You are currently browsing the monthly archive for January 2010.

Sergio ... can haunt me anytime. Set me up with that curse.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

Jon Hamm is God. He must be. That funny. That charming. That self-deprecating. If only he were easier on the eyes.

I liked his first “Saturday Night Live” appearance last year — Jon Hamm’s john ham! — but this time it was glorious from start to finish.

It was the first time in a long, long time that I enjoyed pretty much the duration of SNL — with the exception of maybe one or two Kristen Wiig moments.

SNL DIGITAL SHORT — THE CURSE (aka Sergio)

Crazy sexy sax guy.

Favorite skit had to be the SNL Digital Short with Sergio, the “crazy sexy sax guy” who emerges after each cool breeze to haunt Andy Samberg. Sign me up for that kind of curse.

Bonus: Awesome ending.

COLD OPENING

State of the Union address with Fred Armisen as Obama, my boy Jason Sudeikis (not in this episode enough) as Joe Biden and Kristen Wiig in one of her two appearances this ep as Nancy Pelosi.

Lots of ragging on Martha Coakley for stinking up the Massachusetts Senate race.

Brendan Fraser's laughter lives on.

Best part: The flash of Brendan Fraser’s crazy laughing during the Golden Globes. LOVE that that little clip lives on.

MONOLOGUE

Jon Hamm explains how he got the part of Don Draper on “Mad Men” — by basically playing the cynical hard drinker in all of his past work, including the 1980s show “Late for Class,” QVC and on a Def Comedy Jam special. “They need to wash they ass.”

NEW SENATOR

The Democrats drool over Scott Brown played by, natch, Jon Hamm. Every skit Hamm is in is centered around his looks. I know he’s *dreamy* and all that, but I prefer when he tries to ugly himself up. (Like in the closet organizer “testimonial.”)

HAMM & BUBLE

Props to musical guest Michael Buble for being open to this skit, which lets Hamm be the bad guy bully forcing Buble to sing about their new restaurant, where chunks of ham rest in glasses of “Buble” (mispronounced as bubbly).

COURTROOM

Fred Armisen plays an incompetent stenographer opposite Jon Hamm as a frustrated lawyer. “I can’t find my crackers.” Say it 100 times and it does get funny.

BARNES & NOBLE

Did you know the book chain opened as a place for homeless people to go to the bathroom?

Greg the alien has learned how to multiply. And he has a tail.

SPORTS SHOW (Greg is not an alien)

I just love Bill Hader’s face. But especially as Greg, whom Kenan Thompson repeatedly insists is not an alien as they co-host their sports show. In this episode, Greg learns how to multiply, turning Hamm and others (including Sudeikis, too briefly) into aliens.

CLOSET ORGANIZER

Genius. Second favorite skit after Sergio. Closet organizer commerical. Will Forte is the closet organizer in full-body blue spandex, or whatever, who grabs clothes, phone books, plants, water and other stuff thrown at him — “pies! pies! pies! pies! pies!” — to organize peoples’ closets.

Favorite part: The customer “testimonial” from a deadbeat played by Jon Hamm, who never talks about the product, he just goes on about a hot black woman he met at a club the night before; he told her she looked like Beyonce but when he moved in for the kiss she turned out to have a full man’s mustache. “And I was like, let’s do this thing.”

BAR

The closet organizer guy (whose name is Tarkey Kensington or something) returns in a bar scene with Jon Hamm, but it’s mostly wasted time. Having said that, if Jon Hamm ever invites you back to his apartment for anything — YOU SAY YES.

Tenley, Ali and Gia ... will do better than Jake someday.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

I’m not sure about these “Bachelor: On the Wings of Love” conference calls.

Michelle Kujawa held one a week or so ago and basically said she didn’t regret anything.

All very bland. Not exactly the Crazy Michelle we’d come to know and (fear) love.

But in this RealityWanted interview, she did weigh in on whom Jake Pavelka should pick at the end:

Michelle

Q. Based on what you know and what you saw in the house, who do you think is the best match for Jake?

A. Michelle: It’s so early on to tell who would be the best match for him. Tenley… I roomed with her, she’s a sweetheart, she has so much life in her. She’s such a great gal and Ali as well. I did see a very, very strong connection between them that I felt I didn’t have. If I had to say who he ends up with, if he ends up with anybody, it would be Ali, Tenley, or Gia. All the girls are great. If I had to pinpoint one specific girl, it would probably be Ali.

So Michelle is backing Ali. (Sorry, Ali?)

And now single mom Ella Nolan is making the interview rounds, singling out the same three women for Jake, but pinpointing Tenley.

RealityTV World talked to Ella in a conference call and used as its headline the fact that Ella didn’t hate Vienna Girardi, the spoiler favorite to torture Jake for a few months before a “mutual” breakup.

Ella

“I liked her myself,” Ella said of Vienna, adding that she “loved” all the bachelorettes and stayed out of the drama.

