which happen too often.

3. Ali Fedotowsky, 25, Williamstown, Mass., Advertising Account Manager
4. Corrie Adamson, 23, Kissimmee, Fla., Wardrobe Consultant

At this point Jake pauses for a long time and says he needs just a minute.

We follow him through the house in this roaming camera journey like a low budget Steven Soderbergh film, where he ends up asking Chris Harrison for advice.

Jake: “There’s umm umm there’s a couple of women tonight that I just … what would you do … I’m definitely sure on one girl but I’m pretty sure that the other one, you know, um…”

What are you asking?

“Do I have to give out two more roses?”

Cut to commercial!

Such a classic prime-time soap opera moment. Don’t believe it for a moment.

So Chris walks in with Jake like Daddy taking care of him again.

Chris makes the speech for Jake, talking about how serious Jake is about finding a wife.

So Chris gets to play bad guy, saying Jake is taking away one of the roses.

So, ladies, Jake, this is now the final rose of the night. When you’re ready.

5. Vienna Girardi — which we knew

So, getting the shaft are Jessie Sulidis, 25, of Oakville, Ontario, Cosmetic Sales Manager (expected) and Ashleigh Hunt, 25, of North Potomac, Md., Account Manager (also pretty much expected).

I think this is less about Vienna being great for Jake than Jessie and Ashleigh being totally wrong for him in opposite ways.

But it is quite the slap in the face to Jessie to listen to her advice on Vienna and then chose Vienna over her.

Ali is whispering her venom about Vienna to Tenley and the other girls. “My heart is racing. If that’s what he wants, I am not what he wants.”

Jessie’s parting words: “I can’t believe it. Why Vienna? … I think he’ll regret it.”

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