YAWN.

And yet she did weigh in on some of Jake’s choices, including that she didn’t realize he had also sent Kathryn Sherlock home on that two-on-one date until she watched the episode.

Ella was also surprised to see that Jake sent home both Ashleigh Hunt and Jessie Sulidis — she was expecting Jessie, but not Ashleigh.

She was also expecting Corrie Adamson to be gone by now.

“But I thought he had a great connection with Ashleigh, so to see her go that early over (Corrie Adamson) — I love Corrie to death — but I didn’t think they had a connection that I had saw. So that was a big shock to me.”

Corrie

Ella thinks Corrie will be the next to go (no big shock, since that’s been in the spoiler cards all along) — leaving Vienna Girardi, Gia Allemand, Tenley Molzahn and Ali Fedotowsky to go on hometown dates.

“I don’t think that Corrie will be getting a hometown date,” said Ella. “I don’t think that they’ve spent enough time together for her to make it to that point. I think that it’s going to be Ali, Tenley, Gia and Vienna.”

Ella said she thinks Gia, Tenley and Ali are the best matches for Jake.

“I could see him with either of those women and it going somewhere,” Ella said. “As far as being able to grow old with one of them, I think that his best bet would probably be with Tenley.”

Ellen DeGeneres supposedly told Ella she should be the next “Bachelorette” but that’s a bad idea for many reasons. I’m still rooting for Ali on that score.

Oh, and Jason Mesnick and Molly Malaney are going to be married on ABC on March 8. Past “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” contestants will show up. (Melissa Rycroft? DeAnna Pappas? Reid Rosenthal?)

Trista Rehn and Ryan Sutter’s 2002 “Bachelorette” wedding on ABC netted more than 17.1 million viewers. Do you think Jason & Molly will top it? Do you care? I really don’t.

Peter Capaldi and James Gandolfini get heated in "In the Loop."

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

I don’t often guffaw, but today I guffawed at least half a dozen times over the genius writing and delivery of “In the Loop.”

Have you seen it? See it. But only if you appreciate British humor and especially if you believe — as I do — that the original version of “The Office” is 100 times better than the American usurper.

“In the Loop” is a political comedy about U.S. and U.K. government underlings debating a war with an unnamed Middle Eastern country.

James Gandolfini is the Big Star, but he’s a supporting player. The key actors are on the British side, especially Peter Capaldi as a foul-mouthed Scot named Malcolm Tucker.

I would marry this man.

Also brilliant: Tom Hollander as dimwitted Simon Foster and the lovely and amazing Gina McKee as beleaguered Judy Molloy.

Mimi Kennedy holds up best on the U.S. side, but it’s also nice to see Anna Chlumsky, whom I’ll always remember from “My Girl.”

Steve Coogan also makes a cameo. Fitting since the director and co-writer, Armando Iannucci, was also a writer/producer/director on Coogan’s genius projects, “I’m Alan Partridge” and “Knowing Me, Knowing You With Alan Partridge.”

“In the Loop” is a kind of spinoff of the British TV series “The Thick of It,” which I can’t seem to get through Netflix.

But you can get “In the Loop” from Netflix and if you haven’t seen it, DO IT NOW. Seriously. It’s January. It’s cold. Don’t pretend you were going to have a wild night on the town.

I want “In the Loop” for a best screenplay nomination, if nothing else. Hard to say if it’s adapted or original, but it’s fecking gorgeous.

Capaldi deserves a best actor or supporting actor Oscar nomination, but I know he won’t get anything. I just want it on the record that he deserves something and to leave him off the ballot is S star-star T.

Read some of the more memorable quotes here.

Watch a film trailer here.

Enjoy!

Ashley Rodriguez, Berklee student from the Boston auditions, reportedly makes the top 24.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

I’m disappointed.

This updated list of the top 24 “American Idol” season 9 contestants does not include Matt Lawrence, despite Kara DioGuardi’s “top 12″ announcement.

(By the way, I don’t really think Shania Twain should replace you, Kara.)

I’m also sad to not see Maddy Curtis’ name. She and Matt were my favorites.

Instead, we have a bunch of people who never impressed me and some names we have yet to see.

Here is the “complete” rumored list of the top 24 contestants, as copied wholesale from mjsbigblog and Joe’s Place. (For photos of all the contestants, I recommend Joe’s Place)

******

Top 12 Boys:

1. Aaron Kelly
2. Alexander “Alex” Lambert
3. Andrew Garcia
4. Casey James
5. Christopher “Chris” Golightly **2/17 Update: Chris may have been disqualified and replaced with Tim Urban.
6. Jermaine Sellers
7. John Park
8. Jose Munoz
9. Lee DeWyze
10. Michael Lynche
11. Todrick Hall
12. Tyler Grady

******

Top 12 Girls:

1. Ashley (Makailah) Rodriguez
2. Crystal Bowersox
3. Haeley Vaughn
4. Janell Wheeler
5. Katelyn Epperly
6. Katie Stevens
7. Lacey Brown
8. Lillian “Lilly” Scott
9. Michelle Delamor

10. Paige Miles
11. Siobhan Magnus
12. Vered Didi Benami

******

Top 24

1. Michelle Delamor (Idol Chatter)
Age: 19
Hometown: Miami Beach, FL

Katie Stevens, who sang "At Last" to her grandma in the Boston auditions.

2. Katie Stevens – According to VFTW – – Boston Audition
Season 9 Hollywood interview
Age: 17
Hometown: Middlebury, Connecticut
Instruments: Piano/Guitar
Style: Pop/Acoustic

3. Tyler Grady (guy with the retro rock voice and the broken wrists)
Season 9 Hollywood interview

4. John Park
Myspace (Group Purple Haze)
Article
Coming Home (youtube)

John Park -- the guy Shania Twain hit on hardcore in Chicago.

Falling Slowly (youtube)
Purple Haze Youtube Channel
Purple Haze Website

5. Ashley (Makailah) Rodriguez – Boston Audition
Season 9 Hollywood interview
Age: ~22
Home town: Boston, MA
Style: R&B/Gospel
Hometown: Boston, MA
Fansite

6. Jermaine Sellers – Atlanta Audition
Season 9 Hollywood interview

Age: 25
Hometown: Joliet, IL
Myspace
Keep Your Head to the Sky (youtube)
At AME Conference (youtube)
Tomarrow (?) (youtube)
I’m not Worthy (youtube)

7. Christopher “Chris” Golightly
Audition Song: “Stand by Me”
Appears in Idol Commercial
Myspace

Tyler Grady -- can't believe this guy makes the top 24. Really? Over Matthew Lawrence?

8. Andrew Garcia
Hometown: Moreno Valley, CA
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/andrewadriangarcia
Adrian William Project: Original Song (Cathy’s Song) Cover: Use Somebody
Chasing Pavements, Live and Learn, Knock You DownEmpire State of Mind, UStream
Twitter: http://twitter.com/andrewagarcia

9. Alexander “Alex” Lambert
Hometown: North Richland Hills, TX
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/handsthathurt
I’m Yours (youtube)
Tired of Waiting (original song, youtube)
Twist and Shout (youtube)
Barney (the purple dinosaur) Tribute (youtube)

10. Jose (Joe) Munoz
www.facebook.com/joeemunozz?ref=sgm

11. Lee DeWyze
Hometown: Chicago, IL
http://www.leedewyze.com/
http://www.myspace.com/wulileedewyze

12. Michael Lynche
Style: R&B
Myspace
Heavy Breathin (original, youtube)
“Oo La La” cover (youtube)
Youtube Channel
Website

13. Lacey Brown
Season 8 Hollywood contestant
Age: 23
Hometown: Amarillo, TX
http://www.myspace.com/laceybrownmusic

14. Lillian “Lilly” Scott
Hometown: Denver/Boulder, Colorado
Style: Bluesy Indie Acoustic Rock
Band’s Myspace
Band’s Facebook
EP at CD Baby
Picture 1 Picture 2

15. Haeley Vaughn
Age: 16
Hometown: Fort Collins, CO
Myspace

16. Casey James
Hometown: Dallas/Fort Worth
Myspace
Facebook
Article

17.  Aaron Kelly
Participated in ‘America’s Most Talented Kids’
Winner of American Idol Experience at DisneyWorld
Age: 16
Hometown: Sonestown, PA
http://www.myspace.com/aaronkellymusic
http://www.aaronkellymusic.com/
http://www.youtube.com/user/aaronwaynekelly

Katelyn Epperly -- I remember her, but not her voice.

18. Janell Wheeler – Orlando Auditions
Won Orlando’s Got Talent
Hometown: Orlando, FL
http://www.myspace.com/janellsworld
http://twitter.com/JanellWheeler

19. Katelyn Epperly
Picture 1 Picture 2 Picture 3
Myspace
Almost Lover (youtube)
Bridge Over Troubled Water (youtube)

20. Crystal Bowersox
Hometown: Chicago, IL
http://twitter.com/crystalbowersox
http://www.facebook.com/MamaSox09
http://www.myspace.com/crystallbowersox
You Tube: “A Little Piece of My Heart”

21. Siobhan Magnus
Audition City: Boston
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/7727410
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/lunarvalve
Stephanie Crews

22. Vered Didi Benami
Hometown: Los Angeles, CA
twitter.com/DidiBenami
http://www.facebook.com/didi.benami
http://www.myspace.com/dvered

23. Paige Miles
Age: 23Hometown: Houston, TX
http://www.communityschoolnaples.org/commo…mp;groupid=4752

24. Todrick Hall
Age: 22
Hometown: Plainview, TX
http://www.myspace.com/todrick_hall
http://www.youtube.com/user/todrickhall
Dude is controversial, took money from parents, promising their kids would be in a production, then it was canceled. Diana Degarmo worked with him and makes no bones about her lousy experience.

For details on the top 48 and where your favorite star was probably cut, click here.

Don't be a Masshole, Ali. Stop going on about Vienna and focus on yourself. And if you do leave the show, leave for a good reason. Not work. Don't be like Ed!

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

What to do about Ali Fedotowsky? What to do … what to do…

(*Feb. 8 update* Click here for the recap of “The Bachelor” hometown dates episode when Ali — real name Alexandra — pulls her Hamlet and dumps Jake.)

She’s sort of my “hometown” girl seeing as I grew up in Massachusetts and she’s from Williamstown. Nowhere near where I’m from, but I’m rooting for her.

And I’m worried. Because at this point on “The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love,” Ali is That Girl — the one who focuses all of her energy on ripping apart one of the other girls instead of keeping her eyes on the prize. (Although Jake Pavelka is arguable as a prize.)

She’s too focused on Vienna Girardi. Time to back off.

In a nice bit of irony, she’s playing Jake’s role on the Jillian Harris season of “The Bachelorette.” Jake went on and on to Jillian about Wes Hayden having a girlfriend.

That did not work out for him. Jillian seemed to “appreciate” what he was saying, the way that Jake really “appreciated” how Jessie Sulidis warned him about Vienna.

Read all about these Vienna shots at HollywoodLife.com

Right now Ali is talking to Jake about Vienna but she’s doing even more trash talking to the women/camera.

Still, Ali is still part of the hometown final four — with Tenley Molzahn, Gia Allemand and Vienna.

(Corrie Adamson got dumped after admitting she’s a virgin. Nice. Divorces and topless shoots are OK, but not saving yourself.)

But RealitySteve said Ali leaves voluntarily after the hometown dates for work-related reasons.

More on this from Reality Steve’s latest dispatch:

“No real news to report other than she is the one leaving after the hometown dates, and I can tell you, it was due to work related reasons. Whether or not the show decides to air that as the reason is a different story. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t. Ali went on this show just a few months removed from starting to work at Facebook in San Francisco. Apparently she either didn’t inform her work she could be gone longer than originally expected or thought that they’d grant her the time to be gone longer if needed be. Well, they didn’t and she chose to come back to work over having a 1-in-4 chance to be in an eventually failed relationship.”

Ali has a Facebook page and on that page some guy named Abram Swindlerman (Alexey Roude) wrote “Ali leaves the show next week after their date in San Francisco due to her job…”

So maybe it is a job-related evacuation. I was hoping she would really light into Jake about the Vienna situation. She keeps saying things like, if that (Vienna) is what Jake wants, he can’t want her (Ali).

According to Reality Steve, Ali “has tried out for more than one reality show already. Sounds to me like she’s got the Hollywood bug.”

But, he said, when Ali leaves the show, she does not return. Unlike Ed Swiderski and Reid Rosenthal.

Ali’s getting a lot of support on her Facebook page, including many people saying she should be the next Bachelorette.

So do you think it should be Tenley or Ali? Or neither?

Personally, I plan to feel awful for Tenley if/when she is dumped, because her self-esteem is already so fragile after her police officer husband cheated on her with someone else he worked with. (Bad officer!)

But Ali would be a much more fun “Bachelorette” and I have a feeling she would pick smarter, funnier, better guys than Tenley.

Tenley would pick 25 Jakes.

Ali would pick 25 Reids.

‘Nuff said!

RELATED STORIES

Jake offers his thoughts on episodes of "The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love."

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

ABC just issued a press release:

“Beginning today, ABC.com will offer the most recent episode (Episode 1404) of “The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love” with special Expert Commentary from the Bachelor himself, Jake Pavelka. ABC.com’s new Expert Commentary feature allows viewers of the site’s Full Episode Player an opportunity to experience insights from the stars of ABC series and specials, as well as from producers, writers, directors, production and costume designers, music supervisors and network executives, among others.

“Expert Commentary is also available on previous episodes from Jillian Harris, star of the most recent season of “The Bachelorette,” and her fiancé, Ed Swiderski, as well as from the series’ host, Chris Harrison.”

***

So I checked it out. It means watching the episode all over again — which is a bit too much for me to take since I sat through two hours of it last night — and Jake’s commentary isn’t like a DVD commentary track where you hear his voice.

We see his comments in IM form posted next to the episode as it airs.

So we can read things like “Love that hair of Gia’s!” during his vineyard date with Gia. Followed by “Gia really does have a huge heart” and “Not sure how I feel about the pet pig. Can’t we just get a dog?”

He also offers “Uh, awkward” during Ashleigh’s seduction attempt and “There sure are a lot of candles around us! Glad I didn’t catch on fire!” during his frank talk with Vienna about how she might be bringing trouble on herself.

(But we also have to break for commercials.)

I would prefer Jake’s actual audio commentary track, but I’d also prefer he stop being so gosh darn sweet and detached and give us some behind-the-scenes details.

Tell us what we weren’t seeing — the shooting, the preparation, the things that writers, actors, directors and others always dish about in commentary tracks, giving you insights you couldn’t get with your own eyes, ears and common sense. What were you really feeling during those moments, beyond “uh, awkward”? This is your chance to lay down the law about specific things as they are flashing across the screen.

Chris Harrison is usually pretty good at that on his blog, but this week’s issue was not that exciting. I want more dish!

I just noticed how trashtastic Jessie looks in this dress. It's not "Rock of Love," dear.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

Everything must go!

We’re already down to the final five on “The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love.”

Not seeing much love, though.

But Jay Leno should be pleased. We finally have someone on television more hated than Dr. Chin: Vienna Girardi.

The most important thing to the women who were let go — Jessie Sulidis, Kathryn Sherlock, Ella Nolan and Ashleigh Hunt — seemed to be to screech in disbelief that Vienna outlasted them.

(Unfortunately this season is still zero for sobbing-at-the-balcony scenes.)

Losing Jake Pavelka’s heart seemed a far second. Barely an afterthought.

It was all ego, no heart.

Which makes me really wonder if those other rumors about RealitySteve getting spoilers from ABC might actually have some merit.

It makes sense. Get us worked up over the idea of Jake keeping Daddy’s little Paris Hilton princess, making the show even more interesting to watch for the catfight drama.

This week was supposed to be about road tripping up the California coast.

Jake gave a rose to Gia Allemand on his one-on-one camping date with her at the vineyard.

He later gave a rose to Tenley Molzahn during the surf and sand group date.

On the dreaded two-on-one date, Jake decided to dump both Ella and Kathryn.

During the final rose ceremony, he gave roses to Ali Fedotowsky — captain of Team Die Vienna Die — and Corrie Adamson, who just seems to be gunning for Tenley’s cute vote.

Then he paused and asked Daddy (Chris Harrison) to jump in and save him from having to give out two more roses.

He only wanted to hand out one — to Vienna, thereby stiffing Jessie and Ashleigh.

This was a special slap to Jessie’s face, since the girl who had NO one-on-one time with Jake until that night wasted her chance with him to talk crap about Vienna.

She looks like a Muppet here.

True crap, but crap. (Jessie told him about how Vienna crashes cars and her dad bails her out with checks. We already heard basically that exact intel from Vienna’s own mouth in the first episode.)

Jake has heard all the smack about Vienna and HE IS NOT LISTENING.

So, Ali, stop seething. If you really believe “If that’s what he wants, I am not what he wants” then it’s time to walk away.

And according to RealitySteve, that’s exactly what she does.

*****

ROAD TRIP!

Chris Harrison comes into the house to talk to the girls about how the week will be going. They are all in their around-the-house/PJ clothes — all hoodies and tracksuits. No one just wears ratty T-shirts anymore?

They get two huge campers to take a road trip up the California coast. They will be living on the RVs.

Ali, Jessie, Kathryn, Tenley and Ella are in one RV. Tenley is glad she is not in the RV with Vienna.

Gia, Corrie, Ashleigh and Vienna are in the other RV.

Vienna would rather ride in a bike behind an RV than be in a camper with Ali and Tenley.

*****

VINEYARD

Jake pitches a tent in a vineyard. (Tee hee)

The girls get out and hug Jake.

Poor Jessie looks so out of place.

Vienna was “incredibly forward” and all over Jake, hugging and talking to him. Tenley was “shocked, I was shocked.” But why? That’s the point of the show.

*****

ONE-ON-ONE DATE

Gia and her hair get to spend dreamy time with Jakey.

Jake and Gia

Vienna thinks Gia, a New Yorker, will be totally out of her element.

She may be right.

Gia dressed in stilettos and a cute city girl outfit, even though they are doing an outdoors date.

They played hide and seek in the vineyard. Jake liked seeing that spontaneous side of Gia.

She was easy to find. She wrapped her legs around Jake and he carried her around. He thought that felt like the start of a fairy tale. (Cue Taylor Swift’s “Today was a Fairytale.”)

Gia insists she was a nerd in high school, even though Jake didn’t believe it.

Jake’s first kiss was in 11th grade.

Gia said her first kiss was bad; it was part of a spin-the-bottle story.

So Jake suggests they finish the wine bottle and play spin the bottle, presumably to leave Gia with a more favorable impression of the game. Or maybe he’s just drunk at this point.

They have their first kiss around sunset on a checkered picnic blanket.

Gia said it was the best kiss of her life. “It felt perfect. It felt right.”

Love the Spanish guitars on the soundtrack.

They have a simple dinner around the fire. Jake tries to start the fire. Gia wants to learn. It’s not exactly “Survivor,” thanks to matches.

Gia said it’s the most romantic thing she’s ever done. “This is me,” Jake said as they snuggled under a sleeping bag.

Awww.

She said she wants to be engaged for a while and Jake said he did too. She wants to have kids before 30 and adopt a baby from China.

Gia said the most surprising part of the date was that she wasn’t worried about her hair or whether she was wearing lipstick.

She said she was putting her heart on her sleeve and it could be broken.

He gave her the rose.

I have no real problem with Gia except for her laugh. I don’t like.

*****

GROUP DATE

Jessie, Ashleigh, Tenley, Ali, Vienna and Corrie “next stop falling inn.”

Ella and Kathryn will get the two-on-one date.

Vienna keeps calling Jake her boyfriend.

Ali stole Jake on her dune buggy and Vienna told the camera she can have her fun with Jake now cause she — Vienna — is going to marry him.

WHAT IF IT’S TRUE?! What if they actually do get married? How odd.

Tenley and Jake -- love the lighting

Jessie was riding with Vienna and was a little too timid, Jake said. They got stuck.

But Jake came to rescue them.

Jake was having so much fun on the date with Tenley. “I’m just naturally drawn to her.”

She fell during the sand surfing thing and started spitting sand at him.

Jake wanted everyone to roll down the hill with him and Corrie was the only one who took the bait. (Really? Why are they there if not to hang out with Jake? Is that a stupid question?)

Corrie ended up having some one-on-one time with Jake.

Ashleigh was sitting with Jake and doing some embarrassingly frank flirting and foot touching and other stuff I don’t believe her doppelganger, Connie Britton, would do.

They had nothing to talk about. Jake told the camera Ashleigh is “smoking’” but he felt no chemistry or connection.

Jake was pulling women out for one-on-one time. He asked Vienna for time and she asked to have the last one-on-one time.

So Jake said, how about Ali?

Ali told the camera Vienna has to be going home. She can’t stand the idea of Jake keeping Vienna.

So I can definitely see how the spoilers about Ali leaving of her own volition could come to pass. I think she’ll leave when she sees that Jake is not going to dump Vienna. Ever.

Tenley got to kiss Jake and have her first kiss since her ex-husband.

Wow. This is impressive. Jake actually calls Vienna out on how she appears to the other women.

As an outsider looking in, he tells her he can see how she’s different with him than with them. He sees some “red flags.” Thank God!

He gave the rose to Tenley.

*****

TWO-ON-ONE-DATE

Poor Kathryn felt like the third wheel on her date with Jake and Ella. She couldn’t get a word in.

This has happened before and it doesn’t necessarily mean Ella will get the rose.

But Jake thinks Ella is amazing.

Kathryn finally gets some alone time with him and Jake said he gets “lost” in her eyes.

So she immediately lights into him, accusing him of looking at Ella more than her and ignoring her.

Kathryn didn't seem too broken up.

“I just feel like, Jake, there’s something holding you back from me.”

She wants him to break down the wall and move on.

He calls her so beautiful and he doesn’t want to get lost in that.

She says he should hurry up and ask her questions because they don’t have a lot of time.

Uh oh. See…

Jake asks to talk to Ella outside.

He gives her the “I think you’re an amazing person” speech. Never a good sign.

He said he’s looking for the next 60 years and he’s developing feelings for the other women that are just a little bit stronger.

(So, Vienna, 60 years later? Vienna in her 80s … bet she’ll still have one of those Paris Hilton dogs.)

RealitySteve was only off by one week. He must’ve thought the source said Ella Nolan leaves after the one-on-one date with her son, Ethan, meaning the next week. Or something.

Oh HO! So this is the date where Jake lets both women go.

Kathryn Sherlock doesn’t get a rose. (No s–t!) She asks him if he’s sure.

I have respect for Jake for once.

Neither girl appeared to be too broken up. Just hurt egos. Bruised, but not broken.

They think Jake is going to make a huge mistake. (*Premonitions?*)

*****

BACK ON THE RANCH

The other girls actually seemed to like Kathryn and Ella and couldn’t decide which one would go home.

But they were shocked when both girls’ bags were taken away.

But I bet they were secretly pleased. It is a competition.

*****

JAKE AND HIS ROSE

Jake thinks things are only going to get worse.

Is he enjoying this at all?

He heads to the fire and puts the rose in the campfire. This is the burning rose image we’ve been waiting for.

Somehow I expected there to be tears involved, but no one even choked up.

*****
COCKTAIL PARTY

Corrie wants one-on-one time because she doesn’t feel like she’s had the same amount of connection with Jake as other girls.

So she tells Jake he should be nervous around her. She’s upset that he’s not because being awkward and uncomfortable is a sign that a guy likes a girl?

That’s rubbish.

I see Corrie leaving. And Jessie. Who is Jessie? Is she hiding from Jake?

I like when Jake lays down the law.

Ali comes out to talk to Jake and said what he did last night was “unbelievably honorable.”

Letting two girls go?

She said she was falling for him.

He kissed her.

He told Ali he’s in a place with her where nothing needs to be said.

(Can’t wait for Vienna to watch this back and FUME.)

Jessie finally gets her one-on-one time and WASTES it talking about Vienna. Don’t these girls watch past seasons? This always backfires.

“There is one person in the house that I don’t feel is for you…”

She would never say anything if it wasn’t 110 percent and she doesn’t think Vienna is the one for him.

She’s very self-centered and spoiled, Jessie said. For example, Vienna talked about all the cars that she’s crashed and how her father just wrote checks for her like it’s nothing.

“I don’t know if you really want to be that daddy..”

Jake thanked Jessie and seemed sweet and appreciative about it.

And it’s actually TRUE about Vienna — she talked about those qualities herself in the very first video clip we saw of her during the first episode.

She said she was a horrible driver and a spoiled daddy’s girl.

But, once again, Vienna gets the last word in. She talks to Jake for one-on-one time.

Jake asks why the girls don’t like her. Vienna said it’s because she jokes a lot and the girls are so uptight.

*****

SIDE NOTE

I’m so sick of the Eric Clapton T Mobile commercial. ENOUGH about what you get off on.

*****

ROSE CEREMONY

Gia Allemand, 26, of New York, N.Y., swimsuit model; and Tenley Molzahn, 25, of Newberg, Ore., College Admissions; already have roses.

Only four more to give out.

Jake made a sorrowful speech about how hard it is to do these rose ceremonies, which happen too often.

3. Ali Fedotowsky, 25, Williamstown, Mass., Advertising Account Manager
4. Corrie Adamson, 23, Kissimmee, Fla., Wardrobe Consultant

At this point Jake pauses for a long time and says he needs just a minute.

We follow him through the house in this roaming camera journey like a low budget Steven Soderbergh film, where he ends up asking Chris Harrison for advice.

Jake: “There’s umm umm there’s a couple of women tonight that I just … what would you do … I’m definitely sure on one girl but I’m pretty sure that the other one, you know, um…”

What are you asking?

“Do I have to give out two more roses?”

Cut to commercial!

Such a classic prime-time soap opera moment. Don’t believe it for a moment.

So Chris walks in with Jake like Daddy taking care of him again.

Chris makes the speech for Jake, talking about how serious Jake is about finding a wife.

So Chris gets to play bad guy, saying Jake is taking away one of the roses.

So, ladies, Jake, this is now the final rose of the night. When you’re ready.

5. Vienna Girardi — which we knew

So, getting the shaft are Jessie Sulidis, 25, of Oakville, Ontario, Cosmetic Sales Manager (expected) and Ashleigh Hunt, 25, of North Potomac, Md., Account Manager (also pretty much expected).

I think this is less about Vienna being great for Jake than Jessie and Ashleigh being totally wrong for him in opposite ways.

But it is quite the slap in the face to Jessie to listen to her advice on Vienna and then chose Vienna over her.

Ali is whispering her venom about Vienna to Tenley and the other girls. “My heart is racing. If that’s what he wants, I am not what he wants.”

Jessie’s parting words: “I can’t believe it. Why Vienna? … I think he’ll regret it.”

Big pimpin'

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast

Matt Grant is a total media whore — and God bless him for it!

“The Bachelor: London Calling” star —  and the hottest bachelor in 14 seasons, IMHO — is back with at least one TV project and possibly two.

The first one is completely bizarre and I’m not sure I even believe it’s real.

According to US Weekly, Matty’s new show will be called “Pimp My Bride.”

(It’s) an organic follow-up to the Bachelor,” he told UsMagazine.com at the Youth Run 4 Haiti event in Santa Monica on Saturday.

“Organic” is one of those insufferable Hollywood “industry” terms for anything they consider real and unforced, so it does not appear to apply to anything associated with “The Bachelor,” least of all something called “Pimp By Bride.”

Needless to say, I’ll watch it.

The show, which Matty wrote after filming the twelfth season of the “Bachelor” in 2008, was picked up by Warner Brothers. But he doesn’t explain it any further.

Instead, he says he’s considering a request to join “Bachelor Pad” and as loyal readers will recall, I wanted him there to begin with.

So I hope he says yes.

Love his reasons for wanting to sign up:

“They’ve asked me to possibly do this ‘Bachelor Pad’ show,” he told Us. “It’s like Big Brother Bachelor with all the Bachelors in a house. I’ve thought about doing it because I’m obviously not famous anymore and it would give me fifteen minutes of fame!”

Adore!

I think Matt Grant is really in the news again because Jake Pavelka’s rumored “The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love” winner, Vienna Girardi, is another Shayne Lamas in the making.

Love Seth Aaron's edgy style

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

Emilio's winning week one look.

Emilio's week two look.

Man it’s good to be back in New York.

“Project Runway” season seven is already 100 times better than “Project Runway” season six, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have its share of hot messes.

I was on a different planet from the judges last season, but I chalked that up to the lack of Nina Garcia and Michael Kors, who returned with New York.

But even now I still don’t agree with the consensus. Can I blame the guest judges, Nicole Richie and Lauren Hutton? Or Heidi Klum?

I’m fine with that, I just don’t want to blame Nina and Michael. I heart them.

Either way, I disagreed with some of their choices during week one, “Back to New York,” and just about everything they did during week two, “The Fashion Farm.”

Jesus' first week look.

Jesus' second week look.

We’re down to 14 designers, but that’s still too many people and two few designs to really pick out who is good and who is lousy.

That said, I’m going to go out on a limb and say Seth Aaron Henderson, Amy Sarabi and Emilio Sosa are my current faves; Jesus Estrada should’ve gone home this week instead of Pamela Ptak; and Ping Wu is still here for her TV value.

Jay Nicolas Sario won the farm challenge this week — where they had to transform a burlap sack — but I feel like I’ve seen his black ruffled skirt look too many times. And his first week look was hideous.

Pamela's losing look -- can't believe she went home for this.

Amy Sarabi, on the other hand, did an OK first week look and her burlap look was GORGEOUS. I was so sure she would win. Instead, the judges preferred both Mila Hermanovski’s metallic look and Jay Nicolas’ thing.

Meanwhile, Ping Wu’s model — who always looks miserable — had her butt hanging out this week and Ping wasn’t even in the bottom two.

Instead, Jesus Estrada — who was in the bottom two last week — got another free pass, even after completely screwing up the burlap challenge and — inexplicably — Pamela Ptak was sent home.

The judges loved Pamela’s dyed denim look but not how it made the model seem like she had a fat butt.

But at least you couldn’t SEE her butt and you could see that there was burlap.

And Pamela’s first week look was pretty, in an average way. Why are Jesus and Ping getting a pass?

*****

CONTESTANTS

Amy Sarabi, 25, Oakland, California

Amy's week one look. Top is just OK, skirt is cool.

Amy's week two look. LOVE THIS! Should've won.

Anna Lynett, 23, Whitefish Bay, Wisconsin

Anthony Williams, 28, Birmingham, Alabama

Ben Chmura, 30, Meriden, Connecticut

Emilio Sosa, 43, Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic

Janeane Marie Ceccanti, 27, Portland, Oregon

Jay Nicolas Sario, 31, Manila, The Philippines

Jesse LeNoir, 25, Painesville, Ohio

Jay Nicolas' week one look. Ugh. Hate.

Jay Nicolas' winning week two look. Amy's design was better.

Jesus Estrada, 21, Mazatlan, Mexico

Jonathan Peters, 29, Woonsocket, Rhode Island

Maya Luz, 22, Santa Fe, New Mexico

Mila Hermanovski, 40, Dallas, Texas

Ping Wu, 34, Chengdu, China

Seth Aaron Henderson, 38, Vancouver, Washington

*****

ELIMINATED DESIGNERS

Ping's first week look was great. Very Ping.

Ping's ass dress.

Christiane King, 30, Abidjan, Cote d’Ivoire

Pamela Ptak, 47, Pittsfield, Massachusetts

Here's my American Idol ... so far.

By Gina Carbone
gina_carbone@comcast.net

I am not crushing on Matthew Lawrence, 25, of Starke, Fla., because he robbed a bank with a BB gun at age 15 and spent four years behind bars.

That was stupid.

I’m crushing because he knows that; he’s trying to make amends for hurting his family; he can sing; he looks like a real man’s man on a show that often celebrates boys; and did I mention he can sing? There’s a lotta soul there.

Matt’s performance of “Trouble” by Ray LaMontagne (an “Idol” favorite) was the last Orlando audition of “American Idol” season nine.

I wish the song were on iTunes because I’d buy it. I’d be listening to it right now.

Simon Cowell felt the same way.

Simon: “Brilliant. Brilliant. You can really, really sing. It almost feels like you could’ve written that song. That’s how believable it was.”

Matt started to laugh at the double meaning of that.

Simon: “I don’t mean that in a bad way.”

More laughter.

Simon: “Well, maybe I did. No, it felt authentic. I was very impressed. Very, very impressed.”

Kara DioGuardi complimented Matt’s vocal control. “He’s the real deal.”

Randy Jackson said he was so genuine. “That’s what it’s about.”

Simon said Matt was the “easiest yes I’ve said today.”

Kara said he was one of the best and would make top 12.

Randy said he was definitely one of the best that day.

Matt said getting the golden ticket to Hollywood represented an opportunity to maybe get back some of the things he lost.

I love this guy. He and Maddy Curtis of the Boston auditions are my two favorites so far. Soulful, genuine people I believe.

So stay out of trouble, Matt. At least long enough for me to vote you into the top 10.

Watch Matt’s audition video here … until Fox pulls it.

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